CAT JOKES

Page 3

The Truth About Cats

Dogs come when they're called; Cats take a message and get back to you  later.

Cats don't like being baptized.

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

A cat is always on the wrong side of the door.

A cat will always sit on whatever you're trying to read.

A cat's purr: The most effective stress medicine known.

Cats are quite good at domesticating humans.

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.

Cats know Mom's black suede gloves are giant tarantulas that need to be  killed.

Cats must attack their human's shoelaces when they are tying them.

Cats must crawl into the dishwasher when it is full of clean dishes.

It's always darkest before you step on the cat.

Cats must rub against your legs while you're carrying two bags of  grocieries.

You're not a real person until you're ignored by a cat.

Time to Eat!
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Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one.

"Me too" said the second. "Lets fly down and find some lunch."

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more.

"I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first one.

"Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun." said the second.

"O.K." said the first.

They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up.

As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, "I love baskin' robins."

A FAMOUS ART COLLECTOR IS WALKING THROUGH THE CITY WHEN HE
NOTICES A MANGY CAT LAPPING MILK FROM A SAUCER IN THE DOORWAY
OF A STORE AND HE DOES A DOUBLE TAKE.

HE KNOWS THAT THE SAUCER IS EXTREMELY OLD AND VERY VALUABLE,
SO HE WALKS CASUALLY INTO THE STORE AND OFFERS TO BUY THE CAT
FOR 2 DOLLARS.

THE STORE OWNER REPLIES "I'M SORRY, BUT THE CAT ISN'T FOR SALE."

THE COLLECTOR SAYS  "PLEASE, I NEED A HUNGRY CAT AROUND THE
HOUSE TO CATCH RATS." I WILL PAY YOU TWENTY DOLLARS FOR THAT CAT.

THE OWNER SAYS "SOLD," AND HANDS OVER THE CAT.

THE COLLECTOR CONTINUES, "HEY FOR THE TWENTY BUCKS I WONDER
IF YOU COULD THROW IN THAT OLD SAUCER. THE CAT'S USED TO IT AND
IT'LL SAVE ME FROM HAVING TO GET A DISH."

AND THE OWNER SAYS, "SORRY BUDDY, BUT THAT'S MY LUCKY
SAUCER. SO FAR THIS MONTH I'VE SOLD SIXTY EIGHT CATS."

This dog was presented DOA by her distraught owner and her hapless vet could say nothing to convince her the dog was dead...DEAD!
"I know" she says - " he loves chasing cats - that will revive him"
The vet duly waves the hospital cat over the recumbent form without success.
"I'm sorry Ma'am but that will be $334"
"But why so much if my dog is dead?"
"Well its $34 for my consultation and $300 for the cat scan!!"

WHAT ARE DOGS:

*Dogs are honorable
*Dogs are fiercely loyal
*Dogs are regal and striking in appearance.
*Dogs are your best friend - unconditionally.
*Dogs protect their master, his family, and his home - to the death!
*Dogs are loving - they are warm and funny at all times.
*Dogs are faithful - til the end.
*Dogs have no attitude - they're always happy to be loved.
*Dogs are there for the long haul - once again - til death!
*Dogs have no ego and are perfect pets...


Just like - well, MEN!

WHAT ARE CATS?

*Cats do what they want.
*They rarely listen to you.
*They're totally unpredictable.
*They whine when they are not happy.
*When you want to play, they want to be alone.
*When you want to be alone, they want to play.
*They expect you to cater for their every whim.
*They're moody.
*They leave hair everywhere.
*They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.


Conclusion: They're tiny little Women in cheap fur coats.