Insertion Part 57 The Plan +++++++++++++ Nabiki Tendo frowned. Ranma hadn't shown up yet. "What's keeping him?" she wondered out loud. "Pardon?" asked her flunky as she turned towards her. "Nothing...it's nothing," said the girl with her scowl growing more pronounced. The bell rang and they moved towards the building with the other students. +++++++++++++ "Aloha!" said Principal Kuno as he waved to the students inside one of the classrooms. Akane blinked and looked up to see him grinning at them all. Their teacher nowhere to be seen. "Your teachah is havin de bad karma, so he go on a little vacation to relax," said the man as he frowned a little. "Dis bein very sad day." Akane gasped with the rest of the class and held her breath. "No! Please no!" "We got another teacher right?" asked Ranma nervously. As with everyone else, he prayed that the man wouldn't take it upon himself to teach their English class. "Don't you be frettin none now. Da Big Kahuna got it all taken care of!" said the man cheerfully. "Dis new teachah bein very good." There was a collective sigh of relief. "Here she is, da new techah! Miss Yohiko Hibiki." Ranma and Akane blinked and looked at one another as the name rung a familiar bell. "Where have I heard that name before?" asked Akane. "Hibiki?" asked Ranma dumbly as he tried to think of who he knew with that name. After a moment, it came to him. "Like, Ryoga?" "Dolt," growled Akane. A woman walked into the room and all the male students gave a collective gasp. She had a long red pigtail that went to the small of her back, and a pair of thin glasses rested on her nose. Her dress was sharp, almost business like, but did little to hide her figure. "Hello class. I'm Miss Hibiki," she said as she smiled at them and gave a small bow. "Thank you god!" whispered some of the boys. There were a few angry groans from some of the female students, but most of them were unruffled by the beautiful new woman. She looked to be about twenty-five years old. "Any questions before we begin?" asked the woman as she sat down behind the desk. Principal Kuno wandered out of the room quietly for once and left her alone. "Are you available?" said one of the boys before he even knew what he was saying. "Yes I am, although not to you. I'm old enough to be your mother," said the teacher as she smirked at him. His head hit his desk with a thump and he groaned painfully. "Man." "Excuse me. Are you related to Ryoga Hibiki?" asked Akane as she stood up. "Pardon?" "He's a friend of mine, and I noticed you had the same last name," said Akane. "I don't believe so," said the woman cheerfully. Akane nodded her head and smiled. "Oh. I guess it's just a coincidence." "Very likely," said the woman as she nodded her head. "What are your measurements?" called one of the boys in the back of the room. He was holding out a pad and pen. "It's for the school paper!" "What are you a tailor? You never ask a lady her age, her measurements, or how much she weighs," replied the woman calmly. She seemed to be taking it in stride rather than becoming upset. "Dang," grumbled the boy as he hung his head. "Now...we'll begin. Please open your English books..." +++++++++++ Nabiki Tendo was still scowling. Ranma hadn't shown up yet. He'd taken her attempt to get him onto a more controllable field rather like a challenge. She knew he wouldn't back down. "What's he up to?" The bell rang, signaling the change of classes. She sighed and looked up at the clock as her teacher gathered his things and shuffled out the door on his way to his next room. Soon, her next teacher would come in. It happened rather quietly, a woman with long red hair and an amazing body walked into the room and sat down behind the desk. "I'm Miss Hibiki. Your teacher has taken a little vacation to calm his nerves. I will be his replacement until he returns." "What is this?" asked Kuno quietly as he looked up from his book with a sort of shocked awe on his face. Most of the boy's mirrored this expression, but without the over dramatic tone that only Kuno could produce. "A light from the heavens! A goddess! A..." "Mr. Kuno, please take your seat. We do not have all day for you to lament over my beauty," said the woman with an amused looking smirk on her face as she turned towards the chalkboard. Nabiki smiled at this as the flustered looking Kuno sat down and continued to mutter to himself. "A tigress, such beauty! To think that Tatewaki Kuno could be smitten by yet another goddess! Surely, the heavens are truly blessing these women with their chance encounters with their one true love." "This could be interesting," thought Nabiki to herself as she glanced at him again. "Miss Tendo. If you could please keep your loving gazes towards Mr. Kuno to yourself for a moment..." Nabiki's head jerked forward and froze in horror. "What?" "I do believe you should be paying attention," said Miss Hibiki with an amused chuckle. Nabiki frowned; the entire class was staring at her now. This new teacher was going to get it. "Oh, and Miss Tendo?" "Yes Ma'am?" said the girl with a forced smile on her face. "I told you I'd come today," said the woman as she turned back towards the board and