This ramble was inspired by a convo Crys and I had Saturday night over the Easter weekend. I really don't remember how it came to be, but it was damn funny. Maybe that was the 1am hour talking...
(The usual suspects of Irvine, Reno, Kou, Rufus, Seph, Fawkes, Hunter, Aeris, Dauragon, Crystal, and Raven are in the ramble room. Everyone's pretty bored)
Reno: We were promised new chicks, yet I don't see any.
Raven: You'll get them when I call them.
Irvine: Quit playing games with our hearts, Raven!
Kou: Dude, you just sounded like a BSB song.
Irvine: Oh god. You know you hang around Raven too much when...
Seph: Are you sure you meant 'heart' and not another male organ?
Fawkes: *laughs*
Rufus: *holding his head* Shut-UP.
Seph: Who?
Rufus: All of you would be nice, but mostly Fawkes and you with your bad jokes.
Hunter: FOAD, Rufus. FOAD.
Aeris: Hunter... I thought we talked about the swearing.
Hunter: But I didn't swear. I used the acronym.
Aeris: Whatever. It still wasn't nice.
Hunter: But it was to Rufus. The guy who we both hate. Well, you don't really hate anyone, but I hate him enough for the both of us.
Aeris: As true as that may be, we're still in Raven's house and it's not polite to insult her guests and friends.
Dauragon: Would you all quit your childish bickering. It's annoying.
Crystal/Raven: *blink blink*
Raven: Whoa. Dauragon, that was a total Nakago moment you just had.
Dauragon: *sighs* Well if you wouldn't make me sit and watch that damn anime with you, I wouldn't sound like that poser.
Raven: Uh-huh. You know you like it.
Dauragon: *mumbling* It is somewhat amusing...
(A few silent filled moments pass)
Crystal: Why do we always sit around and ramble lately?
Hunter: Because we're in the uncreatively named Ramble Room.
Crystal: How come we never do anything fun?
Raven: What are you talking about? We do plenty of fun things.
Crystal: Like what?
Raven: Snowboarding.
Crystal: You hurt your ankle.
Raven: Oh. Right. Shopping at the Edmonton Mall.
Crystal: Yeah. A day of shopping is not my idea of fun, plus we're banned from Alberta.
Raven: Oh yeah... skating.
Crystal: Banned there too.
Raven: Damnit. Pool parties.
Crystal: I broke up with Van at the last one. Plus, did you forget the morning after?
Raven: Ugh. Playing dress up then. French maid and vampire are a couple of my faves.
Dauragon: *coughs* Raven...
Raven: Hmm?
Dauragon: That's not a game we play with the others.
Raven: *notices all the staring faces as she realizes what she said* Shoot. x.x;;
Seph: Kinky skank.
Hunter: Moving along... I think Crystal's right. We're due for some fun.
Crystal: Of course I'm right. I do have a 90% average.
Everyone: -_-;;
Raven: Ok, geek, what do you have in mind?
Crystal: How about a Shakespearian play?
(All the guys groan)
Raven: I like that idea.
Crystal: Knew you would.
Raven: Let's do MacBeth.
Crystal: Everyone dies in that one-
Seph: Sounds good to me.
Crystal: Not to mention the naked dancing witches.
Irvine/Reno/Kou: We're on board for this!
Raven: Guess that's not a good one...
Crystal: How about 'Romeo & Juliet' Everyone knows that one.
Seph: But that's a love story.
Hunter: There's death in it.
Seph: Could be promising.
Rufus: Naturally I would be Romeo and Raven would be my Juliet.
(All the guys glare at Rufus)
Dauragon: You seriously don't think I would let that happen, do you?
Reno: Stranger things have happened.
Raven: Oh, chill. I'm not going to be Juliet. I'm too shy and I don't like to act all that much. If anything, I would want to be a witch in MacBeth.
Kou: Is that another role you like to dress up as?
Raven: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Normally to be fair, I would have auditions for Juliet, but since Crystal thought of the idea and complains of the lack of fun, she gets the role.
Crystal: Sweet. What about my Romeo?
Hunter: Lemme guess. You want Amiboshi as your Romeo.
Crystal: What are you implying, Senor? We're just friends.
Hunter: Uh-huh.
Raven: Don't get her started, Hunter. We'll have auditions for Romeo tomorrow. Crystal and I will judge.
Rufus: Why you two?
Raven: Crystal because it's her co-star, and me because I'm going to direct.
Seph: Do you even have any experience in directing?
Raven: Well, no. But, it can't be that hard.
Crystal: Since auditions are tomorrow I guess we better get the word out.
Hunter: And we better practice our lines.
Aeris: *glaring* You're trying out.
Hunter: Yep.
Aeris: No, you're not.
Hunter: Yes, I am. Are you jealous?
Aeris: No.
