About Me

Field Placings

Fine leg? Deep backward square leg? Silly short mid on? Is this a personals ad or a cricket game? Do not be confuzeled my friends, for here is the idiots guide to field placings

1. The Bowler. I bowl the ball at the batsman. I am trying to get him out as well as prevent him scoring runs. I have to stick to various rules including not straightening my arm during the delivery itself.

2. The Wicketkeeper. I catch the ball when the batsman dosent hit it, or when he gets a faint edge. I wear big gloves and pads too. I am usually an annoying little one, always chirping at the batsmen, fielders and anyone else who cares to listen. No one does.

3. First Slip. If the batsman edges it toward me I will catch it, as Im the best catcher in the team.

4. Second Slip. I am.

5. Leg Slip. They havent used me much in the pas 50 years, so im getting on a bit.

6. Gully. Im here for thick edges. Im not quite as good a catcher as the slips, but I quite like it here, as i dont have to move around much. Good job really, the food isint agreeing with me.

7. Fine Leg. I am here for when the bowler bowls a ball down leg side and the batsman gets a touch on it. Without me here, it would go for four. Like it did yesterday when I was signing autographs.

8. Square Leg. I stand and chat with the suare leg umpire about various subjects including the weather, the state of the game and that hot chick who was on top of the pops last night.

9. Mid Off. I intercept off drives which can be hit very hard. It stings my hands sometimes. I bruise easily, you know.

10. Mid On. I dont do alot really. Talk to the bowler a bit. Wish I was at the pub.

11. Cover. I like diving around and generally showing off as im usually the fittest and most agile of the team. I constantly remind everyone of this fact untill they are sick and the captain sends me to stand on the boundary.

12. Point.When the bowler bowls the ball short and wide outside the off stump the batsman smacks it towrds me like a rocket. I have to try and stop it. Not much fun, I can tell you. Id rather be in the pub.

13. Deep backward square leg. we sometimes try and bounce em out. If the batsmen hook the short ball I have to try and ctach it. I dropped one last week, causing the crowd to jeer, and call me names.

14. Long On. When our spinner is having a bad day the batsmen often pounce down the pitch and smash the ball into the air towards me and Im supposed to catch it. Very difficult when is sails over my head and flies straight into a corporate box, landing in a smokes salmon quiche.