The Generic Sleepover
Pillow Fight...?
Author's Note: I'm going to say a more considerable amount of time passed between my last ramble and this one... because at the end of my last, Hunter and Aeris with flirting still, and in this, they're a full-fledged couple.
(The Arena is kind of noisy, as most people are there. The ones missing are Barret,
Cid, Tseng, Reeve, Rude, Rufus, and Laguna [obviously, people like Heidegger and Hojo
are not there either.] Hunter comes down the stairs from his room and finds the usual
scene of people yapping. He clears his throat and yells.)
Hunter: YO! Listen up! (Everyone shushes) I invited another buddy over. He's gonna be here in a few. My warning: Don't piss him off!
Raven: *ignores the warning* Are they hot?
Hunter: *grumbles.* yeah. Did you even hear what I said?
Raven: You said something?
(The doorbell rings and Selphie shoots off like a rocket to the door.)
Selphie: Igotit-Igotit-Igotit-Igotit-Igotit-Igotit-
(She opens the door and looks at the three men standing there.)
Selphie: I...got...it. *stares*
Dauragon: *grumble.* Why do I come to such stupid things...?
Kou: *waves his hand in front of Selphie's face* Wakie-wakie, little lady?
Sion: Um... Right...
(Sion walks around Selphie and inside the Arena, and looks around. He finds Hunter easily enough, as he's sitting on the stairs with Aeris in his lap, and they're talking.)
Hunter: Hey Sion. How ya doin'?
Sion: Good enough. How about you?
Hunter: Same old, I guess. Hey...watch out around here... you never know who Raven is gonna go after next. Also...stay away from windows. Scarlet may be watching.
Sion: *sweatdrops.* right... I'll... uh... keep that in mind.
Aeris: You know, Huntsy, if you keep bringing these bishies in, you'll eventually drive me and all the other girls crazy.
Hunter: Who says I'm not trying to drive you crazy? There's nothing wrong with a little nuttiness.
Aeris: There is too... look at Seph.
Hunter: Point taken. By the way, you're being mean again, hon.
Aeris: Shush. Am not. *Pinches Hunter's mouth shut.*
(Dauragon is standing in corner, mumbling something that sounds similar to Cid's usual train of speech. Raven is across the room, staring at him. Dauragon looks up and stares back at her.)
Rinoa: Did you notice Raven has shut up for several minutes?
Squall: No.
Rinoa: She has.
Squall: Whatever.
Rinoa: Squall!
Squall: What?
Rinoa: What is wrong with you?!
Squall: I don't know.
Rinoa: ARGH!
Squall: Whatever.
(Kou is now sitting in a chair opposite Irvine and Reno on the couch, and Irvine is fanning a still-stunned Selphie with his hat. Reno is on his second bottle of vodka, and
seems to be enjoying it very much...He is, however, still sober.)
Irvine: Damn, this is not working...
Reno: Try some of this on her... *he hands Irvine the bottle.*
Kou: She ever had anything like that before?
Reno: Doubtful.
Irvine: Hey, I'm intoxicating... so I'd say yes.
Kou: Yeah. Right.
(They pour a fourth of the bottle down Selphie's throat, and stand back. Kou rolls backwards and hides behind the chair.)
Selphie: WOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Snatches the bottle.* This stuff is great! *Runs around chugging the bottle.*
Irvine: Um... Crap?
Reno: We'd better catch her... and that means work. Damnit.
Kou:*shrugs.* Let's just get her before she does something really stupid, or pukes.
Reno: As if she hasn't already done something stupid.
Irvine: *Looks out the window.* Guys... she just went on the roof.
Kou/Reno: *sweatdrop.*
(List of people who are currently making out and ignoring everything else around
them: Aeris/Hunter, Dauragon/Raven, and Squall/Rinoa. Seph and Vince have disappeared, and although they're not making out, Cloud is oblivious cause he's Cloud, and Tifa is trying
to help Cloud have things make sense. Besides all that... Sion has been caught by the remaining women [Quistis and Elena, Yuffie got bored and left to look for materia before the story started.] and they're fighting over him.)
Quistis: Bitch! He doesn't want you! You're just a ho anyways!
Elena: You're a slut! Throwing yourself at Squall! You disgust me!
Quistis: Me throwing myself at Squall!? Look at you and Tseng!
Sion: *Looking at the ceiling in desperation.* Help me...
-Back to Kou, Reno, Irvine, and Selphie.-
Kou: I got her! *grabs for Selphie and trips, falling flat on his face.* Never mind...
Irvine: *Clinging to the side of the roof after a failed attempt to catch Selphie.* Reno! Help, man!
Reno: She's got the booze! Hang on!
Kou: Jesus.
(Selphie all the sudden looks sick, and falls through the skylight, landing on the couch and bouncing off a conveniently placed Zell.)
