Apparently They Live Here



(The usual suspects are lounging in the ramble room doing their usual things)

Kou: *placing his drink down* You know, I think we should give our group a name. Since there's four of us now, we should have some name to go by.

Irvine: How about "Irvine's Wicked Posse"

Kou: How about I pretend I didn't hear that.

Reno: *taking a swig of his drink* We could use the first letter of our first names to spell something.

Tasuki: You mean somethin' like TRIK?

Kou: Or KIRT?

Irvine: Or IRKT... ok, why can't I think of something cool that my name starts...

Reno: Actually, I was thinking of TIRK.

Irvine: Sweet! Now you can actually say you enjoy being a Turk.

(They all clink their drinks in cheer)

Tasuki: Maybe we should write a theme song er somethin'.

Kou: Then again, maybe we shouldn't.

(Hunter comes running into the room, looking frantic)

Hunter: Hide me! Quick, someone hide me! She'll be here soon!

Sephiroth: *tossing a book for Fawkes to chase* Why? And who?

Hunter: Raven's coming! Luckily she can't run fast in those platform shoes.

Sephiroth: *eyes narrow* The evil magic caster? Have fun.

Hunter: Have fun? Have fun?! I'll have you know being turned to ice and being zapped in the ass by ice is not fun!

Sephiroth: I'm well aware of this as she's practiced on me a few times.

Hunter: Then you understand, you can- AH!

(A streak of blue comes flying into the room and hits Hunter in the ass, freezing it. A few seconds later, Raven walks in. Dauragon looks up from his laptop and sighs)

Fawkes: *drops the book in his mouth and laughs*

Raven: That's for nearly killing my cat with burnt popcorn!

Sion: *sitting in his chair, wearing only boxers* Man, that was a month ago and she's still zapping him over it.

Seifer: I think she ran out of things to blame on him and is repeating now.

Hunter: *rubbing his ass* Raven, I think you did permanent damage! I'm not getting any feeling back yet. I just hope you didn't do any damage to other vital body parts a little further front.

Raven: Aww... does Huntsy-Wuntsy have a date?

Hunter: No, but a man should never have to worry about the condition of his jewels.

Raven: *shrugs* Go stand outside then. The heat outta de-thaw things.

Sephiroth: Don't you mean "thaw," grammar girl?

Raven: *glares* Shut up, Sephiroth! Sapphire-

Sephiroth: Crap.

Raven: -Shimmer!

(As Sephiroth is encased in a block of ice, Dauragon looks up from his laptop again and shakes his head)

Sion: Think she'll ever get bored of this?

Seifer: Not likely.

Sion: Think she's abusing her power?

Seifer: Absolutely.

(Dauragon closes his laptop and sighs)

Dauragon: As much as I hate to think of us on the same wave length, you are right. I fear Raven will be sorely disappointed soon.

Sion: What do you mean?

Dauragon: I had Master Mage Clef and those magical seminars researched. Apparently if there is any form of abuse of your magic, Clef and the other members of the Parliament of Magic can revoke it.

Seph: *walking over, plucking chunks of ice off himself* Is that really such a bad thing?

Raven: Hmm... who else can I attack some sense into... Zell! *heads for the door and bumps into Crystal* Hey, Crys. Oh, have you started packing yet?

Crys: Do I ever pack a week early?

Raven: Point. BTW, I think your last minute packing syndrome may be contagious. *points behind her as she leaves*

Crys: *blinks* Ok, who hasn't started to pack yet? Or should I ask, who doesn't remember me telling you about our trip?

Rufus: Packing, for what?

Crys: The packing trip I mentioned a few weeks ago!

Rufus: Oh, that. I'm having Rude pack for me.

Crys: At least one of you listened. *goes over to TIRK* I swear you're all in the same positions as the last time I saw you, so I'm sure none of you have even thought about packing.

Kou: Au contraire, my fair. I am fully packed and can't wait to go.

Crys: ^_^ Good. Now make them do it.

(Squall comes sauntering in, pondering about who knows what. He snaps out of his daze when he spots Sion and Seifer and goes over to see them)

Squall: Doesn't it even remotely disturb you that you're talking to a man wearing only boxers?

Seifer: Nah. Hardly even noticed it.

Squall: You wouldn't.

Seifer: You'd know.

Squall: You liked it.

Sion: I'm lost. @_@

(Raven's on the second floor, zapping Zell with ice)

Raven: *sniffing* Is that a hint of yaoi in the air?

Zell: *sniffs* I don't smell anything.

Raven: You should, cover-story boy. Now, where was I? Damn yaoi always distracts me.

(Back downstairs...)

Crys: Squall! I haven't had the chance to ask you if you want to go camping with us. I could really use a SeeD or two- who am I kidding? You couldn't get me out of an elevator, hate to see what happens in a forest... bet Tidus could save me.

Squall: I told you, the outfit prevented action! *inner monologue* Is this the reputation I have now? Maybe I should go to redeem myself. It would be nice to fight something other than the training center monsters. I can leave Quistis behind- no, she's been working so hard lately, maybe she should go instead. But we haven't really had any time alone together for a while, I mean, I am a guy and I do have needs... Xu can watch Garden.

Seifer: *poking Squall* Uh, Squall?

Squall: Quistis and I need this! We're both going. I'll go tell her. *he leaves in a hurry*

Sion: *blinks at where Squall was standing* Crystal, I've never been camping, what should I pack?

Crys: Get dressed, and I'll take you shopping for all you need.

Sion: I can't. All my clothes are in the wash.

Crys: Then borrow some of Seifer's.

Sion: I can't. He's taller than me.

Seifer: And more muscular.

Crys: Then, put on my pants, we're going out!

Sion: But-

(Crystal grabs his hand and pulls him upstairs to change)

Seifer: *envy envy* Sly bastard. Getting into her room, and into her pants.

Rufus: Riiiight... Anyone think Raven is actually gun-ho about this whole camping thing? I mean she's such a girlie-girl.

Hunter: *standing in the doorway to outside with his ass hanging out* A girlie-girl who's evil when mad. She'll be fine.

Everyone: *blink blink*

Hunter: What? As ditzy as she is, she has to have some survival skills.

Kou: We're not in shock over you sticking up for Raven.

