13.10.98
Disclaimer: I neither own Krycek, nor Skinner, Marcus Cole, Kronos, Silas and
Caspian, nor Dr Bashir, Tom Veil, Lucas Buck and Sheriff Brock nor Sergant 
Pepper's lonely hearts club, they were other peoples' ideas. Bringing them 
together was mine.

Ratings: PG for m/m affection (sorry, no slash), S for silly and H for humor.

Spoiler: several series, MIB, several fan-fiction especially  "Closecall" by 
Boadicea, small spoilers for "Descent" by Russianrat or "Nemesis" by Dyevka, 
etc., hope they don't mind; take it as a hommage.
 
There's also a quote of the Genesis song  * I can't dance * and a small 
allusion to Terry Pratchett.

Special thanks to my sister for inspiration.

Feedback always welcome: ratwoman02@yahoo.de

For everyone who doesn't know all of the guys, I've written a short 
description in order of appearance. Don't be surprised that some of them 
don't seem to be attractive, but there's not really an orgy starting in this 
story.

X-Files:

-Krycek: the sexiest rat alive;-) Huge green eyes with looong eyelashes, a 
very pretty nose, tall, slender, long legs and a hot ass. He's a thug, some 
would call him evil.

-Skinner: Assistant Director at the FBI, looks like proof for the proverb 
that bald men are more potent. Very tall, very masculine.

Picket Fences:

-Sheriff Brock: A family father who tries to appear more tolerant than he is.
Doesn't make a very intelligent impression, but he's fun.

Highlander:

-Kronos: mad, evil immortal, heart of the Horsemen Of Evil, a group of 
immortals who caused terror in the bronze time, founder of the legend of the 
Horsemen Of Apocalypse. Not tall, but robust, dark hair, mad eyes and he's 
very charismatic.

-Silas: Horseman Of Evil. Large, massive, blonde and dump. Completely 
brainless look on his face. 

-Caspian: Horseman Of Evil. Looks like a brute, is a brute.

Babylon 5: 

-Marcus Cole: a noble ranger. Tall slender, large blue eyes, velvet, lush 
black hair; he looks like a girl's dream prince.

American Gothic:

-Lucas Buck: keeper of law and order in a small, idyllic town. He's a kind of
devil, cruel, arrogant, cynical, evil. And he's handsome: Tall, slender, 
light brown hair: the paragon of temptation.

Deep Space Nine:

-Dr Julian Bashir: Young, pretty, huge eyes, black hair, tall and slender, 
looong legs. He's quite  arrogant and quite intelligent. I wonder what he 
and the chief engineer Miles O'Brien are doing all the time they spent 
together in the holo-suites.;-)

Nowhere Man: 

-Tom Veil: A tall, slender, handsome journalist, fair hair, huge eyes and a 
very good stature. He's being chased by a strange organisation since the day 
all of his friends didn't recognize him anymore from one minute to the other.
Note to Foxwoman: Don't worry, you can beta-read this without getting 
nightmares!

Men in Black:

Who doesn't know these guys who are saving the earth and the hundreds of 
legal aliens from the scum of the universe?


   Chaos in Minds-town
   by Ratwoman
   Ratwoman@unicum.de

The year is 1998, the name of the place is minds-town, the place where the 
writers' characters spent their time during the breaks in shooting.

A.D. Skinner already regretted having invited Krycek for coffee. When he met 
him out on the street half an hour ago, the boy had looked so down that 
Skinner had really pitied him. He knew CC was a very cruel master, and 
Krycek had had to go through a lot in the last few episodes. Skinner still 
had some time left until he would be needed for his scenes in the next 
episode, so why not invite Krycek for a coffee and try to console him? 
Besides, he had nothing else to do. So they had entered Sergant Pepper's 
lonely hearts club. 

And now? Krycek was drowning in self-pity, as if he was the only one who'd 
suffered since CC had invented the X-files. Meanwhile it was getting on 
Skinner's nerves.

"Why does it always have to be me?" Krycek lamented. "Why did CC invent me, 
when all he ever does is toture me? And no one seems to mind - not Marita, 
not the X-phyles - even the MKRA are mean to me!"

"Krycek, you aren't the only one." Skinner tried to remind him. "Don't you 
remember that my wife left me, Louis Cardinal shot me and you beat me up 
once?"