Zell: It's raining people!!!
(Reno, Kou, and Irvine dive through the skylight and look at Selphie, who has an extremely sick look on her face.)
Reno: Take her to the toilet! Now!
(All three men parade off in a line, Selphie lying across their shoulders.)
Selphie: Hu... AAGGGGHHHH!!!!
Irvine: AW, NOT ON THE COAT, BABE!!!!
-Later that night.-
Raven: Men! In your pj's!!! NOW!
All guys: Why?
Raven: BECAUSE I SAID SO!
All guys: *sweatdrop and obey.*
(All the guys disappear to other rooms in the house, except Hunter. Hunter takes his gloves, elbow pads, and boots off, and ponytails his hair. He shrugs.)
Hunter: I'm changed.
Raven: Hunter, you're disqualified.
Hunter: From what?
Selphie: *squeaks* The JPG contest! *groans and rolls over.*
(The guys line up at the door per Raven's instruction, and Raven goes inside and sits down to introduce them.)
Raven: First- Squall!
(Squall walks in wearing plaid boxers and a wifebeater. He shrugs and turns around, and sits in the corner.)
Raven: Next- Dauragon! *she drools.*
(Dauragon walks in wearing nothing more than a pair of underwear, thanks to Raven. He takes his black
JPG pants away from Raven, puts them on, sneers, and sits down next to Squall, who promptly uses his trademark line at Dauragon's curses.)
Raven: Sephy and Vincent!
(Sephiroth and Vincent walk in, wearing matching pajamas, red and black silk. Their hair is freshly brushed and washed.)
Quistis: They're so hot...
Dauragon: But they're gay.
Quistis: What? They're as straight as an arrow!
Dauragon: A U-turn one...
Raven: Kou, Reno, and Irvine!
(Kou, Reno, and Irvine come into the room wearing the exact same black silk shorts, and a stereo playing "Big Balls" by AC/DC.
Every time the song says "We've got big balls",
they do pelvic thrusts. They pose several times, then cut the music, sit down, and triple high-five.)
Raven: *drooling* and now, Zell!
(Zell walks through casually, wearing long boxers and his gloves. He shrugs and sits down.)
Raven: Cloud!
(Cloud walks in wearing teddy bear boxers. He has a giant stuffed dog, and is looking at the ceiling. Tifa directs him through the room, and sits him down, where he continues to
stare at the ceiling.)
Cloud: Pretty...
Raven: Right... Red!
(Red walks in looking pitifully at his feet, which have dark red slippers on them. He scampers across the room to Aeris, who is looking at Red very sympathetically. He runs over, curls up, and Aeris takes the slippers off.)
Raven: Last, but not least, Sion!
(Sion walks in, wearing black and yellow pajama pants that say "Dog Street" on the rear. He is still fearful of Quistis, but obviously relieved at the fact that Elena left. He flexes his arms, and walks over and sits down.)
Raven: That concludes our modeling! The judges will now debate!
(The girls all get together and talk for a few minutes, and then Raven gets up and clears
her throat.)
Raven: Our winners are: Dauragon, "Triple Dose" AKA Kou, Reno, and Irvine, and the pairing of Sephiroth/Vincent!
Dauragon: *yawning.* of course I was first...
Kou/Reno/Irvine: All right! *triple high-five*
Vincent: Angel, we won. *puts his hand on Sephiroth's leg.*
Sephiroth: I know. *puts his head on Vincent's shoulder.*
(Kou, Reno, and Irvine all move to the other side of the room, away from the Yaoi.)
Hunter: And now, the women get to model!
Women: What?!
Hunter: Only fair!
Kou/Reno/Irvine: Right!
Sephiroth: Do it or we'll never do anything like this again.
Raven: *grumble.*
Selphie: Do I have to...? *groans.*
Quistis: I... um... don't wear anything to bed.
Reno: Model anyways.
Irvine: Yeah!
Kou: Come on!
(Quistis leans over and whispers to the three, upon which they triple high-five again and wink at her in perfect synchronization.)
Hunter: Go on, get changed!
(The women leave, minus Quistis, who moves across the room and lies down across the laps of Kou, Reno, and Irvine. Several minutes later, the women have lined up, and Sion and Zell are introducing them.)
Sion: First, we have Selphie.
(Selphie staggers in, wearing yellow PJs with pink hearts all over them. She falls on the floor, grabs her blanket, rolls over, and groans.)
Zell: Raven!
(Raven comes in wearing a sexy little black teddy, sits down and shoots an angry look at Hunter. He smirks.)
Sion: Rinoa.
(Rinoa walks in wearing blue pants and a white female
tank top. She's carrying a Teddy bear. She smiles wide, crosses her legs all cutesy-like for a moment, then goes and sits in
Squall's lap, where they begin to make out.)
Raven: *quietly.* Goddamn cock-teasing crackwhore.