Tasuki: Why's yer ass hanging outside?

Hunter: *shrugs* Turns out Raven was right. The heat is warming my ass and I'm getting feeling back.

Irvine: Hell must've frozen over if Hunter is sticking up for and admitting Raven was right.

Seph: *looking around at the ice chunks around the room* Yes, I'd definitely say hell has definitely froze, thanks to Raven.

Fawkes: *snorts*

Reno: Did Fawkes just snort?

Seph: *patting Fawkes* Yes. The humidity doesn't do a thing for his laugh. C'mon, Fawkes, let's go think of ways to get out of this camping trip. Ugh. Camping.

Kou: Shouldn't you be used to it from being in Soldier?

Seph: So? Doesn't mean I have to like it.

Reno: But you're the Planet!

Seph: Oh. Right. *sighs* She'll make me come anyway... oh! That might get me bonus points toward my turret if she thinks I didn't complain! *death glare* No one better tell Raven what just went on here. Let's go, Fawkes. *they leave*

(Three hours later, Crystal and Sion return carrying bags and camping equipment. As they set everything down, everyone stares)

Irvine: Dude, what are you wearing?

Sion: *looks at his pants* She wasn't kidding when she said to put them on.

Tasuki: They're neon green, man! Yer GLOWIN!

Sion: *shrugs* They were the least girlie, and they match my shirt the best.

Seifer: *laughing* You look ridiculous!

Crystal: I think he looks good.

Sion: *smile smile*

Seifer: *jealous, then quickly adds* I think he does too, Crystal, great taste. You know I was just kidding, right?

Crys: Umm, sure. Anyway, Sion, pack all this up and you should be ready to go next week. Oh, I had fun today, thanks.

(Sion smiles and glances at Seifer who shoots him daggers)

Crys: I'm off to call Amiboshi. *she grabs her bags and leaves*

(Sion's face falls, and Seifer's grows hopeful)

Seifer: I guess you aren't as much competition as I thought if she's still with flute boy,

Sion: You said it. With flute boy. Not you. Apparently we still aren't competition to him.

Rufus: *rolls his eyes* When will you two give up?

Sion: When you give up on Raven.

Dauragon: *on his cell* I'll call you back. *hangs up and glares at Rufus* Now, what is this about you and Raven?

Rufus: *nervous laughter* It's nothing. Strictly business. That's all. *shifty eyes* RUN! *he books it out and up to his room*

Dauragon: *closes his laptop and stands* Excuse me, I must go talk to Raven. *he calmly walks out*

Irvine: Amazing how calm he stays even when you know he's angry.

Kou: You should see him when he fights. You don't know when he'll strike because no emotion crosses his face, then BAM! I still have a scar from the last encounter.

Tasuki: He's like me. Calm on the outside, but fire on the inside.

Reno: *taking a sip of his drink* That's almost believable.

Tasuki: HEY! Whaddya mean by THAT?!

Everyone: -_-;;

(Three days later... Raven is curled up on the couch with Dauragon watching Two Towers, TIRK's not around, Rufus is watching Rude try to fix the computer, Seph is looking through a turret catalog, Sion and Seifer are double teaming Crystal in a game of chess, and Hunter's raiding the fridge)

Raven: Mmm, Legolas. *_*

Dauragon: *under his breath* If I have to watch that elf shoot one more arrow...

Raven: *still staring at the screen* Hm? Did you say something?

Dauragon: Of course not. I wouldn't dream of talking during one of Legolas' non-talking fight scenes. *quieter* At least not loud enough for you to hear.

Seph: *looking at the catalog with hi-lighter in hand* This one has a cool safety feature... *hi-lites then turns page* Hmm, for the lazy buyer, the stairs turn into a slide. Cool.

Rufus: *over Rude's shoulder* What are you doing?! That's not how it goes!

Rude: ...........

Rufus: Work faster, Rude! I need this fixed.

Raven: Quiet, Rufus! Sapphire Shimmer! *hits Rufus with ice*

Rude: *smirks*

Crystal: Check mate. ^_^

Sion/Seifer: *fall over*

Crys: I guess two heads aren't better than one.

Sion: *mumbling* If I didn't like her so much, I'd accuse her of cheating.

(Crys spots Hunter in the kitchen)

Crys: Hunter!

Hunter: *freezes in place with pear in mouth* huh?

Crys: Are you coming camping with us?

Hunter: *takes the pear out of his mouth and shrugs* You all have the potential to kill yourselves, so I think I'll tag along.

(Quistis comes in carrying the mail)

Quistis: Hi, everyone. Raven, I brought in the mail. *leafing through it* Some magazines for various people, and a few letters for you.

Raven: *eyes on tv* Give the bills to Rufus. *_*

Quistis: There's one that's not a bill. It's from Clef.

Raven: *bolts up right* Clef?! I'll take that one. *takes it, opens it, skims through it, and quickly folds it back up*

Dauragon: Raven, why is Clef writing you?

Raven: He and I have been keeping correspondence since the seminar. Y'know, to touch base once in a while. *shifty eyes*

Dauragon: *perks a brow* What does he have to say today?

Raven: Oh, nothing too exciting. I'm gonna go- *starts backing away*

Dauragon: *grabs the letter and reads it* Raven, this says it's a repeat warning about abusing your magic. Just how many have you received?

Raven: *looks down* That's the sixth in fourteen days. *cheers up* But! It says the same thing every time and nothing's happened yet, so it's all good. *turns and heads upstairs*

Dauragon: Somehow, I highly doubt that.

(Later that day... the doorbell rings. Seph, still trying to earn turret points, opens the door to find Clef)

Seph: What?

Clef: Is Raven in?

Seph: Yeah. *yelling* Raven! Door's for you!

(Silence falls between the two as they wait. Raven finally comes to the door)

Raven: Who is it Sephy-sa...ma... *she freezes when she sees Clef*

Clef: How are you, Raven?

Raven: Never better.

Clef: You've been ignoring the Parliament of Magic's letters. I'm afraid since you have failed to follow the rules, we will be suspending your powers for a time being.

Raven: Clef! No... that's not fair. I haven't been abusing my magic.

Clef: *pulls out a long piece of parchment* We have records of you using magic on five people a total of 347 times.

