(The gang stand outside the van and stare at the mall, then Raven, then the mall, then at Raven again, who has a bit of drool coming out the left side of her mouth)
Reno: This is worse than Sephiroth summoning meteor...
Rufus: Worse than Weapon killing me...
Irvine: Worse than fighting our Matron...
Crystal: Worse than watching Rinoa float in space, Squall try and save her, and that whole thing of Rinoa throwing herself at Squall like the slut she is on the Ragnorak during Eyes On Me...
Everyone but Rinoa: Yeah...
Trowa: Raven, sweetheart, shall we go in?
(Raven, still drooling, nods)
Wufei: You weak woman! Stop drooling!
(Trowa takes Raven's hand and leads her to the mall entrance, with everyone following behind. Once inside, everyone does a double blink and stares at all the floors of the stores, roller coasters, bungee jumping,
restaurants, petting zoo, and a hotel)
Raven: *finally coming to* Oh... My... Goddess...
Everyone: Yeah...
Raven: I'm in Heaven.
Crystal: I'm in Hell.
Sephiroth: Hell isn't this scary.
Raven: I guess we'll split up and go where we want to go. We'll meet up at the hotel later in 4 hours.
Crys: 4 hours! Can't we start slow... like maybe an hour...
Raven: *as if it's obvious* That is slow. Tomorrow we're here from opening to close.
Everyone: Great...
Trowa: The mall does close in two hours, Raven. Maybe we can get maps, dinner, survival kits, and check in for the night.
Raven: *seeing how exhausted they are* Alright. But 9am sharp we're here. I love holiday hours 9-9!
Crystal: Heero... shoot me... Sephiroth, impale me on the masamune... either works.
Heero and Seph: *shrugs* Ok.
Raven: Ah! Down boys! Crystal Louise, how would I explain your death?
Crystal: How would you explain the company you keep?
Raven: *falls over* Good point. Let's unpack. Rude! My things.
(Raven takes the lead, dragging Trowa, and heads for the hotel with Rude right behind them with Raven's 4 bags, and his two. The others slowly grab their things and follow)
(Nothing exciting happened that night. Only important thing is they all stayed in the fancy suites. Raven decided she only wants the best and since Mr. Money himself, Rufus, was unknowingly paying... Her and Trowa in one, Crystal in another, Squall and Rinoa, Irvine and Reno, Heero and Wufei, Rufus, Rude, and Seph in the last)
(The next morning... they all meet in the hotel lobby at 8:45)
Raven: *jumping up and down* EEE! I can't wait! I didn't sleep at all last night!
Reno/Irvine/Rufus/Seph: I don't want to know.
Raven: *looking at them* What? You perverts! I was excited about today that's all... and the one time Trowa and I...
Wufei: Stop woman! Trowa, control your woman better!
Raven: No one controls me, Woof-Woof!
Wufei: *blinks* Woof-Woof? Injustice!
Seph: *laughing* That's a good one!
Wufei: I will kill you, Roth.
Seph: Don't call me that!
Heero: Don't steal my catch line!
Crystal: And so another day with the gang begins...
Raven: Ignoring the idiots... *Heero glares at her, and she glares back* We'll be going our separate ways now. Come on Trowa, Rude.
Trowa and Rude: Yes, Raven...
Raven: See y'all at 6pm for dinner.
(They leave)
Reno: Boy, she's got those two whipped.
Irvine: Yeah, glad we're not like that.
Reno: Damn right we're not. We're tough men who stand our ground. *he high fives Irvine*
(Raven comes back in)
Raven: Reno! Irvy! Don't get into too much trouble today. I don't want to bail you out of jail and be banned from the mall, or Alberta like we were from Nova Scotia. And I'll see you two at 3pm sharp for the bungee jumping that we're going to do.
Reno and Irvine: Yes, Raven. Anything for you. *_*
(She leaves again)
Seph: Not whipped, eh?
Wufei: You two are truly weak.
Seph: You said it, Wu-man.
Wufei: Don't call me that.
