By Ratwoman
Summer 1996
Severus’s heart was racing in anger. And fear. And growing despair.
Dumbledore had called him to his office in the middle of the night because he had caught himself a deadly curse. Now Severus was muttering incantations, pointing his wand at the wrist of Dumbledore’s hand, while with his left hand he tipped a goblet full of thick golden potion down his throat. After a moment or two, Albus opened his eyes.
“Why,” said Severus angrily, “why did you put on that ring? It carries a curse, surely you realized that. Why even touch it?”
Albus grimaced as if in pain.“I…was a fool. Sorely tempted…”
“Tempted by what?”
But Albus didn’t answer, just stared into thin air as if daydreaming.
“It is a miracle you managed to return here!” Severus snarled. “That ring carried a curse of extraordinary power, to contain it is all we can hope for; I have trapped the curse in one hand for the time being.“
With a feeling of bitter despair he watched Albus raise his blackened, useless hand and examine it with the expression of one being shown an interesting oddity. Had Albus not understood him? More likely, he just wasn’t afraid to die.
“You have done very well, Severus. How long do you think I have?” he asked in a light tone.
Severus briefly closed his eyes. What should become of the Order of the Phoenix when Albus was dead? “I cannot tell. Maybe a year. There is no halting such a spell forever. It will spread eventually, it is the sort of curse that strengthens over time.”
Albus smiled. He really had the nerve to smile! “I am fortunate, extremely fortunate, that I have you, Severus.”
“If you had only summoned me a little earlier, I might have been able to do more, buy you more time!” Severus said furiously. Then he glanced down at the broken ring. The sword of Gryffindor was lying next to it. “Did you think that breaking the ring would break the curse?”
“Something like that…I was delirious, no doubt…” Albus said, then straightened himself in his chair.
“Well, really, this makes matters much more straightforward.”
What the hell was he talking about?
Albus smiled. “I refer to the plan Lord Voldemort is revolving around me. His plan to have the poor Malfoy boy murder me.”
Severus sat down, feeling exhausted. “The Dark Lord does not expect Draco to succeed. This is merely punishment for Lucius’s recent failures. Slow torture for Draco’s parents, while they watch him fail and pay the price.” It made him sick to think about it.
“In short, the boy has had a death sentence pronounced upon him as surely as I have,” said Albus. They pondered for a few moments the future of the school, if Hogwarts fell into Lord Voldemort’s grasp, then turned back to the subject of Draco: "Ultimately, of course, there is only one thing to be done if we are to save him from Lord Voldemort’s wrath.”
Severus raised his eyebrows. “Are you intending to let him kill you?”
“Certainly not,” Albus replied, "You must kill me.”
Yeah, sure! “Would you like me to do it now?” Severus asked, voice full of irony, “or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?”
“Oh, not quite yet.” Albus was again smiling. “I daresay the moment will present itself in due course. Given what has happened tonight,” he indicated his withered hand, “we can be sure that it will happen within a year.”
Didn’t explain why he should do it. “If you don’t mind dying, why not let Draco do it?”
“That boy’s soul is not yet so damaged,” Albus said. “I would not have it ripped apart on my account.”
Severus felt anger and frustration welling up in him. Was everyone else more important than him? “And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?”
“You alone know whether it will harm your soul to help an old man avoid pain and humiliation,” Albus answered. “I ask this one great favor of you, Severus, because death is coming for me as surely as the Chudley Cannons will finish bottom of this year’s league. I confess I should prefer a quick, painless exit to the protracted and messy affair it will be if, for instance, Greyback is involved - I hear Voldemort has recruited him? Or dear Bellatrix, who likes to play with her food before she eats it.”
Severus held eye-contact. So, within a year he would kill Dumbledore, then everyone would think he had changed sides. Sirius would be raging. And Lily heart-broken.
"Under one condition,“ Severus said.
"Which one?“ Albus asked.
"Lily Potter must know,“ Severus replied.
Albus seemed to ponder it for a moment. "The more people know about our plan, the more dangerous our position is. And, it will also be dangerous for Lily. On the other hand, you can report back to her when I am gone... Why Lily? Why not Sirius Black?“
Yeah, why not? It would be comforting to know that he still could meet Sirius in secret. "Everyone will expect Sirius to be raging when he thinks that I betrayed our side. Unfortunately he is not a good actor. He wasn’t even convincing when he tried to lure me into the Shrieking Shack 20 years ago.“
Albus looked at him curiously. "Why then did you go there?“
"I wanted to know whether my assumption that Lupin is a werewolf is right.“
Dumbledore shook his head as if wondering about stupid school boys. "And why Lily?“ Albus asked.
He could think up some reasonable arguments, but Severus decided to stay truthful. "Because she would be devastated if she lost me to the other side again.“
"Do you still love her?“ Albus asked, looking surprised. "After all those years?“
Severus just nodded his head.
"I will meet you and Lily Potter tomorrow evening, eight p.m., at my office.“ Albus said, "I will tell her about your task then.“
**
Albus Dumbledore had asked Lily to come to Hogwarts, his office, tonight. He had also asked her not to tell anyone, not even James, where she was going. So she was rather excited when she entered his office. Severus was there, too, sitting on a chair and staring gravely into thin air.
"Sit down, Lily,“ Albus said friendly. When she had obliged, he added: "I must ask you to promise that no word spoken here will travel outside. You are to tell no one what I told you, not your husband, not Sirius Black...“ Lily slowly nodded her head. Albus then showed her his hand and told her about a curse that would kill him within a year. No wonder that Severus looked so depressed. But there was worse yet to come.
Draco Malfoy had been ordered by Voldemort to kill Albus Dumbledore. He was rather expected to fail, but to save the boy, Albus wanted Severus to kill him.
Lily stared blankly at Dumbledore for a moment. "That’s too much to ask,“ she said.
"Is it?“ Albus asked, curiously amused. It angered her.
"Do you know what you are asking from Severus?“ she called. "Everyone will think he changed sides... Even Sirius! You ask him to deliver himself to everyone’s hatred...“
"It’s not as if I ever was very popular, Lily,“ Severus threw in.
"But...“ Lily paused, out of words. It was depressing to know that Albus Dumbledore was going to die. But that he asked Severus to do it seemed monstrous. Especially now, that he was accepted as her friend and Sirius’s lover by most members of the Order. It was the first time they had a shared circle of friends. "...why don’t you tell Sirius at least?“ she asked.
Instead of an answer Albus gazed at Severus. Severus looked thoughtful for a moment, then said slowly: "The more people know, the more danger. And Sirius... I certainly trust his loyality, but not his ability to act.“
"Ah, and you think I do better at that?“ Lily asked.