Raven: But they're baddies, mostly. I was punishing them. One tried to kill my cat with burnt popcorn!

Hunter: *from the other room* Get over it already!

Clef: Point taken and noted. Unfortunately, I must still take the ice from you. *holds out his staff, lightly taps Raven on the head* Magic, be gone! *a blue light leaves Raven and enters his staff* Have a nice day. *he turns and leaves*

Raven: *pouts* Meanie.

Seph: *pats Raven on the shoulder* There, there. You'll be ok. *muttering* Good, no more ice assaults.

Raven: Why are you sucking up? What do you want this time?

Seph: Actually, I-

Raven: Sorry, Seph. My cell phone's ringing. *answers her cell and walks away*

Seph: Last time I fake sympathy for her...

(Finally, the day of the camping trip has arrived. Seifer, Squall, Dauragon, Amiboshi, Quistis, Seph, and TIRK are all basically wearing their normal attire. Sion is in an army green t-shirt, and camouflage shorts, Crystal and Rufus are in combat fatigues, and Raven is in hiking boots, short khaki safari shorts, and a tight, low cut, button up matching shirt)

Seph: What are you wearing?

Raven: Isn't it cute?

Reno: What's the purpose of this trip anyway?

Crystal: For entertainment... and research.

Quistis: Where are we going?

Crystal: The Plains of Esthar.

Squall: What?! We're not going to stop in the city, are we?

Crystal: Of course not. Laguna would keep us there a week with his yammering.

Raven: Let's pack up the van and mosey!

Everyone: Mosey?

Crys: She's playing Final Fantasy VII again. -_-;

(As they're loading the van...)

Quistis: *to Irvine and Reno* Is that all you two have?

Irvine: Yep. We're light packers.

Reno: We pack only what we need.

Amiboshi: *whispering to Hunter* Why do I get the feeling they didn't exactly pack what was needed?

Hunter: *nodding* Disaster and pain. That's all I'm saying.

Crys: Everyone packed and loaded up? Let's get going!

Rufus: Who's driving? Not Reno, I hope.

Seph: I think we've all learned from Raven's past mistake.

Raven: For the last time, we drew straws! Not my fault.

Crys: *jumping up and down while waving her arms in the air* Me! I'll drive! Over here! Pick me!

Everyone: *stares*

Tasuki: Is this wise? She's prolly as crazy as Reno.

Raven: She's not that bad. Crys, since it's your trip, you can drive.

Crys: Woohoo!

(Several hours later they arrive in the Plains of Esthar, all intact. Crys parks the van outside a forest)

Crys: Everyone out! Grab your things and prepare to hike!

Seph: We have to hike? Can't we set up here?

Raven: Oh for goodness sake, Sephiroth. You can be such a baby. You were so keen on coming, and now you're already complaining.

Seph: *eyes narrow before forcing a fake smile* Sorry. *mumbling* remember the turret...

Sion: *shouldering his back pack* This shouldn't be too bad. Probably just a five minute hike.

(35 minutes later... still hiking...)

Sion: There's nothing I find appealing about this.

Crystal: *nervous laughter* Sorry! Probably should've parked on the other side of the forest. Would've been a bit closer.

Raven: No worries. I don't mind the extra walking.

Hunter: No, you wouldn't. Seeing how you complained your ankle was bothering you ten minutes in, and are now having a piggyback from Dauragon, while I carry your luggage as well as my own.

Raven: *on Dauragon's back, arms around his neck, giving double peace signs* Thanks Hunter. ^_^ *3 second silence* And I do have weak ankles.

Amiboshi: That may be caused by the shoes you wear.

Raven: No, it's caused by my friend, Natalie, pushing me into a four foot deep hole when we were ten.

Amiboshi: I'm sure the shoes don't-

Crys: We're here!

Quistis: This seems to be a nice area, Crystal. Where shall we set up the tents?

Crys: Around the outer edges of the clearing so we can have the fire here *points* in the centre.

Seifer: How many tents do we have?

Crys: Assuming no one who I had carry them have dropped any, seven.

Rufus: *does a quick count* But there's fifteen of us.

Seph: Sixteen. Fawkes will be in a tent too.

Raven: *rolls her eyes* No big deal. We'll double up and share. Dauragon and I will take one. Oh, and Fawkes will be with Sephiroth.

Quistis: Squall and I will share as well. *grins at Squall*

Crys: Once you find someone to share with, grab a tent and set up.

Kou: *to TIR* Of course we'll all share one. There seems to be large tents.

Sion: Do you want to share a tent, Seifer?

Seifer: Yeah, with Crystal.

Sion: I know that will never happen, so I'm not even going to try.

Amiboshi: *walking up to Seifer and Sion* Umm... may I share a tent with you two?

Seifer: You asked Crystal, didn't you?

Amiboshi: Yea...

(43 seconds earlier...)

Crys: Amiboshi, what are you doing? This is my tent.

Amiboshi: But, I thought-

Crystal: *blinks* But, we're just friends.

Amiboshi: *hangs head* Oh, right...

Seph: C'mon, Fawkes. This looks like a good place for our tent.

Raven: *a few feet from Seph* This looks like a good spot, Daurie.

Seph: I think my property value just went down... bad neighbours...

Rufus: One tent left, but it seems worthy of the ShinRa President.

Crys: *across the way* Rufus!

Rufus: But I said it differently this time!

Crys: *silence*

(After some struggling, all the tents go up. Hunter's in the middle of them, sitting on his bag when Dauragon walks over)

Dauragon: Why haven't you set up?

Hunter: Lack of tents.

Dauragon: I see plenty that do not have your ass in them.

Hunter: No room with TIRK, or Crystal's stalkers, I'm not intruding on you and Raven or Squall and Quistis. I don't have a death wish, so I'm not going in Crystal's. That leaves Seph with Hyena, or Rufus. Neither are that appealing.

Dauragon: All good points. What are you going to do?

Hunter: Sleep under the stars. Up a tree or something.

Raven: *coming over* While Ape Boy picks his prefect tree, can we do something about the lack of essentials?

Seifer: Malls aren't really an essential. Forests feel they're better off without them. So I think we're set.

Raven" *glaring* I've been camping before, I know what essentials are.

