(It's a sunny winter's day, Reno and Kou are, surprise, drinking in the ramble room. They just woke up after a night of partying. No one else is around... how odd...)
Reno: Dude, where's Irvine?
Kou: *shrugs* Do I look like his keeper?
Reno: Kinda. You are the most responsible out of the three of us.
Kou: Can't argue with that.
Reno: Wait!
Kou: What? You can't take back your compliment.
Reno: Get over yourself. I changed topics. What day is it?
Kou: *checks his watch* Thursday. Why?
Reno: I know where Irvine is.
Kou: Care to share?
Reno: He's at Garden. He gets his advanced copy of 'Girl Next Door' today.
Kou: He gets advanced copies?
Reno: Yep. He's been a loyal subscriber for five years. They basically live off his opinions and ideas.
Kou: Kick ass.
(Irvine comes running in with a huge grin. He flops on the couch and calls Reno and Kou over. They sit on each side of him)
Irvine: *clutching the magazine to his chest* It's arrived.
Reno: You gonna share it?
Irvine: First, this might be my fave issue ever. Second...
(He turns the mag around and points to the subheading 'A Naughty Instructor... you'll beg for detention')
Kou: Sweet. Teachers are hot, especially when they wear cute little uniforms like Quistis wears.
Irvine: *grinning* Or doesn't wear.
Reno: What are you- no... you mean...
Kou: Quistis is in this issue?
Reno/Kou: Lemme see!
(Irvine opens to page thirteen. He see a pic of Quistis in her bedroom wearing her school uniform. The next pic is a topless Quistis with her whip lying on the bed. The boys are drooling)
Kou: Dayum...
Irvine: Wait til you see the centerfold.
(He opens to the centerfold and Reno and Kou nearly fall off the couch)
Reno: This is the same Quistis we know?
Kou: She's so natural. Doesn't even look at the camera.
(Rufus comes strolling in and spots the drooling boys)
Rufus: What are you looking at?
Irvine: Something you'll never have.
Rufus: What? STD's?
Reno: *blinks* No. A nekkid sexy chick.
Rufus: Ugh. You're looking at that magazine again? Those girls are so dirty and just want money.
Kou: I'd hardly call Quistis dirty.
Rufus: Quistis is in it?! Lemme see!
(he hops on the couch and grabs the magazine)
Rufus: Wow. She's a natural.
The guys: *nods* Yeah.
(They flip through and drool and whatever else guys do with dirty magazines... EW! Not that! Do you think Rufus would do THAT with three other guys around? Moving along... o_o; Quistis walks in, looks at the guys, smiles, then goes to the fridge and grabs an apple)
Kou: Nice work, Quistis.
Quistis: *blank look* Umm... thanks...
Irvine: Yeah. Best I've ever seen.
Reno: You did great.
Quistis: *completely lost* It's nothing... I just walked in, took it, and left... *she takes a bite of her apple and leaves*
Irvine: She acts like a pro. Like this photo shoot meant nothing.
Kou: Yet she's so down to earth and friendly, which makes these pics even more shocking and enjoyable.
Rufus: You don't think she did it cuz she needed the money?
Reno: No way. FF8 didn't have to beat up enemies to get money, and they didn't work for a cheap skate either. They walk in circles on the world map and get paid. In thirty minutes I could retire.
Irvine: *pouting* All our money went to Squall...
Kou: That sucks... well, back to the pics.
(Raven, Dauragon, and Fawkes walk in)
Dauragon: Why must he follow us?
Raven: I told you, Vinnie took Sephy to the movies and Vinnie didn't want Fawkes tagging along.
Fawkes: *laughs, disappointedly*
Dauragon: *glaring at Fawkes* But why has he attached himself to us?
Raven: I don't know. *spots the guys on the couch* Fawkes, why don't you go see your drinking buddies.
Fawkes: *cowers behind Raven and laughs nervously*
Dauragon: Go to them, you damn hyena!
(Fawkes scurries off to the couch and lays in front of it)
Dauragon: Finally our shadow's gone.
Raven: *not paying attention* Uh-huh... what are they looking at?
Dauragon: Do we care?
Raven: Yes we do. Irvy! Whatcha looking at? *skips over to them*
Irvine: Girl Next Door.
Raven: Ick. That's so dirty. Rufus! I'm surprised with you. Irvine, Reno, and Kou I can understand, but you?
Rufus: *shrugs* They have good articles on finance.
Dauragon: *snorts*
Raven: You know, only desperate skanks appear in that.
Kou: That's a bit harsh.
Raven: What is?
Reno: Calling your friend a desperate skank.
Raven: What are you on about?
Irvine: Quistis is in it.
Raven: What?! Lemme see that!
(She grabs the mag and looks through it. The guys exchange glances)
Irvine: Did you see how fast she wanted to see it once she knew Quistis was in it?
Reno: I think this might confirm our suspicions.
Raven: Bakas! *smacks them all on the head with the mag* I wanted to see if it's really Quistis. There's no way she would do this.
Dauragon: *glaring at the guys* Don't ever imply that my GF is gay again.
Raven: *examining the pics with a magnifying glass* I think that really is her. It doesn't look superimposed.
