Just a little note explaining stuff... Steve is from the show, "The Crocodile Hunter" I love this show. He's
Australian and he goes all over the world and looks at animals and talks about them and he gets excited and ends up talking like THIS and making some WORDS more prominent than OTHERS. Anyway, he likes to go after the poisonous deadly snakes and it's a hoot to watch. So yeah, there ya go.
(The theme song and opening montage start playing. You guessed it, more new footage was added. This time Sephiroth getting his foot stomped, Reno drunk, and Kuja twirling as he shows off his outfit. The song fades and we see Raven in her cozy purple chair like always. Applause starts, but is doesn't sound cheesy)
Raven: Hiya! Welcome to FFLive! *applause* Weehee! Somehow I managed to get a live audience!
(The camera pans and shows a bunch of mini Vivis and black mages, then pans back to Raven)
Raven: *shrugs* It's a start.
Sephiroth: *from backstage* They were the only ones stupid enough to take the free tickets!
Raven: Shut up, Sephiroth! At least I have the cutest audience. ^_^
Sephiroth: *still backstage* Oh there's a claim.
Raven: Shush! *deep breath* Anyway... on today's show we have the Crocodile Hunter himself, Steve! And of course he's bringing a bunch of animals, hopefully all cute and cuddly. Plus! Some FFers will be helping me and Steve with the animals... Oh, as if this isn't a lawsuit waiting to happen... we'll be right back after this.
(The cute Vivis start applauding as we go to commercial and return. Raven is sitting in her cozy chair still)
Raven: He's been the Crocodile Hunter for years, and he's still enthusiastic and loving his job, and we love watching him. Please welcome, Steve!
(The Vivis start clapping as Steve comes in his tanned shorts, shirt, socks, and shoes. He sits on the purple couch near Raven)
Raven: Hi, Steve. How are you? I know you're just recovering from a nasty spider bite.
Steve: *Aussie accent* Hi RAVEN! I'm doing much better now. I've been bitten so many times my body's building it's own resistance.
Raven: Aren't you ever afraid?
Steve: Sometimes. But it's all part of the job! Besides, they're doing what nature told them to. Protecting themselves from big scary blokes, like ME.
Raven: *giggling* Oh, Steve, you're too funny. Well, shall we bring out our assistants and get started?
(They all come out with the Vivis clapping. Selphie is smiling and happy, Rufus, Reno, and Irvine look a bit worried, and Sephiroth already looks bored. When they're all out, they stand by Raven and Steve who have relocated and are standing in the open area of the stage. The Vivis keep clapping)
Raven: You can stop clapping now...
(They stop)
Sephiroth: Told you they suck.
Raven: Oh, shut up. So, Steve, what do you have first?
Steve: You're going to love this one, Raven. It's a white TIGER!
(He runs backstage and returns with a cute little white tiger)
Raven: Aww... it's so cute! What's it's name? Can I pet him?
Steve: Her name is Snowflake. She's seven months old, and LOVES to have her belly rubbed.
(Raven goes over and starts rubbing Snowflake's belly)
Steve: Looks like she likes you, RAVEN. Why don't you cuddle with her. She loves hugs.
Raven: EEE! Okies! *she picks her up and cuddles. Snowflake starts purring* Aww... Hey, Reno, why don't you try?
(She hands over Snowflake to Reno who looks awkward then relaxes a bit when she starts to purr)
Reno: Hey, this ain't so bad. *he starts to rub her chin and she bites his finger* Ah! She bit me!
Steve: That was just a love nip, mate.
Reno: Oh, ok. *he pets some more and she bites again* OW! That was not a love nip! *he drops Snowflake*
Raven: Reno! Don't ruin my show. You're fine.
Reno: I'm bleeding!
Raven: Barely. Now, shush up.
Reno: This is why I'm not a cat person...
Raven: What's next, Steve?
Steve: Well, Raven, it's a kangaroo.
(he goes backstage and returns with a kangaroo on a leash. He hands the leash over to a reluctant Rufus)
Rufus: I refuse to hold this. This THING can attack me. RENO!
Reno: No! I'm bleeding. You take care of it.
Rufus: But it's ugly... and it could kill me...
Raven: No it can't. It's only a kangaroo.
Steve: Actually Raven, it's kick to the chest could kill a man.
Rufus: Ah! It can kill me! *the kangaroo hops to Rufus, stops, looks at him, Rufus cowers, and the kangaroo hops back* I just saw my life flash before my eyes... O_O Money! Missing! *he reaches into his pockets and searches them frantically* My wallet's gone! Raven!