Fawkes: *laughs*

Seph: Camping to Raven is going to a three star hotel with no room service.



Rufus: Ugh. I absolutely hate hotels that don't have room service.

Seph: Quiet, Shinra. No one asked you.

Crys: Raven's right. Raven and Dauragon go find a spot for the latrine, Sion and Seifer go get some firewood, then help Raven, Rufus, and Seph get some wood as well, Amiboshi check all tents to see if they're secure, Hunter, you go do whatever it is you do, TIRK's sorting tent issues, I'll get the fire started... umm... where's Squall and Quistis?

Raven: They needed some quality time alone.

Crys: Where?

Hunter: *points to their tent* They haven't come out for air in 33 minutes.

Seifer: If the tent be a rockin', don't come a knockin'...

Fawkes: *laughs*

Crys: Right... Ok, we're wasting precious time! Let's go! Oh, and Amiboshi, avoid Squall and Quistis' tent for now.

(In the woods, collecting wood... all spread out...)

Rufus: Two sticks ought to be enough. After all, they are thick.

Seph: Must earn points. Need a lot of impressive wood. *eyes light up* Perfect.

Sion: *arms full* Do you think this is enough? Crys does want us to help with the latrine.

Seifer: Yeah, let's drop this off.

Sion: Btw, what's a latrine?

(Back at the fire pit...)

Crys: Good start, Rufus. Go get more.

Rufus: But they're thick...

Crys: Yes, but I need thin little ones to start the fire.

Rufus: You can't do this to me! Manual labour is not for the ShinRa President!

Crys: Rufus! I warned you!

Rufus: o_o ok, I'll get more. *hurries off*

(Sion and Seifer walk in)

Sion: Here, Crystal. We got what we could carry. We're heading off to help with the latrine.

Crys: Thanks, guys! ^_^

(They leave, a few minutes later Seph returns dragging a small tree)

Crys: What the-

Seph: You wanted wood, and I supplied.

Crys: I meant sticks off the ground. Or are you going to tell me this was just lying around?

Seph: *shifty eyes* Maybe.

Crys: It's too fresh and won't burn. Go back and re-plant it.

Seph: But-

Crys: I'll tell Raven and no turret for you.

Seph: Going now. *grabs the tree and leaves*

(In TIRK's tent)

Kou: What do you mean you guys are unpacked? I see beer and underwear.

Irvine: What else do we need?

Reno: I think we covered everything.

Tasuki: What about a pillow, sleeping bags, blankets?

Irvine: Why would we need all that? It's summer.

Tasuki: Cuz it gets cold at night. Winter or summer.

Kou: How can you two be the best in your respective organizations, but be so senseless?

Reno: It's a talent.

Kou: *sighs* You're lucky Tasuki and I each packed an extra blanket.

Tasuki: What would you do without us?

Irvine: ...Let's go see what the other's are doing.

(Outside the tent they spot Crystal banging two rocks together)

Reno: What are you doing?

Crys: What does it look like, I'm trying to get a campfire started with rocks because my lighter and matches suck.

Tasuki: Hello! Power of flame here. *waves fan around*

Crys: Brilliant! I forgot about that. Fire away, Tasuki. Uh, literally.

Tasuki: Rekka shinen! *waves at the pile of sticks and fire starts*

Crys: Great! With that, you guys can have the night patrol to keep the fire going.

Irvine: Aww... do we have to? That doesn't sound too fun, and what about sleep?

Crys: You can drink all night long, tell stories, and take shifts sleeping.

Reno: You drive a hard bargain, but we'll do it.

(About thirty feet from the camp site, Raven and Dauragon are standing with shovels, waiting for Sion and Seifer who finally arrive)

Raven: *handing Sion a shovel* Start digging.

Sion: Start digging what?

Dauragon: The latrine. Raven and I made an outline for you to follow. Dig until you're other wise told.

Sion: But what's a latrine?

Raven: The bathroom.

Sion: We're on bathroom duty?!

Raven: What did you expect? We have to have somewhere or did you think we would hold it the entire trip?

Seifer: Personally, whipping it out and going on a tree works for me.

Dauragon: *tossing his shovel at Seifer* Dig.

Sion: There's nothing I find appealing about this. *ten minutes later he looks up to see Raven and Dauragon making out* Definitely nothing appealing.

Seifer: Get a tent!

Raven: Don't worry, we will.

(30 minutes later, a three foot deep hole with a branch bench propped over it is assembled. Raven sits on it, testing the weight)

Raven: Not bad, guys.

Dauragon: *helping Raven down* Let's go tell the others and see if dinner is ready.

(Everyone's sitting around the fire eating burgers. Raven spots Squall and Quistis)

Raven: So nice of you to grace us with your glowing presence.

Quistis: *flushes* Sorry about missing all of the set up duties, anything we can do?

Crys: Since you mention it, we need some sentry, or guard duty, to wander the perimeter. Sion, Seifer, Squall, and Quistis will each take a section. You'll also act as scouts.

Sion: What?! Guard duty? I thought I was promoted from that.

Crys: Not today.

Sion: There's nothing I find appealing about this.

Seifer: Why can't Flute Boy do it?

Crys: Amiboshi is needed here, in case evil bats attack.

Amiboshi: *blinks and whispers* Does she not know I actually controlled the bats?

Raven: She hasn't seen that episode yet. -_-;;

Rufus: Crystal, are you going to explain your reasoning for us being here now?

Seph: Shut it, Shinra- actually, that's a good question.

Crys: Tomorrow... yes, tomorrow.

Hunter: What are you up to?

Crystal: No more than Sephiroth, or TIRK.

Seph: What do you mean by that?

Crys: Not sure. Just seemed appropriate to say.

(After dinner Sion, Seifer, Squall, and Quistis head out for their separate guard duty)

Seifer: *walking around his area* What the hell am I doing here? I should be monitoring and stopping Amiboshi's advances. *spots a movement to his left* Who's there? *draws Hyperion as a squirrel hops out to the open* How cute. Come here little squirrel.

Squirrel: *comes a bit closer*

Seifer: *kneeling* I won't hurt you. Just want to pet you.

Squirrel: *stares a second, than comes close enough to be pet*

Seifer: *petting* Aww... so cute.