Irvine: You know, we may be whipped, but at least it's Raven who's whipping us. And you know you guys wouldn't mind it either.
Seph and Wufei: Whatever.
Squall: That's my line! Why does everyone always take it?
Rinoa: It's ok, Squall. Let's go to the book store.
Crystal: The Crackwhore can read? Who knew... I guess I'll tag along with you, Squall. I was gonna hit all the book stores and pet stores anyway.
Rinoa: Really? I wanna hit them too! We can hang out together!
Crystal: *twitches* Don't even think of becoming my friend. I can drop kick your ass in a heart beat.
Rinoa: Fine. I can keep my eye on you to make sure you don't hit on my man.
Crystal: Whatever.
Rinoa: Whatever!
Crys: What-ever!
Rinoa: What-ever!
Squall: My line!
Reno: Glad I'm not Squall. Those two are gonna be a bigger headache than the morning after drinking for 3 days straight.
Irvine: Yeah... but that cat fight could get physical...
Reno: *perks a brow* Very true, my friend, but... it's Rinoa...
Irvine: *shudders* Forget them. Let's go.
(They leave. So do Squall, Rinoa, and Crystal.)
Heero: I'm going on the roller coaster. *He leaves*
Seph: Anti-social little bugger, ain't he?
Wufei: *shrugs* You get used to it. *sees Rufus* What's wrong with him?
Seph: How should I know? Do I look like his keeper? Shinra! What's your problem?
Rufus: I have this feeling that I'm loosing money...
Seph: Oh the worries of a rich man. I'm outta here. *he leaves*
(Rufus and Wufei stare at each other for a minute)
Rufus: I'm heading to Gucci and the Armani Exchange, care to join me?
Wufei: Hell no.
Rufus: Didn't think so.
(They go their separate ways)
(Raven and Trowa walk hand in hand moving from store to store. Rude's right behind them pulling a
trolley with 5 bags from Old Navy, 4 from Susie Shier, 6 from HMV, 2 from La Senza, 4 filled with animes and mangas, 3 from Le Chateau, 1 from Abercrombie & Fitsche, and 1 from Bikini Village...
It's only been 2 hours... o_o;; )
Raven: AHH!
Trowa: What's wrong?
Raven: Nothing... look... it's Victoria's Secret! I must go in!
Rude: But you bought 2 bags from La Senza. Do you really need more?
Raven: A girl can never have too many bras, panties, and lingerie. Besides, it's Victoria's Secret! *runs in*
(Across the hall in the book store... Crystal's in the back in the fantasy section while Squall and Rinoa look at magazines in the front. Squall's idly flipping through a magazine when he looks up and sees Raven come out of the change room wearing some slinky barely there purple teddy)
Squall: O_O! WOW!
Rinoa: I knew you'd like this month's issue of Pets 'R' Us! I love you Squall!
Squall: *snaps out of it* Huh? Whatever...
(Back to Raven... who's strutting he stuff, showing off piece after piece to Trowa, who doesn't mind in the least.)
Trowa: That's a good one.
Raven: I knew you'd like it. Hmm... Purple or green? Not my money. Let's get them both!
Trowa: No complaints here. *whispers to himself* I'm glad it's not my money...
(We find Rufus standing in front of a mirror looking himself over in a Gucci suit)
Rufus: Why won't this feeling of money leaving me go away?
(Wufei walks by Victoria's Secret, looks in, sees Raven, stops, and Raven sees him)
Raven: Wufei! Stop staring at me! You pervert!
Wufei: I wouldn't waste my time, weak woman!
(Raven stomps off to the change room and Wufei stomps on to the next store)
(Over to Reno and Irvine who are sitting in a
restaurant, trying to order)
Reno: I'll have a beer.
Waitress: Isn't it a bit early to be drinking?
Reno: It's never too early.
Waitress: *shrugs* And what will you be having?
Irvine: I'll have a beer too.
Waitress: Aren't you a bit young to be drinking?
Irvine: *shifty eyes* Uhh... No...
Waitress: I'll have to see some ID.
