Dislaimer: J.K. Rowling owns any characters and places in this story. She may even have Snape's bedroom if she wants to, even though I made up the furniture.
Notes: My attempt to write a parody in reaction to the Cease and Desist letter. (I know, it's a bit late, but I had to learn for an exam before finishing this.) Not as funny as Lady of Arundel's story Cease and Desist, but it's NC-17
Category: Parody, very silly
Rating: NC-17; Warning: multiple partners
Written for the Sleazy Fic Drive, RS.org fic drive
Pairing: SS/SB/RL/LM
Summary: Snape, Black, Lupin and Lucius Malfoy rebel against a new law.

Rebellion
By Ratwoman
[email protected]

Severus Snape had thought he could enjoy a quiet evening reading a book, when someone urgently knocked at his door. With a sigh he put aside The Lord of the Rings. There were only a few chapters left, but it seemed he would have to delay finding out whether Frodo and Sam would get married in the end.

Severus slowly crossed the room and opened the door. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black were standing outside, looking slightly worried.

"Hello Severus," Remus said, "we wanted to talk to you about the new law."

What law? "Do I look like a jurist?" Snape snarled.

"No, but you must have an opinion about that law." Sirius said and pushed himself past Snape into the room. Remus Lupin followed with an apologising smile.

Severus rolled his eyes and closed the door. He was getting along fairly well with Sirius since the Gryffindor had told him that he had simply forgotten that it was full moon when he had asked him for a date in the Shrieking Shack, but that did not change that Snape found Black's manner terribly annoying.

"So what do you think we should do about it?" Sirius asked.

"About what?" Severus asked.

"About the law!" Sirius said urgently.

"WHAT LAW?" he always lost his patience quickly with Sirius Black.

"You didn't hear about the law yet?" Remus threw in with surprise.

"No," Snape replied, "So if you would be so kind to enlighten me..."

At that moment someone knocked at his door again. Snape rolled his eyes. Who could THAT be now? With a quick step he opened the door.

"Hello Severus," Lucius Malfoy said, sweeping in as if he owned the dungeon, "I was around to talk to Dumbledore, so I thought I pay you a visit and..." he blinked when he noticed that Snape was not alone. "Mr Lupin and Mr Black, if I'm not mistaken."

Sirius Black was glaring with open hostility at Lucius Malfoy, while Remus Lupin said politely: "We were just discussing the new law."

"Ah, the law." Lucius said with a condescending smile, "I'm intent to break it as often as possible."

Severus looked in surprise at Lucius. He openly admitted that he intended to break the law in front of Black and Lupin? Then again, it was not really surprising considering Lucius' aristocratic arrogance.

"Good idea." Sirius Black replied. Also not really surprising considering the fact that he had never been fond of rules. But...

"What law?" Severus Snape asked impatiently.

"You don't know yet?" Lucius asked in surprise. "The ministry has given out a new law which forbids wizards to have sexual intercourse."

WHAT? "You mean, they outlaw gay sex?" Were they back to the Middle Ages?

"No, hetero sex as well." Lucius said. "Now Narcissa has a really good excuse to shut me out of her bedroom."

"How does the Ministry wants us to procreate then?" Severus asked.

"They asked the storks to bring us babies." Lucius answered.

Snape shook his head at the absurdity of it.

"Fudge must have completely lost his mind." Remus Lupin said.

Lucius frowned and muttered under his breath: "I told the Dark Lord that Fudge's sanity might suffer."

"What?" Sirius asked sharply.

"Oh, I didn't say anything." Lucius said. "Um, Severus," he added seductively, touching the head of his walking stick to Snape's chest. "Let's get illegal."

An evil grin spread across Snape's face as he slowly retreated backwards in the direction of his bedroom.

"Um, we should better go now." Remus said.

"No!" Sirius replied obstinently, "I want to get illegal, too."

Lucius Malfoy turned around and gave Sirius and Remus an appraising look. "D'accord, just come along." he said. "I always thought, if I break the law I might as well do it right."

"That is MY bedroom!" Snape snarled. "Don't you think I have a say in this?"

"No," Lucius replied coldly, "after all I paid for the furniture."

Remus hissed at Sirius: "Do you have to take every opportunity to get laid?", but came along as well.

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black soon realised that Lucius Malfoy had indeed lavished a lot of money on Snape's bedroom. There was a huge king-size bed with black satin sheets. And there were manacles of stainless steel installed in the headboard of the bed. Next to the bed stood an ebony chest of drawers. There also was an ebony cupboard with elegant carvings, a huge mirror at the ceiling above the bed, a soft tapestry on the floor, and dozens of black candles in silver candle-holders inserted in the wall.

Sirius and Remus were still gaping at the exquisite furniture when Lucius pushed Severus onto the bed, then threw off his coat and in a teasingly slow way started unbuttoning his robes. Severus was watching him intensely, when Sirius and Remus sat down on the left and right side of him on the bed, and too, watched Lucius Malfoy with interest. Lucius faltered for a moment - he was not used to so many spectators - and continued stripping.

Their gazes got hungrier in proportionate relation to the number of buttons Lucius opened. Finally Lucius undid the last button and shrugged off his well-tailored robes. He was completely naked underneath.

Severus quickly slipped off the bed and knelt before Lucius, licking tentatively along his cock before swallowing it. Lucius closed his eyes and threw back his head, gasping slightly.

Never taking their eyes off the Slytherins, the Gryffindors started taking off their clothes.

