Well, I'll tell ya what, I seriously considered abandoning this page again, or at least abandoning certain sections of it. The only sections that are already going to get updated with any regularity might be the journal and the poems, because I haven't been doing any writing lately so the ongoing dissertation thing is on hold until I find somewhat of my own meaning of life.

    I've been really depressed this whole week, and when I get depressed, I get pretty selfish, so I'm not so inclined to do much work for others. I mean, this page is for my benefit as much as yours, but writing is still work and who wants to work when they're sad? I mean, real work, like the kind that makes money, I've been doing. Well, I've been doing about as much as they'll give me, which still isn't enough and will, according to what I've heard, never be enough for the next few years. So, if I stick with this job, I'll probably be staring at poverty for the next few years, which is why I'm considering my options more seriously these days.

    Another reason I considered abandoning this page is because, last time I was at my father's house, I found a few old writings that I had done back in the days when I was insane, and I was so shocked and embarrassed by them that I considered not writing anymore altogether. But, I'm starting to overcome that now, which means that I'm trying to write more often; forcing myself if I have to.

    So, my main concerns are, as always, how I'm going to be able to afford the lifestyle that I want to live, which doesn't require huge bucks. Just enough to live an average life. Another concern is still my love life, which is beginning to deteriorate more and more into what it was before I met the person who, for the past two years, I was sure that I would be spending my life with. This person is all that I ever wanted in another person, and, as is typical of my life, they no longer seem to want to talk to me, let alone be with me. So, even though I'm a romantic, I'm still not totally naïve. So, I figure that if I'm not allowed to spend my life with perfection, then I should at least try to find someone who's as close to perfect, in my eyes, as possible. I'm not much of a dater, as I've said, and I'm not really in a position, socially or financially, to support dating a person. So, it looks like I'll be alone for the next little while and the only coupling I'll be privy to is when my rats have sex. Heck, maybe while I'm waiting for things to improve, this person will come around and decide that they want to be with me, afterall. Why does love have to be so complicated for some people? I mean, how difficult is it to decide that you love somebody and want to spend your life with them? I've been ready for marriage since I was 14, yet some people are 35 and still aren't ready.

    And so, the next of my problems is finding a new place to live. Granted, I got a pretty neat deal here, but living where I do depresses the hell out of me and so I need to get out and spread my wings, so to speak. I need to move to a place where I'm not living in a room the size of an airline bathroom. I need to move to a place where I'm not living with a shut-in.

    Oh, I finally got a laptop, which is something I've wanted for a long time. However, the scenario that I imagined won't be coming true too quickly, because the battery is dead and so I won't be able to sit in a park somewhere and write stories. I am confined to finding a place with a power socket to plug my adapter into. Thus far, the only place outside the shithole I live in that I've been able to write in has been Pizza Hut, and typing on a keyboard with greasy fingers just doesn't work for me.

    One final thing...I've had the guestbook up for a little while now, and nobody has posted in it. Why hasn't anybody fucking written an entry in my guestbook? Is it so hard to tell me that you like my page, or you hate it? Does it take so much time to just write, "Hi. Cool page"?

    So, in closing, if you happen to live in the lower mainland of BC and you have a place where I can live, and you don't mind a cat and a few rats, then please e-mail me at: [email protected]

    The above address is, incidentally, the address that any of you can e-mail me at.

    So, as a closing reccomendation, listen to a song from the 60's by Van Morrison called "Brown-eyed girl" and tell me that the chorus doesn't get stuck in your head for days afterwards. The song makes me think of a particular brown-eyed girl, actually.

    So, that's it.