Krycek looked up mockingly. "Oh, I'm so sorry for you. Bet that's worse than
being kept in a silo for an indefinite time. And certainly much worse than 
losing an arm. Then I'm also in love with Mulder, but all he *wants to do is 
rub my face in the dirt*. And... do you know how often I get raped in these 
damned fan fictions?" Krycek's eyes narrowed. "I even remember several times 
when YOU raped me."

"That wasn't my decision."Skinner murmured. Their conversation started to 
become awkward, so Skinner looked around for an escape. "Ah, I see over 
there's an old friend of mine. Sorry, Krycek, I have at least to say hello."
Skinner said, stood up and walked towards a man in a sheriff's uniform 
sitting on a table near the bar.
"Hello, my name is Skinner." he said as he sat down next to him. "Just act 
as if you knew me, I'm trying to get rid of my date."

The Sheriff stared at him uncomprehendingly with his mouth slightly open. 
He didn't make a very intelligent impression. Skinner sighed. That was 
certainly not his best day.


Krycek stared sadly into his cup of coffee. Nobody liked him. Nobody 
understood him. No one even tried. He emptied his cup and stood up in order 
to leave the club, when a familiar voice called out:"YOU!"

Krycek turned around to face the dark-haired immortal with the insane look 
in his eyes. Oh no, not him again!


Kronos could hardly believe his luck. He'd always hoped for a sequel to this 
nice, dirty fan fic where he'd met that boy over there and taken him in a 
dark side street. Now there was that boy again. They could repeat the events,
maybe this time without any lubrication, so he'd be very amused when the 
boy tried hard not to scream. With a cruel smile Kronos walked towards the 
young man in the leather jacket.


Krycek turned around to run away, but he bumped into a very large, blonde 
man, who said with a completely brainless grin: "Hi!"

Krycek's heart made a leap of fear, then he tried to run past the man.

"Silas! Caspian! Don't let him escape!" his earlier acquaintance called, 
whereupon the brainless blonde grabbed his right arm with a firm grip, that 
nearly made him tumble and fall. Another man, who looked brainless in 
another way, like a dangerous, savage animal, packed his left shoulder 
shortly above where his prothesis began.

"Brothers," Krycek heard the voice of his ex-and-future-tormentor say, "we 
have here a very nice peace of meat to share among us." Krycek tried in vain 
to withdraw himself of the iron grip of these living nightmares, when the 
third man's hands grabbed into his asscheeks in an unmisinterpretable 
gesture. "Let's take him out on the street where no one will disturb us." 
His acquaintance added to his horrors.

"What a rude behaviour!" a voice with a British accent called out. "Let him 
go!"

Krycek turned his head to see a tall, slender man with black hair and a 
short beard, dressed in strange, black clothes, which fitted to him 
fantastically. But to Krycek's concern he wasn't wearing any weapons.

"Keep out of that!" snarled the man Krycek knew from earlier fanfic."Except 
you want to take his place...later!"

The handsome man in black sighed with a don't-tell-me-I-didn't-try-to-warn
-you-look on his face and produced somehow somewhere a long grey battle 
fighting stab thing seemingly out of the air, which he slammed against the 
jaw of the obvious leader of the three pedestrians of evil.

When he fell unconscius to the ground, the two others stared at Krycek's hero
for a moment in deepest indignation, then they let Krycek go and attacked 
the man with the stab, one of them, the brute-like one, growling like a 
wild animal.

Krycek's saver easily managed to knock out the brute, but the massive 
blonde was a more difficult case. He just didn't lose consciousness, no 
matter how hard he was hit with the battle stab.

It would have been saver to run away, but dammit, it was the first time that 
someone tried to help Krycek, he couldn't just let him down now!  So Krycek 
gut-punched the blonde giant - with no effect, except that he turned around 
with a furious look in his eyes and hit Krycek into his face. 

Krycek tumbled backwards, his cheek exploding in pain. He was half aware 
that the giant was walking angrily towards him while the brave-hearted 
(st)ranger was striking in vain against the giant's back again and again. 
With a bit of annoyance he could also see Skinner at the other end of the 
room watching the fight without making the slightest move to help him, while 
Skinner's friend stared at them with his mouth wide open. A second sheriff - 
a very good looking one - sat down beside them and shut the other sheriff's 
jaw with an amused smile.

Well, what mattered now was the insane giant attacking him. But as the giant 
stroke out for another hit, his gaze suddenly became empty and he fell 
unconsciously to the ground. A pretty young man with very large eyes stood 
smiling behind him with a strange tool in his hands.