"You’re not bad at stealth.“ Severus said, smirking, "you kept our secret places hidden even from nosy Petunia.“
Lily folded her arms, feeling defeated. "I don’t like this a bit,“ she said.
"I don’t either,“ Severus said, "but I don’t see another way.“
They left Albus’s office soon afterwards. Lily had another point to discuss with Severus... and she was rather reluctant about it. He would think she was using their friendship to better her son’s position. Well, actually she was.
"Severus,“ Lily said. He looked at her questioningly. Lily took a deep breath. "I know you only allow students in your NEWTs class who had an Outstanding the year before. Now Harry only has reached an E, but he wants to start an Auror career after school. Only, he needs to have a NEWT in Potions, too...“
Severus was not smiling, just looking sincerely at her. "Then he should have made more of an effort.“
"He did!“ Lily called. "It’s just... I mean, Severus, why do you only accept Os? Most teachers allow Es or even As in their NEWTs class...“
"I’m not most teachers,“ Severus replied. Lily looked pleadingly at him. Severus sighed. "I’ll think about it, Lily.“
But the next time they met, Severus informed her that it was no longer in his responsibility, whether Harry was allowed to take Potions next year – Albus Dumbledore had assigned him the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. "If I’d known I’d get the job if I kill Albus Dumbledore I would have offered to do it years before,“ he said with his characteristical sense of sarcasm.
**
Severus was slightly amused. Narcissa and Bellatrix were visiting him at Spinner’s End and now Bellatrix Lestrange was shouting all kinds of accusations at him. Not that they were not true, but she was so blatantly angry because she seemed to be the only one who believed him to be guilty of treachery.
"Where were you when the Dark Lord fell? Why did you never make any attempt to find him when he vanished? What have you been doing all these years that you've lived in Dumbledore's pocket? Why did you become friends with that Mudblood Lily Potter? Do you still love her? And what about your relationship with the blood traitor Sirius Black? Why did you stop the Dark Lord procuring the Sorcerer's Stone? Why did you not return at once when the Dark Lord was reborn? Where were you a few weeks ago when we battled to retrieve the prophecy for the Dark Lord? And why, Snape, is Neville Longbottom still alive, when you have had him at your mercy for five years?"
She paused, her chest rising and falling rapidly, her face flushed. She looked much better now than a few months ago when she had come fresh from Azkaban, but no comparison to her former beauty.
Severus smiled and told her the same tales he had told the Dark Lord "...Then, I believe, you asked why I became friends with Lily Potter? I admit, I was in love with her when I was fifteen, but that was long ago. When she offered to refresh our old friendship, who would have believed my story of remorse if I had not accepted it?“
Bellatrix glowered at him.
"And your dear cousin Sirius,“ he added, putting all the arrogance he could muster into his voice, "he is quite handsome. Strong shoulders, a nice firm butt... and that’s about all I require of him.“
Bellatrix sneered. "That’s disgusting...“ she said.
Severus shrugged. "I can imagine more disgusting tasks than fucking Sirius Black...“
He told her next that he had tried to stop Quirrel from taking the Sorcerer’s stone because he had not known that he was the Dark Lord’s ally, and that he had returned at Voldemort’s resurrection two hours late to be able to remain at Hogwarts as a spy. “The Dark Lord's initial displeasure at my lateness vanished entirely, I assure you, when I explained that I remained faithful, although Dumbledore thought I was his man. Yes, the Dark Lord thought that I had left him forever, but he was wrong." Severus repressed a shudder when he remembered being tortured by Macnair first.
Bellatrix didn’t seem convinced, she was still shouting feeble demurs at him. But Severus assumed her to be mostly jealous – she, the Dark Lord’s most fervent follower, and yet he confided more in him lately. When she had finally run out of arguments, Severus turned to her sister. "Now...you came to ask me for help, Narcissa?"
"Yes, Severus. I -- I think you are the only one who can help me, I have nowhere else to turn. Lucius is in jail and..." She closed her eyes, trying to hide the tears seeping from them. "The Dark Lord has forbidden me to speak of it. He wished none to know of the plan. It is...very secret. But.."
"If he has forbidden it, you ought not to speak," Severus said quickly, as anyone would expect of him.
"The Dark Lord's word is law."
Then he got to his feet and strode to the small window, peered through the curtains at the deserted street, then closed them again with a jerk. Severus turned around to face Narcissa with a frown. "It so happens that I know of the plan," he said in a low voice. "I am one of the few the Dark Lord has told. Nevertheless, had I not been in on the secret, Narcissa, you would have been guilty of great treachery to the Dark Lord."
"You know about the plan?“ said Bellatrix, once again consternated about the Dark Lord’s trust in him. "You know?"
"Certainly," Severus said. "But what help do you require, Narcissa? If you are imagining I can persuade the Dark Lord to change his mind, I am afraid there is no hope, none at all."
"Severus," she whispered, tears sliding down her pale cheeks. "My son...my only son..."
Severus felt sorry for her; he had always liked Narcissa. Actually, he had even envied Lucius a bit; not because he wanted to be with Narcissa, but because the woman Lucius loved, loved him back.
He promised her to help her son fulfill the Dark Lord’s order. Of course, she couldn’t know that it coincided with Dumbledore’s orders.
"Certainly, Narcissa, I shall make the Unbreakable Vow," he said quietly. "Perhaps your sister will consent to be our Bonder."
They clasped hands, while an astonished Bellatrix stood over them with her wand raised.
"Will you, Severus, watch over my son, Draco, as he attempts to fulfill the Dark Lord's wishes?"
"I will," Severus said.
A thin tongue of brilliant flame issued from the wand and wound its way around their hands.
"And will you, to the best of your ability, protect him from harm?"
"I will."
A second tongue of flame shot from the wand and interlinked with the first, making a fine, glowing chain.
"And, should it prove necessary... if it seems Draco will fail..." whispered Narcissa "will you carry out the deed that the Dark Lord has ordered Draco to perform?"
Severus hesitated. There was no reason, really, as he was going to kill Albus anyway. He had promised it.
"I will," he said.
A third string of flame shot from Narcissa’s wand, twisted with the others and bound itself around their wrists. It was finished.
**
September 1996
Severus walked disgrunted the Hogwarts grounds. A few minutes ago a Patronus in the shape of a silver wolf had come to him. Then the wolf had talked to him with Tonks’s voice, told him to collect Harry Potter, as he had not left the train on time.
Potter again.
So, Tonks had a new Patronus. He should have noticed earlier the way she was looking at Lupin. And Lupin? He was a fool to ignore her advances, he could hardly hope for a better match.