Lucius concentrated only on the sensations of Severus' tongue on his cock, of moist warmth surrounding it. When he opened his eyes again, the sight of two good-looking, naked men watching intensely from the bed was almost too much; Lucius pushed Severus away in almost panic.

"What?" Severus asked, looking up at him with worry.

"Don't want to come yet." Lucius said, breathing hard.

Severus felt himself grasped from behind and pulled to his feet.

"You're overdressed!" he heard Sirius snarl before he and Remus started ripping off his robes. Joined by Lucius, they soon had stripped Snape down and threw him back onto the bed.

Severus gasped at the multiple sensations of the three men licking and caressing him everywhere at once. Gazing at the ceiling, he thought it had been a wonderful idea of Lucius to install a mirror there; the sight of three handsome men moving on him was breathtaking.

After a few minutes of licking Snape's stomach and fondling his balls, Lucius decided to focus his attention on Sirius instead, who had until then been nipping Severus' throat. Pulling Sirius into a tight embrace, Lucius rolled to the side, so that they were a few inches apart from Severus and Remus on the sheets. Remus took his chance and moved to cover Severus completely and closed his mouth in a deep kiss. Returning the kiss, Severus moved his hands over Remus' back and butts, tracing every scar with his fingers. There were many from the hours he spent as a raving werewolf in a cage.

Lucius and Sirius were frantically rubbing their bodies against each other while they were licking and biting each inch of skin they could reach, each of them trying to gain the upper hand. Finally Sirius won, flipped Lucius on his stomach and straddled his hips. He wanted to ask Severus where he kept lube, but he was busy kissing Remus, so Sirius tried it with: "Accio lube!" It worked, a drawer opened and a phiole flew into Sirius' outstretched hand. While opening the small bottle, Sirius kissed Lucius' neck, then oiled his fingers and slowly pushed them in. Lucius eagerly moved back at him.

"You mind?" Remus said and took the phiole out of Sirius' hand.

Sirius did not mind and spend a few more minutes spreading Lucius, then slammed in.

Remus quickly oiled his fingers and pushed them into Snape's anus, who spread his legs widely to give him better access. Severus moaned sluttishly as fingers repeatedly hit his prostrate, but he desperately wanted more. Finally Remus withdrew his fingers and replaced them by his prick, moving in and out in a agonisingly slow rhythm.

Lucius was clawing his fingers into the sheets beneath him, moaning loudly while Sirius thrust in and out of him, hard. It had been a good idea to invite the Gryffindors to come along.

Sirius was beyond coherent thoughts. He just felt warmth, muscles milking his cock, driving him closer, closer... until he came screaming loudly. The feeling of his semen dispersing into him drove Lucius over the edge and he came, too, biting into the sheets beneath him.

Remus looked Severus in the eyes while he moved in and out of him. They looked much more alive than usually, shining in ecstasy. The look of utter pleasure in them was enough to make Remus come. Seconds later his was followed by Severus' orgasm.

Sirius and Remus rolled off the Slytherins and stared at the ceiling. This mirror was... kind of cool. Sirius watched Lucius turn onto his back, also gazing up. After a few minutes rest staring at their mirror image, Lucius looked gazes with Remus, then crawled over, across Sirius and Severus, to the werewolf. Severus rolled onto his side and gazed lasciviously at Sirius. "Ready for round two?" he asked.

Sirius grinned. Snape took that as a yes and cupped the back of Sirius' head with his hand, kissing him greedily. Kissing back, Sirius pulled Snape closer, exploring his body with his hands.

Lucius and Remus frantically rubbed their bodies against each other while they were licking and biting each others' neck and shoulders. "Where is the lube?" Lucius hissed after a while. "Accio lube!"

Lucius let an amount of oil drop onto his fingers before he passed the bottle on to Severus. Severus turned Sirius around so that he was on his hands and knees, admiring the perfect halfglobes of Sirius' behind.

After preparing the Gryffindors, the Slytherins thrust in at the same time, moving in and out in an accelerating rhythm. After a while all four men came together, screaming in release.

The wizards lay back on the bed, panting in exhaustion.

"This is incredible!" Remus suddenly called out. "I just had a revelation!"

Severus and Lucius looked at him as if he had lost his mind.

"This new law," Remus said, "it actually can help to bring Slytherins and Gryffindors to get over their differences!"

"Does it?" Lucius said mockingly.

Remus jumped up and started taking on his clothes. "Look at us, we just got over our quarrels in order to rebel against the new law. In rebellion we stand together, Gryffindors and Slytherins alike!"

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked.

"I'm going to spread the word!" Remus called enthusiastically. "I'm going to tell everyone about our rebellion. And furthermore I'm going to shag every Slytherin I meet!" With these words he stormed out of the room. The three men gaped after him.

"And he tells me that I take every opportunity to get laid." Sirius finally said, and lay back down on the bed.

Looking around, he noticed that he was lying close to the manacles inserted in the headboard of the bed, and turned around to examine them closely.

"What do you need them for?" he asked.

"Do we really need to tell you?" Snape said mockingly.

With a smirk Sirius decided that it might be fun listening to them trying to explain. "Yes," Sirius answered.

Lucius and Severus exchanged a gaze, smirked evilly, and each grabbed one of Sirius' wrists, then closed the chains around them.

"Some things can only be explained by an example." Severus said.

And the rebellion went on.

*

Finis

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