Hunter: -yawning, sighing contentedly, and looking around the room- Ah, good morning, world. Morning, Aeris.
Aeris: -standing next to the bed- Oh, goooooooooood morning. I don't suppose you see something wrong with this picture?
Hunter: What? Hm, no. Why?
Aeris: ...Whose bed do you think you're in?
Hunter: Huh? -Aeris whacks him with a pillow- Ow! Wha- -She whacks him good again- Ack! -He dives out of the bed, in nothing save tighty-whities, and starts running. He bolts out the door of the room, dodging slung pillows and heads straight out the door.-
Aeris: Serves you right! -pauses, then begins inspecting herself- He better not have tried anything... -she inspects a bit more and sighs, relieved- I think I'm fine. I wonder what happened last night with everyone else... -she steps out of the door and trips immediately, landing on her rear, back to the side of the corridor- Ow! There's no threshold in that door- Sion!
(Sion is lying in front of Aeris' door, covered in dirt, bloodstained, clad in ripped-up clothes, and groaning. He turns his head ever so slightly, and looks at Aeris out of the corner of his eye)
Sion: Ow...
Aeris: Goodness! What happened to you?
Sion: ...Ow..?
Aeris: Oooooh! Bless it! -she gets up off the floor and straightens her robe, then places her hands in a prayer position, casting cure on Sion- Now, what do we do with you? -she sits and ponders for a moment, then goes back into her room to dress. She throws on some jeans and a blouse, and opens the door again, whacking into something and falling over- Ow!
Rude: Good Morning.
Aeris: -rubbing her butt, mumbling- I won't be able to sit down for a week if this keeps up. -switching back to normal voice- Good morning, Ru- Goodness! What happened to Zell?!
Zell: -slung over Rude's shoulder- Ow...
Rude: Riot. -lifts Sion off the floor with his other hand, slinging him over the shoulder opposite to Zell-
Aeris: Riot? You mean... There was a riot?!
Rude: -nods-
Aeris: Goodness! What happened?
Rude: -dumps the two on the couch, and makes a motion for Aeris to cast cure. As she's doing so, he begins to weave a silent story...-
~Flashback~
Zell: -At the top of his lungs- ELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! -He dives off a semi, onto another man lying on top of a car-
Man #1: Hey, you can't do that! It's against the law! Stop it!
Man #2: Shut up, this is great to watch!
#1: Don't tell me what to do! -hits #2-
Man #3: Stop it, fighting's against the law! -tries to break up the fight of the other two and gets hit- Why, you! -jumps in too-
Man #4: I have to call 911!
Man #5: Oh no you don't! -hits #4-
~End Flashback~
Aeris: Goodness! Poor guy. -pauses- I don't suppose you know what happened to Sion, do you?
Rude: -walking out of the room- He won.
Aeris: He... won...? -thinks for a moment, then jumps, having startled herself- Oh! GOODNESS!
(At the police station, Squall waits at the desk of a detective...)
Detective: Here's how I understand it happened, according to the report...
~Flashback~
Kou: Ricochet! Ricochet!
(Reno and Kou now begin screaming frantically)
Irvine: I'm not living to see tomorrow. I know it.
(Irvine flips over, puts his hat over his heart, his hands on top of it, and closes his eyes as Jenet cocks the rifle. She yells like a cowgirl, pulling the trigger, the gunshot nearly drowned out by the still screaming Reno and Kou. They grab each other and hug tightly screaming
intelligible things with tears streaming down their faces, as Jenet takes cover from the bullet, of which she finally caught on to Reno and Kou's advice. It bounces around the ducts, sparking as it hits off the wall, taking Irvine's hat off his chest and narrowly missing his nose, zipping right between Kou and Reno, and hitting Jenet right in the rear.)
Jenet: -miniscule squeak, then a pause- YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOWCH!
Reno/Kou: -Blubbering-
Irvine: Swiiiiiiiiiing low, sweet chariot, comin' forward to carry me hooooooooooooommmmme....