There she was, waiting with Harry Potter at her side. Her hair was mouse-coloured and she looked depressed. "Well, well, well," Severus sneered, taking out his wand and taping tapping the padlock once, so that the chains snaked backward and the gates creaked open. "Nice of you to turn up, Potter, although you have evidently decided that the wearing of school robes would detract from your appearance."
"I couldn't change, I didn't have my..."
"There is no need to wait, Tonks, Potter is quite safe in my hands," Severus interupted.
"I meant Hagrid to get the message," said Tonks, frowning.
"Hagrid was late for the start-of-term feast, just like Potter here, so I took it instead. And incidentally," said Snape, standing back to allow Harry to pass him, "I was interested to see your new Patronus."
Tonks looked at him as if caught at a crime. Severus shut the gates and turned to walk back to the castle, Harry Potter at his side.
"Twenty points from Gryffindor for lateness, I think," Severus said. He pondered on taking another twenty points for his Muggle attire, but decided against it. "You know, I don't believe any House has ever been in negative figures this early in the term: We haven't even started pudding. You might have set a record, Potter."
The boy didn’t say anything, so Severus left it at that. They reached the Great Hall in silence. Severus nodded dismissively at the boy and went to the staff table.
**
Harry sat down next to Ron and Hermione. He felt a bit embarrassed; after he, Neville, Hermione and Ginny had been invited by Slughorn into his compartment, he had, wearing his Invisibility Coat, sneaked into Draco’s compartment to eavesdrop. He was sure Draco was planning something. He had even admitted among his Slytherin friends that he was a Death Eater and that Voldemort had given him some orders. But what?
Maybe he would try to kill Neville this year?
Snape had been nasty as always. But what had he meant with Tonks’s new Patronus? Harry had heard it could change its form, for example if one was in love. He had only seen a glimpse of a four-legged creature. Maybe a big dog? That would mean that Tonks was in love with Sirius. No wonder that Snape was gloating!
"So, what’s new?“ Harry asked to distract himself.
"Well,“ Neville said in a low voice to Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny, who was sitting next to Neville, "Dumbledore told me that I will be having private lessons with him.“
"Whew!“ Ron made, "that’s cool. And Occlumency?“
"Only once a month,“ Neville said evenly, "since I won’t continue Potions, I won’t see much of Snape this year.“
"Professor Snape, meanwhile," said Dumbledore from the staff table, raising his voice so that it carried over all the muttering, "will be taking over the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."
"Oh,“ Neville said, "I have rejoiced too soon.“
Harry couldn’t take it with such a calm as Neville. Defense Against the Dark Arts had always been his favourite subject, and now Snape of all people would teach it?!
Harry sat back in his chair, arms folded. "Well, no one's lasted more than a year in that job...Quirrell actually died doing it... I’d hope for another death, if Sirius wasn’t so attached to Snape.“
**
Severus watched the sixth year students filing into his class. After setlling down, Hermione Granger took out her copy of Confronting the Faceless. "I have not asked you to take out your books," Severus said. "I wish to speak to you, and I want your fullest attention.“ He paused. "You have had five teachers in this subject so far, I believe. Naturally, these teachers will all have had their own methods and priorities. Given this confusion I am surprised so many of you scraped an OWL in this subject. I shall be even more surprised if all of you manage to keep up with the NEWT work, which will be much more advanced."
"The Dark Arts," Severus continued in a low voice, "are many, varied, every-changing, and eternal. Fighting them is like fighting a many-headed monster, which, each time a neck is severed, sprouts a head even fiercer and cleverer than before. You are fighting that which is unfixed, mutating, indestructible." Admittedly, he still was quite fascinated by the Dark Arts. "Your defenses must therefore be as flexible and inventive as the arts you seek to undo. These pictures" he indicated a few pictures he had put on the wall "give a fair representation of what happens to those who suffer, for instance, the Cruciatus Curse", he waved a hand toward a witch who was shrieking in agony, "feel the Dementor's Kiss", a wizard lying huddled and blank-eyed, slumped against a wall, "or provoke the aggression of the Inferius" a dead man in a pool of blood.
Most of the students looked scrared by now.
"Has an Inferius been seen, then?" said Parvati Patil in a high-pitched voice. "Is it definite, is he using them?"
"The Dark Lord has used Inferi in the past," Severus replied, "which means you would be well-advised to assume he might use them again. Now, you are, I believe, complete novices in the use of nonverbal spells. What is the advantage of a nonverbal spell?"
Of course, Hermione Granger knew the answer, as her hand shot into the air. And of course, she was the only one. "Very well, Miss Granger?"
"Your adversary has no warning about what kind of magic you're about to perform," said Hermione, "which gives you a split-second advantage.“
"An answer copied almost word for word from The Standard Book of Spells, Grade Six," Severus wondered if that girl ever had an original thought of her own, "but correct in essentials. Yes, those who progress to using magic without shouting incantations gain an element of surprise in their spell-casting. Not all wizards can do this, of course; it is a question of concentration and mind power which some lack." Gazing at Neville Longbottom Severus wondered whether that boy would be able to do it. His concentration had been getting better in their Occlumency lessons the previous year, but he still was a less than mediocre wizard.
Severus then divided the students into pairs. One was to attempt to jinx the other without speaking, the other to repell the jinx equally silent.
Many students actually whispered the incantation instead of saying it aloud, but Severus decided to ignore it. They would have loads of practise in the following weeks.
**
It was the first lesson in Potions this year. Professor Slughorn let his gaze travel over his students. "I asked Neville Longbottom to sign up for my Potions class,“ he said. "Obviously he decided against it.“
"He hated Potions,“ Harry threw in, "or rather, Professor Snape made him hate it.“ Some students gasped at Harry’s cheek.
Slughorn smiled nervously. "Well, yes, I imagine Severus can be quite impatient with those who are not a genius in Potions as he is... Now then, scales out, everyone, and potion kits, and don't forget your copies of Advanced Potion-Making..."
"Sir?" said Harry, raising his hand.
"Harry, m'boy?" Slughorn was quite fond of him. As his parents had told him, they had both been among his favourites, too. "I haven't got a book or scales or anything - nor's Ron - we didn't realize we'd be able to do the NEWT, you see..."
"Ah, yes, Professor McGonagall did mention... not to worry, my dear boy, not to worry at all. You can use ingredients from the store cupboard today, and I'm sure we can lend you some scales, and we've got a small stock of old books here, they'll do until you can write to Flourish and Blotts..."
Slughorn strode over to a corner cupboard and returned with two very battered-looking copies of Advanced Potion-Making by Libatius Borage.
