16.07.02
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling invented Harry Potter. I'm just borrowing.

Ratings: PG 13? Little allusion to m/m relationship.

Summary: Snape's decision to leave Voldemort

Note: If you don't like Shakespeare you shouldn't read this.

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/ratwoman2001

Honourable Men
By Ratwoman
ratwoman02@yahoo.de

Snape felt a bit sick when he entered his small apartment, with Karkaroff 
and Malfoy behind. He really wanted to be alone, but what should he tell 
them? //Thank you, but the killing makes me sick, leave me alone?//

Severus supressed a sigh. It was not advisable to show any weakness to 
fellow Death-Eaters.

The Dark Arts was one thing.... but what sense made the killings of today? 
Usually the others left him alone to brew deadly potions for the Lord's 
demand, but today the Lord and half a dozen of his followers had come to 
pick him up for what they had called 'a lot of fun'. Going to a Muggle bar 
might look like a lot of fun on first glance. Locking the doors with spells 
and then torturing and killing one scared Muggle after the other was just 
disgusting. 

"Want some wine?" Snape asked his 'colleagues', wondering why on earth 
Lucius and Karkaroff insisted on spending the rest of the night with him. 

After he poured them glasses of wine, Lucius came to the point: "I didn't 
see you participating in the fun, Severus."

Snape sneered in disgust. "I would have preferred to spend my time on 
something useful, like the studies of the dark arts."

Lucius Malfoy outright laughed at him. "That was practise, Sev!"

Snape took a sip and looked at Malfoy over the brim of his glass. "And 
where's the challenge in killing the weak?"

Lucius Malfoy slowly nodded his head. "Good. I almost thought you'd turn out 
to be too weak to kill. The Lord wouldn't like that." 

With a filthy smile Karkaroff threw in: "Though I hear you're in his special 
favour?"

Snape used his most irritating smile on the Bulgarian: "Jealous?" he asked.

Karkaroff frowned and shook his head. "No, not really." he said.

Severus hadn't quite figured Karkaroff out yet. He was submissive when the 
Lord was there, but he wasn't too eager to follow his orders. That evening 
he had not participated much more in the so-called fun than Snape. Actually, 
Severus had just once seen him use the Avada Kedavra curse, on a man who was 
already deadly wounded by another Death-Eater.

Maybe they were in the same situation: somehow got into this madness, and 
not knowing how to get out again.

* 

At first it had all seemed rather harmless. At Hogwarts he had collected all
articles in the Daily Prophet about Lord Voldemort, as had most Slytherins, 
in a kind of mindless hero worship for an incredibly powerful wizard, who 
had a very ... open attitude to the Dark Arts. 

Beyond anything else, Snape had always wanted to achieve knowledge. If it 
were possible, he would have liked to know everything. And he wanted to be 
better than anyone else.

The knowledge they kept hidden from them at school was the wisdom of the 
Dark Arts. Wanting to surpass everyone in that special field as well, he had 
gone on a quest for Voldemort after he left school.

He had found him, begged to be taken into his circle, hoping to gain 
knowledge alone from being near such a great wizard. He had been foolish 
enough to believe that the Dark Lord would generously give his knowledge to 
his faithful followers. It had taken a while until he realised that Voldemort 
carefully watched that his followers became not nearly as powerful as he was. 
He rather kept them small, gave them crumbs of hope for some great reward 
when the war was won, but never ever would he give away his secrets. 

Severus also had been foolish enough to believe that even black wizards had 
some sense of honour. 

He hadn't really thought about all the consequences of turning to the Dark 
Arts. The first murders were hard, but it had been some of Voldemort's 
enemies, so he could make some sense out of it. But by the time the killings 
not only got crueller but more... unnecessary. Where was all the knowledge 
he had hoped to obtain, that he had hoped to find in the darkness? What 
happened to honour? Murdering helpless Muggles was not really what he had 
hoped to learn, and there was not even honour and glory in it.

*

Unless Lucius was hiding his disappointment in the Dark Side, he seemed 
quite content with his career as a Death-Eater. At the moment, he was 
reading the titles of the books on Snape's bookshelf.

"Shakespeare?" he asked, turning around with a frown. "I never heard of him. 
What's his special field?"

Snape smirked. To his surprise, Karkaroff, too, was smiling about Lucius 
question. "Shakespeare's special field was Elizabethan Drama." Snape said 
mockingly. "He also was quite good at writing sonnets."

Lucius looked at him with big eyes. "You read Muggle literature?"

"If it's good, yes." Severus replied.

"Good as a description for Shakespeare is clearly an understatement."  
Karkaroff threw in, standing up and walking over to the bookshelf. Taking 
the big book with the complete works in his hands, he added: "I sometimes 
wonder whether he really was a Muggle. There's certainly magic in his words."

"What a piece of work is man", Severus recited, quite proud of knowing 
Hamlet's speech by heart, "How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty! In 
form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In 
apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals!
And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?" Snape put all his 
disappointment into the last line.

Karkaroff smiled at him with enthusiasm. "Hamlet," he said. "But listen to 
Marc Anthony's speech in Julius Caesar:" He opened the book, using a spell 
to find the right pages: 

"Good friends, sweet friends, let me not stir you up 
To such a sudden flood of mutiny.
They that have done this deed are honourable;-
What private griefs they have, alas, I know not, 
That made them do it; - they are wise and honourable,
And will, no doubt, with reason answer you.
I come not, friends, to steal away your hearts:
I am no orator, as Brutus is;
But, as you know me all, a plain blunt man, 
That love my friend; and that they know full well
That gave me public leave to speak of him:
For I have neither wit, nor words, nor worth,
Action, utterance, nor the power of speech,
To stir men's blood: I only speak right on;
I tell you that which you yourselves do know;
[here he left out a few lines]
but were I Brutus,
And Brutus Antony, there were an Antony 
Would ruffle up your spirits, and put a tongue
In every wound of Caesar, that should move
The stones of Rome to rise and mutiny."

While Lucius Malfoy made some derisive comments on how easy to see through 
the aim of this speech was, Severus stared intensely at Karkaroff. What was 
Karkaroff's purpose of reading the end of the honourable men speech? Was he 
trying to coax Snape into admitting that he hated Voldemort and wanted out? 
Was it a trap? Or a sign that Karkaroff felt the same? Or was he just a 
Shakespeare fan?

Karkaroff looked back at him, with a hint of pleading in his eyes. //Please 
do what I'm not brave enough to do. Stop these 'honourable men'.//

Severus gave no sign of comprehension. After all, he might misjudge 
Karkaroff's intent.

*** 

Albus Dumbledore looked delighted at the small owl that carried him a letter 
into his private rooms. He simply loved getting post.

Dumbledore gave the owl food and unfolded the papyrus. In neat letters was 
written:
" I need to talk to you.
Meet me in the Shrieking Shack at sunset.
It's a matter of life and death.

Severus Snape"

Dumbledore raised his brows. He remembered Snape, he had graduated a few 
years ago. A gloomy Slytherin boy, but very talented. Looked like he was in 
trouble. Or was it a trap?

Life had become so complicated since Voldemort's rise. Everyone could be on 
his side, everything could be a trap.

Whatever, if one of his ex-students needed his help, he had to come. After 
all, he was an honourable man.

***
End