ViolaLovesMusic: Dumbledore turned to Snape with a malicious glint in his blue eyes.  "So you think you can have Hermione and bang Minerva, too?"

ViolaLovesMusic: "Obviously I do."

ViolaLovesMusic: "Though I must add, for your information, that I haven't had Hermione--at least, not yet.  Would you happen to know when her birthday is?"

singingtoast: LOL!

ViolaLovesMusic: "September 12, I believe..."

singingtoast: "i get her first"

singingtoast: "no! she's mine!"

ViolaLovesMusic: "Albus, you couldn't possibly be thinking of sleeping with a student?"

singingtoast: *ron comes in*

ViolaLovesMusic: "You would."

singingtoast: "NO! Hermione will not have you, she's MINE!"

singingtoast: *Hermione comes in*

ViolaLovesMusic: "Yes, but I'm twisted and perverted and a former Death Eater."

singingtoast: "Shut up Ron! I'm not going to have my life dictated by three great gits!"

singingtoast: DD says to snape: "Oh yeah..."

ViolaLovesMusic: "Let's settle the question, boys.  I'll have all of you.  But only one at a time, please.  I'm not really into the mass orgy thing.  A little too Dark Revelish--no offense, Severus."

ViolaLovesMusic: :-)

singingtoast: HA HAHA!

ViolaLovesMusic: "None taken, sweet thang."

singingtoast: "But--but I thought you liked me!" Ron protested violently

singingtoast: "Don't call her 'thang!" Ron shouted

ViolaLovesMusic: Hermione smacked her lips and batted her eyelashes at Severus.  His obsidian beads grasped (metaphorically) her cinnamon orbs.

ViolaLovesMusic: "Oh, shut up, Ron.  You can wait your turn."

ViolaLovesMusic: "By the way, 'Rus, I'm eighteen now...  Is there an empty room anywhere nearby?"

singingtoast: "When's my turn?" DD asked cheerfully

singingtoast: "And how long are you going to be?"

ViolaLovesMusic: Hermione suddenly became very angry.  "You pervert!  Albus!  Dirty old man!  Stick with Minerva... I won't have anyone who needs an Anti-Impotency Potion."

ViolaLovesMusic: "Have you been listening at the door, my sweet?" Severus asked.

singingtoast: "No--extendable ears"

ViolaLovesMusic: "I always listen at your door, Professor Sexius."

ViolaLovesMusic: LOL

singingtoast: "you really should get with the times, sevvie"

singingtoast: "or do you prefer rus?"

ViolaLovesMusic: "I prefer Thor, actually."

singingtoast: "whatever you want to call me, sweet thang"

singingtoast: "I told you not to call her sweet thang!"

singingtoast: ooh, hang on

singingtoast: be right back

ViolaLovesMusic: "Mr. Weasley, would you kindly refrain from interrupting our romantic interlude?"

ViolaLovesMusic: "Miss Granger, my love, let's get out of here..."

singingtoast: Ron: I won't let you leave!

singingtoast: Snape: SEVENTY POINTS FROM GRYFF. FOR INTERRUPTING THE ROMANTIC INTERLUDE!

singingtoast: "Now now, Severus, no need to--"

singingtoast: "And you can shut up, DD! The love Miss Granger and I will share will be remembered forever! The silver candlesticks! The boomslang skin! The lampshade!"

singingtoast: "The lampshade?" Hermione raised her eyebrows.

singingtoast: "In the throes of passion, it seems I always end up with a lampshade atop my head"

singingtoast: "Severus! How dare you be false to me!" Lady Ampersand said, bursting in on the Potions teacher and the young student.

ViolaLovesMusic: "Well, you've been screwing Sir Capslock!  Admit it!"

ViolaLovesMusic: "I couldn't help it... his letters are just so... bold..."

singingtoast: "What? But Cap Slock swore he was true to me!" DD wailed

ViolaLovesMusic: Ron glared at Dumbledore in disgust.  "You... are a pervert!"

singingtoast: "Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because -- what with trolls and dwarfs and so on -- speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green."

