By Nous

                          May 4, 2005

MARCH2 11:20am -- Watermark

What I once not too long ago believed was a strange-looking dog outside
my door, waiting for its chance to break into my room and kidnap me,
turned out to be nothing more ordinary than the water hose spraying its
clear liquid upon my door. Then there was silence before the hose once
more roared at my door.
Do you know about the huge rift that stretches more than 40,000 miles
across the globe -- Earth, I mean. It sprawls across the entire length
of the Atlantic Ocean, north to south and can be seen on land as well,
where it has a different name: the Great Rift Valley. From Jordan in
the Middle East southward through East Africa down to Mozambique, this
crack in the Earth's crust is thought to be fairly young, in geological
years of course. In the ocean is found very little sedimentation in the
crack. Now, I'm not a scientist or anything, so I don't know what that
exactly means, but it makes sense that sedimentation would start to
build up over time, so an older rift would have more of it.
I also have no idea what sedimentation is, because I never payed much
attention in Geology class, which I never took so can you blame me?
You really can't.
Remember when Kati called US History "social studies?" You probably
don't, but that really made me laugh.  And I don't want you to feel
left out, so I'll give you the opportunity to laugh now.  I'll wait
a full minute.

Okay. "Most of the fjords and geological features of the Great Rift and
the undersea fractures and trenches are young ... and the consensus is
that they happened on a worldwide scale and at the same time."
I'm reading this book that has some catastrophe theory, explaining why
there are all of these weird things in the world, and why science is
wrong in assuming it's been a slow gradual process.
According to the author, Joseph Christy-Vitale, the Rift Valley and
the fracture zones "resemble a 20-sided polyhedron. For such a pattern
to occur, Earth's crust had to expand in a uniform way. Allen and
Delair [authors] describe it as 'earth's crust literally cracking apart
like the shell of an overheated egg.' [...] Some scholars have remarked
that for the crack and fracture zones to have been created in that
violent manner, Earth's axis would have to have been on a more vertical
plane than it is today... Only some powerful external force could
induce an object of Earth's size to generate enough heat to fracture
like an 'overheated egg' and, while the planet is orbiting, alter its
axis."
Christy-Vitale also talks about how there are animals that are almost
completely identical to each other living thousands of miles apart.
He says that they could not have been dispersed like that in a gradual
way, but in a very quick manner (which is where the catastrophe stuff,
comet nearly hitting the earth and all of that, come into play). If
they had traveled on their own, they would have changed dramatically.
But their appearance is the same, their habits are the same, etc.
And different animal bones that don't belong together have been found
packed in the same place, like caves and stuff. Animals that normally
would not be found in the same place. Like moose and crocodiles.
Northern and southern animals. Scientists said this was because of the
approaching and retreating glaciers, trapping them in one place, but
the bones have been found in caves packed like sardines, from the floor
to the ceiling.

11:45am -- MOMDAY

That's right, Kiddies. Mother's Day is coming. Have you picked out
the gift you're buying for your mama? You know she deserves the best
one day out of the year, so really try to spring for something
expensive, like a gadget she can use in the kitchen with various uses.
Oh, I know what you're thinking. "My mother already has a nice mop
and vacuum. What do I need to buy another one for?"
Well, friends, let's hope your mother means more to you than that.
And come to Sears, where the new Mop N Vac is on sale for Mother's
Day. Normally, this beautiful machine can cost up to 400 dollars,
but who has that kind of money in these times?  Most banks don't
trust theyself.
But all this week, the Mop N Vac is on sale for twenty-five dollars!
What do you think of that Timmy?
*Timmy smiles, a tooth missing
Uh-oh, there goes that crazy duck again. Say, where do you think he's
going to anyway?
*duck waddles as that "Eat At Joes" song from Looney Tunes plays.
Oh, we have the best gifts here at Sears for Mother's Day. Why, we
even have the new Pancake Flipper from John Deere. Yes, John Deere.
He's not just about tractors anymore. Watch how smoothly it works,
and then you decide if its worth it.
*Pancake Flipper flips pancake perfectly
Say, now that was beautiful!
*Timmy smiles again
But don't spend your money just yet, Timmy. We have one last invention
we know any mother would love: The Vibe Razor.
Yes, now your mother can have the smoothest legs on the block. Everyone
will be talking about her when the town gathers at the annual picnic
this year! Look how close this razor shaves. It's like magic!
So, Timmy, what do you think of all of the new inventions we here at
Sears have shown you?
*Timmy smiles
Yes, they would all make perfect gifts for Mother's Day. But you've
got money for only one. So choose wisely.
*Timmy grabs Pancake Flipper
Ah, the Pancake Flipper. Excellent choice. But remember, that's only
one of the great inventions we have here at Sears.
*duck waddles by
Say, I'm getting curious about this duck. What about you?
*close up on duck, completely shaved
Oh, my. Looks like the duck has found his gift. The Vibe Razor!
Well, I'll be seeing you now, Timmy. Remember, Mother's Day comes but
once a year.
*duck quacks
Happy Mother's Day everyone!