Hunter: I think you are.
Aeris: That's ridiculous. Why would I be jealous of you doing a love story where you kiss another woman?
Hunter: You are so jealous!
Aeris: If I said I'm not, then I'm not, Hunter! Let's go home.
(Aeris grabs Hunter's arm and drags him out of the room)
Everyone: *blinks*
Reno: I think that's one less person auditioning tomorrow.
(The next day Crystal and Raven are sitting at a table facing an open area where the guys will be auditioning and can act out anything if they so choose. Raven is wearing a black t-shirt that says 'Director' in bold white letters on the front and back. A few of the guys are sitting around waiting their turn)
Raven: EEE! This is going to be so much fun!
Crystal: *looking at Raven oddly* Where did you get a shirt that says director on it so quickly?
Raven: *shifty eyes* I just had it lying around.
Crystal: Oh god... I don't want to know, do I?
Raven: No. No I don't think you do.
Crystal: -_-;
Seph: Womans! Let's get on with this already!
Dauragon: Womans? Where did you learn to speak?
Seph: Hey! My father was a bastard who neglected me and didn't make me do my schoolwork. Leave me alone!
Dauragon: You're a sad excuse for a villain.
Seph: I think you've confused me with Shinra. Lemme clarify things for you. I am the almighty powerful lord Sephiroth! The Planet! I am the best
villain to ever grace tvs and computers around the world. I have the theme song to prove it. *he whips out a cd* Shall I play it?
Dauragon: Please, don't.
Raven: Sephiroth, stop harassing my blonde bombshell of a bf and get over here to audition.
Seph: That's right. Start with the best. No need to waste time on the talentless losers.
Crystal: Actually, we drew names out of a hat and you were first.
Seph: That's still fate telling you I'm the best.
Raven: Uh-huh. Let's do the balcony scene.
Seph: What?! I wanted an action scene, or the death scene!
Rufus: Yeah, we all know how well you would do in the death scene.
Raven: *quickly* Rufus, shush! Sephiroth, read your damn lines.
Seph: Fine... Juliet is the sun and I am the planet!
Crystal: I knew he'd get that in...
Raven: That'll be all, Sephy. -_-; Rufus! You're up.
Rufus: *swooshes his hair* I'll be doing Act 1 Scene IV.
(He recites his lines wonderfully, but swooshes his hair three times in the process)
Crystal: Romeo doesn't swoosh his hair!
Rufus: I'm the President of ShinRa! I can swoosh if I want to!
Crystal: I can't believe you said that damn line again!
Raven: Run, Rufus! Run while you still can!
Rufus: First, did I get the part?
Raven: *holding Crystal back* What do you think?
Rufus: Have your people call my people. We'll be in touch. *he runs out*
Raven: He wasn't that bad.
Crystal: The swooshing was.
Raven: It's his cute little quirk.
Crystal: Whatever. Zell's next.
Raven: Yay...
(Zell does an impressive backflip up to the table, poses, and smiles)
Raven: Show off...
Reno: What's the matter, Raven? Jealous?
Raven: I'm just as limber and flexible, and you know it.
Reno: And boy do I ever. Remember the time when you had your legs-
Raven: Shush! Ignoring Reno... Sorry, Zell, but no.
Zell: I didn't even get to read!
Crystal: True, but they also didn't have giant tattoos on their faces.
Zell: We can cover it with make-up!
Raven: We're already using all our make-up on Crystal to make her gorgeous.
Crystal: Hey!
(Zell goes sulking out the room as Crystal and Raven insult each other. A
minute later Amiboshi walks in)
Crystal: Hi, Amiboshi! Did you come to audition?
Amiboshi: Actually, no. I was hoping I could do the music for you.
Raven: Of course you can! Here. *pats the seat next to her* You can sit here. *smile smile*
Crystal/Dauragon: *at the same time* Move away from the Amiboshi!/Get the hell away from Raven!
(Amiboshi glances at Dauragon then slowly moves to another seat)
Selphie: *coming from out of nowhere* You sure are protective of someone who's "just a friend"
Crystal: Wouldn't you be protective of a guy near Raven too?
Selphie: Point taken.
Crystal: Good. Now, please leave.
Selphie: Okies. *she leaves as quickly as she came*
Raven: *sighs* Tidus, you're up.
Tidus: Alright! Anyone want my autograph?! It's no problem!
Crystal: Oh jeez. He already has the ego.
Raven: That's nothing. You should see him in the game.
Crystal: *glaring* Sorry, but not everyone is a master manipulator of men and can play the damn game for four hours.
Raven: Get over it already.
(Tidus is more or less bouncing off the walls)
Crystal: Hyper little bugger isn't he. Hey, Tidus, don't you have a multi-coloured eye annoyance to save?
Raven: Yeah... I think she's waiting for you at the Blitzball arena.
