| From: Geb |
| *~*This is funny!! My mom sent it to me, so ENJOY!!*~* A Southern California man moves to the east coast. This is an excerpt from his diary. DECEMBER 9, 5:00 P.M. - It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!!! DECEMBER 11 - We awake to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway and compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again. DECEMBER 13 - It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterward the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray. DECEMBER 18 - Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected. DECEMBER 20 - Still cold. Sold wife's car and bought a 4 x 4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of the white shit last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today. DECEMBER 22 - 2 degrees outside. More f***n' snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on ice on the way to the emergency room and was totalled. DECEMBER 26 - Goddamn mother-f****n' white shit keeps on coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the f****n' mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow Ill chew open his chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 miles per hour and buries our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in. DECEMBER 28 - Six goddamn more f***n' inches of f****n' snow and f****n' sleet and f****n' ice and God knows what other kind of white f****n' shit fell last night. I wounded the f****n' snow plow asshole with an ice axe but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snowblind. I can't move my toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill - 22 f****n degrees. I'm moving back to southern California. |