August 30, 2003
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The lights in the arena go out. Suddenly, there's a blast of pyro as the opening video for UWF theEDGE! is playing on the jumbotron and "Superstar (theEDGE! version)" by Saliva booms loudly.
Now has come the day that I take the lead And I make you follow Toast your champagne cuz I came for greed And not for tomorrow Filthy magazines is all what I need And all what I planned on Where's my limosine it's just like a dream That I wont wake up from YEA Make me a superstar YEA It don't matter who you are YEA Make me a superstar YEA No matter who you... And all of my pills and all of my drags Is makin me makin me makin me And all that I feel and all that I see Is makin me makin me makin me Razorblades and lines And I walk the line Without fearing no-one Damn my throat is dry I can't taste the wine From these empty bottles If it feels good then it feels good And I do it all day You want me to play you best bring your brain You best bring your money YEA Make me a superstar Yeah It don't matter who you are YEA Make me a superstar YEA No matter who you are Cover me in greed cuz you planted the seed When you fed my ego Needles and disease fool invincible me Like some kind of hero Is it no surprise that I'm paralized By my fame and fortune As I close my eyes and dive into the sky I'm dead twenty seven YEA Make me a superstar YEA It don't matter who you are YEA Make me a superstar YEA No matter who you... And all of my pills and all of my drags Is makin me makin me makin me And all that I feel and all that I see Is makin me makin me makin me And all of my pills and all of my drags Is killin me killin me killin me And all that I feel and all that I see Is fakin me fakin me fakin me YEA Make me a superstar YEA It don't matter who you are YEA Make me a superstar YEA No matter who you are The fireworks erupt as the fans in attendance go crazy. SUPERSTAR Johanna: Making his way to the ring, providing commentary for this evening, Joey Styles! "This is Extreme" by Harry Slash and the Slashtones hits as Styles steps into the ring and holds onto the mic. Johanna: And his broadcast colleague, Joel Gurtner! "Want" by Disturbed hits as Gurtner enters the ring as his parnter holds the mic up. Styles: Welcome, everyone, to theEDGE! You're tuning into the Universal Wrestling Federation. My name is Joey Styles- His partner takes the mic away, mid-sentance Gurtner: And well, well, well. It is I, the quintessential studmuffin, Joel "As you know, tomorrow night is the Afterburn / and with the hoes, in the thighs, butter I always churn / for 'tis better to not use machines, because they always stick / but the best thing to use is always my d*(k" Gurtner! The fans cheer as the two take their seats ringside. ~*COMMERCIAL BREAK*~ Payne: They're vicious. They're vial. Even if they can't see...they know. But I know they can be destroyed. That is my mission. That is my life. And that is exactly what I will do. Snakke...you will feel the burn! Rave: UWF presents Afterburn, tomorrow night! Payne: And you will feel the Payne! Back from commercial break, Johanna Tyrus is in the ring. She goes to anounce the next match, but all of a sudden is interupted by the song "Control" by Juno Reactor. The lights go out for a second and the entire arena is caught in strobing black lights. The camera cuts to the entrance stage where it appears several teenagers are piling out. They all dance down the rampway, decked out in glow sticks, neon colored sunglasses, and white t shirts which glow in the black light. They all jump into the ring and begin to dance, holding their own rave in the ring. Johanna tries to get an answer as to what's going on. The camera focuses on them, and reveals it's the same teenagers that have been following Sin around. Styles: What the hell is going on here? Gurtner: It's called a rave Sin is seen making his way to the ring with Delirium right behind the teens. Delirium slides into the ring with her straight jacket and dances circles around Johanna. Sin climbs up to the apron and steps into the ring. Delirium begins to flail the long sleeves of the straight jacket, hitting Johanna in the head with the metal buckles. Johanna jets out of the ring as several security guards run down the rampway. UWF Prez/Owner Rave Guerrera stands at the entrance way, waving more and more guards down to the ring. The music continues as the guards step up onto the apron. They try to talk Sin and the Children of Suffering to leave the ring. Sin just ignores them. The second they all step into the ring to remove them by force, the children charge them. They all begin to pile on top of the guards in the ring until they've been sent rolling out. Styles: Let's get some order back in this