-Witches Abroad

ViolaLovesMusic: Dumbledore laughed.  "Animal, vegetable, mineral... I'll do anything to anything..."

ViolaLovesMusic: "That's sick!"

singingtoast: "I prefer the term 'dirty old man'"

ViolaLovesMusic: "For you see, I am a colossal pervert!"

ViolaLovesMusic: At that, Dumbledore howled with laughter.

ViolaLovesMusic: Wow... good quote

singingtoast: The howl sounded all too familiar to Ron and Hermione

singingtoast: "YOu're--you're a werewolf!" Ron shrieked

singingtoast: it was terry pratchett

ViolaLovesMusic: Yeah, I have some friends who are Discworld fans

singingtoast: i've never read them

singingtoast: i want to

singingtoast: but this is just terry pratchett quotes

ViolaLovesMusic: "I am... do you know what you get when you cross a werewolf with a goblin?"

ViolaLovesMusic: "No."

singingtoast: "ME!"

ViolaLovesMusic: "Neither do I, but I'll find out in, oh, about six months."

singingtoast: AAAAAh

singingtoast: oh my

singingtoast: this is not postable...is it?

singingtoast: well, we're mods

singingtoast: we'd have to rate it, definitely

ViolaLovesMusic: Haha, LOL

ViolaLovesMusic: At this point, Minerva McGonagall swept victoriously into the room, a look of smarmy triumph on her stern face.

singingtoast: smarmy

singingtoast: ?

singingtoast: "I've just been to see Argus FIlch"

ViolaLovesMusic: Smarmy.

singingtoast: "oh no, not again, i hate it when she does that"

singingtoast: i think of him when i think smarmy

singingtoast: "And he tells me that his mop handle needs one of your potions, snape"

ViolaLovesMusic: Severus sneered.  "I guess Albus doesn't do it for you, does he?"

ViolaLovesMusic: "Severus, you know from personal experience that everyone does it for me."

singingtoast: "Oh, he does, it's just his time of the month"

singingtoast: werewolf time, i mean

ViolaLovesMusic: Severus blushed furiously.  "Now, Hermione, you know my heart belongs to you, and you alone, but my body...  well, that's public domain..."

ViolaLovesMusic: "It's fine, 'Rus.... so long as you don't mind a little... threesome?"

singingtoast: will snape give the "potent" potion to argus?"

ViolaLovesMusic: As if on cue, Pansy Parkinson entered the room.

singingtoast: "I thought you didn't like more than one person at a time, Herm!"

singingtoast: Herm. shrugged. "I changed my mind."

singingtoast: "my mind was changed by the ultimate form of..." (who are we adding in?

ViolaLovesMusic: Ron heard some strange noises from the room next door.  In the insanity of the moment, he couldn't be sure what it was, but it sounded horrifyingly like, "Harry!"  "Draco!"  "Harry!"  "Draco!"

singingtoast: EEE!

ViolaLovesMusic: Blaise Zabini!

singingtoast: Pansy rushed into the other room

ViolaLovesMusic: "Yes, yes, yes Draco!"

singingtoast: "Draco, how could you?" they heard her shriek

singingtoast: "Come on in, Pans, Harry's very...vigorous"

ViolaLovesMusic: "Ooooooohhh, Harry... Pansy?  This isn't what it looks like."

ViolaLovesMusic: "I mean, it is what it looks like, but you're invited, if you'd like."

singingtoast: "Can I come, too?" DD asked

singingtoast: Snape raised an eyebrow. "Can you?"

