By. Ratt
ratt.explode.to Back to Short Stories
Durk carefully poured a shot of whiskey and swallowed it with a grimace.
�Is it purely for the pleasure of doing something, or is there a greater cause of which I am unaware?�
�Have you not read the Bible my child?� Durk was surprised to find a priest standing beside him. He looked with shock at the door, where he could plainly see that the locks had not been disturbed. The padre continued, �For it would easily tell you that we are the children of God the almighty, to be his companions in his existence. But that we have sinned and therefor must attempt to better ourselves before we can walk with God.�
�Speak not to me padre, I fear that in my weakened state I am delirious and that you are but a hallucination.�
�Let us for a time set these speculations aside,� the priest moved across the table and took the open seat. �Please consider what I have said.�
�Very well, I shall tell you what I think of this.
�Long ago I looked deeply into religion and released that it is but the creation of man. He created his myths to convince himself that he had some purpose for existence, and that he was not alone in this vast universe. But still, even if Christianity were the truth, why would god want me, I have already profaned myself to the point that even I am nauseated at the thought of looking upon my person.�
�But the lord sent his son to the earth, to die for you, that you may be saved in heaven if you would only except him. Beside, if you have already convinced yourself that religion is a farce. That man is alone and that his existence is pointless, why ask for purpose in this life.�
�Because despite my previous words, I still desire some reason to continue.�
�Your case is not yet hopeless child, remember my words. For the moment I must leave, another has come to speak to you.�
With that the priest seemed to fade away into the background, if Durk concentrated he could still see him standing silent in the corner. But now the other person of whom the padre had spoken took his attention. He was a tall man, dressed in a sharp suit; with ease he sat in the seat the priest had so recently vacated. With pomp he placed an attach� case on the table between Durk and himself.
�And who would you be?� Durk asked querulously, �I recognize the padre, he preaches in the Catholic cathedral down the road. Many times I have confessed to him my deepest sins, simply to ease them from my conscience. I have never
seen you though.�
�Ah but you have,� the lawyer said with certainty, �I was the executor of you Uncle Michels will three years ago.�
�But why do you come to me? I can think of no reason why you would come to me in my current state.�
�I come to ask you who will follow after you once you leave. You are still young, you have no wife, no children, and your parents have not yet passed away. Why do you feel you�ve reached the end when you still have so much to experience?�
�But why would I wish to experience these things. A wife and children would take effort to maintain and why maintain anything if you have already determined that it is pointless. As for the third, who would wish to experience such heartbreak.�
�But think of them, the heartbreak they will suffer if you continue as you are, and do what you are sure to this very night if you keep up this line of thought.�
�They long ago gave up on me, my last letter was returned unopened. I don not think they would care if I died at their doorstep. As for the act you suppose I will commit, why should I not? Look at me, a drunkard sitting alone in a seedy apartment, who is so far gone already that he is subject to such delusions as you.�
With that he gulped down another dose of the fiery juice, and wished away the lawyer. But was annoyed to see that he, instead of leaving all together, had joined the priest in the background.
Out of the corner of his eye he caught a movement, turning his head he saw a dark figure in a long dark coat coming out of his bedroom. The figure seemed to be familiar, possibly he had known him in school, or had seen him on the streets of the great urban
sprawl. The adolescent flopped with casual disregard in the chair across from him. He recognized him now; it was one of the �gutter punks� that sometimes slept in the alley behind his apartment building. This one had once asked him for a couple dollars for
lunch. In an uncharacteristic show of compassion Durk had taken him to McDonalds and ate lunch with him. They had had an interesting conversation about life on the street, and the
youth culture in general.
�What do you want Seeth? You of all people should understand my plight.�
�Yeah I do mate,� Durk remembered that the boy had told him that suicide had looked good to him countless times. �But still, think about it, you were given hell in your life. People never respected you, your father was an abusive drunk, and your mother was a self-centered egomaniac. Shit man your school life wasn�t much better, since daddy drank all the money your clothes were never in good shape, kids teased you to no end about everything.�
�If you�re trying to convince me my life is worth something you�re not doing very well.�
�Shut up for a second man,� Seeth leaned across the table and took a swig off the bottle then poured a shot for Durk. �People gave you hell, and now you�re cracking, you�re gonna end it all because of them. Fuck man, think about it, you�re gonna blow your brains out and let all them win aren�t you.�
�That�s a dirty trick, and you know it. Besides why should I care, I�ll be gone anyway, and I don�t have the willpower you do. I let people walk all over me for that reason. I�m not one of the strong, I shouldn�t survive, you have a right, not me.�
�Man I don�t know why I bother.� The boy got up and strode over to the corner to join the first two. This disturbed Durk, his delusions were to real, walk away was exactly what the real Seeth would do. Why was his subconscious going to such trouble to make it real, if it had really wanted him to keep on going it would have kept arguing.