| DramaDreamDope |
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| These are my journal entries... so, please, enter... |
| March 21, 2004 pm I am tired as hell building this stupid web page. I've been at it since yesterday. I would've been done sooner had I read the instructions first (woops). I hope it will all be worth it. I decided that I needed a way to get my thoughts out of my head. I would normally handle this by either yelling or writing in my journal (book). This is a more modern way, I guess. Definetly a more interesting way. Anywho, lately I started writing in my journal, which I don't normally do nowadays. Back in the day, I managed to fill 4+ composition books with every single thought. That was back when my husband was just my good-for-nothing boyfriend. But now, those days are gone and here now are the days where our fist fights, heartbreak, distrust and hate dwindle down to a huff and puff and an f-you now and then. Whoah! Was that a run on sentence? Beware, I will probably do that a lot... sorry. Anyway, my journal entries lately have just been primarily about my dreams. I seem to have vivid dreams. Sometimes they're so vivid, I see what I saw in my dream the night before in reality the next day (did that make sense?). It's not a very big deal. It's just sort of strange. I haven't seen anything bad (knock on wood). It's always just some sort of deja vu thing like a dog or a house or a movie. So, yeah, I'm blaming all this on boredom. My husband's been gone since February (deployment). It's sad to say that I felt very relieved after he left. Our relationship is one that works like that I guess. Anyway, now I'm anxious to have him home. I've had my break and I'm sure he's had his. Now, I'm ready to move on... with him... hehe. He should be back in a month. So, until then... it's JOURNAL TIME!!! haha! |
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| December 6, 2005 6:17pm Holy crap! It's been over a year since i've been here. I totally forgot about this... hehe... oh well. Let's see, what's new... well, I haven't been able to sleep for the past 2 weeks and then when I do, I have the same 2 second dream sequence. It's blurry and I know there are people in it, i don't know what they're saying... and then it replays. This goes on the entire night along with tossing and turning. Then finally around 4 in the morning, my brain just wants to sleep. Sleep with no dreaming... and I do this for an hour and then the alarm goes off. Ugh... is it insomnia? Why? I was zoning out today with a thought. I was thinking about the dogs they show on the ASPCA show on the animal channel. Specifically, I was thinking about the dogs that do make it to the point of being evaluated. They always show the one part that so far most of the dogs on the show have failed. They try to see how the dog reacts when a fake hand tries to pet it when it's eating. So far I've seen all but one dog attack the hand. I guess my point is... I'm pretty sure I would be the dog that attacks the hand. I don't know how those other dogs do it. For the dogs that attack the hand... it's doggy heaven. oh hell... whatever Oh! and the other observation.... the beauty of Local Style Christmas... Here's what we have so far: Byron's Drive Inn window: " Have Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years " On the radio this morning: " Have a Happy Holidays " yeap... it's not local until you make it plural even when it shouldn't be... and to make it more localfied... add a Z... you'll sound more moke-professional. K-denZ! BYE... :) |
| January 9, 2006 I guess there has to be something to relieve a questioning heart. But, is it really a relief or is it something to pacify one's self? I think it's the latter. That's too bad. Maybe there will be no end to a distrusting soul. Maybe the distrusted one should never be trusted. To have a feeling that one's guard should never be let down, it is sad. It's sad because you only want to trust in love and what you've felt before being betrayed. Then you have the one you loved more than anything hurt you so much and then expect you to "move on" or better yet, "get over it". I think there are small moments in time that you can forget... but, then, reality hits, the pain hits... knocks the fucking hell out of you. Each time, there are bruises... re-opening the wounds... scars. It's a fucking scar... that's why it can't be forgotten! One could perhaps trust in another again... maybe not the same as before... but the one who did the damage will never be trusted again. As much as you want to... there's no understanding of how to do it. You can say that you do... but your soul, your heart... they don't know how. Happiness is most times the culprit of clouding a broken heart. But, here it is, and I will tell you... I will never be as happy as I once was with you. That's something you've stolen away from me forever. You better know that because that's going to be the answer for all your question's "why?" |