Squirrel: *bites Seifer's finger, than frolics off*

Seifer: Ahhh! Stupid squirrel! *clutching his finger* I'll kill you!

(To Sion...)

Sion: *sighs* Squall and Quistis probably skipped duty and are in the bushes together somewhere... like I should be with Crystal. *spots a large tree surrounded by weeds* Screw this. I'm napping under this tree. These weeds should give me cover.

(Quistis has wandered into Squall's area, and is now entangled in a kiss)

Squall: *pulls free* We really shouldn't be doing this.

Quistis: True, but there are how many trained fighters in our camp? They'll be fine.

(They start making out again. Back at the camp...)

Hunter: Crystal, isn't it a bit much having sentry? We're all trained in weapons of some sort. Except Raven. That has to be a fluke.

Crys: *shrugs* Guess so. But you can never be too cautious this day and age.

Hunter: Suit yourself. I'm going to tree.

Crys: Don't you mean sleep or bed?

Hunter: Sure. *walks over to a tree twenty feet away, climbs it, settles on a branch, wraps up in a blanket, and shuts his eyes*

Crys: *blinks* Smart man. He's probably the safest one.

Amiboshi: What was that?

Crys: Oh nothing, that a thing. *nervous laughter*

(A few hours after dark, everyone's gone to bed, and the sentry make their way back to camp)

Sion: *waking from his nap* Crap. I shouldn't have had that nap. I'll never fall asleep now. *stands and itches his leg, then an arm, then his back* Why am I so itchy? I must be allergic to camping. *starts walking back and scratches his neck* There is nothing I find appealing about this!

(Seifer's lying on the ground, behind a log)

Seifer: *looks at his watch* You may have won this one, squirrel, but I'll be back. I need my sleepies now.

(He stands, brushes off the dirt, to no avail, as his hair's ruffled, and dirt stains everywhere. He turns to leave, and swears he hears the squirrel laughing)

Seifer: Shut up. -_-;

(Squall and Quistis finish straightening their clothes)

Squall: Sentry went by quickly.

Quistis: Indeed it did. We'll have to volunteer again. *she grabs his hand and walks back*

(The next morning, everyone's crawling out of their tents and gathering around the fire to keep the morning cool off)

Hunter: *looking around, and spots Seifer a little worse for wear* Seifer, what the hell happened?

Seifer: An evil creature of the forest attacked me on sentry.

Crys: You poor thing. *eyes widen with curiosity* What was it?

Seifer: A squirrel. Look, he bit my finger!

Everyone minus Crystal: *blinks then laughs*

Crys: Aww... I hate squirrels. Evil creatures with an agenda to get me.

Amiboshi: Let me see the bite. *examines his finger* He didn't draw blood, barely pierced the skin.

Everyone: *laughs harder*

Seph: Dumbass.

Irvine: Dude, you're pathetic.

Seifer: At least I went after it, instead of running.

Irvine: *blink blink* You seem to have my character flaw confused. I don't run from enemies. I crack under pressure.

Seifer: Right. Sorry about that.

Raven: *glancing around* Anyone seen Sion?

Hunter: *yelling* Yo, Sion! Get yer ass out here!

Raven: I could've done that. -_-;

(Sin wanders out of his tent, scratching at his stomach. As he walks to the fire he moves to his arm. As he sits down he scratches both legs)

Kou: Looks like your night was as eventful as Seifer's.

Seph: What did this Dumbass do?

Sion: Nothing... I just took a nap- err, break, under a tree surrounded by plants and I got up all itchy.

Raven: Did these plants, by any chance, happen to be three leafed with red under sides?

Sion: Yeah, how'd ya know? *itches his back*

Seph: Dumbass.

Sion: Huh? Why?

Reno: That was poison ivy.

Seph: If the stupid drunk Turk knows this, you really are a Dumbass.

Crys: *standing up* Sion, strip down to your boxers and come in my tent. I'll rub calamine lotion on you. *goes to her tent*

Sion: Now this is what I call appealing.

(Sion sticks his tongue out at Seifer and Amiboshi and runs to Crystal's tent, peeling his clothes off as he goes. Seifer goes to stand but Raven pulls him back down)

Raven: If you think you're going to go roll around in poison ivy, you'd be wrong.

Seifer: But... Crys... lotion... rubbing... *pouts*

Seph: I take it back. He's not as big a Dumbass as I thought.

Tasuki: I'm HUNGRY. Let's eat.

Hunter: I like the way Fang Boy thinks.

(Quistis starts breakfast, while Rufus complains to Squall about his night and uncomfortableness)

Hunter: Should've slept in a tree like me. I was very comfortable.

(Before Rufus could say something and get himself killed, Quistis pipes up)

Quistis: Food's ready!

(Crystal and Sion emerge from Crystal's tent, grab their plates and sit down. Everyone stares at Sion, who is covered in pink, with a stupid grin)

Seph: *laughing* I don't even need to say anything, it speaks for itself.

Fawkes: *doesn't laugh as he's eating*

(After breakfast...)

Crystal: Now, for the real reason we're here.

Rufus: About time you tell us.

Crys: I need two volunteers to go with me-

(Seifer and Sion jump forward and make a beeline to Crystal)

Crys: -to find malboros. Apparently they live here.

(Seifer stops dead in his tracks, Sion looks back, but continues to Crystal)

Sion: I'll help you, Crystal. ^_^

Quistis: Why do you want to find malboros?

Irvine: Yeah. No one wants to find malboros.

Seifer: They have bad breath!

Crys: Two reasons. One, I need some parts to make a kick ass weapon. Two, I want to test these ribbons that ShinRa made.

Kou: How did you end up with ShinRa products?

Crys: Let's just say that Rufus and I have an understanding.

Rufus: *muttering* She won't hit me as hard if I give her the gadgets she wants.

Reno: Cuz you have ribbons, I'd help you, but it requires work, so I won't.

Seifer: I, uh, guess since you have protection, I'll help you too. *under his breath* like I'll leave Sion alone with you again.

Squall: I should go, as well. I have the most experience fighting them.

Seifer: *growls* Back off, Leonhart!

Crys: That's so sweet, Squall, but since Sion and Seifer volunteered first, I'll take them.