started to write the day's lesson down. Nabiki's jaw dropped like a rock. There was no way, just no way. "Can it be? Is it him?" she thought as she watched the woman for a moment intently. The hair, the blue eyes, even the bust size was right. It was nearly impossible, but standing in front of her was Mrs. Saotome, only about ten years younger. She looked down at her book, trying desperately to find an answer to so many questions. "Why does she look so much older now? How did she pull this off? Who is she really? What am I going to do now? All the plans I made to get back at him were him as a student! There's no way!" Suddenly, she calmed down. She'd just have to expose him for what he really was. "That shouldn't be to hard." +++++++++ "She's smiling at us now," said Carrot as he looked at the girl who was plotting against her. Ranma sighed. "Man. She was never this bad." Xianfu was really enjoying this ruse. "You guys aren't all that bad." "Well, Kuno's decided he's in love with us. No surprise there," snorted Dan. Pissant was actually enjoying himself as well. "Wow. We get to teach all these young people! A chance to broaden their minds and souls!" "I'll bet she'll try to expose us," snorted Carrot in amusement. "She may try to use hot water later. Then move on to our records." "Well, the age thing isn't that hard to do," said Dan with a shrug. "Our curse doesn't work, and our history is concrete thanks to the Mercury computer." "It is a rather neat trick," agreed Carrot. "What should we do to her?" Xianfu snorted. "Nothing today. Just being here is enough to irritate her." "She's feeling smug right now. I say we let it build up and then crush it," said Carrot. "Sounds good," agreed Ranma. "Um. How?" "Well, she'll probably try to dump hot water on us at lunch," said Carrot cheerfully. "When it doesn't work, she'll get nervous and start questioning if we are who we say we are," agreed Dan. "That's evil!" said Pissant. "You shouldn't play with people's heads that way!" "Why not?" asked Xianfu calmly. "Glad to see you're getting into this," said Carrot cheerfully. "Killing ourselves now wouldn't do anything but send us back to L-sama," replied the woman. "I'm stuck with you idiots, and at least I get to be a woman again." "What the hell are you complaining about? I had to spend almost twenty years as a girl because of you," said Dan. "You didn't complain then." "I'm not complaining now either," he said with a small shrug. "Watch the body movements guys," warned Carrot as he noticed the intense gazes of some of the male students. "Right. Sorry," said the woman apologetically. "In any case, we should enjoy ourselves," said Carrot finally. He sighed as the bell rang, ending the class. "Time to go to work again." ++++++++++ Hibiki sat with the rest of the staff at lunch. They were at a table in the back of the lounge. "So. You went to school in America?" asked an older balding man who sat next to her. "That's right," said the woman cheerfully. "University of Florida actually." "Yes," said the man with a smile on his face. "I understand that is a fine school." An older woman frowned at her. "So. You're taking Jiro's place until he gets back from his nervous breakdown?" "That's right. I'm well aware of this school's reputation," said the woman calmly. "All of it is true. I hope you can handle it," said the old woman crossly. "I think I can handle myself a little better than most," replied Yohiko cheerfully. "You do martial arts?" asked one of the middle-aged men. Yohiko paused and realized that men surrounded her. The two female faculty members were sitting opposite her. "That's right. I'd put Ranma Saotome to shame. I've seen him fight, he's not bad...for his age." This got the attention of all of the faculty members. "I understand the Principal is a handful as well," said the redhead as she looked around the room. "That he is, he's a horrible man," said one of the older men in disgust. "Not one of us can stand up to him. He controls everything." Yohiko smirked. "Well, we'll see about that soon enough." "Oh lord," said one of the old women as she shook her head. "Excuse me, I'm going to take a walk," said Yohiko as she stood up and left the room. +++++++++++++ "Ha! I knew it!" said Nabiki as she watched the new teacher walk out of the building. She was standing near to the door with a thermos in her hands. Yohiko walked down the stairs and smiled as she saw a few students turn towards her. Nabiki was standing nearby; with a smug looking grin on her face. "Ha!" cried the teen as she tossed the hot water onto the woman. Her triumphant grin faded away very quickly as the schoolyard became dead silent. "May I ask why you did that Miss Tendo?" Nabiki's jaw dropped like a rock. "No way! You're not him?" "Tendo, Principals Office, now," said the woman firmly as she pointed towards the door. Nabiki worked her mouth for a moment and slowly walked to her doom. +++++++++++++ "I thought she was Ranma!" said Nabiki as she looked up at Principal Kuno. She was on her knees in front of the man in the sand. He was sitting in a lawn chair with a tropical drink in his hand. The redheaded teacher was standing next to her with