Never having to fix your own coffee.
Not having to pay taxes.
Your jokes are ALWAYS funny.
Never having to wait in line.
You can order breakfast any time you want.
Never having to use a pooper-scooper.
Being able to tell anyone to shut up.
Being able to shoot them when they don't.
Lasers are your friends.
Handicapped parking spaces are fair game.
Never having to listen to music you don't like.
Always having something to do on Saturday.
Never having to pretend to be nice.
Being able to tell people what you truly think, and not feeling guilty about it.
Every one is a potential target/victm/subject.
Always lock the back door.
Be sure to turn off all Evil machines after use.
Don't tell the good guys how to destroy your hideout.
Be sure of the gender of all henchpersons before hiring.
Make sure all witnesses/good guys are dead before leaving the scene.
Always brush your teeth and floss before confronting world leaders.
Keep all Self-Destruct devices out of reach of small children, pets, and heroes.
Healthy henchpersons are happy henchpersons.
Be sure that ALL personnel are aware of the identity of any and all nemesises.
Beware of businessmen, reporters, and people who just happen to be snooping around. Never offend a femme fatale.
Always read the warranty on all equipment and Doomsday Devices before purchasing.
Marksmanship training for henchpersons is a very good investment.
A pool of sharks is not the most effective way of dealing with trespassers,
Just because you're Evil, doesn't mean you can't be Safe.
Don't cry over spilt uranium, just calmly walk away.
And finally, never, EVER underestimate the power of an affordable breakfast buffet.