ViolaLovesMusic: "I could if you'd give me some of that potion..."

singingtoast: "Not sharing!"

singingtoast: "No fair!"

singingtoast: And there commenced an argument which they finally decided to settle by seeing who could build the biggest sandcastle

ViolaLovesMusic: Dumbledore set up a portkey to transport them all to Maui.

singingtoast: whoo, maui

singingtoast: "you forgot meeeeeeeeee!" pansy wailed, left alone in the dungeon

ViolaLovesMusic: When they arrived, Severus immediately began to tan, which transformed him from a greasy (yet sexy) git to the object of every woman's desires.

singingtoast: "you're not alone" came a voice from the corner

ViolaLovesMusic: Remus Lupin slid into the room.

singingtoast: "Who's there?"

singingtoast: "Not another werewolf"

ViolaLovesMusic: "Werewolves make the most... sensitive... lovers.  Did you know that, Pansy?"

ViolaLovesMusic: "No, but... but... I'd like to," she said, a slow grin spreading across her aristocratic face.

singingtoast: "I've only ever been with vampires...and goyle...he's really more of a troll"

ViolaLovesMusic: "Vampires?  Has Snape been sleeping with students again?"

singingtoast: "snape's a vampire? no, haven't had him yet"

singingtoast: "well, i've had him as a teacher, but..."

singingtoast: MEANWHILE, in Maui...

singingtoast: "Look! Magic! That mountain is erupting!"

ViolaLovesMusic: "Harry!  Let's go kiss on top of the mountain!"

singingtoast: "Don't be silly, it's just a volcano" hermiione chided him, massaging snape's shoulders

singingtoast: "but it's erupting, draco darling"

ViolaLovesMusic: Snape leaned back and smirked, and a very sexy smirk it was, too.

ViolaLovesMusic: "That's not the only thing... erupting..."

singingtoast: eeek!

singingtoast: "oh, behaave, 'rus"

singingtoast: austin powers style

singingtoast: *back in snape's dungeon*

singingtoast: "You know, a hairy back is rather a turn off" pansy remarked

singingtoast: "You really should shave it"

singingtoast: "i do, it's just...NOOOOO! it can't be! i'm transforming!"

ViolaLovesMusic: Meanwhile, the Whomping Willow and a random mandrake were making mad, mad passionate love.

singingtoast: THE END

singingtoast: i mean, that seems a good place to stop

ViolaLovesMusic: Perfect!

singingtoast: pansy eaten by a werewolf

singingtoast: harry and draco erupting on a volcano

ViolaLovesMusic: LOL

singingtoast: snape and hermione and blaise and dd and minerva

ViolaLovesMusic: Albus surfing and checking out a hot shark.

singingtoast: filch trying to clean up the blood of pansy in the dungeon

singingtoast: ooh, nice

ViolaLovesMusic: While Rita Skeeter has a field day...

ViolaLovesMusic: HOGWARTS ORGY INTERRUPTED BY WEREWOLF ATTACK

singingtoast: HARRY AND DRACO ELOPE TO MAUI TO CREATE LOVE NEST

singingtoast: and in a minor article...

singingtoast: NEW PLANT SPECIES CREATED

singingtoast: A LITTLE PLANT CHILD THAT HITS PEOPLE

ViolaLovesMusic: LUCIUS MALFOY DISOWNS SON:  "I WON'T HAVE A GAY MUDBLOOD-LOVER FOR A SON"  he says, adding, "I'd prefer a gay Death Eater."

singingtoast: HA HA

ViolaLovesMusic: As of the latest report, Malfoy was seen having drinks with an attractive dementor.

singingtoast: and an ad: Tired of morphing into a half a shark? Why waste the effort when you can mate with one? "It really works" exclaims Albus DD, famed Headmaster of Hogwarts

ViolaLovesMusic: Viktor Krum read through the article quickly and immediately Apparated to the Pacific.  Unfortunately, he splinched, and half his body ended up making mad, mad passionate love to Terry Boot.

singingtoast: and another ad: "Fear not! Mating with werewolves will NOT make you one!"

ViolaLovesMusic: But it could leave you dead...

singingtoast: "So--only mate with werewolves when it is NOT their time of the month, or if you feel you must do so, degrade yourself so that you feel suicidal at the time"