12:02pm -- El Cotorro

I almost typed out "dack qucks."
Wait, did I? I'm looking back and forth and I can't tell which one is
correct. I have dyslexia I think, of some sort. Words, letters, they
mean almost nothing.
Also, I almost typed out, "I almost typed about" and that would have
been an embarrassing second mistake.

3:20pm -- Boop Boop A Doop, Whoo!

Dude, it's like I don't have school today because of FINALS!
I dropped out of math and I stopped going to english, so I've only
got two finals to take on two different days (and today ain't one
of those days!) Anthropology (which is in the bag) and History (which
I might not do too good on but which I refuse to study for).
For the past few weeks I've had to help my dad with some project
he's working on. Transforming the garage into a new room. It's
coming along slowly. I've had the bullshit jobs like handing my
dad the hammer and stuff. As soon as I wake up till like four in the
afternoon with that shit.
I did tear down the old shingles on the roof (like four layers)
and lay down the new ones, which was fun. Not the tearing away of
the old, because that was hard on my body, but I love to hammer,
so putting down the new shingles was kind of cool.
I also had to help smooth out the cement before my dad could start
building anything. That shit was hard. My body couldn't take it.
You know when you have to hold something up for someone else, the
way your arms feel like they're collapsing under the weight. Shaking
and stuff. It was that, only for two hours.
And I didn't even do it the full two hours. We took turns. Still,
it was one of the most physically draining things I've ever done.
My cousin said something about that I've been thinking about ever
since. It's the new "syncopated rhythm of ragtime." It's just stuck
in my head. He said, "Some people do this every day. It's a back
breaker."
But my dad is working just got hired by someone to do whatever it
is he does, an he hasn't been doing anything with the room.  I've
been taking it easy and let me tell you, it is all that and a bag
of chips.
Remember that?
Bag of chips.
What the fuck kind of stupid phrase was that?
Schooooolboy.
Flashback to seventh grade.
"No, you killed it."
Remember that one? IT'S STILL FUNNY, YOU BITCH! Don't say "you
killed it." You're just not laughing, that's the difference.
What, there are only a certain number of comments that can be
made about something?
Things are still funny long after the fact, you know.

Man, I just took a bath and then I ate a mango. My shirt has
a stain on it now.
Okay, so that wouldn't bother you, who cares? People have
different things they get upset about. Quit creating frameworks
for how things should work and how people should act.
Why shouldn't that bother me? Because it doesn't bother you?
You can make any argument you want to make, but the fact is
people are different. And I kind of think that's neat.
I know we're all evolving, and we want to be superior when the
future comes, so we try to defend our habits and find the right
cubby for our lives. We want to be wanted in some unforseeable
time to come. But we won't be desirable then, so stop it already.
Just be yourself.
Unless
You're a horrible person
Like Da Brat.
I saw her on the Surreal Life, and man, she's just terrible.
How can someone grow up thinking that being an asshole is cool?
"Hey, man. I'm just being myself. I'm doing my thing."
Call me a hypocrite, but no amount of arguing will ever make
me consider needlessly hurting another person's feelings "being
oneself." That isn't even what it means.
Sloth is right when he says we've grown up on psychological
terms that we've misinterpreted.
Save the "being yourself" stuff for those who are doing nothing
to harm others and are still being condemned or ostracized by
society.
Fuck you, Brat. You're just making the world worse. And if that's
what "being yourself" is, then maybe everyone needs to just stop
being themselves and start imitating people like Martin Luther
King Jr. or Gandhi.
Haha, I thought I'd be finished by now, but this really gets my
goat.
I went to the Indian festival and there was a great story about a
dove who flies into the king's palace seeking refuge. The king
doesn't chase the dove out, rather allows it to sit with him on
the throne. Then an eagle or something comes in, wanting to eat
the dove. And it uses this reasoning:
"I'm hungry. All I want is a meal. Will you deprive another animal
of its food?"
But the king says that the eagle can have anything to eat from
the palace. He's got cooks and stuff, I guess, who make all of
this awesome food, so I figured the eagle would say yes. But it
says that it will only eat fresh meat. So is the king going to
kill another animal to feed the eagle because he's protecting the
dove?
By the way, the king protects the dove BECAUSE the dove sought out
the king's protection. That's the only reason. Isn't that awesome?
So anyway, the king tells the eagle, "Fine. I'll give you fresh
meat." And he starts cutting a piece of meat from his arm. In
place of the dove, he's going to give the eagle food of equal
weight, so he puts the dove on one side of a balance beam and
drops the piece of his arm on the other side. But it's not enough.
So the king cuts another piece. And another piece. I mean, there
is no way a dove weighs so much, but he keeps doing it.
Finally, it's enough and the dove and eagle change into gods,
telling the king that they'd heard of his generosity and stuff.
They change his arm back to normal.
I want to be more like that king and if you don't, that's okay.
Just don't be like Da Brat.

