Irvine's Dream Comes True
(Everyone is sitting about the ramble room, doing their usual things. Reno, Kou, Irvine, Quistis, Selphie, and Yuffie are playing Strip Poker. Kou and Quistis are losing badly. Raven and Dauragon are practically on the floor making out. Rude, Vincent, Sephiroth, Tseng, and Reeve are actually having a fairly intelligent conversation [intelligent? in the rambles? What's going on!?]. Hunter and Aeris are sitting about sweetly conversing, and Tifa is trying to make Cloud pay attention to his crayons and paper. Sion is in the bathroom, and Squall and Rinoa haven't been seen.)
Sion: Damn... even the bathroom has weird crap in it.
Raven: Weird crap? This coming from the boy who got lost in Zell's closet... What would you prefer? Flowers and frilly things?
Zell: *walking in the door* Hey! My Closet is cool!
Kou: Speaking of closets... I could use a trip to one.
Quistis: *In only her bra and panties, looking worriedly at her cards, and peeking at Kou's.* You say that again, and I will reach down there and rip 'it' off.
Kou: You promise? I like my women feisty.
(Quistis starts strangling Kou, which causes him to drop his cards.)
Irvine: Hey! He got a Royal Flush!
(Reno nods, chuckles, then reaches over and unhooks Quistis' bra, causing Quistis to scream. She covers herself with her left arm, spins around and bitchslaps Reno.)
Quistis: NOT-IN-PUBLIC!
(Everyone blinks)
Quistis: *stops slapping Reno, and coughs.* Ahem... NEVER! *Resumes bitchslapping.*
Raven: And y'all thought I had the temper...
Hunter: You still do. She just might currently be more dangerous.
(Squall and Rinoa walk in the door, and Rinoa looks at the card table scene worriedly.)
Rinoa: Did we come at the wrong time?
Raven: Anytime is a wrong time where you're concerned.
Rinoa: Hmph. Well isn't someone in a wonderful mood?
(Raven opens her mouth to snap at Rinoa, but Dauragon reoccupies her.)
Squall: Well, if you don't mind me interjecting here, I have an important announcement.
Rude: Interesting... Squall spoke.
(Tseng and Reeve look strangely at Rude.)
Rude: What?
(The room shushes and Squall nods.)
Squall: Well. Irvine is going to be made a SeeD.
(Irvine drops his cards in amazement, then jumps up and sends his hat [which was covering 'it'] flying.)
Kou/Reno: AGH! EYES BURNING!
Women: *Stare.*
Irvine: What?... Oh. Say, where'd my hat go?
Sephiroth: *Mumbles something.* Kinneas... I will kill you.
(Seph runs across the room after Irvy, but trips and falls flat on his face. Aeris giggles and pulls her foot back quickly.)
Vincent: Oh dear... *covers his mouth and laughs very lightly.*
(Later, at the Ceremony)
Irvine: *wearing his SeeD uniform, shaking, and hugging everyone within range of sight.* Alright! This is great! *hugs a random tech guy.* This is fantastic! Yes yes yes! *Sees Squall and hugs him too.*
Squall: Irvine... you're acting disturbingly like my father.
Irvine: *Shrugs.* So? I'm happy!!!!! *dances around.*
Quistis: This is really how he gets when he has no alcohol in his system, huh?
Zell: *Punching air* Hey, it's cool! one of our best buds is finally a SeeD! *Keeps punching air, and Irvine runs over and hugs him too.*
(Out in the house section of the auditorium)
Sephiroth: Vinnnncent... I don't like this suit!
Vincent: Sephiroth, stop it. You're embarrassing me.
Sephiroth: But... But... *Puppy dog eyes.*
Vincent: Oh dear... *kisses Sephiroth's cheek.* Let's just sit, and as soon as it's over, we'll go.
Sephiroth: But... I want to go now...
Vincent: Seph... I'll buy you chocolates if you stay.
Sephiroth: Well... alright. *hugs Vincent.*
(Reeve, who has been sitting behind Seph and Vince this whole time, edges his chair away...)
Dauragon: Why are we here? We could be back at my place making out.
Raven: So true, and very tempting. But Irvine is my friend and I always believed he should've been a SeeD. So I'm not gonna miss this for anything. You know, it's about time Squall realized-
(Dauragon leans over, pulls her into a kiss, then breaks it)
Dauragon: You talk too much.
Raven: *_* Less talking, more kissing.
(They start making out)
Selphie: MYIRVYISASEEDYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!!! HE'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GREAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!! *She grabs Sion's shirt and shakes him* IT'S GREAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!
Sion: Jesus!!! *Lays a right hook into Selphie, and straightens his shirt.* Crazy woman.
Kou: Hey, This is pretty cool!