show, please. The Rave sends more and more guards to the ring, including a few uniformed cops. The Children swiftly exit the ring as Sin and Delirium make their slow departure. The music stops and the lights come back on. As The Children hop over the railing and sit down ringside. Sin grabs a microphone. Sin: This has been but a sample of the message we are spreading from now on. Eric, maybe next time you should join us... Styles: I'm sorry, UWF fans. We'll be right back once we maintain order again. Gurtner: Damn ~*COMMERCIAL BREAK*~ Gurtner: Welcome back to the bore-a-rama Styles: We have order back in the ring. However, those teenagers who jumped the railing all have front row tickets. Gurtner: I was wondering why the entire front row was totally empty. Styles: That's right. I guess they want to bee ringside to see the match between Sin and Eric Draven against Adam Jones and Jeff Ross. Johanna Tyrus is back in the ring. Johanna: The opening match is a 2 on 1 handicap match, and it is scheduled for one fall. First, the team of Lu Yen and Muriel Slater, Detoxification X! The lights in the arena fade to black. Two spotlights illuminates the walkway and "Turning Japanese" By the Vapors begins to roar across the sound system. Lu Yen steps into the spotlight next to Muriel Slater. They are wearing "D-X" t-shirts. The pair begins to casually walk to the ring. Lu Yen slides into the ring, and his pimp goes up the steps and climbs in as the fans are actually cheering them on. Despite the cheers, they still have fans throwing trash into the ring at them. Styles: I think this is a sign of kinship. Kinda' like chanting to Kurt Angle "you suck", they're throwing trash at them. Gurtner: If that's how they like him, they can hate me anytime. Styles: They already do. Johanna: And their opponent, standing 6'3-1/2" and weighing 270 pounds, Executioner! The music for Metallica�s Harvester of Sorrow begins to ring throughout the arena. The heavy music continues to pour in, as the crowd begins to grow a little impatient. Finally the lights turn of, just as the words of the song begin to play, and a shadowy figure steps out from behind the curtains, with a purple spot light on him. My Life Suffocates Planting Seeds of Hate The figure starts to head towards the ring. He is carrying what appears to be an axe. I've Loved, Turned to Hate Trapped Far Beyond My Fate I Give You Take As he nears the ring, you can see that it indeed appears to be the Executioner in a cloak. This Life That I Forsake Been Cheated of My Youth You Turned this Lie to Truth He makes it to the ringside steps, stops looks out around the crowd and slowly steps up. Anger Misery You'll Suffer unto Me After climbing the steps he finally enters the ring. Harvester of Sorrow Language of the Mad Suddenly all lights completely go out, even the purple spotlight. Harvester of Sorrow The lights turn back on now, as the song fades. Executioner quickly double-clotheslines his two opponents to gain the early advantage. Ding! Ding! Ding! Detoxification X vs Executioner Executioner grabs Muriel Slater and whips him into the corner. Lu Yen hits him from behind in the back of the knee. Executioner quickly grabs his temples in the Face Claw and tosses him into the corner. He goes in to splash both members of Detoxification X, but Lu Yen moves leaving Muriel Slater to take most of the impact. Slater falls and rolls onto the ring apron to remain. Styles: What an impact Gurtner: The pimp's been crushed. Noooooooooooo! Executioner turns to be kicked in the gut. Lu Yen grabs the head, springs off the middle rope and connects with a tornado DDT. He quickly covers, but Executioner kicks out before the count can even begin. Lu Yen picks up the Executioner and whips him into the corner. From outside, Muriel Slater pulls back Executioner's leg causing him to fall onto his face. He pulls on both Executioner's legs and rams his crotch right into the steel post. Gurtner: Looks like he won't be doing much with that "axe" for a while. Styles: I guess we could call that a "beheading"? Gurtner: Good one, Joey. Styles: I learned from the best Gurtner: Damn right! Lu Yen takes a running start and nails a baseball slide dropkick to the face of the Executioner. He pulls him back into the ring and goes for a La Majistrol Cradle. Ramos: 1...2...break Executioner quickly kicks out, but quickly off the top rope comes Muriel Slater with a big splash. He covers. Ramos: 1...2...break Detoxification X pick up the Executioner and put him in suplex position. They try to suplex the big man, but nothing doing. They try again, but they can't. Executioner then, with an impressive display of power, suplexes both men over. He then rolls over and puts one arm over each man. Ramos: 1...2...break Styles: Both Slater and Yen are able to kick out of that. Gurtner: Who knows what the hell is going through the minds of the three men in the ring. Executioner runs for another double-clothesline, but is given a flapjack face-first into the top turnbuckle! He turns around to be lifted onto the top turnbuckle. Lu Yen and Muriel Slater both head to the top rope. Gurtner: What the hell are they doing?! Executioner delivers a pun with both fists to the guts of Yen and Slater; this knocks Lu Yen crotch-first onto the top rope. However, with Muriel Slater still standing and doubled over, Executioner stands on the second turnbuckle, grabs him by the neck and chokeslams him off. Styles: Muriel Slater lands hard on the ring apron. Slater rolls off the apron and is now on his hands and knees on the outside, gasping for breath. On the top rope, Executioner grabs Lu Yen by the head and jumps off. Gurtner: Final Cut off the top rope. It's over. Styles: No, Muriel Slater reaches up with his last ounce of energy to grab the foot of Executioner, stopping the move. Gurtner: Executioner pulls up the pimp with his leg. Styles: What power! Gurtner: Damn, he kicked him off. Styles: The back of his head hit the barricade. I think he's out! The numbers game was too great, as Lu Yen takes advantage quickly nailing a Lu-Driver off the top rope. Styles: Oh, my God! Ramos: 1...2...3 Ding! Ding! Ding! Johanna: Here are your winners, Lu Yen and Muriel Slater, Detoxification X! Lu Yen quickly rolls out of the ring. We see ringside where Muriel Slater grabs the nearby microphone from Ms. Tyrus and begins to speak Muriel: You stupid son of a bitch. You couldn't leave well enough alone could ya. You want Evil you got it pal. Muriel tosses the mic over the top ropes and Muriel begins to dig under the ring apron. The camera zooms in and the crowd pops. Lu: Muriel!! Get the Cinder block! Gurtner: Somebody call the WWE. They stole DX and now they're stealing the Dudley Boyz gimmick as well. Styles: Wait a minute. This can't be good for the Executioner. Lu extends his hands outward like Bubba Ray Dudley and Muriel brings a cinder block into plain view Lu: Ancient Japanese Secret! Here is a quick riddle for the fans at home and at ringside. How do you take down a giant baffoon in under 7 seconds? Muriel tosses the cinder block in the ring and grabs a chair as he tosses the time keeper out of his chair. He tosses the chair in the ring and re enters. Muriel spears The Executioner and lifts him up by his hair and both men begin to tangle his in the Second ropes. Lu places the Cinder block at the base of the knees of The Executioner. The Executioner sits on both knees with a cinder block directly in front of him. Muriel: We hope you set the VCR like we told you to cause here it comes! Lu takes off racing towards the opposite ropes, he bounces off. And leaps in the air. He drop kicks the cinderblock directly into the prone knee of The Executioner. The Executioner moans and mumbles as the cinderblock rolls aside. Lu grabs the Executioner and releases him from the hanging ropes and the man falls to his face. Muriel grabs the Executioner and flips him over to where he is laying on his back. He grabs the Cinder block and places it on the crotch of the barely moving man. Muriel: I warned you. No one lays a hand on Lu without my permission. Muriel reaches down and grabs the fallen chair. He raisies it high above his head and crowd begins to grow in sound. Muriel Sends the chair crashing down onto the cinder block driving the block hard into the groin of the masked man. Styles: What the hell is this?! Gurtner: I don't know, but the crowd is eating it up, and, quite frankly, so am I! The crowd growns in pain at what they have just seen. Muriel lifts the chair high in the air and begins to slam the chair repeatedly. Security races down to ringside and pull both Lu and Muriel off. Muriel drops the chair as he is pulled into the corner and raises his arms high in the air. Suddenly the Executioner rolls to his side and stands up. Lu and Muriel stare shocked in amazement as the Executioner walks it off as if nothing has even happened to him. The masked man begins to advance toward Lu, and Yen leaps over the top rope and into the stands. Muriel races out of the corner and both the Executioner and Muriel begin to fire off shots until both can be seperated. Muriel rolls out of the ring and the camera zooms in as he steps into the crowd. We can here Muriel yelling. Muriel: You don't scare me. You don't scare me! The camera zooms in as Executioner adjusts his mask and lifts his arms high in the air. ~*COMMERCIAL BREAK*~ Johanna: The following is tonights theEDGE! Main Event, and it is a Tag Team Match. First, the team of Psychopathic Jeff Ross and the Typhoon Adam