Harry opened his book. To his annoyance the previous owner had scribbled all over the margins of the pages, with a cramped, spidery hand-writing. His annoyance, however, vanished later when he realised that the annotations were really useful – following the orders he made a much better Potion than ever before.
**
Sirius was worried. He didn’t see Severus quite as often as he wished, but when he did, Severus looked terrible. He was even paler than usual, and thinner, shadows under his eyes. When asked what was up, he just said he was worried that Voldemort might find out about his true allegiance.
"What would happen to you then?“ Sirius asked one night. Not that he didn’t have a hunch of what they did to traitors.
"If I’m very lucky, the Dark Lord would be angry enought to kill me at once,“ Severus replied calmly. "More likely are weeks or months of torture and rape, with Macnair, Yaxley and your dear cousin Bellatrix taking the lead.“
A shiver ran over Sirius’s body. "Is there anything I can do?“ he asked, feeling helpless.
Severus shrugged, then smirked slightly. "Yes, Sirius, there are things not even you are too stupid to do. Fucking, for example.“
"Bastard!“ Sirius called, laughing, then quickly flipped Severus around so that he lay on his stomach. He pulled down his pajama pants and, pinning him down with his knees, did a quick lubrication spell. Severus bucked slightly, but as long as he didn’t protest, it usually meant he was fine with what was happening. "You like it rough, bitch!“ Sirius snarled, feeling already aroused. Severus growled as an answer.
Sirius squeezed the round arse cheeks appreciatively for a moment, then positioned himself to slam in.
**
The "Half-Blood Prince“, as the former owner of Advanced Potions Making had called himself, proved to be really helpful. He had not just written useful notes about the Potions into the book, there were also loads of spells he had invented.
Hermione, however, didn’t approve of the book. She even said that he was cheating. But what annoyed Harry most of all this year was Neville. Not that he was envious for his private lessons with Dumbledore (well, he was, a bit). But Neville was all the time hanging around with Ginny. Ginny, with the red hair and the flowery scent... Harry tried to catch Ginny alone, in order to ask her to go out with him, but she was always looking at Neville with such adoration in her eyes...
One evening, shortly before Christmas, Harry lost it. He came into the Common room and what did he see? Neville and Ginny standing under the mistletoe, snogging self-forgottenly.
Harry saw red. His heart racing, he jumped forward, pushed them apart and punched Neville hard into the face. Once, twice.
"Harry!“ Hermione called. "What do you think you’re doing?“
BANG! Harry was hit by a jinx, the jelly legs. He fell to the floor as his knees gave way, looking up at a furious looking Ginny, who was pointing her wand at him. "Don’t touch my boyfriend again!“ she hissed and angrily left the Common Room.
Neville was standing there, with a bloody nose, looking surprised.
**
Christmas 1996
Harry was back home for Christmas. His parents had, like often before, invited Sirius and Remus, and now Harry, his father and his father’s friends were decorating the living room. Harry’s mother had gone shopping, so Harry thought it a good opportunity to tell his father about the Half-Blood Prince. He didn’t want to tell mum, because she’d only say he was cheating.
"Um, dad, Sirius, Remus...“ he said, "do you happen to know anyone called the Half-Blood Prince?“
The three of them looked at each other in surprise. "There are no princes in the wizarding world, Harry,“ Remus said.
"Well, I know, I think it is just a nickname.“ Harry said. He pulled his copy of Advanced Potions Making out of his pocket. "When I didn’t have the Potions textbook at the beginning of the term, Slughorn gave me an old copy, and the previous owner has written on it "This book is owned by the Half-Blood Prince“.“
James frowned. "Didn’t Flourish and Blotts send you a new book?“
"Er, yes, but I decided to keep it... the Half-Blood Prince has written quite useful notes into it.“ James, Remus and Sirius became curious now and walked over to Harry, looking at the book.
"The handwriting looks vaguely familiar...“ Sirius said. "May I?“ he asked and took the book. "Hm, it was bought in the 50s, that was long before our time.“
"Is the Half-Blood Prince the reason why you suddenly excel at Potions?“ James asked.
Harry felt himself blush.
His father just laughed. "Well, at least you’re clever enough to use it.“
"He also invented spells.“ Harry said, "quite usefull ones, like the Muffliato, that makes it possible to have a conversation without other people overhearing it. Or the Levicorpus...“
"I remember that one was quite popular in my youth,“ Harry’s father threw in.
"Yes,“ Remus said, "I remember you and Sirius having quite a lot of fun with it.“ He ducked when Sirius threw a pillow at him.
Harry looked questioningly from one to the other. "What...?“
"It’s not really funny, Harry,“ Sirius said, though James was grinning. "We used it on Severus once... at the lake...“
"Yes, and while Severus was dangling upside down, James undressed him in front of half of the school.“ Remus said. Now Harry was grinning, too.
"I really regret doing that,“ James said, "it gave Sirius the wrong ideas.“ This time Sirius was throwing a pillow at James. James laughed, but then grew serious: "It stops being funny, Harry, when you imagine Draco Malfoy doing that to you.“
Oh. Yes, it suddenly wasn’t funny anymore. Just embarrassing. But apropos Draco Malfoy...
"On another note, I was on Slughorn’s christmas party with Luna,“ Harry noticed that the three smirked and he rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Draco Malfoy came crushing into the party.“ Harry paused. He knew Sirius wouldn’t like what he’d tell them about Snape. "Snape asked Draco to have a word with him and I followed and, er, overheard them...“
"I knew my old cloak would find good usage,“ his father said.
Harry smiled briefly and continued: "They were arguing... Draco Malfoy has become a Death Eater and they were talking about something Voldemort has ordered Malfoy to do. And Snape asked him what he had planned and offered him help.“ He looked insecurely at Sirius, but he didn’t seem worried.
"Naturally,“ Remus said. Harry looked surprised at him.
"He’s working as a spy for Dumbledore, of course he tries to find out what Draco Malfoy is up to,“ Remus explained.
"But he offered him help!“ Harry called.
"I’d do the same if I was to find out about Draco’s plans,“ Sirius said.
Harry looked searching for help at his father, but James kept a neutral face. "They’re probably right, Harry.“
"But you should have heard his speech at the beginning of the term!“ Harry shouted. "About the Dark Arts! He LOVES them!“
Sirius shrugged. "I think he’s fascinated by the Dark Arts. But he doesn’t use them – anymore.“
"What makes you so sure he’s on our side?“ Harry asked angrily, "is he such a good fuck?“
"Harry!“ James called indignantly.
