Assorted Limericks

There once lived a man in Japan

Who loved to eat fish from a can

Fish wasn't good boiled,

And one day it spoiled,

So belly up went the poor man.

Rasputin was a bad monk from Russia

Who always finished his kasha

The queens lover was he,

The best kasha made she,

And together they ruled all of Russia.

There once lived a boy named Al,

Who had a computer called Hal

Hal went insane,

And sucked out Al's brain.

Never trust a computer named Hal.

I once knew a man from Kentucky

Who thought that all horses were yucky

To afford a home he was unable

So he lived in a stable

Poor guy, he sure was unlucky

There lived an old man in Berlin

Who fancied his tonic and gin

He got drunk every day

So they took him away

Cause you couldn't drink gin in Berlin.

There once was a band called Rammstein

Their favorite drink's Wilder Wein

To themselves they set fire

It made them expire

That sucks, their music was fine

Señorita Beltran lived in Spain

Picking olives drove her insane

She moved to Kentucky

Married the man who's unlucky

And then Hal came and sucked out her brain.

I like to play the kazoo

It makes the animals dance at the zoo

But they kicked me out,

For playing too loud

And giving bears candy to chew.

I once met a monk from Tibet

Who played in a string quartet

When he strummed on his cello

And sang words to "Yellow"

All his groupies bum rushed the set.

Elvis was a terrible dancer

His groovy moves gave people cancer

People that danced at his side

Fell over and died

But no one could resist his romancer

I lived in a four story house

And for a pet I had a mouse

One day a cat

Got into my hat

Then he jumped and ate my poor mouse.

I once met a girl from Istanbul

She led me on, I was a fool

I bought her some food

But she was no good

She ran off with a guy named O'Toole.

I once knew a queen that was killer

Cake was her favorite filler

She demanded my head

But I was already dead

So she shrieked till the till became tiller.

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Copyright 2003 Fredrick Isengard Inc. All rights reserved. The images and backrounds found on this page are all public domain and may be copied, distributed, etc. freely. However, the creavtive material, which includes, but is not limited to poems, limericks, and short stories, is copyrighted and may not be reproduced without express written permission of the author. Those intersted in publishing or otherwise distributing anything contained on this website should contact Dan by sending an email to: [email protected]