Funny Away Messages
These are from awaymessages.com, other sites and some we've made up..
Bathroom
- ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ.. If you're wondering where the P is... its about to run down my leg in a second.
- If you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat!
- Making my bladder gladder.
- How dry I am, how wet I'll be, if you don't stop, IMing me. You got offline, now I'm heading for the door... oops too late...it's on the bathroom floor.
- Be back in a flush.
- I'm testing to see if there really ARE 1000 sheets of toilet paper in a roll.
Taking a shower/bath
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm taking a shower so I don't smell like you.
- I'm in the shower. By the way, %n, you're starting to smell like you need one too.
- Rub a dub dub, there'd better not be 3 men in my tub!
- The time I spend in the shower could probably provide water for an entire 3rd world country for a year.
- Running up my parents' water bill.
Eating
- I'm away eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner. If you're smart, you'll figure out which one it is.
- I'm single-handidly trying to free the world of hunger.. starting with myself.
- Over the lips and through the gums, look out stomach here it comes!
- I had to prevent myself from eating %n, so I went to go have a snack.
- I'm eating. I WOULD talk to you right now, but my mom told me never to type with my mouth full.
- I'm cooking something to eat.. be back after my daily visit with the Fire Department.
Cleaning
- Stuffing my stuff under the bed..
- I am on a quest to the deepest darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for a may not return alive.
- Cleaning my room. See you in a couple of weeks.
- Attending a free hypnosis meeting by my washing machine.
- I am cleaning my room or at least trying to find the floor.
Phone
- Making the phone bill increase..
- I'm on the phone with someone cooler than you.
- Being strangled by the phone cord..
Homework
- Hewlo %n, I'mm doeing mie hoemewerck tyring tou git mesalf en eddumakashun.. leve uh mesige.
- If you were my homework, I'd be doing you right now.
- Feeding my dog some homework.
Shopping
- $hopping.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be shopping than talk to you.
Sleeping
- I am currently staring at the inside of my eyelids.
- 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep.
- I'm hiding from %n under the covers.
TV/Movies
- Something cooler than you is on TV.
- I'm talking to the TV because the fridge is mad at me.
- Channel surfing.
Etc
- Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for (Your screen name). Your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved. Your message is number 8,243. Please hold, your message is important to me.
- (Name)'s computer is broken right now. This is his/her fridge. Now, you can leave a message, but say it slowly, so I can write it on a post-it note and stick it to myself.
- Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but %n abuses the privilege.
- The Village called and said they were looking for %n. They're missing their Idiot.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than talk to you. jk!
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- I'm not here right now. If you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.
- If con is the opposite of pro, what is the opposite of progress?
- How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you..
- I am not currently available right now. However, if you would like to be transfered to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality:
- If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.
- If you are codependant, please ask someone to press "2".
- If you have multiple personalitites, please press "3", "4", and "5".
- If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay online so we can trace your IP.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.
- If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will answer.
- I'm not here, but if you scream really loudly into your monitor, I might be able to hear you.
- I have been temporarily distracted by a shiny object.
- There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
- I'mtoolazytohitthespacebar.
- Don't worry.. I don't know where I am either.
- Hi.. now YOU say something!
- I made like a banana and split.
- A B C D E F G Gummi bears are chasing me, one is red and one is blue, a yellow one stole my shoe!
- Ahhh I'm running after the bad guy he took my pack of Skittles..... I worked hard for that pack..... Ahhh he's eating them..... Now he's throwing them at me.... Call 911!!
- This space for rent.
- For sale by owner.
- I hope your life is like toilet paper.. long and useful.
- Did you hear the joke about the guy who IMed YOURSN and all they got was an away message?
- My mom took me to the store and all I got was this lousy away message.