In a [not-too-]distant, dark future...
Next Sunday in Berlin--
There was a guy named Till
Quite different from you and me
He had a really confusing mind
(the worst Dr. Yuko could find)
One day she took him to her base
But he turned into a basket case,
So she shot him into space!
The worst ever made (la-la-la),
He'll have to sit and read them
all,
And there's no escape! (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind Till can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end
(la-la-la),
As he tries to keep his sanity
And the sanity of his friends!
Richard:
I Richard. You Jane. Ooga booga!
Paul:
Here we go! W00t!
Christoph:
IT�S
SCHNEIDER!
Flake:
...*sneers*
Olli:
*silent*
And other science facts,
Just repeat to yourself it's just
a fanfic,
You should really just relax
For Rammstein Science Theater 3000.
Door 4: It falls towards you,
almost hitting your feet.
Door 3: It's a dungeon gate with upside down arrowhead bars. It rises into the ceiling.
Door
2: It's made of metal, and melts away when you touch it.
Door
1: It's a vault door. The center ring swirls and the door opens.
Door
7: It's the swinging door of a theater.
*-*-*-*-*
first times
Richard: ...you never forget!
Till: Unfortunately.
by sadistmunky
Paul: Look, the Author's name is
SADISTmunky...should a be scared?
Till: Yes you should.
i dont know own or spy/stalk
rammsetin...
Flake: Who the hell is Rammsetin?
Till: A cover band?
Schneider: Who cares!? Look, no
capital letters.
Flake: And that's only the first
sentence of the disclaimer...
if i did i would be with them,
hopefully watching them do "stuff" if they do "stuff" at
all... anyways not a true story and yeah no idea about their sexual prefernces
so dont kill me and please dont sue.
Flake: �Don�t
kill me?� *evil grin* Don�t turn off the light�
Flake: And no, I don't let you
keep your fantasy.
There he was! i walked up to him
first day of school i was so nervous he greeted me
Flake: WHO greeted him?
Paul: Who was being greeted?
Richard: Why don't we read the
rest?
Schneider: No capital letter, no period, no nothing!
Others: *sweatdrop*
Ollie: oh you know the usual...girls
they keep you busy ya know...
Olli: I think it's supposed to be
me, but no, I don't.
Paul: Thought so.
Others: *surprised stares*
Olli: *blushes* What?
Till: So you do have a voice!
Richard: what was that Olive Oil?
Richard: Olive Oil!? What the hell? Is this the
*offensive* nickname I gave Ollie?
Till: You are such a lame bully
Richard...
Flake: I think the author has some
serious problems...
Ollie: Look I have plenty of
balls... whta i mean to say is... fuck you bitch!
Till: <as Olli> Only the
intelligent people can see...
Flake: Ah, give up Richard, you ain't
seeing them so soon...
Richard: Cram it, skinny blond!
Schneider: Enough, you two!
Ollie: that bastard is still the
same jerk hes always been and i want to make him pay
Richard: I won't pay anything to
this asshole!
Paul: There is no spoon.
Till: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey little
bitch boy wakey wakey!!!
Till: Little bitch
boy...wakey...wakey?
Paul: Shit, you sound like a total retarded!
Till: ACH! This is dissolving my
brain!
Till: no not really only about
11:30 or so fuckin Flake is havin a party lets go i already called Paul and he said
he's gonna bring someone... maybe a girl for you, silly virgin boy
Flake: Wanna buy a brain?
Ollie: fuck you im not a virgin!!!
fine
Till: Im is not a virgin!? How
come?
Richard: I got him first.
Till: You shall feel the bitter
taste of my fists!
Till: well then hurry up and get
dressed we'll pick you up.
SCENE 3
Boys: OLLIE!!! OLLIE!!! OLIVER!!!
GET YOU ASS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!
Schneider: We found the capital
letters!
Paul: Yeah, the boys had stolen
them!
Flake: Someone is calling you,
Olli. You and that Ollie guy.
Olli: I refuse to be a part of this...
Ollie: shut the fuck up! my
parents are sleeping! are you guys drunk?
Till: yes now git in here stooopid!
Richard: Seriously Till...what kind of shit were you on?
Till: Some stooopid shit...
Paul: no man we're cool, here have
a drink and get in!
Ollie: no i'm ok...
Richard: ... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU
STARING AT ASSHOLE???
Schneider: Richard, don't use all
the capital letters up!
Richard: *shrugs* It isn't my fault. Someone has to use
them before they rot!
Ollie: no-nothing im sorry man
Till: <as Richard> I don't care about Im, asshole!
Pual: don't mind him, his
girlfriend dumped him
Flake: Care to inform us who is Pual?
Richard: Is that little blue
cat-like animal from Dragon Ball, that flies around Yamcha all the time...
Till: Please God, take me now!
God: No.
Richard: IM NOT FUCKING DEAF!!!
