The Death Of Avril Lavigne
By Steph and Joel
[[scene: avril lavigne comes into her dressing room after "rawking out!" on stage. a dj follows her in to do a quick interview..]]
dj: wow, you sure rocked tonight avril!
avril: uh.. thanks. i do it all for the music.
dj: so how would you describe your sound?
avril: my own.. i guess.
[[after 10 minutes of pointless talking]]
dj: thank you very much for your time, avril. we hope to see more of you!
avril: don't worry, there's always room for little me.
[[dj leaves. avril sighs a sigh of relief and locks the door.]]
avril: finally, i can get back to my normal life.
[[avril shifts her eyes and jumps into a phone booth, which has mysteriously appeared in the middle of her room. a flash of lightning, and she reappears. she is no longer dressed in her baggy pants, converse shoes, 45 bracelets and a tie. instead, she is wearing khaki flares, adidas shoes, an aeropostale t-shirt and her hair is neatly wrapped in a bun. she smiles a cheesy grin and goes over to her laptop, which is sickeningly decorated in about 40,000 stickers..]]
avril: lyke, omigosh!! i hav lyke sooo many emails! hee hee i luv being popular!
[[avril turns on the local pop station]]
avril: -gasp- oh..my..gawd! it's nsync!! they lyke sooo totally rawk!
[[yet another pointlessly crappy nsync song plays.]]
avril: -singing along- bye bye byeee.. i don't wanta make it tuff but i've had enuff.. bye byeeeeeeeeeee babayyy! hee hee hee hee!
[[a knock on the door. avril gasps, turns off the radio, flips her abercrombie purse inside out and runs into the phone booth. she comes out wearing the "punk" ensemble she had on later that evening.]]
avril: -trying to sound like she doesn't care- uh.. come in.
[[avril's manager, luke, enters.]]
luke: avril, we need to talk.
avril: about what? what's there to talk about? my music is punk, i have a huge fanbase, and i'm making great business for hot topic!
luke: that's where we have a problem. you see, avril, the true punks and goths of america have begun to convince the preps that you aren't punk at all. they've evened tortured some.
avril: -nervous laugh- heh.. that can't be true though. i wear spikey bracelets and converse shoes!
luke: read this..
[[luke hands avril a newspaper article, which displays a disturbing photo of a prep hanging from a bridge, by her necktie.]]
avril: oh no. my career is ruined. -buries face in hands-
luke: well, we had a good run. see ya. -runs out quickly-
[[avril continues to cry a freakin river until suddenly, we see two goths sneak into the room. they tiptoe behind avril and try not to vomit on her hideous head of hair, which is now crawling with head lice..]]
goth 1: it begins.
goth 2: yes, yes it does.
avril: oh, hey luke. did you get my special box in the mail that i told you not to open?
goth 1: right.. box.
[[goth 1 grabs her necktie and begins to strangle her with it. goth 2 grabs her guitar and begins beating her with it. before long avril gives up and passes out.]]
goth 2: pick her up.
goth 1: -picks her up- god, she's light. must be anorexic, just like all the preppies are.
goth 2: so true.
[[they stop the fan on the ceiling and tie the tie to the fan blade. avril, out cold is still attached to it. they let her go and turn on the fan.]]
goths 1 and 2: heh heh heh...
[[the fan goes faster and faster. soon avril's head flies off. her torso goes flying out the window, hitting the street below. her head soon joins the torso.]]
meanwhile, down in the street..
[[luke is walking across the street when suddenly the bloody torso of avril comes flying out the upper story window.]]
luke: what the hel-
[[the head joins and magically connects to the body. avril opens her eyes and sees luke.]]
luke: oh my god, avril, what happened to you?
avril: -breathing shallow- luke.. i have a secret to tell you.. -breathes deep-
luke: what?
avril: come closer..
[[a car speeds by.]]
luke: ok.. what?
avril: luke.. -breathes deeper and slower- i am a pop star.. -dies-
luke: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
[[an ambulence comes by. avril has been dead for over an hour, but somehow she came back to life to reveal her horrifying secret. the preppies cry all over and abercrombie sponsors the funeral.]]
the end??