a small frown on her face. "Well, I can't understand dat," said the man as he peered down at her. "I guess you bein punished den." He pulled a pair of barber's sheers from out of nowhere. The woman stepped in front of the horrified Nabiki and scowled at the man. "I think an apology will do this time." The man seemed to consider it. "Nah. She be needin de bowl cut anyway." "That wasn't an request," said the woman firmly as she narrowed her eyes at the man. "Why you raisin de voice at the Big Kahuna?" said the man as he backed away from her, pretending to be afraid. "Can it you lunatic. I'm not buying any. You keep your perverted hair fetish to yourself," snarled Yohiko angrily. "Fetish?" muttered Nabiki dumbly. She'd never even thought about that angle before. "I think you be needin de discipline too!" said the man as he stood up. "Lay a hand on me and you'll have a lawsuit on your ass faster than the time it takes me to rip that palm tree off your head and shove it up your..." she paused and looked down at Nabiki for a moment. "Throat." The man frowned at this, and backed off. "Dat not playin fair." "Fair? Since when do you care about that?" she replied coolly. Nabiki looked up at her in awe. "I love this woman!" she thought to herself. "How could I have ever thought that she was him!?" "You apologize," said the teacher as she glanced back at Nabiki. "I'm sorry!" said the girl. She found herself surprised that it was actually genuine. "Fine. We have a little time before class starts again, go enjoy the rest of your lunch," said Yohiko as she winked at her and started towards the exit. Nabiki quickly followed behind her. Only halfway out of fear of being left alone with Principal Kuno. The man stood up and watched them leave. His head cocked to the side as he thought about what had just happened. Slowly, a grin formed on his lips. "What a woman! Ohta! She bein mine soon enough!" ++++++++++++ When lunch ended, Yohiko found herself corralling students into the building. She started to sing cheerfully as she moved the crowd towards the doors. "Rollin, rollin, rollin. Rollin, rollin, rollin. Rollin, rollin, rollin, Rawhide! Keep Rollin, rollin, rollin, though the streams are swollen! Keep the doggies rollin Rawhide! Through rain and wind and weather! Hell bent for leather! Wishin my guy was by my side! All the things I'm missin, good vittles love and kissin, are waitin at the end of my ride! Move em out! Head em up! Head em up! Move em up! Head em up Rawhide! Cut em out! Ride em in! Ride em in! Cut em out! Cut em out! Ride em in Rawhide!" The students seemed a little disturbed by this, but continued to move towards the doors. "Ha! Ha! Movin, movin, movin, thought they're disapprovin! Keep them doggies movin Rawhide! Don't try to understand em, just rope and throw and brand em! Soon we'll be livin high and wide! My hearts calculatin, my true love will be waitin! Waiting at the end of my ride! Move em out! Head em up! Head em up! Move em up! Head em up Rawhide! Cut em out! Ride em in! Ride em in! Cut em out! Cut em out! Ride em in Rawhide!" The song ended and the doors to the building closed behind her. She smirked and strolled into the halls. "Miss Hibiki, I would have words with you!" cried Tatewaki Kuno as he halted the teacher in the hallway just before classes started again. "Yes?" asked the woman as she looked at him for a moment and frowned. "I feel that your love is unrequited, and I must intervene. Weep for joy, for I shall date with you at last!" "What the hell are you babbling about?" said the woman as a frown formed on her face. "I have decided in my wisdom, to allow you to accompany myself on a date this very evening!" "You're asking me out?" said the woman with a rough sounding snort. "That I am!" cried Kuno as he lunged forward. Only to have a very sensitive area of his body meet with the woman's knee. "Keep your hands to yourself you little pervert!" Kuno doubled over and clutched himself in pain. "I would never date a student! For god's sake, I'm old enough to be your mother!" "Age matters not where true love is..." gasped Kuno painfully, his voice at a much higher pitch. "I don't love you! If you ever try to grab me again, I'll have you expelled!" "Such a fire, surely she wishes to show..." Yohiko grabbed him and picked him up off the ground by his collar. "Look you little pervert. I don't like you, you've basically ruined any chance you ever had of me ever liking you. If you continue this blatant stupidity, I'm going to hurt you in ways you won't forget." "I accept these taps of lo..." The woman clamped her hand over his mouth and frowned at him. "Just stop talking." "But I must confess my undying..." he muttered under her hand. "Stop now," she said. "I..." "Don't make me angry Kuno," she said calmly. "Go to class. Now." He nodded and shuffled off a little bowlegged to his next class. Both Akane and Nabiki were looking at the woman from their lockers nearby. They had tears of joy in their eyes. "She's the greatest teacher ever!" gasped Akane. "Akane. I never thought I'd say that about anyone, but..." agreed Nabiki. "Man. That was harsh," muttered Ranma dumbly as he walked up to them. "Oh