Hunter: *Wearing a black silk button up T-shirt, with matching silk pants. He steps over the knocked out Selphie.* Sion, did you have to hit her so hard? I mean, now she's just kind of lying there cluttering the floor like trash.
Aeris: *Wearing a fairly high-cut pink dress with spaghetti straps and a flaring about the hips, she also steps over Selphie.* Hunter, that's mean! Put her in a chair!
Hunter: Yes, dear...
(Hunter sets her in a chair and the music for the ceremony begins, with Rude and Tseng coming in the room
precisely on time. Rufus comes running in wearing a suit of white silk, which prompts him to start complaining at Hunter for wearing something too similar, which puts him on the end of a haymaker.)
Nida: *Banging on the backstage door* LET ME IN! I'M A SEED TOO!
Squall: Not anymore. Zell, can you take care of him?
Zell: Bonus?
Squall: Deal.
(Zell runs outside, throws Nida in the dumpster and proceeds to slam the dumpster lid on Nida many times over.)
(Squall comes out on stage and bows, then places his hands on the podium and waits for the applause to die down.)
Squall: Tonight we celebrate this year's graduating class of SeeD, which I am pleased to say is the largest student body graduating since the founding of Garden. *Squall runs through the boring stuff for a while, and the graduating class members all shake hands with him and the other SeeDs.* Now, we have a very special graduation at our ceremony. This man helped to defeat the sorceress and aided a SeeD team throughout their missions, although he was still a student at the galbadian branch of Garden.
Reno: *Walking in, clean shaven, suit straight, ironed, washed, hair combed, and wearing a new pair of goggles* AND HE KICKS ASS!!!!!
Squall: *quietly* Christ... Quistis, remind me to kill him. *Back into the microphone* Finally, I present to you the first student to graduate to a level 30 SeeD at induction! Irvine Charles Kinneas!!!
(Irvine walks out on stage, hair out of it's ponytail and very carefully brushed and set about his shoulders. He bows and smiles, and brushes his hair to the side. All the women drool.)
Irvine: Hey... Cool! Um... I'm really glad to finally be a SeeD! Go Squall, man! Reno, You rock! You too, Kou! *In a quieter, sexy voice* And Quistis, I'll see you later.
(Quistis turns eight shades of red and looks ready to kill Irvine, and Kou sets off a firework. Everyone else runs off to the dance, and Zell walks in wiping blood off his gloves.)
Raven: Oh! I love this song!
Dauragon: I do not dance.
Raven: I KNOW. You've told me this for the last five minutes now.
Dauragon: Oh. Well, it's true.
Raven: *sighs* Fine. You can stand on the dance floor, no dancing, looking like the sexy stubborn fool you are, and I'll dance up on you.
(She grabs his arm and speed walks to the center of the dance floor with Dauragon stumbling behind her, obviously forced against his will)
Rinoa: *who's been watching Raven and Dauragon* Gee, he reminds me of someone I know...
Squall: .....
Rinoa: C'mon, let's show them how it's done.
(She grabs Squall's arm and drags him on the floor and starts dancing next to Raven and Dauragon. The guys exchange pleading looks)
Raven: *glaring* Crackwhore.
Rinoa: *glaring back* Skank.
Raven: o_o Bitch!
(The girls go to lunge at each other but their respective guy pulls them to opposite corners of the room to cool off)
(Vincent and Sephiroth are making their way across the room lightly mingling as they try to find Irvine)
Sephiroth: Why can't we just go home now?
Vincent: I told you, my sweetness, we must congratulate Irvine first.
Sephiroth: And I told you that I don't like the guy. Mail him a card for all I care, but let's go!
Vincent: Soon, my dear Sephiroth. I'm sure we'll find him so- Oh, there he is now.
(They walk up to Irvine who is surrounded by giggling girls. Irvine turns and sees them, and hugs them both)
Vincent: I wanted to come and say congratulations and there isn't a better man who deserved becoming a SeeD.
Irvine: *hugs Vincent* Thanks, man.
(They both look at Sephiroth and Vincent nudges him)
Sephiroth: Yeah... congrats... or something...
Irvine: *hugs him too* Thank you. So are you guys having fun?
Sephiroth: *whining* Vincent! He hugged me!
Vincent: *ignoring Seph* We are. Sadly, we must retire. Sephiroth is a bit too cranky to be social for too long today.
Irvine: Oh. Isn't he always though? *Seph glares at him* Well, thanks again for coming! *hugs them both again and turns back to the girls*
(Sephiroth and Vincent attempt a break for the door before anyone else wants to chat)
(Reno and Kou are chatting it up with some girls when they're spotted by Raven who quickly bounces over to see them, with a very unamused
Dauragon behind her)
Raven: Hey boys! Wow, Reno, you went all out for this.