"Narcotics,"  Dr Bashir said smiling, "It always works." When he'd seen 
these men fighting, he of course had had to intervene. After all he was a 
Starfleet officer, not to intervene would be considered dishonorable. On the 
other hand he suddenly was worried whether he had just harmed the prime 
directive.

However, before he could introduce himself and start a pleasant conversation,
a tall, slender man came along and stared at the chaos with fear.

"That... certainly has something to do with me!" he called out in a paranoic 
tone. "But you won't catch me!"

Julian was a doctor, he had to take care for that poor paranoic creature. 
Especially since he was goodlooking and since Miles O'Brien had no more time 
for him since his wife was back on DS9. He'd always liked blonde men, and 
this one looked much better than Miles.

"Calm down," Dr Bashir said and walked appeasing towards the fearful man. 
"Nobody here wants to hurt you!"

"Don't..." the man stammered and receded with horror in his eyes. "Stay away 
from me!"

"I'm your friend." Dr Bashir said calmly.

"Dr Belami always said that, too!" the stranger said with hysterical laughter
and receded further.
The doctor followed his prey. 


"Thanks for your intervening!" Krycek said to the beautiful man who'd rescued
him. "I already had a hard week."

"I am always glad to help." the stranger said. "My name is Marcus Cole."

"Alex Krycek." Krycek introduced himself. "From the X-files."

"Ah, I heard your master is almost as cruel as the Great Maker." Marcus said. 
Of course the men in black always tried to prevent that members of different 
series met each other, but sometimes some information slipped through the 
guardiance. And if  it was just caused by the crossovers.

"Chris Carter is truly heartless." Krycek agreed. "But the fan fic-authors 
are even worse. As if I didn't have enough problems, they decided that I'm 
unrequited in love with Mulder." 

"I know how that is."Marcus replied. "I'm in love with Ivanova, but the 
Great Maker doesn't want her to return my love." A melancholic look appeared 
on the ranger's expressive face. "She's so beautiful. And so strong and so 
brisk. And she's got such a dark kind of humor."

"Yeah," Krycek said, "I also love Mulder's sick sense of humor."

"When she smiles it's like sunrise." Marcus continued. "Normally she's just 
nasty to me, but the rare times she smiles, I'm happy in the dephts of my 
soul."

"Congratulations!" Krycek said dryly. "Mulder never smiles to me. I'm glad 
when he doesn't beat me."

Marcus looked at him with compassion. "Does he hate you so much?"

"Well, the MKRA think, he just beats me because that is the only way for him 
to express that he really wants to fuck me." Krycek answered. "However, 
there's no chance for a happy end."

Marcus nodded his head. That was a man with similar problems, who could 
really understand him!

"I fear, the Great Maker has already decided to let me die as a virgin."

"You mean, you never...?" Krycek asked in surprise. A man as beautiful should
be a virgin? 
"That was the Great Maker's decision, not mine." Marcus replied.

Damn, that man was so handsome! In a completely different way than Mulder, of
course, but... It was such a waste that Marcus still waited for a woman who 
was obviously blind, deaf and couldn't smell if she ignored such a man. He 
couldn't permit that his saver didn't gain any experience... That way he 
could at least thank him for saving his life.

Krycek stepped closer to Marcus and said in a low voice:"Why don't you forget
what your Great Maker decided and come with me to a quiet, private place, 
where no one will disturb us?"

Desire flackered up in Marcus's beautiful blue eyes. Eyes almost as beautiful
as Mulder's. 

"I don't know if that's right." he said hesitatingly.

"Right, wrong, good, bad - all that are just relative terms." Krycek 
whispered and raised a hand to gently caress the ranger's precious cheek and 
to pass through his lush, velvet hair.


Marcus closed his eyes when the young man touched him. He'd been waiting for 
so long. Ivanova didn't show him the slightest sign of affection. And now 
there was this decidedly goodlooking young man who wanted him - well, not 
exactly him, he really wanted a man named Mulder, as Marcus himself wanted, 
loved Ivanova, but as long as this was settled... why not?

On the other hand he wanted to wait for the right one, the one he loved. 
After all he was a romantic idealist, and a casually walked along daredevil 
wouldn't change it! Granted, a very sexy daredevil. And his eyes... huge 
green eyes, almost as beautiful as Ivanova's.

Before Marcus could protest, Alex closed his mouth with a wild passionate 
kiss, setting his virtuous heart on fire.