well, it's only Kuno." "Ranchan!" said Ukyo as she walked over to him. "Are you going to come by the restaurant after school today?" "Huh? Sure!" said the boy happily. "Great! I'll fix you a special Okonomiyaki!" said the chef cheerfully. "Ranma!!" snarled Akane. "Making a date right in front of me?! How dare you!" She raised her fist, but found it halted quite suddenly. "Miss Tendo. I hope you weren't thinking of hitting another student in the hallway." The noise in the hall ground to a complete halt as everyone turned to look at the woman holding back Akane's swing. "But...I...He's my..." "I don't care if he's just murdered your entire family. You do not hit other students in my hall," said the woman firmly. "If you have a problem, I suggest you work it out off campus." Not a single student spoke. They all just looked on in a sort of shocked awe. "But..." stammered the girl in shock. "There is not 'but' Miss Tendo," said the woman calmly as she released the girl's arm. "I will not stand for any such displays on my campus. Understood?" "Yes Ma'am," said the girl quietly. Yohiko walked away with a cheerful smirk forming on her face. "This is going to be too much fun." +++++++++++ Carrot walked into the Tendo home and sighed. Under his arm were a few books and a briefcase hung from his hand. He strolled inside and walked up the stairs to the room before dropping his things on the ground. "Man, what a day." He looked at Genma and smiled for a moment. The panda rolled over and looked up at him from his futon. Apparently he'd decided to take a nap. The animal held up a sign at the boy and scratched its behind as it yawned. "Where have you been boy?" "Work. I got a job," said Carrot as he looked at him for a moment with a small frown. "Oh. That's nice," said Genma's next sign as he rolled back into a more comfortable position and went back to sleep. ++++++++++ "Oh my. You're home late Carrot," said Kasumi as he walked down the stairs and waved to the girl. Akane and Nabiki were sitting around the table looking over at him. "Yes. How was school son?" asked Soun. "What do you mean? He wasn't there," said Nabiki in confusion. "I was there all day," said Ranma as he narrowed his eyes at her for a moment. "You were not!" snapped the girl irritably. "Whatever," grumbled the pigtailed boy as he rolled his eyes at her. The phone rang and Nabiki stood up and rushed over to it. "Hello? You've got it? Excellent work!" Ranma arched his eyebrow at this, but said nothing. "What's she on about?" "You weren't at school today!" snapped Akane. "You sure?" asked Ranma. "Yes!" snapped the girl. "Akane, I'm thirty six. I wouldn't be there as a student," said Ranma. "You got a job at the school?" asked Akane. "Well I did say I was there didn't I?" he asked her calmly. "How nice," said Soun. Nabiki was writing furiously on a notepad with a grin on her face. "Thanks! I'll see you tomorrow!" She walked over to them and smiled as she sat down. Ranma looked at her and grinned. "What was that all about?" "I'll tell you for ten-thousand yen," said the girl as she smirked at him. Ranma shrugged his shoulders and handed her the money. "Ahem. Yohiko Hibiki. Age: 36 Height: 5'4", Weight: Threatened physician when asked, Measurements: 36-23-29. Attended University of Florida in America. Lives in a small apartment on Nerima's East Side." "Most impressive," said Ranma as he nodded at her. "Managed to get your hands on that new teachers records did you?" He stood up and started walking towards his room again. "How do you know about her?" asked Nabiki. "He says he got a job at school today," said Akane. "He's too old to be a student." Nabiki frowned at this. "What are you? A janitor?" "Huh? No way! Excuse me, I've got to go grade those English quizzes I gave you today. I don't see how Kuno can have four pages of answers. The test was only one page long, and it was multiple choice." He sighed and started walking up the stairs. "Did he just say something about quizzes he gave us?" asked Akane in confusion. "No way!" gasped Nabiki. She stood up and rushed after him, throwing open the door to his room. "What is it?" he muttered as he frowned at her. He was sitting with the briefcase in his lap. It had a large stack of papers on top of it and he had a pen in his hand. "No way!" she cried as she rushed over to him and grabbed the papers. She flipped through them excitedly, finally landing on her own assignment. "It can't be true! I splashed her and..." "Nothing happened? Really Nabiki, you don't think I'm still cursed after twenty years do you?" She turned to look at the woman who had said that and her jaw dropped like a rock. Miss Hibiki was sitting where Ranma had been with a smirk on her face. "How?" "I can control the change now," she replied with a shrug. "No more hot and cold water." "That's..." Nabiki paused and realized that Ranma's clothes had changed as well. He was now wearing a feminine looking pair of pajamas. "Really Nabiki," said the redhead as she closed the front of her top a little more and frowned in disapproval at where she was staring. "Huh? What? This is some kind of trick! He wasn't wearing that!" she snapped. "Oh, you