Sirius glared darkly at him. "I happen to know him a bit better than you do, Harry. You don’t shake him awake in the night because he’s having nightmares again!“
Harry was taken by surprise. He had expected Sirius to shout at him, not to tell him about nightmares Snape had. Sirius sat down on the couch, looking miserable. "He’s worried that Voldemort might find out about his true allegiance. Do you know what they’d do to him, Harry? It would take weeks, maybe months to kill him. Bellatrix loves the Cruciatus Curse, Macnair has more a hang for knives. And I don’t even want to think about the Carrows...“
Suddenly Harry felt very awkward. James and Remus were looking serious, even worried.
Remus put a hand on Sirius’s shoulder. "It won’t come to that,“ he said. "Severus is too clever to let himself get caught.“
It was quite obvious that James was trying to change subject when he said: "So, you went to Slughorn’s party with Luna?“
"As friends,“ Harry replied. "I’d prefer Ginny, but she’s with Neville now.“ He was slightly surprised about the anger and bitterness in his voice. "I mean, why Neville? Just because he is the Chosen One, as they now call him? I’m better at Quidditch, I’m better at most things...“
"...especially at being jealous,“ Sirius said, smirking.
"No, I mean... Actually, Neville is getting quite full of himself.“
"Neville getting full of himself?“ Remus asked. "I’d like to see that!“
"You’re not taking me serious!“ Harry shouted.
His father was not smirking as his friends were. "I do,“ he said, "I know how it hurts when the girl you’re fond of prefers someone else.“
Harry looked surprised at him. "But you have mum...“
Now James smiled. "Yes, by now. But she didn’t talk to me much until we were 16 and a half. Though I fancied her before. What do you think was the reason I was nasty to Snape at school?“
"Because he was Dark-Arts-possessed, sarcastic and mean?“ Harry asked.
"No,“ Sirius said, "that was why I used to hate him.“
"I was jealous,“ James said, "because he was close to Lily. And I did the stupidest thing I could, I was nasty to her best friend. Maybe she’d gone out with me earlier if I hadn’t been such a git.“
"Ok,“ Harry said, remembering how he had hit Neville, "so you mean I should not make the same mistake and be nasty to Neville?“
Sirius patted his shoulder: "He is your friend, isn’t he? Who would break up with his friends because of a girl?“
**
New Year’s Eve 1996/1997
Severus was watching the stars. It was a clear night, and he, Sirius and Remus had gone out onto Lily’s balcony. Sirius and Remus were talking about nonimportant stuff.
Severus turned around and gazed thoughtfully at Remus. Had Tonks not come to the party because of him?
"Tonks is in love with you,“ he suddenly said.
Remus and Sirius both looked slightly irritated at him, then Remus asked: "And how on Earth did YOU find out?“
Severus smirked. "I’ve seen her new Patronus. It’s a wolf.“
Remus looked both angry and embarrassed. "She’ll get over it...“
"And why do you want her to get over it?“ Severus asked. "You don’t get any younger; she’s probably the best you can get.“
Remus glared at him, but Sirius smirked. "See, Remus, even Severus says so... though I didn’t put it into such drastic words.“
"And I know you’re right, I won’t get a better girl,“ Remus replied, "but she can get a better man. Someone younger, healthier, richer.“
"But she wants you,“ Severus said.
"Yeah, mate,“ Sirius threw in, "I could get any woman or man, and whom do I choose: Severus Snape! These things follow their own logic.“
Severus glared at him, while Remus giggled. "Sorry, Severus, Sirius just makes it sound so...“
"I really must be a masochist to put up with Sirius,“ Severus answered, but smirked slightly.
"Ok, I’ll buy a whip,“ Sirius joked. Then he looked curiously at Severus: "And what does your Patronus look like?“
Severus made the mistake to answer: "You wouldn’t want to know!“
Of course, Sirius’s curiosity now was really spurred on. "Yes, I do! What is it? A snake? A huge Teddy bear?“
A doe. And it would just hurt Sirius to see the proof that he still loved Lily. "No,“ Severus just said.
"Come on,“ Sirius said, "it can’t be that bad! Show us your Patronus!“
Why couldn’t he just let it go?
"Or are you not able to cast one?“ Sirius goaded him.
Fine then, he’d spoil the mood. Severus looked around: no Muggle was on the street. Then he drew his wand, closed his eyes and chose a happy memory... the moment Lily had renewed their friendship, after his trial... "Expecto Patronum!“
This wasn’t right. Something had gone completely wrong! His Patronus was not supposed to look like that! Severus stared at a big silver dog that was looking faithfully up at him and wagging its tail. No, it was not supposed to be a dog!
"How cute!“ Sirius called, grinning broadly.
"That’s... that’s not my Patronus!“ Severus said, staring aghast at the dog.
Sirius smirked and put an arm around his shoulders. "But you’ve cast it, I’ve seen it! Remus has witnessed it, haven’t you, Remus?“ Sirius let his hand wander down Severus’s back to his bottom.
Remus smiled. "Yeah... and what did your old Patronus look like?“
"A doe,“ Severus said, still staring at his Patronus as if mortified.
"A dog suits you much better,“ Sirius said triumphantly. Then he bent over to bite his neck. "In fact, this turns me on,“ he whispered.
"What, dogs turn you on?“ Severus snarled.
Sirius pushed him against the wall, smiling ferally. "If you cast them, yes.“
Remus smiled and said: "Well, I just remembered that I... whatever...“ and went back into the house. Sirius spell-locked the balcony door behind him and started unbuttoning Severus’s robes.
"Isn’t it a bit cold...?“ Severus asked, shivering, but not so much from the cold. Rather because Sirius was rubbing his groin against him.
"Then we’ll have to warm each other.“ Sirius whispered.
**
A few weeks later.
Severus and Dumbledore were walking the deserted castle grounds by twilight.
“What are you doing with Longbottom, all these evenings you are closeted together?” Severus asked.
Albus looked weary. "I spend time with Neville because I have things to discuss with him, information I must give him before it is too late.”
“Information,” Severus repeated in frustration. “You trust him…you do not trust me.”
“It is not a question of trust. I have, as we both know, limited time. It is essential that I give the boy enough information for him to do what he needs to do.”
“And why may I not have the same information?” Severus was getting angry. Albus asked the worst thing possible of him, but he didn’t trust him!
“I prefer not to put all of my secrets in one basket, particularly not a basket that spends so much time dangling on the arm of Lord Voldemort.”
“Which I do on your orders!” Snape shouted.
“And you do it extremely well,“ Albus said appeasingly, "Do not think that I underestimate the constant danger in which you place yourself, Severus. To give Voldemort what appears to be valuable information while withholding the essentials is a job I would entrust to nobody but you.”
