Glaring Dream: Part 2
You really were always there, Subaru. Even though you weren’t around, you always
came through for me no matter what. Like my first live house concert. You came all the way
from Hiroshima just to see me on stage. You didn’t have to do it, you didn’t have to come. But
you did.
Nerves were taking over. His hands continued to shake no matter how hard he tried to
stop them. He swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat but it just would not go
away. Sweat started to trickle down the back of his neck, wetting the collar of his red shirt. A
hand settled itself on Eiri’s shoulder, causing him to jump.
"Noriko!" he nearly shouted. "Don’t scare me like that!"
"Scare you?" Noriko arched an elegant eyebrow as she tossed a stray strand of raven
hair over the shoulder of her white blouse. "Eiri, you’re shaking like you’re sitting in a freezer
naked. Are you that nervous?"
"Yeah. I guess I am." Closing his eyes, trying again to steady his nerves. He heard
Noriko sigh before she patted his head gently as if he were a little child.
"Listen, Eiri. You’ve wanted this for a long time, right? Aki and I are backing you up.
We’re here for you like we’ve always been. Don’t back out on us now."
"I’m not backing out. I just....I just need a minute, okay?"
"Sure, sure thing. We’ll be waiting." Noriko patted his head again before leaving. Eiri
stood propped up against the wall a moment longer. Talking with Noriko helped to calm him a
little, but he was still nervous. He wished he could just get over the shakes. Pushing off the
wall, Eiri turned, leaning his forehead against the cool surface. A hand on his back caused him
to turn.
"Mom."
"Is something wrong, Eiri?" his mother asked, slight worry filling her wise eyes.
"No, not really." He sighed, flexing the fingers of his hands. "I wish Subaru were here."
"I know you miss him. I miss him too."
"I just wish he could have come to watch. I always wanted him to be here when I finally
got on a stage, no matter how small."
"He’s thinking of you even if he’s not here."
"Yeah." He smiled faintly at his mother, drawing strength on her nearness. She returned
his smile before patting his cheek and leaving to return to the crowd. Eiri took another moment
to gather his wits together before grabbing the microphone and joining Noriko and Aki, who
were already on stage and turning their instruments.
The crowd was quiet as he walked onto the stage. They were waiting to hear how this
new band would perform on their first stage appearance. The nerves he had just calmed were
starting to come back as Eiri got a good look at just how many people were there. Pale eyes
roamed the crowd as sweat started to bead on his cheeks. And then he caught sight of him.
Standing against the far wall, a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes even in the dark live house
performance room, was Subaru.
"Subaru....." The name left Eiri’s lips in a whisper. As if he heard his name, the elder
Asakura brother lowered the shades from his eyes, winking encouragingly. The simple gesture
gave Eiri more courage than either Noriko or his mother’s words could have. A grin spread
across his face; he turned, flashing his grin over his shoulder to Noriko and Aki.
"Go!"
"You got it!" Aki replied, giving him the thumbs up before the live house was filled with
music and Eiri’s voice.
Sadder, more recent memories began to invade Eiri's mind as he sat holding the photo
frame. The silver frame began to feel heavy in his hands as he remembered one rainy day three
years ago.
"Tragic isn't it?"
"His career had barely begun too."
"It's so sad. They said his train lost control and flew off the tracks."
"Poor thing. I feel sorry for his mother and brother though."
Eiri tried to ignore the whispers swirling around him. He kept his eyes fixed on the
darkly polished casket in front of him, the same casket that contained his brother's recently
deceased body. He ignored the rain splashing around him, soaking through his clothes, ignored
the whispers, the tears, the stares. All he could think about was Subaru and how his brother
would never be around again. Eiri could not tear his eyes away as the casket was lowered and
the earth shoveled over it. Even after the funeral was over, he still stood there, staring at the
ground, his dark hair plastered to his face by the rain.
"Eiri? Eiri??" The voice startled him, causing him to jump slightly. He turned and
found himself gazing into his mother's face, worry lacing her features.
"Mom," he said in an almost flat voice.
"Are you all right, Eiri?" He did not answer as she took hold of his arm, leading him
back to the car to return to the house where the rest of the family was gathering.
"It just isn't fair, mom," he said, his voice shaking as he spoke. "It isn't fair."
"I know. But Subaru always said life is never fair."
