By Nous

                         February 8, 2005

ALL I EVER WANTED WAS FOR THINGS TO BE DIFFERENT

Or so it seems. I remember being a kid at family gatherings, spending
time running around and playing dumb games. And always, without fail,
at the end of the night, my cousin and I would convince ourselves the
world would end if one of us could not spend the night at the other's
house. We begged and pleaded with our mothers, and often it paid off.
I also remember the following mornings, how we felt restless and
impatient, knowing that we did not have much time before we were
separated.
Was that not among the worst feelings of childhood?
I never realized those memories were tinted with that disgusting
feeling. Was it that I did not want it to end, or did the feeling
originate the previous night. Did I just want things to change?
Did I just want to wake up in a different place, a different time,
my life altered by the single act of begging that my cousin be able
to spend the night?

WELL LET ME TELL YOU

I can't stop going to the liberry. I've always got books and movies
due. On top of that, I keep buying movies, but I watch the ones I
have bought before I watch the ones I have checked out.
I bought the X-Files movie :->{o
And I checked out one of those huge books on Elves and Faeries.
Because, first of all - in case you didn't know - I'm a tiny little
girl and second of all i like to feel dumb when that guy at the
liberry sees what i checked out
Which is
His crotch.
P.S. I'm gay, that's why.

BROCOLLI-ITIS

My aunt and her two sons have bronchitis.  Of course, it sucks to
be sick, but it's always funny when an entire family is sick, because
this isn't some damn tv show.
My mom said, "They have bronchitis." and I asked, without thinking,
"What's that?"
"It's when you're really sick."
God damn it, Mother. You know what you're doing. Cease and desist!
Once, on the way back from getting a new spare tire, I was talking
about something weird.  It was just something like, "What if James
Walker was a woman," or something.
As I dissected that bizarre aspects of this thought, I kept sort
of laughing and looking over at my mom to see if she even saw the
absurdity of it. After I finished rambling on about something no
one cares about, there was a three second pause, in which I simply
concentrated on driving. Then I looked at my mom.
She was doing the fish face.
Sigh...
Those three seconds of silence. They weren't silent at all. They
were filled with the shrieks of insanity.
"Ma, what are you doing? That's it. I'm going to crash this car
and kill us both."
My mom looked down the road.
"I punch you in the face."

WHEN I THINK "HALLE BERRY," I THINK "COLORED"

Yesterday Samantha was online. I hadn't seen her in a long time,
and when she told me it was her day off, we decided to hang out.
I went with her to Wal-Mart to buy film but couldn't find what I
was looking for, so I decided that black and white film was cool
again.
"These are gray days, and gray days are great for black and white
pictures."
But sure enough, on my way back from school this morning, there was
a dead dog on a street right by my house. She was completely white
and had red blood coming out of the side of her head. The blood was
streaked across the road and had gooey chunks in it.
I took black and white pictures wishing I had color film.
But I'm not heartless. I had a moment of silence for the poor thing
before I left.  My legs began to shake uncontrollably but it was
probably the cold wind.

PATTON: WTF

Remember that scene?
Was it just me or was it trying to tell you something? ::pensive::
::british face::
::wry humour, very depressed::
Oh, that group of people that live off the coast of New England
that are Americans but sound British - they're the Brahmins, in
case you want to know.

TWENNY QUESTIONS

My mom came into my room to give me money for gas and food, for
she is leaving for the weekend.  It was one of those old twenty
dollar bills where Jackson's head is really small.
She knows what she's doing, damn it. She's driving me bonkers.
Also, she's in here now, telling me I have to drive her to the
airport early tomorrow morning. Das ist fagoit. It's French.

I just used the word "bonkers."
Then I started laughing because
Well, remember that Smashing Pumpkins song on Gish, the one
right after Daydream? "I'm going crazy." That one.
What if Billy Corgan said, "I'm going bonkers."
Haha, "I crack myself up into a million tiny hopeless pieces."
That's a Nous quote. Use it; wear it out.

OKAY, LET ME END ON A WEIRD NOTE HERE

One or two of you may remember me mentioning a guy at the library
who asked me for a ride to the college. He approached me and said
"Hello again," though I was sure I didn't know him at all. Well, I
didn't give him a ride, but I gave him directions.
Well, yesterday, I saw him again. I picked up a Looney Tunes DVD
at the movie section and went to the anime stuff ::fish face::
Now, I saw someone on the other side of the little rack they keep
the anime stuff and I noticed they were looking at me, but I thought
nothing of it. But when that person came to my side and said,
"Hello," I was a little freaked out. I still thought nothing of it,
really. I didn't know this person, so I had no reason to care about
them.
Without looking over, I said, "Hi."
Obviously, I didn't remember him, and he must have noticed that.
But, damn it, where the hell did I meet you? Just tell me!
So he says, "Oh, Looney Tunes?"
I look at him, still not recognizing him and say, "Oh, yeah. Volume
Two."
"Where did you get it?"
"Um, right over there, with the rest of the movies."
"That's strange," he said, "I thought they would have that on this
side."
He said something and walked off. I got some anime and went to see
the CD's. As I walk, I see that guy waving me towards him, as he
talks to some library guy in glasses.
"Come here, I want to show this man something. See, this DVD he has
here."
For some reason the man reminded me of a generic comedian. He looked
at the DVD as the weird guy said, "Looney Tunes. Volume Two. The
Golden Collection."
"Yes," said Comedian, "I've seen it before."
"So can I reserve it then?"
"Yes, I'll probably have to do it when he checks his things out,
though."
Well, I thought, then I won't get a chance to see the CD's because
I'll feel like I'm going too slow.
I walked out of the library trying not to laugh.
Let's face it. This stuff is hilarious. I grew up in the library.
I used to spend boring summer days wrapping myself in the blanket
of shelves, with my books in my arms. I know some of you used to
do that also.
People like us, we're dreamers. We can be nothing else. We spend
our lives reading books and becoming the characters in the books.
We know all the storylines and the plot twists, all the people,
their personalities and thoughts and manners and secrets. We know
all the different atmospheres and we're familiar with all of the
different environments. So we're able to adapt rather easily. And
so we can't live storybook lives because if we're put in storybook
situations we'll recognize them and laugh. We'll realize that life
really is a giant novel. And we're not meant to be constantly aware
of this.

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