mean the clothes? Holdover from my days as a Hellspawn." She stood up and her clothing seemed to change into a liquid, shifting color and shape. She was once again dressed in the familiar Chinese apparel that Ranma liked so much. The only difference was that hers actually fit. "Neat huh?" "What's a Hellspawn?" asked Nabiki dumbly. She couldn't think of anything else to say. "Long story, one you don't want to hear," replied Carrot with a shrug. He shifted back into a young boy again and sat back down. "If you'll excuse me, I've got work to do now." He took the papers from her hand and walked her out the door. Nabiki stood there in confusion for a moment, not quite sure what to say or do. Finally, she turned red and growled. "Damn it! I'll get him for this!" She stomped to her room and jumped onto her bed. She rolled onto her back and thought about it. "This is obviously a fake identity. That's easy enough to disprove." She smiled and relaxed a bit more. "I'll be able to crush that bastard like a bug after that." ++++++++++++ Ranma Saotome looked at Akane as she sat lazily in front of the television. It was quiet and calm, Carrot was up in the room doing who knows what, and he'd just finished a workout in the dojo. "Hey. What's up?" he asked her as he sat down. Akane snorted at him and turned her head away. "What'd I do?" he asked in confusion. "You jerk!" snapped Akane. "Man. I hate when you do this!" he grumbled under his breath while trying to figure out what he'd done wrong. "She's still angry about you going to the Ucchan's. Petty little thing isn't she?" said Carrot as he walked down the stairs. "You been gone a while," said Ranma as he looked up at the boy. "Yeah. I had to grade some papers," he said with a shrug. "Huh? What for?" said Ranma dumbly. "Well, so I can hand them back out tomorrow," said Carrot as he looked at them for a moment and smiled. "Oh," replied the boy with a shrug. "Wait a minute! What do you mean petty!?" snapped Akane. "You're asking?" snorted Carrot. "You get upset when Ranma goes to see his friends. That's downright pathetic." "That..." "That what? Bimbo? Hussy? They don't get mad at him for seeing you, and you live with him," said Carrot calmly. "You're just jealous that he might want to spend his time with someone else. After a certain point jealousy stops being cute." "I am not jealous!" snapped Akane. "Are too, you can't hide it very well either. It's kinda pathetic." Ranma was wisely keeping his mouth shut. "How dare you!?" cried Akane as she stood up and glared at him. "Yeah. How dare I tell the truth! I must be a complete bastard for talking about stuff that embarrasses you!" The pigtailed boy seemed to be enjoying this. "You jerk!" cried Akane as she tried to punch him. He caught her fist and frowned at her. "Can't win with your mouth, so you'll just use your fists is that it?" Akane stared at him in shock. "Wha?" "That is truly pathetic," he snorted as he shoved her hand aside casually. "It's also a sign of low intelligence." The girl stood up and backed away from him. Tears forming in her eyes. "You...you..." "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say anything at all," replied Carrot as he ignored her emotional display. "Akane!" said Ranma as he stood up. "You can't protect her from herself boy," said Carrot calmly. "He didn't mean it!" said Ranma as he grabbed her shoulders. "Yes I did, and she needs to hear it, even if it makes her cry," said Carrot. "Stop trying to make her feel better. She'll just go back to the way she was before if you do." Ranma growled at the boy and turned towards his fiancee again. "Akane..." "Just leave me alone!" she cried. Ranma just stood there as she shoved him back and ran up the stairs. "Still blaming him for the actions of others I see," said Carrot out loud. She stopped just in front of her door and turned too look at him. It was obvious that she had caught what he'd said. "Ya didn't have ta..." said Ranma. "Yes, I did," replied his double calmly. He lifted up the newspaper Soun had abandoned and started reading. ++++++++++++++ Ryoga Hibiki stood with a confused frown on his face. "Where the hell am I now?" "Hey. Hibiki," said Carrot as he strolled by with a plastic bag in his hand. "Ranma! Prepare to die!" screamed Ryoga as he charged. "Oh, now what?" grumbled Carrot as he turned and decked the boy. "What the hell is wrong with you? I'm not Ranma." "Huh?" said Ryoga. "You can't fool me Saotome! You're not even wearing a disguise!" "I'm that other Ranma! The one you met yesterday," said Carrot as he looked down at the boy and extended his arm to help him up. Ryoga swat it aside angrily. "How dare you!" "Look you jerk. I've never done anything to you. We only just met yesterday, and you've been attacking me ever since," said Carrot irritably. "I won't forgive you for treating Akane that way!" cried Ryoga as he stood in a fighting stance. "Oh? What business of yours is that?" snorted Carrot as he stood up and frowned at the lost boy. "What?! How dare you!" snarled Ryoga as he started to move towards him. "How dare I what? I just asked a question. Where do you get off defending Akane Tendo's honor. She can take care of that herself," snorted Carrot lazily. Ryoga paused and looked at him for a moment. "What do you mean?" "I mean she doesn't want you to protect her," said Carrot. "I can hear it now. 