"Yeah." They remained silent on the entire ride home. Once there, Eiri retreated from
the living room filled with his closest relatives. He quickly made his way up the stairs but,
instead of turning left and going into his room, he veered right and walked into Subaru's room.
Shutting the door behind him, Eiri gazed around at the clean and tidy room, the way it had
always been as far back as he could remember.
"I wish you hadn't gone back," he whispered into the room, slumping against the bed as
he sat on the floor. "You were supposed to be on vacation. Why did you have to go back
because of a business call? This wouldn't have happened if you had just stayed. Why did you go
back, Subaru? Why?" Hot tears began to slip down his cheeks as he buried his face in his arms.
He cried, something he had not done in years. He cried for the lose of his brother, for the lose of
the person he loved the most in the world. Subaru was gone and he was not coming back.
An hour passed without Eiri realizing it. He decided it was time to head back
downstairs, at least for a little while, before someone asked about him and came looking. As he
stood, his hand brushed against something smooth from underneath the bed. Peeking past the
white ruffles, Eiri spied a small white box tied with a silver ribbon. He pulled it out, wondering
why it was hidden under the bed. Curious as a little child, he shook the box, his eyes lighting up
when he heard something tinkle inside. Eiri debated on whether or not to open the box until he
saw the small white card with his name written on it in Subaru's neat handwriting. Slowly he
pulled the ribbon free, allowing it to slip through his fingers and onto the floor as he lifted the lid
off of the box. Inside was a small amount of white tissue and another card.
"To my little Eiri," he read aloud. "Congradulations on your sixteenth birthday. Here's a
little something I hope you'll wear to your first big concert. Subaru." He choked back the urge to
cry again; his sixteenth birthday was almost a month away but Subaru had remembered.
Wondering what the "little something could be," Eiri fumbled around in the tissue paper before
his fingers brushed against something small, cool, and round. Lifting the ring out of the box, Eiri
examined it closely. It was a simple silver band except that a cross of gold was etched into the
surface on one side.
"Subaru...." Something else caught his eye as the tissue paper fell away from the box to
accompany the ribbon on the carpet. On the smooth under surface was written a few lines of
poetry in Subaru's hand. As he read the lines, Eiri remembered how his brother loved to read and
sometimes write poetry in high school. The ring, combined with the poem, brought the tears
back to Eiri's eyes.
"I wish you were here. I wish you were here, Subaru. I want you to be here. It's not the
same without you."
"It's still not the same without you, Subaru," he whispered to the photo. It was quiet in
the hallway outside his door. But, somewhere in the distance, Eiri could hear voices talking,
almost shouting. He checked his watch; there were only five minutes left.
"Subaru?" he asked the photo. "Subaru, you can hear me, can't you? Do you know how
much I miss you, even now? How many times I thought about following you into the grave?
How many times I still think of following you? You wouldn't have forgiven me if I followed
you, would you? No, you probably wouldn't. And that would mean leaving mom all alone. I
couldn’t leave mom by herself.
"You know, I never stop thinking about you even after two years. You’re like a glaring
dream, one that I can still remember even after waking up. Like a dream that you never forget.
But I still wish you were here though, Subaru." A soft knock on his door interrupted him.
"Eiri?" It was his manager. "Eiri, it's almost time to start."
"All right," he sighed softly. "I'm coming." Getting to his feet, Eiri checked himself in
the mirror one last time. Lifting his right hand, he softly kissed the ring on his middle finger
before leaving his dark dressing room behind.
Are you watching, Subaru? Can you see me wherever you are? The light at the end of
the long hallway grew brighter as he drew near. Shouting and screaming could be heard and kept
growing louder as Eiri neared the stage. He could make out Noriko and Aki tuning their
instruments, getting ready for the first song. They looked up at his approach, relieved smiles
coming to their faces. Eiri nodded to them as he stepped onto the stage, the light reflecting off
the zippers of his leather jacket.
"Are you ready?" He smiled as they nodded their heads eagerly. He turned to the crowd
of fans screaming and shouting his name. This was his first real concert and Eiri hoped to make
it a big one.
Subaru, I hope you're watching. I've turned your poem into a song. This one's for you,
big brother. This is your Glaring Dream. He closed his blue eyes against the glaring lights for a
moment. Behind him, Noriko and Aki scrambled to get into place. Gripping the microphone
tightly in his hand, he brought it up to his lips as he slowly opened his eyes, intent and
determination blazing in their depths.
"Let's go!"