Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful, but Nothing Compared to Inside
(It's a few days after the snowboarding trip... Raven's sitting on the couch writing in a notebook with her right leg propped up on a pillow, Irvine, Reno, and Kou are drinking while re-telling for the billionth time their adventure
down the wrong side of the mountain, Crystal's playing Vagrant Story while Van watches, Zell's in the kitchen, Hunter and Aeris are making out in the corner, Sion, Vincent, Rude, and Rufus are all sitting around a table talking, Selphie and Rinoa are pressed against the window, bouncing around, watching it snow while Squall and Quistis pretend they don't know them, and finally, Sephiroth and Fawkes go see what Raven's doing)
Sephiroth: Hey, Raven.
Fawkes: *greetingly laughs*
Raven: *looking in her notes* Hi, Sephy-sama.
Sephiroth: Whatcha doing?
Raven: *still not looking up* Looking up definitions for my Product Analysis class.
Sephiroth: Oh... Lemme see. *he grabs the book and looks at it* What the hell is that word?
Raven: Diethylenediaminoglycine. ^_^
Sephiroth: *blinks, then counts* It's two letters away from being an alphabet!
Fawkes: *laughs*
Raven: *shrugs* The longer the word the more important it sounds.
Sephiroth: Whatever.
(The door bursts open letting in a cold breeze, snow flurries, and Dauragon who's wearing a leather coat, gloves, and ear muffs. o_o; He's also carrying a couple duffle bags)
Raven: It's cold! Close the door please!
Dauragon: I was. Chill, woman.
Raven: Bite me.
Dauragon: *perks a brow* Where?
Raven: *points somewhere on her body* Here.
Dauragon: o_o *He drops his bags and goes to sit with Raven on the couch*
Crystal: Slut.
Van: You don't even know where she pointed. You won't take your eyes on the screen and
Ashley Riot...
Crystal: So? I know my sister.
(Rinoa and Selphie are still bouncing while looking out the window)
Rinoa/Selphie: Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Selphie: One more time!
Squall/Quistis: -_-;
Squall: Will they ever shut up?
Quistis: Will they ever sing any other verse?
(Across the room Dauragon twitches and reaches for his chain)
Dauragon: Shut up!
Raven: Daurie, leave the crazies alone.
Irvine: Dudes, how cool would it be to get Fawkes drunk?
Reno: That'd be kick ass!
Kou: Seph will kill us... let's do it!
(They high five and call Fawkes over. Reno pours some vodka on the ground which Fawkes sniffs then laps up)
Fawkes: *laughing choke*
Kou: Let's give him more!
(They proceed to get Fawkes hammered while Vincent, Sion, Rude, and Rufus stare in disgust)
Rufus: I can't believe they're doing that.
Vincent: Sephiroth will kill them.
Rude: I think it's that fear that drives them.
Rufus: Such idiots.
Sion: I think it's cool.
(The all stare at him)
Sion: What?
Raven: So what's with the duffle bags?
Dauragon: You said I could move some of my clothes in.
Raven: That was today? Wait, I did? Was I on pain killers at the time?
Dauragon: Actually... yes...
Raven: Great... what else did I promise you?
Dauragon: *shifty eyes* Nothing...
Raven: Don't lie to me.
Dauragon: Don't give me orders.
Raven: Don't change the subject.
Dauragon: You're ordering again.
Raven: *glares* Dauragon C Mikado!
Dauragon: *shudders* You said it was ok for Hunter and me to kill Rufus.
Raven: What?! You will do no such thing! Rufus! Don't drink that juice!
(Rufus blinks, shrugs, and mumbles something about her being doped up on meds and continues to drink his juice)
Dauragon: Oh, please. Like Hunter and I would stoop to poison.
Raven: This is true.
Dauragon: Now. About me moving in...
(Before they ca discuss further, the front door opens again and Kuja saunters in wearing a very girly puffy pink coat. He closes the door before Raven can complain)
Everyone: *blink blink*
Sephiroth: WTF is Kuja doing here?