'I'm a martial artist too! I can take care of myself! Don't worry!' Of course, this would be right before she gets herself beaten up, but that's beside the point." Ryoga snorted in disgust. "I won't allow you to talk about her that way!" He jumped forward, only to get decked again. Ranma looked down at him and smirked. "It's really none of your business if I do talk about her that way. You're not her boyfriend, in fact, she's engaged to someone else." "That two timing bastard doesn't deserve her!" snarled Ryoga. "That's for Akane to decide, not you," replied the pigtailed boy calmly. "What? Akane doesn't love him! She hates him! I'm going to save her from..." "Are you really that stupid?" asked Carrot calmly. "What?" said Ryoga in horror. "Akane does like him, otherwise she wouldn't get so jealous of him." "That's a lie!" "Denial really is pathetic Hibiki. Even if she doesn't love him, they are at the very least friends." "That's a lie!" cried Ryoga angrily. He lunged forward with another punch and landed on his back again as Carrot countered. "Well, it doesn't really matter. You've got no place defending her. It's none of your business." "What? How can you say that! I care more about Akane than that louse ever will!" "Really? I suppose he just saves her for no reason then. I mean, he could have just gotten rid of her easily by now. He could have let Cologne beat him, or let Taro have her, or that French guy. I mean, think about all the times he had the chance to get rid of her and didn't. I guess he just likes tormenting himself for no reason. There's no way he really likes her..." "That's right!" cried Ryoga. "Well, I can see you're as thick as you are strong. I could beat you over the head with a picture of them having sex and you still wouldn't believe me," said Carrot with a small sigh. "Course then you'd start going on about how he took her purity or something." "Ranma took Akane's purity! That monster! I'll..." "It was just an example you moron!" snapped Carrot as he decked him again. "Oh," said Ryoga. "Well he'd better not!" "They are going to get married. It's actually better if he does do it, and that sounds funny coming from a guy who sleeps in bed with another man's fiancee." Ryoga looked at him. "That's different! I..." "Settle right in between her breasts and grope as much as you can. Do you really think I'm stupid enough to not know what you do?" "I do not! I just...Ranma...I have to protect her..." Carrot smirked as the boy was suddenly at a loss for words. "You do too, and it's pathetic. If she ever finds out, you're dead meat." "What? You wouldn't dare!" cried Ryoga. "Why not? I never promised not to tell. After all, you weren't cursed where I come from," said Carrot with a small shrug. "I can tell whoever I want too." Ryoga backed away from him. "Dishonorable bastard! I'll shut you up!" "Who are you to talk about being dishonorable Hibiki?" retorted Carrot as he jumped on the boy's head. "I'd love to stay and argue with you about it all day, but I've got to get this too Kasumi. She's making Stewed Daikon tonight." As Carrot hopped away over the rooftops, he smiled to himself cheerfully. "Man. This is fun!" +++++++++++++ The next Morning. "Akane Tendo, Ranma Saotome, you have come at last," said Tatewaki Kuno as he stood with his bokken held in front of him. "What the heck? Again? Don't you ever have enough?" snorted Ranma as he jumped at the boy. "I shall defeat you this day and free Akane Tendo and The Pigtailed Girl!" "Fat chance!" retorted the boy as he jumped at Kuno's head. Only to stop about two inches in front of him as someone grabbed his leg and slammed him into the ground. "What the?" muttered Ranma dumbly as he sat up and saw a familiar figure holding onto his leg. Kuno was also dumbfounded as Miss Hibiki held onto his blade, stopping it cold. She turned and glared at them both. "What the hell is going on here?" "Ah. My dearest educator. I seek to vanquish this foul sorcerer once and for all with my mighty blade, but he is too stubborn to see that he is already defeated by..." He was stopped cold as a hand slapped him across his face. "No fighting on school grounds!" snapped Hibiki angrily. Kuno blinked. "But... I must..." "Do you want me to drag you to the principal's office?" she snapped. "Hey! He attacked me! The crazy jerk does this every morning!" snapped Ranma. "Well he's going to stop it right now. If I catch anyone fighting again, I'll personally drag him into Principal Kuno's office and hold him down for a haircut!" Ranma and Kuno both went white as a sheet. "No way," they said in unison. "It seems that we must have a forced truce Saotome. Though it pains my heart that I am unable to free my loves from your grasp, I must accept these terms." Kuno strolled back into the building. "I don't need no help! I can take him!" said Ranma as he looked at the woman angrily. "I don't care if you can fight off the JSDF on your own. Fighting is disruptive, and I won't have it on my