Squall: You're still bitter about the whole elevator thing, aren't you?

Crys: *ignoring Squall* C'mon, Sion and Seifer, let's go gear up.

(They wander off to gear up)

Squall: She's taking the itching wonder over me...

Seph: Let it go already.

Raven: Besides, Sion has calamine lotion on. It's a lot like the magic water used in soccer.

Everyone: *blink blink*

Hunter: magic... water...?

Raven: Stop looking at me like I'm crazy. Haven't you ever noticed how a player gets hurt and can't stand or walk off the field? The trainer runs out, sprinkles the magic water on their leg and seconds later the player is up and walking off.

Everyone: *stares*

Irvine: She has a point.

Hunter: Don't encourage her. It only makes her want to talk more.

Seph: Since I'm not all for the hunting of malboros, can we go home now?

Crys: *returning wearing web gear and a pink ribbon in her hair* No. We all stay. There's plenty of things to do still. *points forward* Move out.

(Crystal, Sion, and Seifer all leave as everyone watches)

Rufus: They're all crazy.

Everyone: Yep.

(An hour later, everyone's off doing something. A flute is heard playing. Raven drags Dauragon over to the tree Amiboshi is sitting in)

Raven: Hey, Amiboshi. Why the sad song?

Amiboshi: *stops playing* It fits my mood.

Voice: Excuse me, I was enjoying the music.

Raven: *looks up and around until she spots Hunter two trees over* Hunter, go away. We're talking here.

Hunter: *sarcastically* Since you asked so nicely... *jumps down and walks off*

Raven: Anyway, why are you sad?

Amiboshi: I feel Crystal doesn't have feelings for me anymore and I've worn out my welcome.

Dauragon: You're not the first she's done that too.

Raven: *smacks Dauragon's arm* Dauragon! You better hope that doesn't run in the family.

Dauragon: Some days, that would not be a bad thing.

Raven: *glares*

Amiboshi: Uhh, excuse me? You were going to comfort me.

Raven: Oh, right. Crys had fun with you. Flute lessons, talking, whatever else you did alone together.

Amiboshi: We were just friends! ...Sadly...

Raven: Sure...

Amiboshi: Oh brother...

Raven: No! Don't say that! Subo-

Suboshi: *running up beside Dauragon, panting* Yes, brother?

Dauragon: *sizing up Suboshi* You're an odd one.

Suboshi: What did you call me?!

Dauragon: Odd. I suppose weird, creepy, and freakish would work just as well.

Suboshi: No one calls me names and lives!

Amiboshi: Brother, calm down. There's no need for violence. I have good news. I'm going to be home more now. I'm giving Crystal some space.

Suboshi: Really? That is good news.

Amiboshi: *jumps out of the tree, hugs Raven* Thank you for your kindness. Please tell Crystal I went back home and she's welcome to visit anytime.

Raven: No problem.

(Suboshi grabs Amiboshi's hand and he skips out of sight, dragging Amiboshi behind him)

Dauragon: You don't think they're -

Raven: Don't even go there.

Hunter's voice: I agree with Dauragon.

Raven: -_-;;

(Out in the forest somewhere...)

Sion: When are we going to find this thing? I thought this forest was crawling with them.

Crys: We've hardly been out here. Besides, the thrill of the hunt is the best part.

Seifer: I know the encounter certainly won't be the best part.

Crys: *waves her hands around* Shh... do you hear that? There's a rustling to our left. Let's go.

(Back at camp TIRK, Squall, and Quistis are sitting around the fire, talking when they hear movement out in the forest approaching them)

Reno: They're back already?

Irvine: I was half hoping Seifer would be attacked.

(The movement stumbles and an "ow" is heard)

Squall: *perking up* That, that sounded like-

Voice: Hey, hey, hey!

(Laguna emerges and walks over to the group)

Laguna: Son! *grabs him in a hug before Squall can react* It's so good to see you! *he let's him go* I am a bit disappointed though. You're in Esthar and don't say hello?

Squall: *resisting the urge to draw his gunblade* How did you know I was here?

Laguna: Scouts, my dear son. I have people watching you.

Squall: You have people watching me?!

Laguna: Of course. You never call or write or visit. How else am I to know you're ok?

Quistis: Since you're here, pull up a log and join us.

Irvine: Yeah, I'm sure Squall won't mind.

Squall: *glaring at Squall and Quistis* Whatever...

(A few feet away, Seph and Fawkes observe the scene)

Seph: The dopey president is here. Let's go hide in our tent, Fawkes, before he starts talking to me.

(Seph turns and approaches his tent. He opens the flap, walks in, and spots Raven wearing just a purple thong. They stare at each other a moment)

Raven: *yelling through clenched teeth* Out. Of. My. Tent. Sephiroth!

Seph: Relax. It's not like it's anything I haven't seen before!

Everyone: *stops their conversation and blinks*

Fawkes: *falls to the ground laughing*

Seph: Err... want to see, I mean. Stop laughing, Fawkes! *stomps to his tent next door and slams the flap behind him*

Quistis: What is up with those two?

Kou: They obviously have a past together.

Dauragon: *walking over to the group after a bathroom break* Who has a past together?

Everyone: No one. No one at all. ^_^;;

(Back to our crazy hunters)

Crys: Over here. Get your weapons ready.

(They spread out to surround their target, a moving shrub)

Seifer: Crystal, I don't think that's a malboro hiding there.

Crys: They're crafty creatures, you never know. Sion lure it out.

(Sion pulls out a stick and pokes around in the shrub, then jumps back. The shrub shakes some more before a squirrel jumps out)

Sion: A squirrel? You've got to be kidding me.

Seifer: That's the bastard that attacked me!

(Seifer dives for the squirrel, which jumps out of the way. They proceed to chase each other around Crystal and Sion)

Crys: Kill the evil squirrel! Don't let it live, it's cuteness is only a ploy!

Sion: *quietly* You're both nuts, but if it gets me more points in Crystal's favour... Kill the squirrel, Seifer!

(Raven comes out of her tent, sees Laguna, turns to go back in)

Laguna: Hey, hey, hey, Raven!

Raven: Damn. *turns around and smiles* Hi, Laguna! *looks around quickly for an excuse and notices Rufus is missing* I'll be with you soon. *runs off to Rufus' tent* Rufus! Why are you sitting here- oh jeez, you have your laptop.