Sheriff Jimmy Brock felt definitively superfluous. The man named Skinner who 
was avoiding his date was now talking intensively with the Sheriff who'd 
introduced himself as Lucas Buck. They were talking about power, problems 
with subordinates... all things he'd have to say something about, too, but 
they were ignoring his comments completely, just gazing at each other with 
an intensive eye-contact.

Some minutes ago there had been a brawl near the door, but before he could 
stand up and intervene, two other men had helped the one who'd been in 
trouble. One of them - Sheriff Brock didn't quite understand what was going 
on - was trying to appease another man who'd come along and who looked very 
confused and frightened. The other two men... Sheriff Brock's jaw clapped 
down in surprise: They were standing midst the knocked out men and kissed 
each other. O.K. He was a tolerante, open-minded man, he didn't have ANY 
prejudices against homos, but did they have to live their sexuality in 
public?

Sheriff Brock hadn't listened to the conversations of his neighbours at 
table and was astonished and a bit relieved when they stood up, staring at 
each other like two lurking tigers. Then, to his horrors, Skinner pushed 
Lucas against the wall, not to fight with him, but to kiss him ferociously. 
Maybe it was a kind of fight, because Lucas greedily grabbed Skinner's shirt 
and ripped it apart.

Sheriff Brock whimpered and buried his head in his hands. "I want to go 
home!" he whined. Rome, Wisconsin was such a quiet, idyllic place in 
comparission to that! 


A half dozen men entered Sergant Pepper's lonely hearts club, each of them 
wearing black suits with black ties and black shoes. They looked around in 
annoyance, and one of them,  an elder, massive one, started to rail: "As if 
we didn't already have enough problems without all of them leaving their 
corners!"

"But Z," a tall black man in black said, "I don't know what's so bad about 
that. They seem to have a lot of fun."

Obviously he especially meant the two pairings, not the three unconscious 
men on the floor and certainly not the one who tried to escape another man 
wearing an uniform that looked like a pair of pyjamas.

"Do you know what a chaos develops whenever they meet?" An elder man with 
dark hair and a character face asked. "Last year a Cardassian entered the 
beach of Baywatch. When David Hasselhoff in red speedos stepped out of the 
water, the poor extraterrestrial was so frightened that he started to shoot
at Hasselhoff. What a luck that he didn't hit him!"

"I'm not sure if I would call that luck." the black man in black murmured.

"O.K.then, all look here, please!" the elder man called and stepped into the 
middle of the room. "Look here to the light!"

The men in black all put on black sun glasses. 

Marcus looked unnerved at the man. He was really disturbing, especially 
since Krycek now cupped his buttocks with his experienced hands.

(The author stared frowning at the computer screen, as she remembered that 
Krycek was an amputee, so she could hardly write about his two hands. Then 
she decided simply to ignore it.)

Krycek looked angrily at the disturber. He was tempted to shoot him.

Lucas Buck wondered who dared to disturb him, now, that he'd met such a 
challenging man, and looked annoyed into the direction the voice was coming 
from.

Skinner was astonished because he'd thought the men in black were just one 
of Mulder's fantasies.

Sheriff Brock wondered what strange things he would see now.

Kronos awoke and looked dazedly around. His companions Caspian and Silas 
were also awaking, and between them the boy they'd wanted to take out the 
door and the impudent man who'd disturbed them were standing in a fervent 
embrace. But where were they staring to? Ah, a man in black was holding a 
strange thing into the air. The Horsemen Of Evil looked at him in curiosity.

Dr Bashir, always easy to distract, turned away from the paranoic and looked 
exitedly at the men in black.

Tom Veil took the chance to hide behind a counter. A red, bright light 
floated the club. When Tom carefully gazed over the counter he saw with 
terror that all of the others, except the men in black, were standing at 
their places with a frightening empty look on their faces.

The men in black took off the sun glasses and started to separate the 
paralytic men, who let that happen lacking any will-power. Tom Veil shivered 
with awe. He hadn't known that the organisation was capable of that.

"OK, then everyone needs a new memory." the man in the middle of the room 
ordered. "And a nice one!" he added gazing at the black man in black.

So that was what they'd done to Tom's family, when they didn't recognize him 
anymore! He had to get out of here! Tom headed for the door, reached it and 
run out. 


"Damn!" K cursed. "Tom Veil has escaped. Come J, we have to catch him before 
he causes any damage!"

And so it ends with Tom being chased by strange men - nothing new to him.


                The End