Jones, at a combined weight of 521 pounds, the H.F.B! The arena lights dim and then go completely out. Two spotlights are in the ring. LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! Drowning Pool's "Bodies" (Vrenna XXX mix) begins to play. There's a quick fog of smoke covering the entrance as the spotlights move from in the ring to up the ramp to the stage. Through the smoke, the spotlights shine on Jeff Ross and Adam Jones. They walk down half the ramp and run the other half. They slide into the ring and mount opposite turnbuckles to a big reaction from the fans. They jump down as Johanna Tyrus begins to speak again. Johanna: And their opponents, first, from the Jersey Shore, accompanied to the ring by Delerium, weighing in at 215 pounds, Sin! "Confusion" (from the Blade Sountrack) begins to play. A hollow red glow begins to eminate through the rising smoke on the stage. Red strobes begin to flash and pan around the arena as a man wearing a strange black and red ronin robe with menacing shoulder pads, and a masking hood steps onto the walkway. Sin holds his hands up as if recieving praise, but instead boos and yells of hatred are all he gets. His valet, Delerium, steps out from behind him, and they walk down to the ring with a rather quick pace. Grabbing the bottom rope, Sin pulls himself up onto the apron on one knee. He stands up and steps through the ropes into the ring. Delerium stays at ringside as Sin climbs up onto the turnbuckles and removes the hood. He jumps back and stares down his opponents for a moment until Johanna Tyrus begins to speak. He then turns to the entrance way. Johanna: And his tag team partner, he is both halves of the UWF Tag Team Champions, Eric Draven! The lights dim until they fade to black. Drums begin to play as smoke billows onto the stage. A bass then joins in to the beat. After a few moments, a guitar joins in. This noise gets louder and louder until there's a quickly flash of light on the stage so bright, it's nearly blinding. The lights in the arena are back on but extremly dim as "Phase" by Breaking Benjamin plays. Eric Draven walks onto the stage with a Tag Title belt draped over each shoulder. He stops on the stage with a lone spotlight on him, and he scans the crowd. He then walks down the ramp as the words begin to play. During his walk down, Delerium walks up the stage. She stares at him and smiles. She then begins to dance her way up the ramp to the entrance music. The light is dead in your eye So I'll keep livin my life I only wanted to try To find my way back inside Eric Draven shrugs off the odd thought about Delerium and climbs into the ring. My imitation of life My litigation of life It's something easy to find Inside the shade of your eye He lets the belts drop to his hands. He closes his eyes and holds them up high as the chorus plays, and flashes of light scan the ring around him. Out of the ground I rise to grace Nobody knows it's just a phase Help me I'm out of breath again Nobody knows somewhere to make it go away Draven hands the belts to the referee and puts his right foot on the bottom rope and his left foot on the middle rope. It's just a phase He climbs down as the music fades away. Ding! Ding! Ding! Sin and Eric Draven vs Adam Jones and Jeff Ross The match begins with Eric Draven and Jeff Ross in the ring. Jeff Ross extends his hand to be shaken, but Eric Draven just stares back at him. Ross extends his hand again, and Draven takes it. He then grabs the other hand and goes immediately for a test of strength. Draven kicks away one hand and arm drags the Psychopathic with the other. The DeathMatch Champion goes for a clothesline only to be arm-dragged again. Draven holds on to the arm and puts it in an arm-bar. After a few moments, Jeff Ross begins to make it to his feet. He hits a knee to the gut of Draven and puts his leg over the Tag Champ's head. Draven lifts up sending Ross flipping onto his feet, but the Untouchable goes for a clothesline. Ross leans back so far to do a Matrix kind of move, sending Draven to the corner. The Electric comes out going for another clothesline only to be given the big boot. Jeff Ross drops the leg and covers. Ramos: 1...2...break Ross picks up Draven by the head and puts him in a fireman's carry. The Psychopathic walks over and tags in his partner. Adam Jones grabs Draven by the head and plants a DDT, sending Draven off the shoulders off Jeff Ross and slamming head-first into the mat. Ross climbs into the ring apron as Jones covers. Ramos: 1...2...break Sin is there to not only break up the count but deliver a double-axe handle smash onto the back of Jeff Ross, sending him down off the apron. Sin quickly gets back to his corner as Jeff Ross climbs back into the ring. The referee is there to stop