Rufus: Of course I have my laptop with me. I'm a busy businessman.

Raven: If I can get Dauragon to leave his laptop and cell phone behind, you can too.

Rufus: Obviously I am the more serious and dedicated.

Raven: Sure you are... *lightbulb* You put the Sims on it!

Rufus: You can't prove that! *starts jabbing at buttons to close it*

Raven: You're pathetic. Laguna's here, and you're coming out.

(After threatening to break the laptop, Raven and Rufus emerge and join the others)

Quistis: *checking her watch* It's going to be dark soon, Laguna. You should get back to Esthar.

Laguna: Nonsense. Kiros and Ward are there. Everything's fine.

Quistis: I'm quite confident in Kiros and Ward as well, sir. But you do realize you're in a malboro infested forest.

Laguna: *chuckles* I'm not worried about malboros. I'll have you know I've killed a malboro or two in my day.

Squall: Your day has passed.

Laguna: *laughs* My son, the kidder.

Raven: I'm going to go find my sister and her worshippers. It's nearly dinner and you know how they get when they don't eat.

Dauragon: You're not going alone.

Raven: And you're not coming with me. I need you to stay here and keep Squall from doing bodily harm to Laguna. We don't need another Royal Inquiry... -_-;;

Reno: Yeah... we're still sorry about that, Raven.

Irvine: But they proved it wasn't us that shaved Her Majesty's cat.

Kou: You were banned, weren't you?

Raven: Like you need to ask...

(Seph finally coming out of his tent carrying a bag of marshmellows)

Raven: What are you doing?

Seph: What does it look like, woman? I'm going to toast marshmellows.

Raven: You, near open flames with flammable objects? I think not. You're coming with me.

Seph: Where? Why do I care? I'm not going with you.

Raven: Yes, you are. You're trouble when left alone.

Hunter: *walking by* Actually, so are you.

Raven: See! All the more reason to have you watching me.

Seph: *mumbling* I think I've done enough of that earlier...

Quistis: You two better get going before it gets much darker, we'll get dinner started.

(Raven and Sephiroth leave, marshmellows still in Seph's hand. Dauragon walks over to Hunter, probably to discuss Amiboshi some more)

Quistis: She was ready to kill him three hours ago, now she wants to be with him.

Squall: It's the bishie factor. She can't stay mad at a pretty face. Most girls can't.

Everyone: *stares*

Squall: What? They did a scientific study on it. I read it in Weapon Monthly. *shifty eyes*

Everyone: *stares*

Tasuki: Suuuure... Like that would be in that magazine. You've been reading girlie magazines! Girlie-boy! *laughs*

Squall: Whatever... Fang Boy.

Tasuki: HEY! It's not nice to call people names!

Everyone: *falls over*

Rufus: He can dish it out but he can't take it...

Tasuki: It hurt growing up as a kid with everyone teasing my fangs... *sniffles*

Quistis: Aww... Tasuki, did you know they did another study on fangs and most women love fangs and are turned on by them.

Kou: Did they only interview Raven?

Tasuki: *puppy dog hopeful eyes* Really? *slides over to Quistis and smiles* Do they turn you on?

(Squall tries to restrain from grabbing his gunblade again)

Rufus: He just doesn't know when to shut up, does he? I guess that's why he fits in so well with you three.

(Over to Crystal, Sion, and Seifer)

Crys: C'mon! It's two on one! You guys can do it!

Seifer: Ow! He bit my ear!

Sion: There's nothing I find appealing about this!

Crys: The sooner you win, the sooner we get back to camp for food and I can bandage you up!

Seifer: Bite me again!

Sion: I retract my last statement, this could become very appealing again. I think I might need more calamine lotion as well!

(To Raven and Sephiroth, who is popping marshmellows in his mouth. Every few, he throws one in Raven's hair)

Raven: *stops walking and turns to him* Would you stop doing that! I'm getting all sticky.

Seph: You should be used to that.

Raven: You're so annoying!

Seph: You're the one who wanted me to come along.

Raven: I plea temporary insanity.

Seph: You had to have been. Like I would protect you. Especially now that your a Weapon Goddess or something.

Raven: Fine. Go back to camp.

Seph: Right. Like I'm going to miss the excitement soon to come. Trouble finds you more than it does me. *glances up a bit* Here it is, too.

Raven: What do you mean, "here it is"? *pauses* There's a malboro behind me, isn't there?

Seph: *smiles* Oh you bet. *pops a marshmellow in his mouth*

Raven: Don't just stand there, kill him!

Seph: *scoffs* I don't think so. You know how awful their blood smells? My Masamune will stink for weeks. *holds the bag out to her* Marshmellow?

Raven: *slowly turns to look at it* Damn he's huge... *panic sets in* I'm going to die! *starts running in circles* Of all the times to actually need the ice!

Seph: So much for all your training that stupid seminar supposedly taught you. *watches Raven run in circles while the malboro watches the two of them* While this is all so amusing... you have a bow, genius.

Raven: *stops running* Right. *draws her bow and an arrow zings through the air hitting to the right of his mouth* Not exactly what I was aiming for, but close enough.

Seph: Your shot seems to have angered him since he's preparing for Bad Breath. So you can either critique your shot or get the hell out of here.

(They take off running, but not before Seph throws a marshmellow in the malboro's mouth. As they run, they hear it choke a bit. They arrive back at camp about the same time as Crystal, Sion, and Seifer, all five looking dishelved)

Dauragon: *runs over to Raven* What happened? Are you ok? *glares at Sephiroth*

Laguna: Hey, hey, hey, Crystal! You look awful, was it a malboro?

Raven/Crystal: Malboro/Squirrel.

Crys: You found a malboro? Figures you'd find one without even trying.

Seph: Yeah, lucky us.

Rufus: Was this the same squirrel that got Seifer, or is it a conspiracy?

Seifer: One in the same, and he was ready for us.

Sion: Crystal, can I have my medical attention now?

Crys: In a minute.

Reno: Comparing you to them, you don't seem to have been bitten.

Crys: While they were wrestling the squirrel, the squirrel snuck free and came after me, I had to dive to my left and rolled down a hill.