Reno: I had to look my best. This was my best friend's biggest day, not just another day on the job.
Raven: You know... you look great all clean shaven and tucked in... but... I think I prefer you all wrinkled and
slobbish.
Reno: *blinks* This coming from the neat freak...
Raven: *shrugs* There's an exception to every rule remember. And sloppy looks hot on you.
Kou: What about me? How do I look?
Raven: Great, as always. Now, I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta find Irvy.
(She and Dauragon wander off)
Kou: Speaking off Irvine.. what are we going to get him as a
congrats gift?
Reno: I think I have an idea...
(They huddle together and start discussing)
(Sion's standing at the refreshments table, sipping punch and turning down girls who want to dance with him. Hunter and Aeris are a few feet away dancing, when Rufus comes over)
Rufus: *grabs Sion's hand and shakes it* Wonderful evening you've planned here, Squall.
Sion: *blinks* I'm not Squall...
Rufus: *looks closer* Eheheheh Of course you're not... -_-; *mumbling* You people should really wear name tags... I think I'll go find Raven and dance with her...
Sion: Good luck. You don't wanna mess with Dauragon when he's all territorial. Besides, he hates you.
Rufus: *shrugs* He hates us all. Not like he's a barrel of laughs himself...
(Rufus wanders off and Sion's left to his punch and girls)
Aeris: *still dancing* I'm so happy for Irvine. He's wanted this for so long and he's worked so hard to achieve it.
Hunter: *spinning Aeris away* You'd hardly know it the way he's always drinking and partying.
Aeris: *spins back into Hunter and lightly bumps into him on purpose* I heard that, and that's not very nice.
Hunter: Hey, Irvine's my friend, I was just jo- sorry...
(Kou and Reno finished their planning and broke free from their circle of girls and found Irvine)
Reno: Alright, man! You're finally a SeeD! *he high fives Irvine*
Kou: That so kicks ass! This deserves one hell of a celebration!
Irvine: Sweet! What do y'all have in mind?
(Reno and Kou exchange glances before each grabbing one of Irvine's arms and leading him out the door)
(As Sephiroth and Vincent are almost out the door Raven and Dauragon appear)
Sephiroth: Please don't let her see us... Please don't have her talk to us...
Raven: Hey guys!
Sephiroth: Damnit.
Raven: Have you seen Irvine?
(Vincent tries to speak but Sephiroth cuts him off)
Sephiroth: Nope. No cowboy slut sightings all night. Bye now. *he runs out the door dragging Vincent who waves to Raven before disappearing*
Raven: *frowns* But I wanna tell him how proud I am...
Dauragon: Tell him some other time.
Raven: *pouts* But I wanna tell him now...
Dauragon: Fine... let's go find him...
Raven: Yay!
(Five minutes pass)
Dauragon: No sign of him. Let's go.
Raven: I dunno... we didn't look long...
Dauragon: We can either continue looking for him when you know you'll see him tomorrow or we can go to your place and make out.
Raven: Point taken. Let's go.
(They leave already in make out mode)
(Rinoa, Squall, and Quistis are standing off to the side observing things)
Rinoa: This was a great success, Squall. Great decorations too. You're so talented.
Quistis: Thank you.
Rinoa: Wha?
Quistis: You think Squall is this creative? I planned the dance. I basically organized it all. All Squall did was make the big speech. Anything else he might have done, he learned from me.
Rinoa: Oh... Good job on the speech Squall.
Squall: ......
Quistis: *hand to her head* You're hopeless and clueless... *looks at her watch* Time for me to cut out. Other business to attend to. *she leaves*
(A little later on people start to clear out. Squall's standing by the door thanking people for coming)
Rufus: *looks closely at Squall* Ok, you are Squall. Wonderful evening... should do it again soon... Night.
Sion: Great party... Garden chicks are a bit aggressive though. They wouldn't leave me alone.
Squall: *nods* I know... But I think all FF8 chicks are like that. *casually
gestures to Rinoa*
Sion: I feel your pain. See ya.
(Reeve, Rude, and Tseng {who were somehow forgotten about in the dance half of the evening >.<} are all heading out as well. Rude and Tseng are discussing "Turk Business" while
Reeve tries to interject with comments about how useful Cait Sith is *snorts*)
(After everyone finally clears out, Squall, Rinoa, Zell, Hunter, and Aeris stay to clean up. After an hour of cleaning they leave, satisfied with their job)
Selphie: *finally comes to and looks around the dark and empty auditorium* What?! I missed my Irvy-poo becoming a SeeD?! NO!!! With Shiva as my witness I'll get revenge for this! *she starts to leave but trips* Ow. *passes out*
The End
There you have it... not really the best ending now is it? Sorry, it was the best I could do at 1am. Btw, the funnier stuff is obviously what Drew wrote.