MAY3, 9:32am: The Boy Who Cried Daskruf

He was quite perplexed. The street signs confused him. His sense
of direction was not helping him in the least.
This was Austin and he was lost.  All he wanted then was to find
the mall. He'd have to ask for directions.
Approaching a random couple, he asked if they could direct him to
the mall, which they happily did. Pulling out a map, they showed
him where he was and where he needed to go to reach the mall. They
then handed him the map and wished him well.
"Oh, uh, thank you. Thanks a lot."
The boy was walking away when he heard, "Oh, wait."
He turned and faced the couple again. They asked, "Have you been
saved?"
The boy stood perfectly still looking into the man's eyes.  Two
full seconds passed before he responded.
"Yeah," he said, and walked away quickly in the direction of the
mall.

This is a real life story out of the life of my cousin whom I've
come to call George Costanza. How can he get into situations like
these, first of all. And second of all, how can he react in the
way that he does?
Let me share something he said.
He's a baseball player in high school, or was before he quit the
team. He had to practice as soon as he got out of school and stay
until about six o clock at night. Monday through Friday.
"It sucks," he told me. I nodded, saying, "I'm not surprised."
He then told me, "My teacher sucks, too."
"Why?"
"I don't know. He's just not good."
Pause.
"I think he's just doing it because he needs to work off his
community service."
WTF.
That's right. He said that. And it was true.  That's exactly why
his coach sucked. He was just some guy who had to work a certain
amount of community service.  So he was the coach of a baseball
team in high school.
That's trash.

10pm -- Hungry

Two things I wondered about today:

1. Does a bored housewife wish her life were more like "It Should
Happen To You" or "Desperate Houswives?"

2. Why does this kid next to me smell like shit? I'm talking like
a fast food restaurant's dirty bathroom. I can't play Bubble Bobble
with this kid next to me. It's too distracting. And who is that old
guy looking over my shoulder?
Also, I guess fast food restaurants don't have dirty bathrooms,
though they have slipped. In general they're pretty clean. So just
imagine a really dirty bathroom at a dirty restaurant.

MAY4, 11:20am -- ANTHROPOLOGY FINAL

"Erratics" are a name given to boulders which are found hundreds
of miles away from their geological source, which can be determined,
I assume, by what type of rock it is and so on.  "As their name
suggests, these boulders lack consistency... They are found alone in
isolated locations or half buried in the sides of cliffs... In
Ireland the erratics are found on the higher summits and not in
the valleys below... Those scientists that follow the Uniform way
of thinking (Ice Age Theory) say the erratics were brought to their
present locations by the slow advance and retreat of the various ice
ages. In many places the erratics would have had to defy gravity to
reach their current locations, and that the part of Labrador (not
to mention Brazil and Uruguay) where erratics are found appears to
have never been glaciated."
Also, the erratics are really gross and like angular. Deeply scarred.
And that goes against the idea that they were pushed from place to
place by ice sheets, because the ice would have worn away the sharp
features over time and made them smooth. The way you can tell old
mountains are old because the wind has rounded the tops out. So the
features of erratics "suggests something much more violent."

6:21pm -- Egad

Six hours after my anthropology final and I realize I put yesterday's
date on the scantron. How embarrassing.