“Yet you confide much more in a boy who is almost incapable of Occlumency, whose magic is mediocre, and who has a direct connection to the Dark Lord’s mind!” Severus hissed.
Dumbledore glanced around to make sure that they were alone. There were close to the Forbidden Forest now, but there was no sign of anyone near them. “After you have killed me, Severus...“
“You refuse to tell me everything, yet you expect that small service of me!” Severus said. “You take a great deal for granted, Dumbledore! Perhaps I have changed my mind!”
“You gave me your word, Severus. And while we are talking about services you owe me, I thought you agreed to keep a close eye on our young Slytherin friend?”
Severus glared at him angrily. Albus sighed. “Come to my office tonight, Severus, at eleven, and you shall not complain that I have no confidence in you. I’ll ask Lily Potter to be there, too, as she is your closest confidant.”
**
Lily was sitting next to Severus in Albus’s office, silently, while he paced in front of them. Severus had his arms crossed, looking mutinous.
“Neville must not know, not until the last moment, not until it is necessary, otherwise how could he have the strength to do what must be done?”
“But what must he do?” Severus asked.
“That is between Neville and me. Now listen closely, Severus, Lily. There will come a time - after my death - do not argue, do not interrupt! There will come a time when Lord Voldemort will seem to fear for the life of his snake.”
“For Nagini?” Severus looked as astonished as Lily felt.
“Precisely. If there comes a time when Lord Voldemort stops sending that snake forth to do his bidding, but keeps it safe beside him under magical protection, then, I think, it will be safe to tell Neville.”
“Tell him what?”
Dumbledore took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Tell him that on the night Lord Voldemort tried to kill him, when his mother cast her own life between them as a shield, the Killing Curse rebounded upon Lord Voldemort, and a fragment of Voldemort’s soul was blasted apart from the whole, and latched itself onto the only living soul left in that collapsing building. Part of Lord Voldemort lives inside Neville, and it is that which gives him the power to speak with snakes, and a connection with Lord Voldemort’s mind that he has never understood. And while that fragment of soul, unmissed by Voldemort, remains attached to and protected by Neville, Lord Voldemort cannot die.”
Lily sharply inhaled. Severus had understood, too.
“So the boy…the boy must die?” he asked calmly.
“And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential.“
"No!“ Lily called outraged.
Severus looked blankly at Dumbledore. "Why have I been protecting the boy all these years?“
“We have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength,” said Dumbledore, his eyes still tightly shut. “Meanwhile, the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasitic growth.“
Lily was too shocked for words. Severus seemed horrified, too: “You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?”
“Don’t be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?”
“Lately, only those whom I could not save,” Severus said. He stood up. “You have used me.”
“Meaning?”
“I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep the Boy Who Lived safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter...“
Lily could understand his anger, but she also saw – there was no other way. She slowly raised and put a hand on Severus’s arm. "It’s horrid, but I’m sure if Albus saw another way...“
"Then what?“ Snape hissed.
Lily looked earnestly at him. "Then he’d save Neville Longbottom’s life. And he wouldn’t ask as much of you if he could.“
Severus sat down again, staring darkly into thin air.
**
Severus was walking through the corridors one evening, whe he heard Moaning Myrtle screaming: "MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER!"
The ghost was known for being hysteric, yet Severus had to check. He banged open the door and...
Draco was lying in a pool of his own blood on the tiles. Harry Potter was standing there, looking terrified. Severus pushed Harry aside and knelt down at Draco’s side.
He was bleeding from deep gashes over his chest and face. Sectumsempra. Severus swallowed, drew his wand and traced it over the wounds, muttering an incantation. If he had not come in time, Draco would probably have bled to death. Killed by Harry Potter.
The wounds closed, while Moaning Myrtle was sobbing and wailing overhead. Harry was silent, probably scared. Had the boy known what would happen if he used that curse? How had he found out about the Sectumsempra anyway?
Severus lifted Draco into a standing position. "You need to go to the hospital wing. There may be a certain amount of scarring, but if you take dittany immediately we might avoid even that...Come..." He supported Malfoy across the bathroom, turning at the door to say: "And you, Potter...You wait here for me."
He did not tell Madame Pomfrey what had happened, just told her to take care of Draco, then returned to the haunted bathroom. Myrtle was still wailing. Severus gave her his best stare.
"Go," he said to Myrtle, and she swooped back into her toilet at once.
"I didn't mean it to happen," Harry Potter said in a whining voice. "I didn't know what that spell did."
"Who would have thought you knew such Dark Magic?“ Severus said, "Who taught you that spell?"
"I read about it somewhere."
"Where?"
"It was - a library book," Harry was clearly lying. Severus knew, after all he had invented the spell. Wordlessly he concentrated to worm himself into Harry’s head. There – Advanced Potion-Making, an old, worn book, owned by the Half-Blood Prince. That would explain his sudden success in Potions.
"Bring me your schoolbag," Severus said softly, "and all of your schoolbooks. All of them. Bring them to me here. Now!"
Harry turned at once and ran out of the room. Severus leaned against the wall, exhausted. What should become of Lily’s son?
Harry returned later, but the copy of Advanced Potions-Making he gave him clearly was not his, but his friend Ron’s.
"Do you know what I think, Potter?" Severus said in cold fury. "I think that you are a liar and a cheat and that you deserve detention with me every Saturday until the end of term. And that I shall talk to your parents.“
"But sir..." said Harry, looking up desperately. "Quidditch...the last match of the ..."
"You almost killed another boy, Potter,“ Severus said. "Detention next saturday. Your team will have to see how they can manage without you.“
**
Severus visited James and Lily next friday. Lily was pale and furious. James, too, was very pale.
"So... he used a Dark Magic curse on another boy?“ James asked, obviously hardly believing it.
"Sectumsempra,“ Severus said quietly.
Lily looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Wasn’t that one you invented?“
"Yes,“ Severus said. He remebered having an argument with her about it. "And I certainly didn’t teach him.“
"So how did he learn it?“ James asked.
"Can it be that he did not have his own copy of Advanced Potions-Making at the beginning of the year?“ Severus asked. James grew even paler.
"Of course not, we didn’t know yet whether he could continue with Potions,“ Lily replied.
"Then Slughorn gave him another one,“ Severus said, "one that probably was in the cupboard for decades.“
"But, what has that to do with anything?“ Lily said.
"The Half-Blood Prince,“ James said. Severus looked sharply at him.
The name rang a bell for Lily and she looked surprised from one to the other.