Raven: I invited him. Hi, hun. ^_^
Kuja: Hi, darling.
Sephiroth: This isn't gay pride week, woman!
Raven: Your point? And how come they only get a week? It should be everyday.
Hunter: I hope this doesn't lead to another adventure with protests and activists.
Reno: And bra burning! *high fives Irvine and Kou*
Hunter: -_-;
(Crystal finally turns Vagrant Story off, much to Van's
satisfaction, and turns the weather channel on)
Crystal: They say we're going to have four feet of snow dropped on us by morning.
Kuja: I'd say we're in for more.
Rufus: What. Are you a weatherwoman.. err.. man now?
Kuja: No. But there's already close to four feet on the ground and it's on 5pm.
Sion: Is that why the crazies keep singing that damn song?
(The door bursts open again with more flurries flying in while Seifer stumbles in)
Seifer: Man! It's freezing out there!
Crystal: It's freezing in her now. Close the door!
(He does)
Hunter: I guess we better be going home while we still can.
Seifer: Good luck. With the wind chill, it's like -35 and it's a total white out.
Kuja: Don't forget the black ice.
Crystal: Woo! No school tomorrow!
Raven: College will probably still be open... *mumbles profanities*
Zell: *flips out* We're gonna suffocate and die!
Seifer: No, we aren't, chicken-wuss.
Zell: *flips out more* What did you call me!
Vincent: Why do you think that?
Sephiroth: Don't encourage him!
Zell: It could keep snowing and snowing and all the doors and windows will be blocked and big mouths like Seph and Seifer will take all the air! OMG! We'll run out of food!!!
(Before anyone can calm him down, or Seph and Seifer can kill him for that comment, Zell passes out from
hyperventilating. Everyone pays no mind and carries on)
Aeris: Looks like we're staying here for the night. Is that alright, Raven?
Raven: It's gonna have to be. I have enough beds and
couches for y'all anyway.
Sion: Y'all? She has to stop hanging out with Irvine...
Dauragon: Well, this is boring. There isn't enough focus on me. Let's go move my stuff in.
Raven: *sighs* If we have to...
(Dauragon scoops Raven up and carries her upstairs)
Selphie/Rinoa: ...let it snow... let it snow... let... it... snow...
(Crystal is now lying on the couch reading with Van reading over her shoulder)
Crystal: Would you stop that.
Van: Is it annoying?
Crys: Yes.
Van: Good.
Crys: What?
Van: Maybe you'll stop reading and spend more time with me.
Crys: It's 'The Sky of Swords', it's good, I'm near the end and I want to finish it. Besides, we're stuck here all night. Not like you have anywhere to rush off to.
(Van sits on the floor in front of the couch and pouts)
(Reno, Irvine, Kou, and Fawkes are all drinking and laughing)
Irvine: This is awesome!
Fawkes: *laughs hysterically*
Kou: He can be our drinking mascot!
Fawkes: *laughs hysterically*
Reno: Wait til Seph finds out!
Sephiroth: Til Seph finds out what?
Irvine/Reno/Kou: o_o;;
Fawkes: *laughs hysterically*
Sephiroth: What's wrong with Fawkes?
Reno: *shrugs* Nothing.
Kou: He's breathing ain't he?
Fawkes: *laughs hysterically*
Sephiroth: You got him drunk!
Irvine: You know it! *he high fives Reno and Kou*
Sephiroth: I'm going to kill you...
Irvine: Not while Raven's around. You can't and you won't.
Fawkes: *laughs hysterically*
Sephiroth: Damnit. When she's high on pain killers again...
Irvine/Reno/Kou: o_o;;
Fawkes: *laughs hysterically*
(Meanwhile, upstairs... Raven is sitting on her bed and Dauragon is glaring)
Dauragon: You have five closets of clothes, and two for shoes... I think you can spare one.
Raven: I gave you a dresser drawer and a shelf. Oh! Don't forget the drawer in my bathroom.
Dauragon: *scowls*
(Back downstairs...)