Kou: Where did she get the magnifying glass?
Rufus: You learn not to ask and to just let it happen.
Dauragon: *looks at the pic* She's a natural, not even looking at the camera.
Raven: *glaring at Dauragon* How would you know what a 'natural' is?
Dauragon: Calm down, woman. I meant she acts like the camera isn't even there.
Everyone but Raven: What?
Raven: *clueing in* You mean maybe she didn't know she was being photographed?
Dauragon: Exactly.
Rufus: *now getting it* So she doesn't know about these pics?
Reno: How could she not? She was present at the photo shoot.
Everyone: *falls over*
Rufus: You really are an idiot. And you're my second in command of the Turks... why isn't Rude? I trust him more. How did this happen?
Reno: *shrugs* When you asked 'who wants to be second in case Tseng looses' I thought you said 'who wants seconds on the Russian booze' So I eagerly said yes.
Irvine: Russian vodka is good.
Kou: You know it! *high fives*
Fawkes: *laughs*
Raven: *clutching her head* You guys are giving me another headache... I'm going to lie down. Call Quistis and let her know so she can do damage control. Let's go Dauragon.
(They leave)
Kou: If Quistis doesn't know... I don't think I wanna be the one to tell her.
Reno: I sense a lot of yelling and hitting.
Irvine: You have no idea. This will probably be worse than touching her Triple Triad cards and that was bad. Trust me...
Rufus: *on the phone* Quistis... umm... we need you to come back over to the ramble room... it's kinda important...
(Fifteen minutes later, Quistis is in the room pacing back and forth. The guys sit on the couch watching her)
Kou: She's taking this better than I thought.
Reno: I thought you said she gets violent.
Irvine: Wait for it.
Rufus: Quistis, what are-
Irvine: *puts his hand up to stop Rufus* I wouldn't talk to her yet.
Quistis: *finally snapping* I'm going to hunt down this guy and make him pay! *she takes out her whip and cracks it at a vase, shattering it* This could ruin my career! *crack!* My reputation! *crack!*
(The guys and Fawkes jump behind the couch to get of harm's way as Quistis continues her war path. Squall comes in with a cheery Rinoa)
Rinoa: *watching Quistis* Is she trying out a new whip?
Rufus: *from behind the couch* Something like that.
Rinoa: Isn't it kinda dangerous to use a whip indoors?
Squall: What happened, Quistis?
(Quistis stops yelling and swinging her whip and runs to Squall and hugs him)
Quistis: Oh, Squall. It's terrible! Someone took pics of me changing without me knowing and published them in Girl Next Door and there's nothing I can do about it! I'm going to loose my job!
(she starts sobbing into his chest as she still hugs him. Squall slowly brings his arms up and comforts her. Rinoa doesn't look too pleased)
Squall: I think I know how to fix things.
Quistis: *sniffles* How?
Squall: Irvine, do you still get advanced copies?
Irvine: *comes out from behind the couch, along with the others* Yeah. Why?
Squall: Then we still have time. I know the editor.
Rinoa: And how exactly do you know the editor of Girl Next Door?
Squall: I saved him once.
Quistis: What are we waiting for, let's go!
(She and Squall rush out the door leaving behind Rinoa)
Rinoa: *mumbling* he doesn't comfort me like that anymore...
Kou: You don't look so good.
Rinoa: *faking a smile* I'm fine. Just upset that... someone would do this to a friend. I'm gonna go now. *she leaves*
Rufus: I wonder who would do such a thing.
Irvine: I have an idea... now the question is, do we hurt him, or let Quistis?
Reno: I think we should go get him, forcefully, and bring him to Quistis.
Fawkes: *laughs in agreement*
Rufus: Why is the hyena with us?
(They all rush off to Garden to find the photographer. Meanwhile, Squall and Quistis have arrived at the Girl Next Door head office/factory place thingy)
Squall: *to the receptionist* Squall here to see Bob the editor.
Receptionist: One moment please. *she picks up the phone, mumbles something, then puts it back down* You may go in.
(They rush into Bob's office and see a balding, short,
pudgy guy sitting at a desk. He stands when they come in)
Quistis: Stop the presses!
Squall: .......
Quistis: What? I've always wanted to say that.
Squall: *brings his hand to his forehead*
Bob: What can I do for you, Squall my boy? *looks at Quistis* Well, well, looks like our star of this issue is a friend of yours.
Squall: That's what I'm here about. Quistis didn't willingly pose for those photos. She didn't even know they were being taken.
Bob: Is this true?
Quistis: *close to tears again* Yes, sir.
Bob: Well then, we never publish photos without consent.
Quistis: You mean you won't run them?
Bob: Yep. *he pushes a button on his desk* Done.
Quistis: That's it? How?
Bob: You know those red buttons they tell you to never push? *points to the red button he pushed*
Quistis: Oh.
Squall: Whatever.
Bob: I'm sorry about all this.
Quistis: It's alright, no harm, no foul. Now, who gave you the photos?
Bob: It was a young guy in a SeeD uniform.
Quistis: You don't think it's...
Squall: Who else? Let's go.