campus!" snapped the woman angrily. "Get to class Saotome!" The boy jumped to his feet and rushed into the building. "All of you. Didn't you hear the bell?" cried the woman as she looked around at the crowd that had gathered around her. Nabiki was the only one left after a moment or two. "Well Tendo?" The girl was staring forward with a horrified look on her face. "No! You can't!" "Can't what?" asked Yohiko with a smirk on her face. "Stop your little gambling ring by stopping the fights on campus?" Nabiki backed away. "What?" "You know, what you're doing is illegal. If I find a witness, or catch you in the act...you're in serious trouble young lady." The woman had a predatory gaze on her face as she looked down at her. "All the extortion, loan sharking, blackmail, book keeping... I know about it all Tendo, and I'm going to catch you sooner or later." Nabiki swallowed and stepped back. "Wha? What do you mean? I never..." "I actually went to school with you twenty years ago Tendo. I know all your tricks," said the girl as she narrowed her eyes at the girl. "You'd better watch yourself. Now get to class, before we're both late." Nabiki nodded numbly and rushed away. "I'm in serious trouble!" she thought to herself. "That bastard! He won't get away with this!" Yohiko Hibiki smiled as she strolled back towards the building. Thunder rumbled in the distance behind her and she cackled with an almost evil tone in her voice. "I'll get you; and your little flunky too! Bwahahahahahahahahaa!" +++++++++++ Ryoga Hibiki walked through the wilderness and frowned. His target had escaped him again. "Damn. Just you wait Ranma! When I find you, I'll..." "You'll what? What are you doing here?" said a feminine voice from right next to him. "Huh? Where am I?" asked Ryoga as he turned to find himself standing in the middle of a baseball field. The girls' P.E. class stood around him staring dumbly. A redheaded woman stepped forward with a ball cap on her head and scowled at him. "What are you doing here? This is the girls practice!" "Auntie Yohiko?" said Ryoga as he blinked and looked at her for a moment in confusion. "Did you just say Auntie?" asked the woman as she looked down at him. "It is you!" cried Ryoga as he rushed forward and grabbed her around her waist. "Huh?" stammered Yohiko in confusion. "What the?" "It's me! Little Ryo-chan! Remember? Your nephew!" "Oh. I guess so..." said the woman as her mind tried desperately to figure out what had just happened. "I um..." "Wait. You mean you are related to Ryoga?" said Akane as she jogged up to the woman. "You know him?" she said as she pointed down at the boy. "You don't remember me? Well, I suppose it has been a few years. Sometimes I forget what my dad looks like when he comes back, and I end up beating him up. It sure is embarrassing!" said the boy as he scratched the back of his head. Yohiko blinked and looked down at Ryoga again. "This isn't possible. I can't have any real relatives...Nabiki must have put him up to this!" She thought frowned at Ryoga and stepped aside with him. "Just a moment ladies." She pulled Ryoga up by his collar and frowned. "What did Nabiki tell you?" "Huh? Nabiki? You know her too? Why are you here Auntie? I thought you didn't get lost like the rest of us! It didn't spread did it? Damn it! Must we all be cursed!?" The woman frowned, Ryoga wasn't smart enough to think up a lie like that on his own. "No you idiot. I work here. I'm a teacher." "Oh. Right. Mom told me you had gone to college." Ryoga looked thoughtful and then grinned again. "I come to Nerima a lot these days. There's this girl..." "That's nice Ryoga. Look, why are you here?" "I'm looking for Ranma Saotome! That bastard! I've got to make him pay for what he did to Akane!" snarled the boy hatefully. "Not in my school you're not!" snapped the woman as she belted him across his head. "What? This is a battle of honor..." "That can easily be held somewhere else! This isn't a dojo, it's a school. If I catch you fighting on campus, I'll take you to Principal Kuno for a buzz-cut like I would anyone else! Understand me?" she snapped. "You leave Ranma Saotome alone at school! I won't have you disrupting the day just because you don't like him!" Ryoga blinked and hung his head. "But I..." "Promise me Ryoga!" said the woman as she grabbed his shoulders firmly and looked him in the eyes. "I..." He sighed and hung his head. "I promise." "Good boy," said the woman as she smiled at him. "I've got a class to teach now. I'll see you later." "Yes Ma'am," said the boy dejectedly as he staggered off. ++++++++++++ Carrot frowned as he looked at the building in front of him. "My god, it does exist! I made that address up!" "What does this mean?" asked Dan. "Our friend made our identity real," said Carrot. "So, we have an apartment and everything?" asked Ranma dumbly. "Seems like it," said Xianfu as she walked them up to their room and opened the door. It was furnished, and there was even mail addressed to them spread out across a tabletop. Some of it was even opened. The apartment was very nice, three rooms. A bedroom, a kitchen, and the room they were in now. The only drawback being the communal bathroom. There