Title: I Miss You
Author: Lizzie
E-mail: [email protected]
Rating: PG-13. Oh dear God I�m writing another PG-13.
Content: Language. Implied m/m. That�s about it. Kinda tame for me, for once!
Disclaimer: They're not mine, and unless I wake up one morning having mysteriously become Vince McMahon, I doubt they ever will be. Damn, that's a scary thought.
Distribution: Not that you're likely to want it, but if you do, just tell me where.
Summary: Hunter�s got a torn quad, as we all know. He�s out for a while. And he�s missing someone. Namely, Kurt. Who ever said my summaries suck? *giggles*
Notes: Title comes from the song by Incubus of the same name, which is now officially one of my favourites of all time. God, that man has a beautiful voice!! And it inspired short semi-sap from me? God, what a song!

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I Miss You
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I need you. That�s all I can think as I lie here. I need you. I need you here with me, now. You shouldn�t be away from me. You should never be away from me, but you are. And there�s a part of me that understands, really there is. You have to be away or you�d probably lose your job and I know how important it is to you. I wouldn�t ask you to give it up for me. I�m not na�ve enough to think you would. But that doesn�t change things �cause I still need you.

You�ve only been gone ten days, but it feels longer. It always feels longer. You visit for a couple of days or even just a night and then you�re gone for two weeks or more before I see you again. It shouldn�t be this way, but I guess it has to be. God, I�m starting to sound like such a whiny bitch. Anyone would think I was never gonna see you again.

I know you�re out there somewhere and I�m not even sure where you are this week. I keep losing track of the schedule, like that�s anything new. You could be anywhere in the damn country, except here. All there is of you here is a picture in my wallet that I can�t keep from taking out and staring at every five seconds and the smell of you on your side of the bed. I just lie awake in bed looking over at where you should be, smelling you on the sheets. Your shampoo, the shower gel, just you. That�s all there is to remind me that you were ever there.

But you were there, and I remember. I can remember the last time you were here; we came back to my room, you kissed me and we just fell asleep together. It�s not like I can do a whole hell of a lot more with my leg in this fucking state, but you know, I didn�t actually feel like we needed to do anything more. Does that make sense? Coming from me that sounds so strange. I�m probably the most physical guy you�ve ever been with and all we did was fall asleep in each other�s arms.

And when I woke up in the morning, you were still there. I was half expecting you to have left or something �cause I know you hate saying goodbye, but you were still there. I looked over to your side of the bed and you smiled at me, this look on your face that told me you felt exactly the same way I did. You wanted to be there and you didn�t want to leave. You told me so. I�ll never forget the look in your eyes as you told me you didn�t want to leave me, but that you had to. You were so sad, blue eyes shining. I almost thought you were going to cry, and for you I guess that wouldn�t exactly be unusual, but the strange thing is I know I wouldn�t have teased you. I felt the same.

So you left and now you�re gone. You�ve been gone too long already and I don�t even know when I�m going to see you again.

What I�m feeling�s just indescribable. I can�t believe that I�ve got you, y�know? It doesn�t seem real. And I�ve never been this happy, with anyone. You�re so perfect for me, even if I didn�t feel that way in the beginning. You bugged the hell out of me with those gold medals and that holier-than-thou attitude. The thing is that I didn�t get it was all just an act and you were actually enjoying that fact you annoyed me. That was so frustrating. I guess I can laugh about it now but to find out someone�s playing me for a fool like that is fucking frustrating. It�s just odd that I don�t find it odd that three days later we were in bed together and you were professing your undying love.

I wasn�t quite so forthcoming. Yeah, three weeks later it was like we�d been together forever and I didn�t care who knew we were together, but for a while there I wouldn�t even admit I liked you, let alone loved you. But you knew it. I could tell when you smiled at me when I was being stubborn and telling you I wasn�t sure I was even going to see you again that you knew what I was really feeling. I don�t know how you do that. You just see right into me past all the bullshit down to who I really am. It�s fucking terrifying and completely perfect at the exact same time. You know me and I don�t even have to say a word.

And everything was going great. We were together practically 24/7, and you have no idea how good you made me feel. It�s not a lie or an exaggeration when I say that really was the happiest I�ve ever been, and it�s you that made me that way. Then we hit a bump. A big-ass bump with �Hunter�s torn quad� written all over it. I was put out of action and you were hoisted up the roster. And there wasn�t a single fucking thing I could do about it.

So here I am, lying in this bed we share every once in a while, wondering if you�re going to call tonight, wondering where you are, just staring over at your side. I guess I�m feeling sad but I don�t want to call it that. Maybe wistful, because I don�t want to admit I�m feeling sad while you�re not with me. And I�m trying to fight off the urge to pull your picture out of my wallet again for what would probably be the thirtieth time today. I just really want you to be here. You�d probably say I want you there to fetch me drinks or rub my shoulders or whatever, laugh it off, but you know that�s not true. I�m just going insane not having you around. It�s just not the same being without you. I�d just got used to sharing the bed and now I keep waking up in the middle of the night wondering where you are. Not that I�m gonna tell you that. It�s kinda like admitting defeat.

I don�t think you understand just how much I love you. God knows I�ve never told you, except in that kind of joking way I do when I really want to be able to say it seriously but can�t bring myself to. Maybe if you phone tonight I�ll tell you, but you�ll just tell me you know and that you love me too. Not that that�s a bad thing � I love hearing you say it. I just want you to know how much I love you. I love you just as much as you love me, and you tell me all the time. I need you to know.

Because I guess maybe if you really knew then you wouldn�t be cheating on me.

You don�t know I know, but I know. He picked up your phone a couple of times when I called, you blush when you talk about him, you try to change the subject. Add that to Steph just telling me outright that she knows you�re sleeping with him and well, it doesn�t take a genius to know it�s true. It almost broke my heart Kurt, I swear. You�re fucking him behind my back. What the fuck does Jericho have that I don�t? Besides a bad dye job and a fully-functional quad? Actually, I don�t want to know.

And it hurts like hell to know that every time you leave me you�re going back to him. I don�t want you to leave, but I can�t ask you to stay and I can�t tell you I know. And the only thing that makes it better is knowing you really do love me too. You�re just with him sometimes. Fuck that�s an insult. We�re in love and you�re fucking Chris fucking Jericho.

I just have to hang on to the thought that you love me. You�ll be back. Fuck Jericho, do whatever the fuck you want, but come back to me, Kurt. Come back to me. You love me just as much as I love you and you�re not leaving me for him just like I�m not leaving you because of him. I should, I know, but I can�t.

And when you phone, I�m not going to tell you I know. I�m going to ask you how your day was. I�m going to listen to your voice and know you love me, I�m going to hear the blush when you mention his name, and I�m going to be angry. I�m going to be heartbroken.

But all I�m going to say is �I miss you�.

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End
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