Guard: -ripping the vent open- What're you doing in there?! Get out here, and STOP SCREAMING! -the guard drags all three out, Irvine being the only one who comes out with a clear mind. He sits down in the corner and looks pitifully at his hat, as Jenet begins to be checked for any serious complications of her gunshot wound to the rear-
~End flashback~
Detective: Personally, I think we should lock them all up for stupidity, but the problem is that we can't figure out what in the world to charge them with. Your friends are free to go, Mr. Squall.
Squall: -nods- Thank you, detective. -he heads out the door, where all four are waiting, Jenet on a crutch, looking irritated, Reno and Kou looking as per usual, and Irvine once again staring pitifully at his hat- Irvine, immediately upon returning to Garden, I'll be reviewing your actions along with top SeeDs to determine docked pay. Now let's go.
Irvine: -sadly- Okay... -goes back to staring at his hat, more pitifully than before-
(Back at the hotel, Aeris is alerted to the sound of the door knocking, which he hops up and goes for.)
Aeris: -sing-song voice- Cooooooooooming~! -she opens the door- ...
Sephiroth: I don't want to hear it. Let me in.
Rufus: Yeah! I'm the President of Shinra! You gotta let me in!
Aeris: ... -slams door-
Sephiroth: Wonderful, Shinra. Your charm, influence, and charisma are only matched by a sewer rat.
Rufus: Hey! I'm the President of Shinra! You can't talk to me like that! I'll call my army on you!
Sephiroth: -snorts-
Fawkes: -laughs-
Rufus: -bangs on door- Let me in! I want my shotgun!
Aeris: You two have to tell me why you're wearing makeup and all your clothes are pink before I even think of unlocking this door.
Rufus: How undignified! Never! I'm the Shinra president, and I'm entitled to-
Sephiroth: -clutches Rufus' throat and lifts him in the air- Shut it, Shinra. Your bickering isn't going to get us out of this hallway. -sigh- Why didn't you stay dead...
~Flashback~
Sephiroth: No! No! Let me go! You little pastel colored whores! I'll kill you! -one of them sits on his lap and starts unzipping his pants- ...I've reconsidered.
Fawkes: -Rolling around laughing-
Rufus: -dragged into the room as well, kicking and screaming- No! You can't do this, I'm the president of Shinra! YOU! CAN'T! DO! THIS! -they begin removing his clothes as well, and he looks momentarily stunned, and then faints-
~End Flashback~
Sephiroth: ...And that was really all there is to it.
Aeris: Yeah, a night of hot, wild sex with multiple partners and a passed out Rufus really explains why you're wearing pink. There's more to the story than that, I know it.
Sephiroth: Well, I don't really know any more of it. I woke up like this, and Rufus was the same.
Aeris: -sighs- The *great* and *powerful* Sephiroth fell to a group of horny raver girls. Men. -she opens the door- Come on, come on. I'll clean the makeup off you guys.
Sephiroth: Fantastic. -He drops Rufus, who immediately gets flustered and starts yelling-
Rufus: I DID NOT PASS OUT!
Fawkes: -laughs, trailing Sephiroth in-
Raven: -peeking out her door, and clutching her head- Ugh, what's all this noise...? -she sighs and walks out into the main room rubbing her temples- Good morning... WAIT A MINUTE! -she winces and clutches her head again- What are they doing on the couch...?
Aeris: -coming down the hallway- Oh, you just found Zell and Sion... Well, good afternoon. Nice to see you joined the living. It's been an... interesting day.
Rufus: Aeris, I can't get this stuff off from around my eyes!
Aeris: Cooooooooooming~!
Raven: What the...
Dauragon: -walking into the main room as well, wearing nothing save boxers- What the hell happened here?
Raven: I don't know.
Rude: -Walking in the room- Riot.
Dauragon: Stupendous.
Rude: -nods-
Raven: I wonder how everyone's night went...
(Rude grabs Raven's hand, lifts it into air, and points to a gold ring with a large diamond on it, his face turning to an inquisitive expression. Raven blinks a few times, and then faints.)