Sion: Medical attention, please?

Crys: yeah, yeah, hold on. Where's Amiboshi?

Raven: *brushing leaves out of her hair* Oh yeah. He left. He said to visit whenever.

Crys: Really? That's so sad. Oh well, let's go get you two fixed up.

(She heads for her tent with Sion and Seifer happily limping behind her)

Kou: Don't mourn your break up or anything...

Irvine: She still has Sion and Seifer. You know my motto: Why have one when you can have two.

Seph: Yeah, she's not Raven.

Raven: Exact- Sephiroth! Ugh. Go choke on a marshmellow.

Fawkes: *snickers*

Quistis: Dinner's ready. ^_^;;

(After dinner, everyone's sitting around the fire talking, cuz what else is there to do)

Reno: The fire's getting low. Irvine, your turn to build it up.

Irvine: Roger.

(Irvine throws on a log and pours his alcohol in the fire causing a giant flame to shoot up and everyone to jump back)

Crys: You'll scare away all the malboros!

Kou: You make it sound like a bad thing.

Raven: I think I've had enough excitement for one day. Good night. *goes to her tent*

Dauragon: I think I'll turn in as well. *follows Raven*

Tasuki: Don't make it too obvious, guys.

Laguna: If the tent be a rockin', don't come a knockin'.

Seifer: Hey, I already did that line yesterday.

Laguna: Sorry.

Rufus: Looks like you're not going home tonight. So where will you stay?

Laguna: I think I'll tent with Squall.

Squall: I'm sharing with Quistis. Stay with Rufus.

Laguna: No, no, son. I want to stay with you. It's what fathers and sons are supposed to do.

Squall: Don't start that making up for lost time thing now.

Laguna: But I like this. Us by the fire talking, well, me talking and you whatevering. I need the whole experience.

Squall: But I like this. *gestures to himself and Quistis* I need it.

Quistis: It's ok, Squall. It's just one night.

Squall: Fine. But Laguna better not snore.

(It's about 3am, everyone's sleeping, except Kou and Irvine who are on their shift. All's quiet until a scream catches their attention)

Irvine: You don't think a malboro got someone?

Kou: I dunno. But from what you've told me, I don't want to meet one tonight.

(They grab a flashlight and rush toward the direction of the scream. On the way they run into Laguna)

Kou: Laguna! Was that you we heard scream?

Laguna: *scratches his head in embarrassment* Yeah, that was me. I was... umm... leaving the latrine when I got tangled up in the tarp wall, fell and I swear I heard a squirrel laughing.

Kou: *giving him an odd look* Yeah... there seems to be squirrel issues lately. Let's get you back before another one attacks.

Laguna: Mind not telling my son? I don't want him to know how clumsy I am, and ruin the image he has of me.

Irvine: Trust me when I say this incident only adds to the image he has of you.

(The next morning, after breakfast)

Crys: You guys break camp, Sion and Seifer and I are going out for one final look around. Back in a few! ^_^ *they leave*

Squall: *glancing at Laguna* Thank Shiva, we're going home!

Seph: I couldn't have said it better.

Rufus: I can't wait to get back to my business-

Raven: You mean your Sims.

Rufus: -and get away from the malboros.

Kou: *looking at Rufus' wrist* Seeing how you're wearing a ribbon on your wrist, and you want to leave so badly... no faith in your own products?

Rufus: heheheh, you can never be too careful, that's all.

Raven: *shoving clothes in a bag* Less talkie, more packie.

Hunter: *pouring water on the fire* If only we could get you to follow your own advice.

Raven: *sticks her tongue out at him*

(To our fearless hunters...)

Sion: I hope we have better luck today.

Crys: I know we will! Positive attitude boys. We'll find one in no time.

Sion: *sniffs and makes a face* Ew, What's that smell?

Seifer: A malboro. I think it just recently used Bad Breath.

Crys: Then, now's our chance! It won't be expecting another attack so soon.

(They quietly creep over to where the smell is coming from and jump out in front of the malboro. They all slowly look up)

Sion: Holy moly.

Crys: Lot bigger than I expected.

Seifer: That's a common misconception.

Crys: *shaking off the shock* Well, this is what we've been waiting for. *takes out her dual guns* On my word... ready, let's-

(Before Crystal could give the order, the malboro falls over to it's left, stiff as a board. They all blink, then Crystal and Sion stare at Seifer)

Crys: What just happened?

Seifer: It fell over.

Crys: Why?

Seifer: Cuz it's dead.

Crys: How? We didn't attack yet.

Seifer: Yeah... the smell... when they do Bad Breath, or die, they release this horrible odor.

Crys: That's not fair! I wanted to fight it!

Sion: At least it's dead, you can still get the parts you need.

Crys: But... my victory!

Sion: No one else needs to know the real way it died. We'll keep it between us three.

Crys: Aww, you'd do that for me?

Sion/Seifer: Yes! Anything!

Crystal: *blinks at their eagerness* Ok, cool. Now, let's get the parts. I need some teeth to start with. *walks to the mouth and looks in* What's this white stuff?

Seifer: His teeth.

Crys: Not those white stuff. *picks up a piece* It's a marshmellow. It must've choked on it and died.

Sion/Seifer: *fall over*

(An hour later, Crystal, Sion, and Seifer return to the empty clearing where camp has been cleaned up)

Crys: We're back! And I got what I needed!

Seph: Let's go then.

Raven: You killed a malboro? I'm so proud of you!

Crys: Yeah, well, you know, it was nothing... Like Seph said, let's go!

(35 minutes later everyone is back outside the forest by the van)

Crys: *throwing her bag of malboro parts in the back* All set.

Everyone: *standing back from Crystal, Seifer, and Sion* Umm...

Seph: You guys reek!

Seifer: It's the malboro ooze! Not our fault.

Laguna: *coming over from his car* You guys can all come to the palace and get cleaned up. I'll have a dinner prepared!

Everyone: No!

Raven: No thanks, that is. That's very kind of you, Laguna, but we don't want to impose on your presidential duties, and we really should get home. Who knows what Zell may have done.

(Everyone quickly piles into the van, and Crystal drives off. Ten minutes later...)

Reno: Can we roll down a window?

The End 1
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