(Irvine hands over his Balamb Garden Student Card)
Waitress: Well Irvine Kinneas, Student #994078, it says you're 17.
Irvine: Well, umm... eheheh...
Reno: Wait. Dude, didn't FF8 come out in 1999? So you'd be 19 now.
Irvine: I like the way you think, man. *to waitress* Miss, I'm actually 19.
Waitress: You two are confusing me. Please leave.
(After attempting to be served in all 9 restaurants in the mall, Reno and Irvine stand outside the last one)
Reno: I hate you.
Irvine: It's not my fault I'm cursed with being a handsome, baby-face for all of
existence.
Reno: Whatever.
(In the distance they hear Squall yell something about "his line")
Reno: Man, he needs to lighten up.
Irvine: You have no idea, man.
Reno: *looks at his watch* Let's head over to the bungee jump. We'll go a few times before we hook up with Raven.
Irvine: Sounds good to me. Hey, wait. When did you start wearing a watch?
Reno: Rufus gave it to me a couple months ago. Said I'm always late. *shrugs* Like a watch will keep me on time. I'm purposely late to his meetings.
(They head for the bungee)
(Sephiroth is wandering around bored out of his mind when a little kid walks by)
Kid: Mommy! Mommy! Look, it's Sephiroth!
Seph: *blinks* Uhh... no, I'm not.
Kid: Yes, you are.
Seph: No, I'm not.
Kid: Yes, you are.
Seph: No, I'm not.
Kid: Yes! You are!
Seph: Look, kid, I think I know who I am.
Kid: I don't think you do.
Seph: Shows how little you know! I am the Planet! *stops* Oh... damn...
Kid: I knew you were Sephiroth! *starts tugging on his coat* Can I have your autograph? Can I take you to show and tell? Can you kill my older sister?
Seph: Jenova help me. *perks up* Killing? Where?
(The Kid points to his sister who's wearing an nsync shirt, twirling a piece of her hair around her finger, and chomping on gum)
Seph: nsync fan... Raven wouldn't mind if I killed just this once. *takes out his masamune and runs for the kid's sister who screams and starts running* Oh, I love a good chase! *They run around the mall for 15 minutes when mall security stopped Seph* Not good...
(Raven, Trowa, and Rude make their entrance at the bungee jump place)
Raven: This will be so much fun! Why don't you try too, Trowie?
Trowa: I make a living as a circus clown who gets knives thrown at him, do high flying acrobats, and pilot a Gundam... This is kind of tedious.
Raven: *shrugs* Suit yourself. You can help guard my bags with Rude. *spots Reno and Irvine and waves* Hey guys! Having fun?
Reno and Irvine: No.
Irvine: *frowns* I can't get served...
Raven: Aww... We'll get you drunk later. Let's jump!
(Reno and Irvine go down first and when they come back up...)
Irvine: Yee-haw! That was awesome!
Reno: That totally kicked ass! *they high five* Ready, Rave?
Raven: *just finished being strapped in* I don't know about this...
Irvine: Don't worry. Nothing to be afraid of.
Reno: And that coming from Irvine, you know it's all good.
(Reno and Irvine both pat Raven encouragingly on the back, but she looses her balance and goes over the edge. You hear her scream until she hits the end of the
rope and snaps back up. After bouncing a few times they bring her back up)
Reno and Irvine: Sorry about that.
Raven: It's ok guys. That first step is what was really bothering me.
Trowa: Not the most graceful start, but you looked great, Raven.
Raven: Thank you, Trowie. *hugs him* Come on everyone, let's go to the
restaurant.
(Heero's been standing in line for the new scary roller coaster for 6 hours. He's finally 3 people away from getting on)
Heero: This better be worse than the Wing Zero System.
(The 3 people in front of him get on and the ride operator dude yells for one more. Heero takes a step forward and a kid jumps in front of him and tries to get on. Heero grabs the kid and glares at him)
Heero: I will kill you.
Kid: Huh?
Heero: I've been in this line for 6 hours. I will kill you.