"So you knew about it,“ Severus said, "but you didn’t think it neccessary to tell your son that he was cheating?“
"I didn’t know the Half-Blood Prince would have written curses like that... hang on, Lily said YOU invented the Sectumsempra?“ James stared at him. "Why Half-Blood Prince?“
"Prince was my mother’s maiden name,“ Severus said. "And yes, I’m a half-blood.“
**
Sirius looked worriedly up into Severus’s face. There was something desperate in the way he was fucking him right now. As if... as if he expected it to be the last time.
Did he think that Voldemort had suspicions? Did he expect him to find out about his betrayal any second? Was Severus secretly preparing to die?
Severus closed his eyes and came with a guttural grown. Sirius felt Severus’s cock sliding out of him. Sirius was still hard, but Severus moved to take care of it with his mouth. Sirius closed his eyes and tried to forget his worries.
*
Later.
Severus looked at the sleeping man beside him. Two weeks... Albus had told him in two weeks he would leave Hogwarts for a few hours at night, and that he assumed Draco would strike then. Two weeks, and he would kill Dumbledore.
This was probably his last night with Sirius. Later, Sirius would hate him. Severus was sorely tempted, tempted to shake Sirius awake and tell him everything. But that was against the deal. And, wouldn’t he endanger Sirius if he told him? Then again, why did he find it ok to endanger Lily, but not Sirius?
Severus shuddered. In two weeks’ time everyone would hate him... Remus, he had just started to become something like friends with him. James had been comparatively decent to him lately. Even though he still thought James was a dunderhead. And Sirius. "I’m not in love,“ Severus told himself. It must have other reasons that his Patronus had changed into a dog. "I’m not in love,“ he repeated.
**
Two weeks later
Neville was on his way to Dumbledore’s office. These lessons usually were very interesting, with all the background information he was given about Voldemort. This time, Dumbledore had asked him to borrow Harry’s Invisibility Cloak, so he had put it into his school bag. What was Dumbledore up to? Neville was excited.
It was an exciting year anyway. He was going steady with Ginny now, and he could jump for joy about it. At first he had been in trouble with both Harry and Ron. Sadly, Harry was also in love with Ginny. But now it seemed that Harry had gotten over it, and Ron said, better one of his friends than for example Zacharias Smith...
Harry was in deep trouble now, since he had attacked Draco Malfoy. He had received a Howler from his mother later, and a letter from his father that he had only read out to his friends. The mysterious identity of the Half-Blood Prince was cleared: it had once been Snape’s nickname. Harry had thrown the book into a bin then, but Neville thought it useful and had taken it. Of course, he would not try out any curses without knowing what would happen.
His Occlumency lessons with Snape once a month still were troublesome, but he got along better with Snape now. One just shouldn’t take his sarcasm personally.
Neville came around a corner and almost bumped into Professor Trelawney. She smelled of Firewhiskey again and held him back, asking why he did not take Divination this year. Neville wanted to pass her, but in a drunken mood she held him back, telling him how she got the job at Hogwarts.
"Dumbledore did me the courtesy of calling upon me in my room. He questioned me...I must confess that, at first, I thought he seemed ill-disposed toward Divination...and I remember I was starting to feel a little odd, I had not eaten much that day...but then...but then we were rudely interrupted by Severus Snape!"
Hang on... Neville knew she had made the prophecy while she was having her job interview.
"What?" he asked.
"Yes, there was a commotion outside the door and it flew open, and there was that rather uncouth barman standing with Snape, although I'm afraid that I myself rather thought he had been apprehended eavesdropping on my interview with Dumbledore -- hoped to pick up tips! Well, after that, you know, Dumbledore seemed much more disposed to give me a job, and I could not help thinking, Neville, that it was because he appreciated the stark contrast between my own unassuming manners and quiet talent, compared to the pushing, thrusting young man who was prepared to listen at keyholes...“
"Er, I’ve got to go...“ Neville said, jerked himself free and ran to Dumbledore’s office.
So it was Snape who had overheard the prophecy and carried the news to Voldemort. And he had just started to trust him...
Neville obviously looked upset when he entered Dumbledore’s office, because the old wizard said:
"What has happened to you?"
"I just met Professor Trewlaney in the corridor,“ he said. "She said Snape listened outside the door, when she was making the prophecy... Snape told Voldemort about the prophecy, it was him!" For a long moment, Dumbledore said nothing. "When did you find out about this?" he asked at last.
"Just now!" Neville said. "You knew it!“ he shouted accusingly.
"Neville," said Dumbledore quietly. "Please listen to me. Professor Snape made a terrible..."
"A mistake?“ Neville laughed hysterically,
"Please let me finish," Dumbledore waited until Neville had nodded, then went on. "Professor Snape made a terrible mistake. He was still in Lord Voldemort's employ on the night he heard the first half of Professor Trelawney's prophecy. Naturally, he hastened to tell his master what he had heard, for it concerned his master most deeply.
Voldemort interpreted it first as concerning the Potters and tried to hunt them down. Professor Snape felt remorse, for Lily Potter had been his best friend at school, and warned me. And that’s where I made a terrible mistake.“
Neville looked at him both angry and curious.
"I brought the Potters into safety. As for your parents, I thought they were sufficiently safe at their hiding place and did not take extra precautions to move them... I wish I had, because when Voldemort found Godric’s Hollow empty, he decided to kill you instead.“
"How can you be sure Snape's on our side?“ Neville asked, voice full of rage.
Dumbledore did not speak for a moment. At last he said, "I am sure. I trust Severus Snape completely. He will not risk his renewed friendship with Lily Potter and his relationship with Sirius Black..."
"What if he is just pretending to be their friend?“ Neville asked.
"I understand your anger, Neville,“ Dumbledore said, "but I’m willing to take that risk. – Now, I asked you to my office to invite you to accompany me on a mission...“
**
When Flitwick came to his quarters to tell him that Hogwarts was invaded by Death Eaters, Severus was prepared to act. He stunned Flitwick and left his office.
His heart racing, he ran through the corridors. Where was Draco? Where Albus? Wait... he had to summon up all his anger at Albus to be able to do his job. One had to mean it, if one was to cast an Unforgiveable.
Severus stood and closed his eyes for a moment. Albus was forcing him to do the worst thing he could imagine. He forced him to kill one of the few people, he considered as a friend. Albus willingly accepted that Severus would be an outcast from now on, hated by every Member of the Order except for Lily. For Albus, Severus was just a pawn to be sacrificed.
His heart now racing with anger, he opened his eyes and strode on, searching for Dumbledore.
He found him finally on the top of the Astronomy Tower, slumped against the wall. Draco was pointing his wand at him, and beside him stood the Carrows and Greyback
"We've got a problem, Snape," Amycus said, "the boy doesn't seem able --"
"Severus..." Albus said softly, pleadingly.