him from exacting any revenge on Sin. With the referee's back turned, Draven nails a low blow and Sin delivers a fisherman's buster. Draven claps his hands and heads to the corner. Styles: He's making it sound like there was a tag. Gurtner: This is smart tag team wrestling. Ross shouldn't have gotten so hot about that shot from Sin. Styles: You mean that CHEAP shot?! Gurtner: Yeah....what of it? Styles: Ugh! Sin stands over the body of Adam Jones and hits a standing shooting star press. With Ross finally on the ring apron, the referee sees Sin in the ring delivering the move. Sin covers. Ramos: 1...2... Jeff Ross is there to break up the count. The referee pushes him back into the corner while Sin whips the Typhoon into the corner where Eric Draven stands. Adam Jones uses this momentum to deliver a forearm onto Draven, knocking him off the apron. Sin goes for a clothesline, but Adam Jones ducks it, grabs Sin in a waist-lock and delivers a German Suplex sending Sin near the HFB corner. Ramos: 1....2....3....4....5....6....7.... Adam Jones steps onto the back of Sin, holding him on the ground. The Typhoon jumps off Sin's back and tags in Jeff Ross. Styles: The two men who will meet for the DeathMatch Title are now in the ring! Jeff Ross grabs the leg of Sin, who is on his stomach, picks it up and slams the knee into the mat. He then rolls his opponent over and goes for the Dead Zone, but Sin reverses it into a small package. Ramos: 1...2...break Ross kicks out. Sin springs to his feet as Ross gets to his knees. Before the DeathMatch Champion can get to his feet, Sin nails a Shining Apprentice. He picks up Ross and whips him into the ropes. Ross jumps onto the middle rope and goes for a moonsault. Sin catches him in mid-air. Gurtner: He's setting up for the Cruci-Fiction! Styles: No, Ross reverses it and....nails a tombstone piledriver! The Psychopathic covers Sin. Ramos: 1...2... Eric Draven is there to break it up. Adam Jones jumps in and starts trading punches with the Tag Champion. Adam Jones gets the upper hand and goes for a clothesline. Draven ducks and nails a back superkick to the chin of Adam Jones, knocking the Typhoon down. Jones rolls out of the ring due to the force. Meanwhile, Jeff Ross hit the Murder of Crows, but could not get the pinfall due to the referee being distracted by Jones/Draven. Jeff Ross is now on the top rope. Eric Draven shakes the ropes, knocking the Psychopathic down. Eric Draven helps pick up Sin and they climb to the top. They face the audience and put Jeff Ross in double-rock-bottom position. Gurtner: There's no f*(kin' way they can do this! Styles: Spanish Fly! The two flip over pulling Jeff Ross down and planting him hard into the mat. Gurtner: Holy hell! Crowd: Holy shit...holy shit...holy shit...holy shit... Eric Draven rolls out of the ring, picks up the Typhoon and nails the original Styles Clash on Adam Jones. Styles: That's the reverse of Sin's move! Gurtner: You think?! In the ring, Sin goes for the cover. Ramos: 1...2...3 Ding! Ding! Ding! Johanna: And here are your winner, the team of Sin and Eric Draven! Gurtner: And here comes the lovely Delerium down the ramp with a box. Styles: I wonder just what she has in there. Gurtner: I don't know. But what I do know is that Eric Draven is pulling out a ladder and sliding it into the ring. Delerium slides in her box into the ring. Sin is back up, and and sets up the ladder. Draven slides in another ladder and climbs in. Sin begins to stomp on Jeff Ross while Adam Jones is out on the outside of the ring. Eric Draven sets up the two ladders facing eachother and reaches into the box. He pulls out some fluorescent light tubes and places them up the rungs of the ladders, bridging the two ladders together. Sin now sits on the top rope as Delerium slaps around Jeff Ross and laughs. Eric Draven picks up the Psychopathic and puts him up on Sin's shoulders in powerbomb position. Gurtner: This is it. Styles: Sin with a superbomb off the top rope sending Jeff Ross through the fluorescent lighting tubes! Gurtner: That had to hurt. That's glass he just crashed through. Styles: We'll be seeing more glass tomorrow night at the pay-per-view. "Control" by Juno Reactor plays again. The house lights dim and strobing black lights shine throughout the arena. The Children of Suffering hop the barricade and slide into the ring. Sin, Delerium and the Children begin to rave as Eric Draven is standing ringside taking back his Tag Title belts from Oscar Sanchez. Gurtner: Is Draven going to join them? Styles: I don't know, but we're out of time. Join us tomorrow night for Afterburn on pay-per-view. Gurtner: Damn it! Styles: He's Joel Gurtner. I'm Joey Styles. Good night, everybody! |
  
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