Rufus: *standing by the back sliding door* Rude, I can't see the thermometer, go clean the snow off it.
Rude: .......
Rufus: Rude! I want to see how cold it is and be glad I'm inside!
(Rude sighs, opens the door, closes it quickly so people don't yell, then tries to get the ice and snow off the thermometer. He can't and starts to do that stupid shiver dance Cloud does when he climbs that mountain. Rufus sees him)
Rufus: If you want something done right...
(He goes outside, slamming the door behind him, which causes it to lock. After he struggles to clean it they go to go back in)
Rude: Are you going to open it?
Rufus: It's locked... eheheheh *sweatdrops*
Rude: .......
(They both start to do the stupid shiver dance and pound on the door)
(Back upstairs...)
Dauragon: Just how many shoes does one girl need?
Raven: That's not the way to win closet space!
(Back to the main room...)
Quistis: *hearing Raven* Dauragon's fighting a losing battle.
Squall: How so?
Quistis: She'll never give up closet space.
Squall: Even for her hottie baddie bf?
Quistis: *looks at him oddly*
Squall: What? I don't think that... just repeating what Raven says.
Quistis: I sure hope so. You had me worried for a second.
(Irvine, Reno, and Kou are still laughing and drinking when Fawkes' eyes roll to the back of his head and he passes out)
Irvine: OMG! We killed the hyena!
Reno: Us bastards!
Kou: You know... that joke just doesn't work the same when we're blaming ourselves...
(Seifer walks by)
Seifer: *blinks* You broke the hyena!
Reno: No we didn't. He's sleeping.
Seifer: *mockingly sings* Sephiroth's gonna kill you...
Kou: Not before we kill you if you don't shut up and go away!
(Seifer bolts to the other side of the room, passing Kuja who's going through Raven's nail polish)
Kuja: Crystal, hun...
Crystal: Don't even think about it, Kuja. Use Van.
Van: *panicking* Use Van for what?! Use Van for what?!
(In the bedroom with the lovely couple...)
Dauragon: *holding up a dress that looks like a disco ball* What the hell is this?!
Raven: Don't mock the clothes!
(Sion's boredly looking around the room when he spots Rufus and Rude barely doing the stupid shiver dance. He gets up to go let them in)
Hunter: What are you doing, Sion? Leave Shinra out there. Raven can't blame me if he freezes.
Sion: Umm... but Rude is out there with him.
Hunter: Damn. Fine, let them in...
(Sion walks over the still unconscious Zell, walks to the door, opens it, and two blocks of ice shaped like Rude and Rufus waddle in and go straight to the heating vents)
Hunter: So what's the temperature?
Rufus: I'd say Seifer's estimate was a bit off. Feels closer to -40 to me.
Rude: *nods in agreement*
(Before Hunter can get a good jab in at Rufus Aeris distracts him with more kissing)
(Squall, Quistis, Vincent, Seifer, and Sephiroth have gathered around the TV)
Vincent: Let's watch the Olympics.
Quistis: Sounds good.
Squall: ......
Sephiroth: Isn't there something with more violence?
Seifer: Let's watch Dawson's Creek! Joey and Dawson hook up again!
Everyone: *stares*
Seifer: I err... mean... Joey's hot. o_o;;
Quistis: Vincent has the controller and I say we watch what he wants, and that's the Olympics.
Seifer: You're not in charge here, Instructor.
Squall: ......
Sephiroth: If I can't watch violence, I'll have to make my own.
(He grabs Squall into a head lock. Squall hits himself in the forehead, and just takes the abuse until Seifer starts harassing Quistis, and Sephy starts in on Vinnie. They all start arguing and pushing)
(Let's check in upstairs...)
Dauragon: *holds up snake print leather pants* You've actually worn this? In public?
Raven: Once. Last year.
Dauragon: You've worn it once and that was last year? Why keep it then?
Raven: I might wear it again.
Dauragon: *digs in the closet and pulls out a multi-coloured piece of material that Raven claims is a shirt* This still has the price tag on it!
Raven: I might wear that still. You never know when one might need a shirt like that.