(They thank Bob for his help and head to Garden. Meanwhile, Irvine has snuck Rufus, Reno, Kou, and Fawkes into the main office /cockpit thingy of Garden)
Kou: This thing can fly?
Irvine: Could. It's stationary again. Only flies when needed.
Reno: If it's stationary, why are we going to the cockpit?
Irvine: Because our culprit won't let go of his sorry excuse to triumph of a past.
Fawkes: *laughs*
(They take the final lift to the cockpit and find a guy clinging to the pendulum/control thingy)
Irvine: Nida!
Reno: What's the freak doing?
Rufus: It's quite sad, really.
Fawkes: *laughs*
Nida: Irvine! *spots the others* and a lot of big guys... what are you doing here?
Kou: We can ask you the same thing. Are you hiding perhaps?
Nida: Nonsense. I'm here cuz I use to pilot Garden! *beams proudly* Did Irvine ever tell you that?
Reno: No. Why would he? Not like you did anything useful.
Nida: But they'd still be stranded at Fisherman's Horizon if it wasn't for me!
Rufus: I think Squall would've managed.
Nida: Squall this, Squall that, ugh!
Squall: What about me?
(Squall and Quistis come up the lift and squish into the cockpit)
Nida: Squall! Hey, buddy! o_o;
Quistis: I should've known.
Nida: Known what?
Quistis: *grabbing Nida by his neck and slamming him against a window* You took those photos of me changing and gave them to Girl Next Door, didn't you!
Rufus: Uhh... Quistis, maybe you should loosen your grip a bit.
Quistis: Shut it, Shinra!
Rufus: Yes, ma'am.
Irvine: I think maybe you should answer the lady, she might let you breathe.
Nida: *sputtering* Ok... I... did... it...
Quistis: *letting Nida go* Why, did you do it?
Nida: *dropping to the floor, clutching his throat* To get Squall in trouble.
Kou: How would that happen? He could deny it. Everyone loves Squall anyway.
Nida: I know... that's why I did it. Only Squall has official access to all dorms whenever he wants because he's in charge and all, and he's Quistis' good friend, so people wouldn't think twice about him being in her room after hours.
(They all look at Quistis and Squall)
Squall/Quistis: It's nothing like that! *quietly* unfortunately...
Nida: Anyway, I figured Squall would get kicked to the curb and I would have his leader position.
Quistis: And what about me? Was I in your way too?
Nida: *throwing himself at Quistis' legs and clinging to her* No! I didn't want anything to happen to you! I love you!
Quistis: *trying to shake him off* Uhh... will someone help me?
(Irvine and Squall grab Nida, who stays clung to Quistis, then finally pry him off and toss him away from her)
Kou: Whatcha gonna do to him?
Quistis: I don't know yet.
Nida: *crawling back to Quistis* I'm sorry! Please, forgive me!
Raven: Look at that. The worm can crawl and beg at the same time.
(Raven and Dauragon come up the lift and join the already overcrowded cockpit)
Reno: Is it just me, or is this room shrinking?
Rufus: Is it just me, or are you getting dumber as the day progressives?
Dauragon: If we get rid of the hyena we'd have more room.
Irvine: People, we're loosing focus here. What about the peaking Nida?
Dauragon: So, we're not too late for the ass kicking?
Quistis: There will be no ass kicking today.
Everyone: What?! Why?
Quistis: I think his best punishment would strip him of his SeeD rank, ban him from Garden, and all things that fly.
Nida: No! You can't! *clings to Quistis' legs again*
Squall: You're right, she can't, but I can. I like her idea. Pack your things and get out.
Raven: Aww... *starts kicking Nida in the gut*
Dauragon: *pulling Raven away* What are you doing, woman?
Raven: That's for all the times he annoyed me when playing FF8. The way he pulled the controls to ram Galbadia Garden... ugh!
Fawkes: *laughs*
Dauragon: I think it's time for Raven to go before someone gets hurt.
Fawkes: *laughs again*
Dauragon: Someone get rid of the hyena!
(Raven and Dauragon leave with Fawkes following)
Irvine: Dauragon won't like that. *shrugs* Oh well.
Kou: So, no blood shed today. Damn, that sucks.
Reno: Yeah... let's go get drunk.
Irvine: First, let's escort our crying friend out of here.
(Irvine, Reno, and Kou grab Nida and leave)
Rufus: Well, I think I'll be going as well.
Although they were illegally taken, you looked great, Quistis.
Quistis: Thanks... I better not ever see you with those photos again though!
Rufus: *already down the lift* Yeah, yeah.
Quistis: Thanks for all your help today, Squall.
Squall: It's nothing. Just helping a friend.
Quistis: You know, you were the only one who didn't jump to see those photos.
Squall: It'd be invading your privacy. *quietly* Not like I didn't try to see them...
Quistis: Well, thanks again. *she kisses his cheek* Let's get out of here.
(Back at the ramble room, the Nida bashing continues)
Irvine: And that's what happened.
Crystal: That was his new plan to get rid of Squall?
Van: Sick freak.
Rufus: At least Quistis and Squall punished him well.
Raven: *pouting* I just wanted to kick his annoying ass...
