Dear Catherine, May 20, 2002
Hi, well as you may have known by now, I'm this senior who has a crush on
every since last year. It has been real difficult trying to get the time to sit down and talk to
you, and even when I do, I tend to get nervous and forget to say some things, or even say
some things that shouldn't be mentioned. It's been a week since I asked you and I've
become a bit worried about your decision so I think by writing this letter I'll be able
to try to show out my true emotions and clear up some things that should be taken care of. And
since it's getting difficult to find you, and yet even if I wanted too, I don't like popping
up like a genie or stalker. I mean I can understand the frustration of someone you don't
know continuously coming back for you. Yet the matter remains the same, since I have
so many feelings for you. And despite the many warnings that my friends told me about
not asking you out to the prom, cause it would be a failure, I still went along with it.
Something I learned in high school was that everyone needs a little bit of faith. No matter
how bad the current situation is there is always a glimpse of hope at the end of the tunnel.
So if I were to look at the facts, I have probably minimal or no support from my friends and
I'm working on thin air, cause I have no idea what kind of person you are and vice
verse. But from what I can see, what I like most about you is your eyes. I like the way
they look at a person, and that's what you basically did while I was asking you to the prom.
Your eyes show innocence and beauty altogether. I like the way you smile. It would
brighten up anyone's day. The cute smirk you have just leaves me breathless. From
what I can see and analyze I think the person's feature would be the same as ones
personality, I don't know for sure since that's my assumption. In order to close that gap I
had made an attempt to invite you to watch a movie with me last Friday, but obviously it
didn't work. Perhaps you had plans or you really didn't want to go with me. Many people
told me that, that wasn't the right way to go, but make sure you know this, I'm a very
simple person, not very simple that I'm stupid though. Yet still I suppose only close
friends do that, and I guess I fail that qualifications.
I'll be truthful, I have no girl skills, and perhaps it's also due to the people that are my
friends, since most of them are your stick-in-the-mud types. I'm not saying we are all a
bunch of wimps I guess; just more that we tend to take things slower. I myself was once a
real boring guy. Actually what I meant to say was that I was also a very shy, timid,
amiable person, as most of my friends say. That is one quality that I liked about you. You
seem to be the shy type. I mean when I'm talking to you, most of the time you just smile.
Worried smile, I'm not sure, but you tend to just smile, and that's good, gives people this
calm feeling.
I suppose I always had this crush on you when I first had a glimpse at you when you were
a freshman. Me being a junior of course, and perhaps since the junior year was the most
important year of any high school student, I regret that I hadn't introduced myself earlier.
Actually ignore that, I suppose I could have approached you and asked to be a friend, but
I was too shy. I think these past few weeks I've been able to break through my barrier.
All my friends both here at TAS and the US all say that I had the guts to ask a girl that I
had no idea about except for her name, to the prom. I'm proud to say that I was satisfied
with what I had done, although I probably scared you too. Yet time is always against me
now that my journey in high school is coming to an end. I really regretted not doing some
things, like participating more in activities held at school, or even socializing more. This
isn't a self-analysis paper of me so I won't elaborate. But what I would've regretted the
most was that if I never told you that I liked you so very much. I'd use the other L-word,
but perhaps that's a bit too na�ve. I mean like I said, I don't know you, you don't know
me. Still I would rather repeat my high school years so I could be with you than graduate
with my class and continue to college.
Maybe you are still very young at this age compared to me, so thoughts like these never
occurred. I'm sure that was the case when I was a sophomore. I mean all we thought
about was running down to Aztec at the end of school. I know all this came way too
quick and I wish I had asked you earlier. Maybe it wouldn't have been real strange. But if
I thought over it, I am two years older than you, hence I'm in a different grade and I
rarely have any underclassmen in my class. So how was I supposed to get to know you?
The only way I thought up was to conjure up my courage and ask you out of the blue. I'll
be honest about this. The results haven't been what I expected and it's understandable. I
wish I knew what you thought about me, but you rarely said anything when I'm talking, I
hope I wasn't too imposing so I left you speechless. If you were to know my true feelings
and the pain I've gone through here it is. The day I asked you (last Monday) my stomach
felt like it was being twisted. I couldn't eat at all. Yet after I asked you, I felt like I was
on top of the world. As we continue through that week, I had lots of sleep disorders. I
woke up in the middle of the night like at 2AM. Maybe I was scared, but I was truly
bothered at heart. In the day I thought about you constantly, and I wished by going to
sleep I'd be able to escape, but it seems my feelings chase me. On Wednesday we had no
school. Once again I had to gather my courage to call you. Unfortunate for me your mom
picked it up saying you are asleep. I apologize for calling so early, I just thought boys
woke up late, but hearing from some other people, they say girls need their beauty sleep.
Still to carry on the next day I didn't see you. In fact at first period you nearly knocked
into my friend, apologized and you were off like the wind. I wanted to say something, but
you are always on the move as I had said before. I suppose I felt real sad cause maybe
you didn't notice me or not, but you didn't say a word to me. At this point I feel as if I
hadn't done anything, nothing has changed.
I'll cut to the chase. I've always said I liked you, but that word can be misused so easily. I
need to show it, but it's been difficult. Like I said I would gladly sacrifice my time to be
with you so I could get to know the person I adore so much. But maybe you don't like
me. I know I might not be your dreamy prince, or knight in shinning amour, but to me
you'll always be the angel of my heart. All these metaphors and fancy poetic words, I'm
sure anyone can think them up, but all I'm writing is deep down from my heart, and no
one can plagiarize how I feel about you. You have no idea of the suffering and pain I've
gone through, both physically and emotionally. I've even lost my health, so I'm sick now.
As everyday passes it has been a nightmare for me. I try to give you your time and space,
but the fact is that time is of the essence. I really need an answer. I would really hope and
want you to go to the prom with me, not because I just want a girl to show off. That is
totally not what I ever thought. I just wanted be with a person that I truly care about, but
I've failed to do that. I think that I can skip the level as friend and go farther.
I know it's very difficult, but I'm asking you to trust me as a young man, that I would
never do anything to harm or discomfort you. If you are willing to sacrifice this one
Saturday night and spend it with me, it'll really make my day. I remember you said that
on Saturday it is your friends birthday party, and I have nothing against that. In fact it is
best to go. I've learned that friends are the closest people to a person aside from family.
Then again Prom begins at 10PM and into 2AM. Maybe it's your mom that doesn't feel
safe leaving her daughter with a total stranger. I have no way of proving my worthiness
to your mom with this short amount of time, but from my previous years of responsibility
I've never failed. So all I'm asking from you is that on May 25, would you come to the
prom with me? I need an answer sometime before the end of this week, cause I need to
make reservations in preparation to that night, for I want to ensure that it would be an
unforgettable for me and hopefully you as well. What I had in plan was to take you to
dinner at around 7PM, go to prom at 10PM, and escort you home at 2AM. I don't think it
would intersect with your friend's party, but if you really feel the need to ditch me, I have
no control over that. I have so much I want to tell you, but all this on paper is just not so
powerful, and probably will become boring to read. I've hoped you've been deeply
thinking about this date, cause I know it's been eating away my very soul. Once again I
would love to get to take the time to talk to you, but just please tell me if you are willing
to go. This is my last year in high school and in Taiwan; it would really mean so much to
me, if you could make it. Please, just give me a chance, that is all I'm asking for, nothing
more.
From the Bottom of my Heart,
Jason Chen