By Nous

                           March 8, 2004



LES CARNIVALE

After not speaking to Slob for a while, I instant messaged him and
we shortly decided to go do something.  I suggested checking out
the little carnival by my house, and so we went there.  While walking
around, sort of looking at the rides (I was taking pictures), this
girl comes up to Sloth real quick like and says, "Hey! I like your
shoes!"  And after that she just sort of stuck around.  Her name
was Valerie, I think.  That's what I'll call her.
I went into this cheap little haunted house that took me five
seconds to go through (and only because I was taking pictures).
We played some game where you shoot water into a clown's mouth and
get a prize for doing so; also, I got hustled out of five dollars
by a FILTHY CARNIE!  But it was cool, I guess.  I just need more
money now.
Valerie was there with this weird group of people (one of them
wouldn't stop pestering me for money) and we asked if she wanted to
go hang out at the park and she was like, "Okay," so off we headed.
When we arrived at the park, we found that the ground was muddy,
but whatever.  I played Slomb's guitar for a while and Valerie was
on the swings going pretty high and she wouldn't stop.
We went from spot to spot in the park, doing nothing much at all,
just sort of talking.  I can't remember anything we said, but most
of it didn't make sense, I think.  And I spent a lot of the time
taking pictures of fog.  I took almost a whole film of Sloth and
Valerie sitting on a bench in the fog with Slob holding a guitar
because it looked mysterious and awesome.  I hope those pictures
come out.
There was a full moon out, but nobody was very crazy at all, al-
though I couldn't stop cussing and I was laughing an awful lot.  
And whenever Slomb and I talked, it was about stuff that didn't
make sense, but Valerie was a sport about it, which was cool.
Then she was like, "Want to go to my house?"  And so we did.  We
stopped by my house, though, so I could pick up shoes and socks
(my mocassins were soaked through) and when I could find none, I
just took my slippers.  We went to Wal-Mart so I could buy film and
then drove to Valerie's apartments.  While there, she played the
radio so loud that I wondered if the neighbors would mind.  Sloth
and I looked through her BAG of pictures and I found this one of a
black guy with an American flag behind him.  It was really stupid
looking and Valerie was like, "You can have it.  I dont know who
that is."  And that was a funny thing to say.
She found another picture of a guy and said, "Do you want this one,
too?  He's black."
We three started laughing and when I saw the picture and how
ridiculous it was in its own way, I told Sloth, "You should totally
take this one, too," and so he did.
Slomb and Valerie were talking, but I couldn't join in.  Once I had
seen all of Valerie's pictures, it was as if Speech was knocked out
of me.  I was probably secretly analyzing her life.
I sat on the couch a long time, thinking about nothing at all.
Then out of nowhere, Slomb and Valerie were gone and the Supremes
were on the radio and I sang along really loud.  I think I fell
asleep because suddenly Slomb was there and he was like, "Nous, are
you sleeping?"
"I'm dozing," I replied.
Valerie threw a Hershey's chocolate bar with almonds at me and was
like, "Bye.  I'll walk you guys to the car."  She didn't, and
fun was had by all.

VAMPIRO

     Ch. I

This is the point of my life that is to be characterized by inter-
action, which is what was so strange about meeting Valerie at the
carnival.  I've known for about a month now that I am at this
point in my life supposed to be going out and meeting people, or
at the very least interacting with them. Yet, I've been doing
very little aside from going to the thrift sto' to play Bubble
Bobble.  I've been in hibernation for so long and am only just
now beginning to make my way out of the cave where the darkest
years of my life reside.  Metapho's, metapho's.
Ironically, it seems that I am making my way out as people are just
beginning to go to sleep.  Have I awakened into the night?  If so,
that will be just fine with me; I've met the daylight creatures
and actually yearn to see the nocturnal-bodies.  Perhaps that is
the source of my current and constant restlessness.  The night
only lasts so long and these people may never again come into my
life.  I'm not a vampire but I talk like one.
On swift wings the night has descended upon this unknowing creature
of the caves, and on swift wings is that creature carried for the
night into the mouth of an Underworld he so desperately longs to
see.  Night is ephemeral like all things, and the dawn grows near.
Shortly will the time come when no midnight creature will stir,
and inevitably will they cease to exist in the mind of this animal.

     Ch. II

Self-analysis can only go so far.  It has destroyed certain aspects
of myself and of life that at one time were so beautiful, albeit,
not considered.  How does one live in complete ignorance of every-
thing?  Analysis must occur, and yet, I wish it were not so.
I am starved for communication, interaction, all that must shape
me at this point.  What happens today will determine who I am
tomorrow.
And yet, nothing continues to happen.

     Ch. III

So we arrive at the idea of transformation, always so pertinent in
my life, so consistently present as to abolish the possibility of
mere coincidence.  I cannot believe in many things, but that does
not mean that I do not believe in some things.  You see, my life
is riddled with clues and mirrors, symbols and messages, truths and
purposes - all which must be acknowledged, considered, understood,
and finally applied for my life to have any meaning at all.
All my life, I had lived like a flower in summer - aware of almost
nothing but the sun's waves of energy, simply being.  And one day,
the weight of dew crushed my petals and shattered my stem.  That
day I fell into a torpor and am only now awakening.  The sleep
brought with it the truth of who I was.
We are thru the glass and I see before me the vampire I must become.
It is transformation, always and forever, that is the key.

HOLBERG SUITE Op. 40

I went to the thrift store again today with my mum, and I kicked
the shit out of Bubble Bobble, beating my all time top score by
a hundred thousand points.  I kicked CNT off of the top scores
because that's not where cunts belong.  Cunts belong on the flo'
with they low sco' fo sho mofo.
Once I got home, my brother gave me the phone number to call
Sabrena (she called while I was out). Apparently everyone has
been trying to reach me while I've been out; it's very strange.
I dialed the number and at first it was busy, then it rang and no
one picked up. That is the kind of weird shit that happens when
Sabrena is involved.
Everything is about to make no sense.