(The kid screams, wiggles free and runs with Heero right behind him)
(After hitting the book stores and pet stores with Rinoa and Squall, Crystal had enough of Rinoa and wandered off on her own when Nature called)
Crystal: I hate mall bathrooms... crowded, dirty, smelly... *she walks in and it's empty, clean, and fresh* Hmm... refreshing change...
(She opens one of the stall doors, and sees a portal open with this hot guy in a red shirt, carrying a sword, running towards her with a dragon right behind him. He jumps through the portal and it closes behind him leaving the dragon on the other side)
Crystal: *blink blink* That was unexpected... *she looks closer* VAN! *glomps him*
Van: *blinks* Umm... who are you?
(Crystal explains and blah blah blah. After talking and blahing for ages they go to hook up with the others. They get to the
restaurant and find Raven, Trowa, Rude, Irvine, Reno, Wufei, Rufus, Squall, and Rinoa waiting)
Crystal: Hey guys! I CAUGHT A BISHOUNEN! *spins around, holds up the Victory sign and poses like Ash from Pokemon*
Raven: Van! Where did he come from?
Van: Gaia. Fanelia to be exact.
Raven: I know that. I watched Escaflowne 3 times, thank you very much.
Crys: His portal opened in the bathroom.
Raven: Oh. How unexpected.
Van: Yeah, I was expecting that annoying whiner, Hitomi, but I found your beautiful and charming sister instead.
Raven: *blinks* Beautiful and charming... I don't have one of those... Oh, you mean Crystal?! *shrugs* Whatever.
Squall: *sniffles* My line...
Trowa: Anyway, My name is Trowa. Welcome to the gang, Van.
Van: Thank you, Trowa.
Reno: Woah! Dude, am I trippin or do Van and Trowa sound the same?
(They flag down the waitress and try to order drinks again. BTW, Trowa and Van have the same English voice actor, Kirby Morrow, hence the sounding the same joke)
Squall: *looks over to Rufus, who is sweating profusely* What's wrong with you?
Rufus: All day I've been having the feeling that I've been rapidly loosing money. The feeling has finally stopped right now though.
Raven: Eheheheh... How odd... *switches topics* Has anyone seen Sephiroth or Heero?
Everyone: No.
Raven: Their loss on dinner.
(They order, and eat and still no sign of Sephiroth and Heero. When it's time to pay Raven goes with the waitress to use "her" Credit card)
Rufus: Ah! That feeling is back!
(Raven returns)
Raven: Ok guys, let's head back to the hotel.
Rufus: Wait, the feeling has passed now that Raven is back from paying... Raven...
Raven: Hmm? Oh. Yeah... umm... you remember that night in the office... well you also gave me a credit card...
Rufus: Holy Mother of Pearl! I gave the shopaholic open access to my money?! I think I'm going to faint. Reno, catch me.
(He faints and hits the floor. Everyone looks at Reno)
Reno: I was busy... *to the waitress* Now, what's your number?
(After dragging Rufus to his feet, and Reno away from the waitress, they go back to the hotel. Standing in the lobby are Heero, Sephiroth, and 6 security guards)
Raven: What did you guys do?
Seph: Some kid wanted me to kill his sister.
Heero: Line cutter who had to die.
Security Dude: You know these two?
Raven: I have half a mind to say no, but, yes, I do.
Security Dude: Well, I'm sorry, but you'll all have to leave. Now.
Raven: WHAT! NO!
Security Dude: And you're banned from Edmonton Mall, and all of Alberta. *he and his partners leave*
Raven: No! Not again... That's two provinces now...
Irvine: At least it wasn't Reno and me this time. *they high five*
Raven: Everyone pack up. *glares at Seph and Heero* Trip has been cut short.
Seph: Sorry to ruin your trip, Raven.
Heero: Yeah.
Raven: *takes out her death scythe* No one messes with my shopping!
Trowa: *grabs her before she can pounce* Now, now, hun, It's ok. You somehow managed to hit every store. I'm sure you can come back again to the mall in a few years...