(Downstairs we go again...)
Selphie/Rinoa: *singing* Oh Mr Sun, sun, Mr Golden sun, please shine down on me...
Van: Please... stop... no more...
Kuja: I'm almost done. Now shush up and stop squirming. You're ruining my job.
Van: Crystal! Do something!
Crystal: *still reading* Sorry, hun, busy. *glances over* Nice job, Kuja.
Kuja: I know. I am the best.
Crys: Raven might disagree.
Kuja: I've had more practice than her.
Crys: Doubt it.
Kuja: You dare to say someone else is better at painting nails than me?!
Crys: Yep.
Kuja: *sighs* Fine. Since I like Raven and she doesn't hurt my eyes, I'll agree to her and I being nail polisher equals.
Crys: Deal. Nice colour btw.
Van: Shoot me...
(One more trip upstairs...)
Raven: Why do you need so much space? You wear a coat that needs one little hanger, and overalls. Overalls! They can go in the drawer I gave you!
Dauragon: They could get wrinkled!
Raven: Don't go anal retentive on me!
(Fawkes comes slinking in the room and sits by some of the shirts that landed on the floor during the war of clothes tossing)
Raven: Hi, Fawkes.
Dauragon: Don't try to distract me out of this argument with the hyena!
Raven: I wasn't! I was saying hi!
Fawkes: *laughs then throws up on a shirt*
Raven: o_o! No! *turns her back to them* Please tell me that's not the shirt I think it is!
Dauragon: *looks at it* I'm afraid so. *he wraps his arms around her and hugs*
Raven: *punches his arm* It's your fault! You threw it there!
Dauragon: It's Sephiroth's hyena! And I think he's hung over thanks to Kou, Irvine, and Reno.
Raven: I'm going to kill them all! Carry me downstairs.
Dauragon: Why should I?
Raven: Because I have a sprained ankle and you're my sexy baddie bf.
Dauragon: Oh. right.
(Dauragon picks her up, kicks Fawkes out, and goes downstairs. They enter to see Quistis, Seifer, Squall, Sephiroth, and Vincent fighting over the controller, Zell still passed out, Hunter and Aeris making out, Rinoa and Selphie singing, Crystal and Kuja arguing over what colour polish Van should have on his toes, Van pouting while he's forced to hold his hands in front of him to dry, Sion holding a blow dryer on Rude and Rufus, and Irvine, Kou, and Reno drinking and tossing cards at each other. Dauragon and Raven look at each other)
Dauragon: I can kill them for you.
Raven: I'd say yes, but I think if we wait long enough some of them will kill each other. Let's go back upstairs. We can negotiate closet space more.
Dauragon: I think I have a new battle plan too.
(The next morning everyone gets up from their beds,
couches, or floor space. The place is a mess with cards everywhere, pillows ripped open with feathers and fluff everywhere, a nail polish stain on the carpet, and water stains near the heating vents. Everyone slowly gathers in the room. Dauragon comes down carrying Raven who's
uncharacteristically layered in about four shirts, a pair of pants, two skirts on top, and three hats. Everyone stares)
Hunter: What the hell are you wearing?
Crystal: Freak.
Sephiroth: Did your closet explode on you?
Raven: *sighs* Dauragon and I came to an agreement. Any clothes that I haven't worn in over four months has to go.
Rufus: And this has to do with you wearing that hideous getup how?
Raven: I didn't want to give up any of my clothes so I'm wearing them all.
Dauragon: I knew she wouldn't stick to our agreement, so I made that a clause.
Rufus: Shrewd business man dealing. Very nice.
Reno: Women and their clothes... why is it so hard to separate them? Not that I would know, I can always get my women out of their clothing. *he high fives Irvine and Kou*
Sephiroth: Do they ever stop?
Vincent: Do you have to ask?
(Fawkes comes crawling in and goes to Sephiroth and lays at his feet)
Fawkes: *half laughs then whimpers in pain*
Sephiroth: I'm going to kill you three! Look at my hyena!