was also a bathhouse across the street from them. Carrot shuddered and looked down at the laptop he had just pulled out of his shirt. "Um guys. If all this is real then...we have a serious problem." "What's that?" asked Dan. "Well, I sort of put it in as a private joke, but..." Carrot sighed and hung his head. "Where the hell have you been Mom? It's been two days! I was getting worried!" snapped a voice as someone stepped out of the adjacent bedroom in the home. A fourteen year old girl with pink hair done up in a pair of odango and pigtails walked into the room and scowled at her angrily. She was wearing a long T-shirt and looked like she'd been sleeping. "I need a drink," said her mother as she hung her shoulders. She moved towards the cabinets and opened them in search of a bottle of something, anything. "You've had enough! I'll bet that's what kept you out all night!" snapped the girl irritably. "No. God no!" said Carrot as he continued to shuffle about through the cabinets. "Look, I managed to talk the landlord into letting us have another week with the rent but... Why are you dressed like that?" said the girl as she blinked at her mother and frowned. "I got a job," said Yohiko as she scowled at the girl for a moment. "Really? Really and truly?" squealed the child in excitement. "This isn't happening to me..." said the redhead as she looked at the teen in a sort of horrified wonder. "No..." Yohiko Hibiki's daughter rushed up and grabbed her mother around her waist in a rough hug. "What's her name?" asked Ranma inside their head. "Usagi Hibiki. I figured it would be kind of funny to pretend we had a kid here. So I just used..." "Chibi-Usa," said Dan irritably. "Yeah..." said Carrot sheepishly. "I didn't think this would happen. There's no way that computer is this powerful." "Well, we always did have a weird sense of humor," pointed out Pissant. "Those bastards!" snapped Dan. "Where do you work?" asked the teenager as she broke her mother's chain of thought. "Furinkan high," said the woman in reply. "You're teaching?" said the girl with a sort of shocked awe on her face. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I?" snorted the woman. "You said you'd never do it again after dad died..." muttered the girl with a sort of relieved smile on her face. "Dad?" muttered her mother in horror. "Oh god no..." "What?" said Usagi in confusion. "Nothing dear," said her mother as her expression changed. She smiled and hugged her. "I was wrong. I just got over it eventually." "That's great mom!" said the girl as she let her go. "I'm gonna go to the store now. I'll make dinner when I get back." Yohiko watched her rush out the door and smiled wistfully. "I've always wanted a daughter...but I died so young..." said Xianfu. "Well, congratulations," said Carrot with a sort of disgusted snort. "I can't believe we'd do this to ourselves!" "We should tell the Tendos we're moving out," said Dan with a snort. "That would seem to be wise," agreed Pissant. "We owe them a lot, if only for keeping us up for the past two days." "We'd better go over that history we made again too," said Dan with a small sigh. "It'll be more useful than we thought it would be now." "No shit," grumbled Carrot. "Well, we've apparently been out of it for a while. A grieving wife I suppose," said Xianfu. "I hope that chick can cook," commented Carrot. "The last thing we need is an Akane cook-alike." "I think she's been taking care of whoever it is we've just become," said Dan irritably. "She's probably pretty good." "Great," grumbled Carrot in irritation. "Well, I guess we'd better get used to being Yohiko Hibiki now." "Think she knows about the other us?" asked Dan. "I dunno, we'll have to weasel the information out of her over time. I should be able to talk our way through it without looking too much like we're asking about our own life. It'll take time though, otherwise the kid might get suspicious." "Maybe we should just tell her?" asked Xianfu. "Right. 'Hi! I'm your mom and all, but I don't remember you or anything about myself! Could you tell me all about it? Don't worry, I don't need to go to the hospital. I remember being someone completely different, and I turn into a boy! Isn't that neat?" "Point taken," muttered the woman irritably. "We could fake amnesia," said Pissant. "We'd lose credibility because of the job," said Carrot. "We remember how to speak and write English well enough to teach it, but everything else is gone? Not likely." "So, we're gonna have to be sneaky then?" asked Ranma. "Yup, and that's my department," said Carrot. "We should be testing out our powers too. We don't know how much has changed, or even how strong we really are now," said Dan. "You're right," said Carrot. "The kid should make a good sparring partner. That is, if this person we became really knew martial arts." "Maybe," said Xianfu uncomfortably. "She doesn't move like a martial artist though." "That isn't good," said Carrot calmly. "It means we never taught her." "Well, we've got a lot to do, so let's get to it," said Dan with a heavy sigh. Carrot nodded, and he went over to the phone in order to call the Tendo home. +++++++++++++ TBC...