homer's words of wisdom (he's actaully smarter than we think)

"What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway."

"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

"Crying isn't going to bring the dog back ... unless your tears smell like dog food. Maybe if you ate a lot of dog food, your tears would start to smell like dog food. So you can sit here and eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food so it brings the dog back, or you can go out and find him."

DO RE ME, by Homer J. Simpson
DOUGH... the stuff... that buys me beer...
RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer
FAR..... the distance to my beer
SO...... I think I'll have a beer...
LA...... La la la la la la beer
TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...
That will bring us back to...

Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.

Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!