Severus concentrated on his anger, walked forward and pushed Draco roughly out of the way. The other Death Eaters fell back without a word. Obviously he looked quite scary.
"Severus...please...", Dumbledore whispered.
Severus raised his wand and pointed it directly at Dumbledore. Evil old bastard, did he even know what he asked from him? "Avada Kedavra!"
A jet of green light shot from the end of his wand and hit Dumbledore squarely in the chest. Severus watched as Dumbledore was raised into the air, then fell backwards over the battlements and out of sight.
It was over.
Feeling hollow he turned around. "Out of here, quickly," he said, seized Draco and forced him through the door. Greyback and the Carrows followed.
**
Anger, fear and despair made Neville’s heart flutter like a bird when he ran after Snape and Malfoy. Snape had just killed Dumbledore... He felt like he was in a nightmare.
Snape and Malfoy would soon be beyond the gates, able to Disapparate!
Neville took aim at Snape's back, and yelled, "Stupefy!"
He missed; the jet of red light soared past Snape's head; Snape shouted, "Run, Draco!" and turned. Twenty yards apart, he and Neville looked at each other before raising their wands simultaneously.
"Expe...“
But Snape parried the curse, knocking Neville backward off his feet before he could complete it; Neville rolled over and scrambled back up again as the huge Death Eater behind him yelled,
"Incendio!“ He heard an explosive bang and orange light spilled over all of them: Hagrid's house was on fire.
"Fang's in there, yer evil --!" Hagrid bellowed.
Neville tried another curse, but Snape deflected it with an almost lazy flick of his arm.
"I almost trusted you!“ Neville shouted. "I thought you’re nasty, but maybe you’re alright after all...“ He felt tears burning in his eyes.
Snape looked confused for the splinter of a second, but then he shouted: "You should be more careful in whom you trust, Longbottom!“
"Petri..."
"Blocked again and again and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Longbottom!" sneered Snape, deflecting the curse once more. "Now come!" he shouted at the huge Death Eater behind Neville. "It is time to be gone, before the Ministry turns up --"
"Impedi.."
Before he could finish, agonising pain hit Neville. He fell to his knees, screaming.
"No!" he heard Snape shout and the pain stopped as suddenly as it had started. "Have you forgotten our orders? Longbottom belongs to the Dark Lord - we are to leave him! Go! Go!"
Neville fought to get back to his feet, looking around groggily for his wand, but by the time he had found it, they were all gone. Snape had managed to Disapparate just beyond the school's boundaries.
**
Lily had come with some members of the Order of the Phoenix to fight the Death Eaters invading Hogwarts. She had immediately had a premonition that tonight was the night...
And now Albus was dead.
Bill Weasley was heavily wounded. Madame Pomfrey was dabbing at his wounds with some harsh-smelling green ointment
"How did he die?" whispered Tonks. "How did it happen?"
"Snape killed him," Neville said in a bitter voice.
"No!“ Sirius said in disbelief.
"I was there, I saw it,“ Neville said. "We arrived back on the Astronomy Tower because that's where the Mark was....Dumbledore was ill, he was weak, but I think he realized it was a trap when we heard footsteps running up the stairs. He immobilized me, I couldn't do anything, I was under Harry’s Invisibility Cloak...“
How interesting, Lily had not known that James had given Harry his Cloak.
"... and then Malfoy came through the door and disarmed him... more Death Eaters arrived and then, then Snape. Snape did it, with the Avada Kedavra." Neville broke into tears.
Sirius was staring at him in disbelief. "But... Severus...“
Professor McGonagall swayed alarmingly; Madam Pomfrey, who seemed to have pulled herself together, ran forward, conjuring a chair from thin air, which she pushed under McGonagall.
"Snape," repeated McGonagall faintly, falling into the chair. "We all wondered...but he trusted...always...Snape...I can't believe it..."
"Snape is a highly accomplished Occlumens," Remus said in a harsh voice. "We always knew that."
Lily wanted to shout at them all. To tell them the truth, tell them that Severus was innocent. Instead she started crying. James put an arm around her and she sobbed on his shoulder.
"This is all my fault," said Professor McGonagall suddenly, twisting her wet handkerchief in her hands. "My fault. I sent Filius to fetch Snape tonight, I actually sent for him to come and help us! If I hadn't alerted Snape to what was going on, he might never have joined forces with the Death Eaters. I don't think he knew they were there before Filius told him, I don't think he knew they were coming."
"It isn't your fault, Minerva," Remus said firmly. "We all wanted more help, we were glad to think Snape was on his way..."
Sirius was still staring into thin air. "This doesn’t make sense...“ he whispered.
"Don’t tell me, mate,“ Remus said, "I started seeing him as a friend...“
Sirius suddenly screamed: An almost inhuman, howling sound. Then he went to an empty table and pushed it over. It fell with a loud crash.
Lily looked up at him, frightened. James hugged her closer.
"Sirius,“ Remus said, putting a hand on his arm.
"I’M GOING TO KILL HIM!“ Sirius yelled. "BUT FIRST I’M GOING TO BREAK EVERY BONE IN HIS BODY!“
It was heart-rending to watch Sirius raging in his grief. Why on Earth had Severus thought it wiser not to tell Sirius about their plans? Severus was good with his brains, but he was not good at listening to his heart. Maybe she should have pressed the point more often, persuaded Severus to let Sirius in on the plan, too. But now it was too late.
**
Severus still felt hollow when he entered the Dark Lord’s hiding place. Albus was dead... And Sirius... Sirius was probably in a rage now. With Draco and the others at his heels, he knelt down in front of Voldemort.
"Is he dead?“ Voldemort asked.
"Yes, Master,“ Severus said, not looking up. He was surprised how steady his voice was.
"Excellent. Who did it?“
Severus raised his head: "I did.“
Voldemort actually smiled. "Very good, Severus.“ He looked dismissively at Draco. "I suppose the boy was not strong enough?“
"He was a great help, Master,“ Severus said. "He caused the commotion neccessary by letting Greyback and the others in.“
Voldemort smirked. "So protective about him?“
"He is my godson,“ Severus answered. "If I may ask this small favour: spare him. He will learn...“
Voldemort seemed to ponder it. "You did me a great service today, Severus. Your request may be granted. I will not punish the boy for his failure. But if he fails to follow my orders again...
"Thank you, Master,“ Severus said humbly.
"Now,“ Voldemort said, "I think we have something to celebrate.“ He conjured up some casks of wine.
Severus tried to feign triumph in the following party. Smiled while he felt depressed, laughed when he felt empty, clinked glasses with the others when he’d have preferred to be alone with his grief.
TBC