By Nous December 25, 2003 Let's face facts: Christmas just isn't all that great when you get shitty gifts. Everyone sort of goes around saying what a wonderful time of year it is, and how it is better to give than to receive, and good will towards all; but if those same people get [generic bad gift] for Christmas, then all else sort of goes away. In short, we're hypocritical, which should come as no surprise. But I simply wanted to lay down the groundwork for the following stuff that I will say, because some people are still gay enough to think that Christmas is about giving. It's not that I got a shitty gift really, but it's not at all what I wanted, and that alone makes it the shittiest gift I could get. An electric guitar is a good gift - a great gift if I were to actually want it, but I don't. So, while it's not that I got a bad gift like socks, the whole thing just seems like a sloppy guessing game and makes the gift all that much more ridiculous. I didn't really need an electric guitar, because I already had an acoustic guitar which I loved, and which was a great birthday gift. So why would I need an electric guitar, especially ONLY an electric guitar? No amp, no cords, just the electric guitar. That's what makes this gift so bad, that an electric guitar by itself is just a thoughtless gift. There is all the paraphernalia one must get for it. The money for it could have been better spent on strings for my Acoustic Which I Love. I just didn't need an electric guitar. Aside from that, I want to go back to the idea that this whole thing was like a sloppy guessing game. I dropped no real hints about wanting an electric guitar, and yet I received one. In fact, when shopping for an acoustic guitar for my brother with my mum, she happened to ask me if I wanted an electric guitar, an idea to which I was apathetic; I let it be known that this was my attitude towards it, and yet, Christmas came and I got an electric guitar. If I dropped any hints at all (which, I guess, I didn't really), it was for the following items, which I will list in order of Most Wanted to Good Gift A) New Computer I. It did not have to be entirely new. I would have accepted a computer with at least a burner or something. II. I mentioned wanting one to my brother, who simply changed the subject to an electric guitar. i. Obviously, the electric guitar was either already bought, or, for some reason, a settled thing. B) Gun I. This was the only gift that I really dropped any repeated hints for, though they were just comments that I would like a gun. I've been wanting one for some time, I guess. II. I mentioned to my mother, and once to my brother, in a pawn shop that I would like a gun, but like most people, they simply dismissed my desire to get one as a stupid idea or a joke. i. Why is everyone so against me getting a gun? Or if not against it, making it seem like a stupid thing that I want to get because I want to be a big tough guy or some dumb fuck who thinks shooting deer is cool. C) Electric Acoustic Guitar I. I'm not exactly sure why I want this (Hey, maybe I want to be Big Rich Guy with an electric acoustic guitar, right Sabrena?). I think it would be neat to have this, just in case I decide to ever just play for a crowd someplace. Wouldn't that be cool? But this one basically falls into the category of "Shit I Would Like", where as the previous two have been "Shit That I Want." Big difference. II. I mentioned this to my mother while shopping for my brother's acoustic guitar, and she was like, whatever. i. My claims of wanting this and other items have been dismissed. Now, I would like to stop for a moment and talk about the gun, because there has seriously been much antagonism towards the idea of me having one, and I don't understand why. My father has a gun; cannot I have one as well? I bought a dagger recently at a flea market, and it's sort of cool. Everyone thought it was cute, but I talk of MAYBE getting a gun and people ask, "Why?" In buying the dagger, no questions were asked; and, once bought, no real attention was paid to it (except by my brother and his friend who apparently think daggers are just the Light of God). I buy so much shit simply because I would like to have it. I have many records though I don't have a record player (my brother does, but I hate borrowing it). I have many books which I often don't finish. I have various trinkets and boxes of junk, and no one cares. This should be true for a gun, and yet it is not. Someone might casually ask, "Oh, records?" knowing that I do not have a record player, but it's casual and indifferent, really. When it comes to the gun, I have been getting puzzled looks and aggressive Why's. It doesn't make any sense. It's just a gun. Also, notice that before I said that MAYBE I would get a gun. I don't really want to have one and not know how to shoot it, so I have been thinking about learning. Until then, I don't know if I'll get one. It would have been cool had I gotten one for Christmas, though. It's the thought that counts. And that brings me to the following idea, that I am in contradiction with myself. I say that 'it's the thought that counts' and yet bash the fact that my parents bought me an electric guitar. If you're asking yourself how that can be, then let me explain, even though it should be extremely obvious. My parents did not put thought into the gift, they simply assumed I would want one (despite my clear indifference to getting one, as shown earlier) and bought me one. They bought it against the clear fact that I wanted a gun, against the numerous "hints" that my burner did not work and therefore a new computer would be cool, and against the crystal clear statement that I would like an electric acoustic guitar for Chistmas. I bought Sloth a gift, and he may not appreciate it at all. He may find it completely unnecessary and may dislike it very much, but he's spoken of wanting one a few times, and I decided to get it. I do pay some attention despite my obvious lack of interest in others. That itself is a miracle and should be appreciated. But not only that, the gift itself is rather hard to find just anywhere at a good price, and I found one, even though I have no money (yes, I know I technically have a lot of money most of the time, and you can't see past that, so I won't even explain). At times, Sloth has spoken of wanting one, and not once have I spoken of wanting an electric guitar without taking the statement back in favor of another. Although, I take the stance that in this instance I am not, in my opinion, in contradiction with myself, I do not in any way mean to imply that I am no hypocrite; indeed, I am quite the hypocrite and would like to take a bow at this moment for my outstanding achievement in saying one thing and doing another. I'm a hypocrite who knows he's a hypocrite. People call that lying, and that's what I am - a liar, through and through. Fin, Asshole.