Dear Catherine, May 20, 2002
Hi, well as you may have known by now, I'm this senior who has a crush on
every since last year. It has been real difficult trying to get the time to sit down and talk to
you, and even when I do, I tend to get nervous and forget to say some things, or even say
some things that shouldn't be mentioned. It's been a week since I asked you and I've
become a bit worried about your decision so I think by writing this letter I'll be able
to try to show out my true emotions and clear up some things that should be taken care of. I can
probably understand the frustration of someone you don't know continuously coming
back for you. Yet the matter remains the same, since I have so many feelings for you.
And despite the many warnings that my friends told me about not asking you out to the
prom, cause it would be a failure, I still went along with it. Something I learned in high
school was that everyone needs a little bit of faith. And I would feel like an idiot if I
didn't pursue the diminishing hope in my final year at TAS.
I probably have no idea what kind of person you are and vice versa. But I know what I
see, and despite all the embarrassment or trouble I have caused, I still think it was worth
it, choosing you. From what I can see, I see your soft demure eyes. I see the way I feel
completely vulnerable when I am subject to them. I see the way you smile and think that
that's enough to brighten up anyone's day. From what I can see and what I can feel, I
think that your features reflect upon your personality. I am sorry if I make you feel
uncomfortable, although I had no intentions of that sort. I wanted to see a movie with
you last week in a chance to get to know you better, but that failed. Many people told me
that that wasn't the right way to go, but make sure you know this, I'm a very simple
person, not very simple that I'm stupid though. If I asked you out to the movies, it wasn't
a date or anything, unless you felt comfortable about it, it was more of a getting to know
you in my sense. Yet still I suppose only close friends do that, and I guess I even fail to
meet those qualifications.
I'll be truthful, I have no girl skills, and even my mom is worried about me not talking
with girls or even going out and stuff. What I mean to say is that I am a very shy, timid,
amiable person, as most of my friends say. That is one quality that I like about you. You
seem to be the shy type. I suppose I always had this crush on you when I first had a
glimpse of you when you were a freshman. Me being a junior of course, and perhaps
since the junior year was the most important year of any high school student, I regret that
I hadn't introduced myself earlier. I suppose I could have approached you and asked to be
a friend, but I was too shy. I think these past few weeks I've been able to break through
my barrier. Yet time is always against me now that my journey in high school is coming
to an end. I really regret not doing some things, like participating more in activities held
at school, or even socializing more. This isn't a self-analysis paper of me so I won't
elaborate. But what I would've regretted the most was if I never told you that I liked you.
Maybe you are still very young at this age compared to me, so thoughts like these never
occurred. I know all this came way too quick and I wish I had asked you earlier. Maybe it
wouldn't have been real strange. But if I thought over it, I am two years older than you,
hence I'm in a different grade and I rarely have any underclassmen in my class. So how
was I supposed to get to know you? The only way I thought up was to conjure up my
courage and ask you out of the blue. I'll be honest about this. The results haven't been
what I expected and it's understandable. I wish I knew what you thought about me, but
you rarely say anything when we meet; I hope I wasn't too imposing so I left you
speechless. If you were to know my true feelings and the grief I've gone through, here it
is. The day I asked you (last Monday) my stomach felt like it was being twisted. I
couldn't eat at all. Yet after I asked you, I felt like I was on top of the world. As we
continue through that week, I had lots of sleep disorders. I woke up in the middle of the
night like at 2AM. Maybe I was scared, but I was truly bothered at heart. In the day I
thought about you constantly, and I thought by going to sleep I'd be able to escape, but it
seems my feelings chase me. On Thursday, I wish I had a chance to talk to you. In fact at
first period you ran into my friend, apologized and you were off like the wind. I wanted
to say something, but you are always on the move as I had said before. I suppose I feel
real sad because maybe you didn't notice me or not, but you didn't say a word to me. At
this point, I feel as if I haven't done anything, nothing has changed.
I'll cut to the chase. I've always said I liked you, but that word can be misused so easily. I
need to show it, but it's been difficult. I am sorry for rushing everything last week, but I
am hesitant to give up, and the year is coming to an end. Like I said, I would gladly
sacrifice my time to be with you so I could get to know the person I adore so much.
There's a good chance you don't like me. I know I might not be ideal, but to me you'll
always be the angel of my heart. All these metaphors and fancy poetic words, I'm sure
anyone can think them up, but all I'm writing is deep down from my heart, and no one
can plagiarize how I feel about you. You have no idea of the suffering and pain I've gone
through, both physically and emotionally. I've even lost my health, so I'm sick now. As
everyday passes it has been a nightmare for me. I try to give you your time and space, but
the fact is that time is of the essence. I really need an answer. I would really hope and
want you to go to the prom with me, not because I want a girl to show off. That is totally
not what I ever thought. I just want be with a person that I truly care about, but I've failed
to do that. I think that I can skip the level as friend and go farther. I know it's very
difficult, but I'm asking you to trust me as a young man, that I would never do anything
to harm or discomfort you. If you are willing to sacrifice this one Saturday night and
spend it with me, it'll really make my day. I remember you said that on Saturday it is
your friends birthday party, and I have nothing against that. In fact it is best to go. I've
learned that friends are the closest people to a person aside from family. Then again Prom
begins at 10PM and into 2AM. How awkward it must sound for a stranger to profess his
feelings to you. I don't mean to waste your time, I don't mean to pressure you, and I
don't mean for you to pity me. I feel I have no way to prove who I am to you in the
amount of time, but I assure you my emotions are true. So all I'm asking from you is that
on May 25, would you come to the prom with me? I need an answer sometime before the
end of this week, cause I need to make reservations in preparation to that night, for I want
to ensure that it would be an unforgettable for me and hopefully you as well. What I had
in plan was to take you to dinner at around 7PM, go to prom at 10PM, and escort you
home at 2AM. I don't think it would intersect with your friend's party, but if you really
feel the need to ditch me, I have no control over that. I will not bear any hard feelings
and I will still think of you as I think of you now, as the girl I will always remember. I
have so much I want to tell you, but all this on paper is just not so powerful, and probably
will become boring to read. I hope you've been deeply thinking about this date, because I
know it's been eating away my very soul. Once again I would love to get to take the time
to talk to you, but just please tell me if you are willing to go. This is my last year in high
school and in Taiwan; it would really mean so much to me, if you could make it. Please,
just give me a chance, that is all I'm asking for, and nothing more.
From the Bottom of my Heart,
Jason Chen