The Shockers

QB:
  Marc Bulger
  Byron Leftwich
RB:
  LaDainian Tomlinson
  Travis Henry
  Chris Brown
WR:
  Laveranues Coles
  Donte Stallworth
  Deion Branch
TE:
  Randy McMichael
  Freddie Jones
K:
  David Akers
  Joe Nedney
DEF:
  Miami
  Seattle

Final Preparations Being Made
Two loyal employees are preparing the team meal for the evening.

   With the NFL regular season only days away, all final preparations are being made in Shockers camp.
   "We have an excellent staff and they are working extra hard to tie up all loose ends before the season starts," said Shockers GM JR Weingartz.
   Weingartz has a staff of over 1450 employees, all of which are very loyal to the Shockers organization. Some of these workers put in at least thirteen hours a day.
   "Master Weingartz is very good man," Hrdek Nblsk, assistant laundry guy said. "Last week, after the team meal, Master Weingartz gave me and my thirteen sons (8 of which also work for The Shockers) all of the table scraps."
   "I do my best to provide a clean, free-of-disease environment for my minions -er, I mean workers," Weingartz also stated.
   "Click click derp dee derp," another employee stated before passing out due to malnourishment.
   "My fingers hurt," said Zmbala Zruvin, who is the lady that sews the letters on the jerseys by hand.

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An Interview with...

Byron Leftwich - Shockers' QB

Greetings Shockers fans, I'm Frank Grimes. Throughout the season, I will be talking to various members of the Shockers squad. It's my duty to find out what makes them tick. Our first interview is with Shockers quarterback Byron Leftwich.

Frank Grimes: Hello Byron, thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to chat with me.
Byron Leftwich:What?
FG:This is an interview for the Shocker Report, your source for all your Shocker information.
BL:Is this some sort of joke?
FG:This is no joke my friend. We are a legitimate online publication with as many as 12 subscribers and growing.
BL:I skipped Fred Taylor's hot tub party for this? I gotta fire my agent.
FG:Enough about that. Byron, what are your predictions for this season? Some say you are the next rising superstar at your position.
BL:My prediction is that some white boy with a tape recorder will have his arms ripped off and will be beaten with them if I don't get the hell out of here.
FG:Well, there you have it folks. Come back again when we have another chat with one more member of the Shockers. I'm Frank Grimes....Go fuck yourself, San Diego.