Raven: I didn't take it!
Rufus: You always take it!
Raven: I do not! I con you into giving it to me!
Rufus: Good point. Well, someone took it.
(They all look at the kangaroo who's bouncing around more than Selphie {Is that possible?} and they see Rufus' wallet hanging out of the pouch)
Rufus: Thief! Someone stop him!
Steve: *slowly creeping to the kangaroo* I'll get it for you, mate.
Zell: I'll get it!
(Zell runs over to the kangaroo and adopts his fighting stance. The kangaroo does the same)
Steve: WOW! This is quite interesting! Zell has challenged him, and he's accepted!
(The kangaroo strikes first with a punch to Zell's face. Zell recovers and punches the kangaroo's face. While he recovers, Zell grabs the wallet and turns around in triumph)
Zell: I got it! I got it!
(The kangaroo is angry and kicks Zell across the room and lands in a pile)
Zell: Ow... I think I'll just sit over here a while...
Raven: You do that... at this rate I'm going to be cancelled... I think it's time for a break.
(Applause... commercial... and more applause as we see Zell sitting on the purple couch with an ice pack on his head)
Raven: Welcome back. What's next, Steve?
Steve: Well, we have a chimpanzee!
(He runs backstage and returns with a chimp clinging to his neck)
Raven: How... adorable...
Steve: Do you want to hold her?
Raven: No. I mean, Sephy looks bored.
Sephiroth: Wha? No! I will not have that thing clinging to me!
Steve: Go to Sephiroth, Bonnie.
(Instead of going to Sephiroth, Bonnie goes to Irvine, climbs up his leg and clings to his neck)
Irvine: *blinks* Hey there little lady. *she makes a happy chimp noise*
Steve: I think she loves you.
Irvine: Of course she does. All women do. Even the animals.
Sephiroth: That's not something to brag about...
Raven: Let's get something out here for Sephy...
(Steve goes backstage and comes back with a hyena)
Steve: This is a laughing hyena. They're great to have around when you tell a joke. They laugh at anything.
Sephiroth: Oh really... hey, hyena. Look at Irvine and the chimp.
(the hyena looks and does a hyena laugh)
Sephiroth: hehe I like this guy.
Steve: Next! I have a surprise!
Raven: Uh-oh...
(He goes backstage and returns with a huge snake)
Raven: AHH! A SNAKE!
(She jumps on her chair and stays there while Selphie bounces around)
Selphie: A snake! It's so cute!
Steve: This is the most VENOMOUS snake in all of AFRICA! Any sudden movements could result in disaster!
(That warning came a bit too late... Selphie was still being Selphie and jumping around and she went towards the snake who lashed out at her and bit her ankle)
Selphie: Uh-oh...
Steve: This is INCREDIBLE! If we don't get the anti-venom in her and get her to the hospital within twenty minutes of the bite, she could DIE!
Selphie: AH! get the anti-venom!
Raven: I don't want to be sued!
(Sephiroth's hyena starts laughing)
Sephiroth: Can I keep him? He knows good humour.
(The hyena looks at Sephiroth and laughs)
Sephiroth: Never mind... stupid animal...
Irvine: *still with Bonnie clinging* Where's Zell? He's been way quiet.
Rufus: Who cares. It's quiet. I like it this way.
(Zell's still sitting on the couch when the renegade snake comes up behind him and coils around him. Zell tries to yell for help, but he's being squeezed too tightly)
Reno: *still pampering his finger* What's that muffled noise?
Raven: *still on her chair, and spotting Zell* OMG! The snake is squishing Zell!
Reno: That bastard!
(Irvine and Steve run to Zell and try to pry the snake off. Sephiroth and the hyena start laughing, Selphie's passed out, Reno's started to whine about his finger again, Rufus is counting his money while glaring at the kangaroo, and Raven is still standing on her chair)
Raven: Oh I am so going to be cancelled...
(Sephiroth and the hyena laugh harder)
Raven: Would you two shut up!
Sephiroth: I love this animal!
Raven: *hand to head* I'm Raven Lynliss, and this is FFLive... hopefully I'll see you next time...
(The theme and credits start going and the paramedics come out to get Selphie, Steve's crew come to collect the animals. Sephiroth puts up a fight for the hyena, and Bonnie puts up a fight for Irvine. As the
credits are finishing, Zell is free and unconscious, and Irvine and Reno are trying to convince Raven to get off her chair, and Raven is shaking her head no. And we fade out)
