A BRIEF BIOGRAPHY OF OUR LIVES

			   By Nous

			 July 6, 2004 


	"The Early Years"

Ch. 1: The Players (Claire de lune)

Tessa and Leah, daughters of Frank and Margie, moved into our
street sometime in 1990 - perhaps earlier, perhaps later.  It
was - and still is, to some degree - in my weird nature to be
suspicious of strangers, but being a child, my desire to have
fun over-rode my negative attitude about the new children who
had moved onto my territory. We became close friends in time.
My brother and I introduced Tessa and Leah to video games. We
had a Super Nintendo and they had nothing. But while I really
enjoyed video games I also enjoyed going outside from time to
time. Tessa and my brother would usually end up playing about
all afternoon when given the chance, so Leah and I would have
to find our own things to do.
What I'm trying to say is this: Leah and I had more in common
at first.
I was a boy and she was tough so we got along fine. Tessa was
a bit softer, physically and mentally.  That's not to say she
was stupid; she wasn't. But her mental state always seemed to
be on my mind. I very often felt that Tessa felt that she was
under constant assault.
She practiced the piano often and she learned how to sing and
was always practicing.  But I felt at the time, and still do,
that she didn't feel quite good enough. The fact that I often
called her a pansy did not help, but I was a boy, and that is
just the way I saw things.
It seems that Leah was the girl who could do no wrong, while
Tessa was under the microscope. At least that's the way I saw
things, and still sort of do.

Ch. 2: The Street Between Two Dead Ends
(Die Meistersinger von Nurnberg)


As a group of four - Tessa, Leah, my brother, and myself - we
would occasionally walk down to the end of our street, toward
a tree which stood on a man's front yard. The leaves, covering
the tree from top to bottom, were thick, shiny and some weird
purple-ish color. Parting the leaves, you would notice inside
was a hollow area filled with only thick branches protruding.
You would also notice how dark and cool it was - and what an
awesome hiding place it would make.
I never really had a treehouse, but that really was the next
best thing.  Except, as I mentioned, the tree stood on some-
one's front yard, some guy we didn't know. He hated us being
there so we eventually had to give up going there.

One time, while the four of us were hanging out and talking,
Leah noticed something on Tessa's back.  She pointed it out,
everyone looked, and we unanimously decided that it was some
sort of killer bee. It was probably a moth or something, now
that I think about it but a killer bee was more exciting and
we ran inside Tessa and Leah's house to inform their parents
that Tessa had a huge killer bee on her back that was ready
to sting her to death. Frank, Tessa and Leah's father, went
to see what the fuss was about. I'm not sure if he knew what
it was, but he acted as if it really was a killer bee.
Grabbing a brick, he was about to chuck it at Tessa's back,
but was restrained or something. I don't remember how that
event ended, but I do remember Tessa crying something awful
and everyone going home, satisfied.

I don't remember how my cousin met Tessa, but I do remember
almost everything that followed. I remember secret looks; I
remember awkward conversations; I remember the romantic and
silly aspect of it all. But what I remember most is that I
didn't understand any of it. My cousin would every now and
then spend the night at my house, and we'd talk all night.
We spent a lot of time together before he liked Tessa, but
all I remember now are the conversations after that moment.
They're vague, but I remember the feeling.
Tessa's parents were Christians (they eventually converted
my parents) and my cousin was sort of known for not being
very Christian (who was this spawn of the Devil who watched
MTV and used foul language?!?).
You see how it's silly, but everything felt dead serious at
the time, and still sort of does in my memory.

Ch. 3: The Kids Go Insane (Moldau, Op. 43)

Everything began to change at some point. I couldn't pin-
point what it was, but something was moving through almost
everything we had come to know as "normal." It was moving
through it and changing it. Could people change, and could
they change so quickly? Everything really did start to get
out of control.
Tessa, Leah, and myself started to hang out less and less.
Everything up until that point felt very comfortable. The
situation was different than it is now. We were, it seemed,
three trees growing from one root that supported us all.
Now we were growing branches in opposite directions. Now
we were growing branches in each others' faces, and it was
strange.

Ch. 4: 1998 And Everything Afterwards
(Introducao Ao Poema Dos Olhos Da Amada)

Ties were severed. Man was an island. Life had begun all
over again.
For two dark years, I was alone - completely and utterly
alone.
Tessa and Leah and I hung out from time to time, in
between significant others and personal affairs.
If you want to understand someone, it is true that their
past plays a vital role in shaping them and therefore is
a necessary part of their life that you must understand.
But I started to wonder for the first time if we had all
not had very different pasts, with similar childhoods.
You are who you are, but you are not who you are with a
friend. At least, not where I come from. Even that has
now changed, but only slightly.

Tessa had a boyfriend for a time whose name I do not
recall. Once, in school, I saw her kiss him, and she
did it in this very strange way that made me wonder if
perhaps I didn't know her at all.
Of course, by this time, I no longer considered her a
pansy. She was just a young woman, and some women like
to be treated softly.
But seeing her kiss her boyfriend made me wonder what
kind of woman she was. It just seemed to be a very
earnest kiss, and I had never considered her to be an
earnest girl - or not in that way. It was strange, but
I brushed off the thought.

Sometime after she and her boyfriend broke up, Tessa
moved away to go to college. I didn't see her for some
time. But once, upon returning from dinner at a Chinese
restaurant, I saw Tessa sitting on the back of her car
in the driveway of her house. I was with my brother and
his friend Jake. We went over to say hello to her. I
noticed she was smoking a cigarette.
We talked for a while and then parted again. I remember
thinking it was like old times. Jake, my brother, and I
had changed into these weird people. But I noticed that
Tessa was the same as always. This once again brought
to my mind her mental state.
I feel now, though at the time I wasn't sure what it
was I was feeling, that Tessa is like a machine who
is counting the day till it breaks down. Like a machine
she doesn't seem to realize she's thinking it. Machines
have no real thought. They cannot realize things.
Tessa will not realize it.
If I'm right, then when the day comes, won't everything
else break down around her? We may be different now,
and we may have separated ourselves, but are we not
still of the same ground? Aren't our roots connected
somewhere deep beneath the soil?
Basically, we're all the same, we've only developed
layers. Will the layers come off when the day comes?

Ch. 5: The Day Comes (Dire Dire Docks)

Tessa.
Tessa must have had a hard time.
I wonder how she told her parents.
She is pregnant.
Who is the father?
When did this happen?
What will she do?
It's a very bizarre thing to happen now.
Now.
After all of this time.
I had a dream the other night that Tessa died. Leah
and I were standing in her driveway and I took out a
cigarette. We were talking about Tessa's death and I
lit the cigarette. As I smoked it, I remember thinking
that I was taking up smoking to remind me of Tessa.
'Smoking will remind us,' I said.
Is this the machine breaking down?
Has the day come?
I don't think this can be quite what I expected, but
surely things cannot be the same after this. Then
again, many of my cousins have had the same experience
and things did not necessarily change.
What I've always thought must be wrong.
The machine will never break down.
Nothing will ever happen to the roots.
Things will keep going just as they always have.
Things will continue flowing from here to somewhere.
Things must keep going.
I was naive to think what I thought. Things will never
break down. We will keep going on in this way forever
and ever.