Dauragon: -looking at his own hand- Oh, shit.
Squall: -entering the room now- Hm?
(Rude points from Dauragon's finger to Raven's finger, and then back and forth again several times. Squall nods, and Dauragon grumbles.)
Reno: -in the end of the hall- So, guys. Anyone thought about where the hell our ticket out of here is? Jesus, has anyone even seen him since last night?
Aeris: I did. He went dashing out the door earlier today.
Raven: -sitting up- Let's find him. I need to go home.
(Rude looks at Aeris, and points both directions possible to go when heading out the door)
Aeris: Right.
Rude: Roof.
Aeris: How do you know?
Reno: Just trust him. Let's go, folks.
(With that, everyone in the immediate vicinity shuffles out, and upstairs to the roof. They open the door, and everyone walks out onto the roof.)
Raven: I don't see him.
Hunter: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! -he goes soaring over the entire group, and commando rolls across the roof as he lands. He stands up and cracks his neck, stretches a bit and turns around- Oh. Hey guys!
Raven: ...Why aren't you wearing any clothes?
Hunter: What? Like I need them out here?
Raven: YOU'RE COVERED IN HAIR!
Hunter: And, uh...?
Raven: SAPPHIRE SHIMMER!
Hunter: Aw, shit. See you inside! -dives off the side of the roof, slipping past the ice blast ever so narrowly-
(Later, after everyone has gotten themselves mostly back to normal, whether through a shower, or a new hat, or just putting on ANY clothes, they head off to the airport to get out of Vegas.)
Aeris: I'd love to know how you ended up in my bed...
Hunter: Well, I thought about that while I was hopping around on the roof, and I do have a theory...
~Flashback~
(Hunter is bounding back towards the casino/hotel, running from rooftop to rooftop, eventually diving off, and catching the balcony of a lower room. He starts to scale the side of the building using the balconies, eventually reaching the balcony leading into the main room of the penthouse. He pauses to take a rest, looking inside at nothing in particular, but seeing two people come in through the front door, who are quickly revealed as Raven and Dauragon. Raven is wearing a big, poofy white dress, and Dauragon a very gaudy purple tuxedo and top hat. They're falling all over themselves and each other, giggling stupidly. They stumble along the hall, bumping back and forth, pausing for short makeout sessions along the hallway. Hunter watches this for a short time, highly amused, but attempting to contain his laughter. However, he fails miserably...)
Hunter: Pf.. Pffftt... -grunting noises- Pffffffffffff....... PHAAAA HAHAHAHA! -He starts to run around in tiny circles, dying laughing, and ends up cutting one too wide, thumping into the railing, slipping, and flying over the side- Gargh! Ack, shit, no, fuck, no, no, fuck, -he slips completely- Fuck, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
~End Flashback~
Hunter: So, after that, I had to do something to save myself from turning into a pancake on the sidewalk. If I concentrate hard, I can manipulate the very magnetic fields that surround us. This, however, takes a huge amount of power, and precise control. It's both mentally and physically exhausting, and then I had to ascend along the balconies outside to reach the room. By the time I got here, I was nearly dead, and it was a dark room.
Aeris: You should've just used streets, elevators, and doors like normal people. -sighs-
(As everyone's walking through the airport, JIRK's collective attention is caught by a large TV screen showing news. On it is a panning camera feed of a large room, with things lying upturned all over the place, destroyed walls, floors, a falling ceiling... Of more note, there are bodies everywhere, charred, bleeding, broken, and one man is crucified on the wall.)
Reno: Sweet Shiva, that's worse than when good old Sephiroth took a romp through Shinra HQ.
Irvine: There's a big sword through that guy, too.
(Everyone pauses and looks at Sephiroth)
Raven: Where were you last night, anyways?
Sephiroth: ...Hey! No, no, no! I did nothing of the sort! You know if I had I'd gladly admit it!
Dauragon: Then where were you?
Sephiroth: That's none of your business!
Hunter: I wonder who could do something like that... -he quickly spins on a heel, walking away whistling innocently-
