By Nous February 23, 2005 FEB7: SLEEPERS, WAKE This morning I feel good. It's one of those mornings where the white light of the sun falls and stretches across a blue world. Seriously, it's blue out there. It feels like a marker, like a brand new day. Infant shadows broken by streamers from heaven; the light invades the dark forces of a spiritual senility. Here in class we've had a long and interesting lecture on the Genetics vs. Environment argument in America and its influence on the Nazi party. Of course, there was the necessary subject to be discussed of what the future of genetic engineering could bring. It was, as always, creepy. I was simply enthralled. I think we all were. The room was one. The teacher paused. "Any questions before we move on?" Silence. "Okay, on to 'The Allure of Expertise.'" The room exhaled its held breath, as inconspicuous as ever. FEB9: SPEED KILLS The made mood that has for the past while lain dormant within the well-oiled machine of my body pervades the rusty gears and causes some discomfort. Johnny Cash tried to soothe the burns. Walking into class I saw a girl crying about something dumb, buried in her boyfriend's chest. Complaining. The universe has quite a sense of humor, but I'm trying not to smile. FEB10: DANCING QUEEN It's true what you've heard. I do affirmations now. Although, is "affirmations" the right word? After waking up at 5:30 in the morning, I decided as if out of nowhere, though I know better, to begin my days from today on by putting off positive vibrations. I came up with a little mantra. "Today will be a good day." And indeed it was. It was very busy, but filled with an echoing sound, not at all like that muffled paralyzed noise I'm so used to. This is the best day I've had in such a long time. I feel blessed. FEB14: MOZART'S 40TH SYMPHONY The've brought Jolly Jellies back? Well, no, not quite. But I will give you the long answer to that question you just asked me. And the long answer is this: Snapple, the same company that makes the drinks, has taken the conept of a soft, chewy, sugary treat that comes in delicious fruit flavors and has concocted its own wonderful version of the candy. Let me tell you, I didn't want to buy it at first for fear that I twould not like it and thus have my memory of Jolly Jellies ruined for me. But buy it I did. And when I opened that bag and smelled a musty odor reminiscent of crayons, I was immediately disheartened. But then I tried the candy. Oh my gourd. This shit is delicious. I'm eating it now and am also in love. Jesus Christ. Is "am" a word? I am seriously not sure right now. If it isn't, forgive and forget; now move on. They're called Snapple Fruits if you want to buy them. On the bag it says, "made with real fruit puree," which is just delightful. Three bags for ninety-nine cents, but I bought mine at the 99 cents store. Do you have one by your house, because I do? There isn't a Red anymore, but they got rid of that nasty Green flavor! FEB15: IDLE Same here, dude. I seek the Raintree, but I know that happiness is what one encounters on his journey. For the discovery is not truly a discovery without all he has seen. So I seek only to experience; I experience to discover; and I discover because I feel the need to. For the past ten years a red Chevrolet - a really cool, Bonnie and Clyde type truck - has slept in our garage, waiting for the day when we would once again take her out for a ride. Well, it seems a day like that came today, only we did not take her for a ride. We are getting rid of her. Few of you know of this behemoth resting in the garage, but it has been there a long time, and so naturally, it has attained a sort of mystic quality. Today, we rolled it out onto the driveway and bathed her in cool water. The garage seemed so empty. And that's when my father told me that he was going to tear down the garage and build something else in its place. I have nothing more to say about that. At this point, it seems useless to verbalize this type of thing. So instead, I will let you know that I am feeling strangely happy today and end on that. FEB16: WORRIED MAN BLUES You were in a dream I had, Slyborg (Sloth). You, Ben, and I were driving somewhere. I had no idea where we were going, but you and Ben knew, so on we drove. We stopped in front of a house that was sort of like a country house. The neighboring homes were pretty far away. We went inside, where a mother sat in the living room watching tv. She said to us, "They're in there." We went upstairs, I think, where there were three girls, all of whom were obviously insane. The upstairs room, in typical dream fashion, was actually outside and had a swing set. The six of us laid ourselves down around the swing set and I think sang songs. Then we had to leave for something urgent. There were other scenes and they all seemed tied together by a single idea: the absence of love. But that seems the wrong way to put it. It was as if love existed in our minds, but no one else understood the concept, and so no one ever loved anyone. It was a bizarre world. My dreams are becoming more vivid. FEB17: Chukoffski I can't believe how extraordinarily busy I've been this week. True, most of the business was actually sitting around and watching movies and X-Files; and I suppose I have no argument. If you don't consider that "busy," perhaps you need to loosen up. FEB18: GUESS I'm dead serious. Listen, I'm out of school. It's 9:10 in the am. Early dismissal or early dismal:-: ? No, I did feel bad, but it was cool that I got out early. That's not the point! Listen. I've got my classical tape in, right? "Post rock prior to rock." I'm listening to it and getting into it as always because I wish Fantasia was my life. Now, I stop at a red light on Spencer and look into the rearview mirror. There behind the wheel of some jeep is an old woman. Aw, how cute, I think. She thinks she can go fast. So I take off and leave her in the dust - or so I think. I look into the rearview mirror and she's right there. What the hell? Liszt's second Hungarian Rhapsody is on, "I kid you not." So I'm like, "Oh you want to go fast, old lady? We can fast!" I go a little faster and she keeps up, so I go faster still and she turns into the lane next to mine! "Not fast enough for you, eh?" Well, what can I do? This woman has basically told me I'm not man enough for her and I can do nothing about it. I won't risk going any faster on Spencer, so I slow down. Liszt is playing the whole time. We stop at a red light. As we're taking off, she tries to speed up to get in front of me. No way. I floor it and shes stuck behind this tow truck. Beautiful. I'm snickering before I realize, "Wait a second. What is this? Some fucking cartoon? Me versus a blue-haired old woman on the road? Haha! A-VERY nice try, Tex. But you have to get up pret-ty early in the morning." So the old woman gets behind me and catches up to me. Ridiculous, right? So I get into the right lane and turn on Burke. I look behind me and she stays at the red light. Hmph. That's that. So, yeah, I'm taking a longer way home, I guess. It seems to take longer anyway. I'm driving by the park and I look up ahead onto the street I'm going to turn and I swear to God I see the old woman in the jeep. The Rhapsody suddenly hits the fast part. I scowl and take off. A truck is separating me and the woman. "GET OUT OF THE WAY, DAMN IT!!!" It turns onto some street. By the time it's finished carrying itself over I notice that the old woman has passed the stop sign. And guess what. STREET REPAIRS! BARRICADES! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING! Faster and faster the song chugs along, but I can't catch up to the senior citizen! I'm trailing. And in a fashion not at all typical to a cartoon, I simply drag myself home and park my car. Pausing, I exhale sharply. The song finishes triumphantly. Somehow, it all meant so much. THAT'S ALL FOLKS!