Tidus: Yuna's at a Blitzball arena?! I have to go to her! She hasn't seen my skills. I am the all-star player, you know.
Raven: So I've heard...
(Tidus goes running off to Yuna and Squall walks in)
Raven: You here to audition, Squally?
Squall: Whatever.
Crystal: You can be my Romeo.
Squall: ......
Raven: I think it'd be too much work to get him to say the lines.
Crystal: True. *checks the list* Tamahome.
Tamahome: Yeah. Before I begin, will I be getting paid if I get the part?
Raven: What do you think this is? Broadway? We're barely a step up from a six year old's backyard play for her stuffed animals.
Tamahome: Damn. Well, I have time to kill, let's do this.
(Crystal and Tamahome read a few lines, then Crystal throws a curve ball into the reading)
Crystal: Romeo!
Tamahome: Miaka!
Crystal: Wrong girl...
Tamahome: Right. Sorry. Juliet!
Crystal: Romeo!
Tamahome: Juliet!
Raven: *hand to head* Oh, jeez. I don't think he knows any other lines. And you're not helping any, Crystal!
Crystal: Ok, ok. It was losing it's appeal anyway. We'll be in touch, Tamahome.
(Kuja saunters into the room and up to the table)
Kuja: Hello, darlings. I'm here to audition.
Raven: I don't know if Romeo is right for you, hun.
Kuja: Who said anything about being Romeo? I'm here to be Juliet.
Raven: Sorry, Crys got that.
Kuja: But I'm prettier than she is.
Crystal: So? That may be true, but you're a guy!
Kuja: A beautiful one at that.
Raven: Yes, you're beautiful, Kuja. Next time I'll give you the female lead.
Kuja: Alright. Now if you'll excuse me, my room of mirrors is missing my presence.
(As Kuja leaving the table Seifer makes a beeline for it)
Seifer: Please! I have to be Romeo!
Raven: Sorry, Seifer. You're just not what we're looking for.
Crystal: I think Tybalt would be better for you.
Seifer: *leans close to Raven and whispers in her ear* I need that kissing scene! This is my chance to make a move on Crystal!
Raven: Ugh. No, Seifer. You may leave now. Any resistance will result in Dauragon hurting you.
(Seifer goes to say more, then turns and leaves)
Crystal: What was that all about?
Raven: Nothing. Tasuki, babe, you're up.
Crystal: Ok, Tasuki. We're going to Mercutio's death. Dauragon will be playing the role of Mercutio for now.
(Dauragon is lying on the ground dead. He just finished that famous kick ass
speech. Tasuki is kneeling beside him)
Tasuki: He can't be dead! He was just talking! *tears start to roll down his face* He may have everyone else fooled, but not me! Wake up, Mercutio! You're not dead! *breaks down crying*
Crystal: Good drama, but that's not in the script.
Raven: Yeah. He's very emotional. End scene!
(Dauragon gets up and walks back to his spot behind Raven)
Tasuki: Mercutio! You're alive! I knew he wasn't dead!
Crystal: Uhh... maybe we should get someone more stable.
Raven: That was wonderful Tasuki. We'll let you know.
(Reno comes up to the table next)
Raven: Reno? I didn't know you wanted to act.
Reno: *shrugs* Not really. But I figured the cast gets free booze on opening night.
Crystal: Oh brother... sorry, Reno. No booze.
Reno: *shrugs* Oh well. It was worth a shot.
(Reno steps back and Irvine comes up)
Crystal: There's no free booze, Irvine.
Irvine: Wha? I just needed some action. Even if it's one kissing scene with Crystal.
Crystal: I don't know if I should be insulted at being a last resort, or disgusted at the thought of kissing him.
Raven: Nothing wrong with kissing those lips.
Crystal: Yes, but I don't want your leftovers. I hate sloppy seconds.
Seph: Given Raven's track record, I'd say you better find a guy in an anime or game that she hasn't seen yet.
Crystal/Raven: -_-;;
Raven: Who's left?
Crystal: *checking the list* Sion.
Sion: Me? I didn't even come in and stayed to guard the door before you or someone else told me to. But you want me to audition?
Raven: Actually, you're a last resort.
Sion: Why are you so mean to me?!
Raven: Do I have to tell you again? You're Squall and Cloud combined in Zell's clothing!
Sion: But Tidus is a bleached Squall in Zell's clothing and he auditioned! And what's wrong with how I dress?!
Crystal: *sighs* Calm down, Sion. Your outfit is fine. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Raven?
Raven: Yeah. We'll never find a Romeo, and we should just scrap this idea.
Crystal: It was worth a shot.
Raven: Yeah. It was fun doing the auditions.
Crystal: Yeah.
Raven: Hey! Let's call Kuja and tell him he's Juliet and do a all guy version of Romeo and Juliet!