Paul: Im again!?
Schneider: Apostrophes. Use 'em,
they are good for you.
Flake: Brain. Use it, it's good
for you *and* for us.
Paul: sorry
SCENE 4
Ollie's thoughts: well it seems
like i am the only sober person here... maybe some chick will let me touch her
boob!!! oh man but first i gotta piss
Schneider: Looks like Ollie's thoughts have a body of
their own...
Till: Worst than that, Ollie's
thoughts actually piss!
Richard: cough bleah!
Flake: Rawl gleash!
Till: Gurgle blargh!
Paul: *throws up*
Schneider: Ewww! Don't take it so
seriously Paul...
Ollie: What's wrong man are you ok?
Richard: Yeah, just lovely! I'm throwing up inside a
stinking bathroom like a drunk idiot but yeah, I'm ok. Thank you for asking.
Richard: that fucking bitch i
fucking loved her... DAMN YOU CAROL!!!!!! I wanted to marry her!!! Ollie i wish
i was like you... you hate everyone!!!
Flake: Who is Carol?
Richard: Don't ask me!
Till: Must be another highly disturbed character created
by Stinkymuffin...
Olli: ...Sadisticmunky...
Till: ...whatever.
Ollie: i really gotta piss man um
do you mind?
Richard: no not really... Bleagh!!!
Flake: <as Richard> Actually, I'd love if you did
that on me. You know, I have weird fetishes...
Richard: *shakes fist*� Keep slandering me and I'll *cement* your
face to the floor!
Flake: *sneers* Leave you caveman
fury to your cavewoman, shitface!
Ollie: I guess I'll piss in the
tub then...
Richard: i envy you, Your so
fucking handsome...
All: WHAT!?
Ollie: ?!!!!?!?!?!? what?
Paul: That's what we all want to know!
Richard: I want you!
Ollie: dude i think i should go
Flake: Dude, I think *I* should go!
Schneider: Don't I *just* wish.
Richard: Please don't leave me...
everyone leaves me I'm so sorry for all i have evr done to you... can you
please forgive me? I will do anything
Flake: <as Ollie> No, I
can't forgive you.
Paul: You are cold-hearted Flake...
Ollie: anything you say? be my bitch, my
little whorey cunt let me possess you completely
Richard: Yes master <^_^>
Till: <as Richard> No I
can't be your little whorey cunt because, you see, I have no cunt...
Flake: <as Richard> Can I be
your little whorey ass instead?
Richard: That was uncalled for...
Ollie: Fuck my cock with your
mouth.
Schneider: As opposed to 'fucking
YOUR mouth with MY cock'...
Paul: <as Ollie> Yeah,
thrust this mouth in my cock very tight...
OLLIE'S POV
WHAT THE HELL AM THINKING? RICHARD
IS GOING TO HURT ME... CALL ME A FAG WHY CANT I STOP? THE LOOK IN HIS EYE...
its so empty, so needing, is it me he needs?
Richard: No, It's not you I need.
Flake: <as Richard> Actually
I need a gun to shoot myself...
Richard: I think we all do...
Dr. Yuko: NO GUNS ALLOWED!
"Fuck my cock with your
mouth." i couldnt believe how calmly it came out, i expected a look of
disgust,
revulsion, but nothing, i got
nothing
Richard: I told you I wasn't giving you anything!
but compliance. Richard grabbed my
cock, harder then its ever been,
Flake: <as Ollie> Yeah, my
cock gets totally hard in 0.00000094 seconds. It's a magic erection!
Schneider:� Do I look like a conversion table?
i couldnt possibly describe the
feelingof his hot smooth toungue teaseing the tip...
Paul: Oh well, I cannot describe a feelingof either...
Richard: You can't describe the
FEELING OF my hot smooth TONGUE TEASING the tip!!!
Flake: Someone is enjoying the
story.
Richard: You wish!
"you fucking whore take it
all and if you cant, you will be punished"
Richard: Oh, look at me I am shaking on my loafers!
what was i saying, it was like i
had no control over myself i felt like a bystander,a witness to some thrilling
act of perversion.
Till: Hum...�a witness to some thrilling act of
perversion�... *notes it down*.
Others: *questioning looks*
Till: What!? I need inspiration
for my songs!
"Richard, you naughty boy
what did i tell you? if you cant take it all, punishment. why must you defy me?
do you want to be punished?"
"yes master" his reply
Richard: OW OW OW! My head hurts!
Paul: Shush Richard...*pats him*
Flake: *rolls eyes* Quit being
attention seeker, Richard...
RICHARD'S POV
Here i am puking in some bathroom
my "girlfriend" broke up with me, i wonder what paul and his friens
would say if they knew Christina was actually Christoph, my old math teacher,i
cant believe that fucking bastard left me that way, for a fucking sophmore no
less!
All: WHAT!?
Paul: Christina? What about Carol?
Till: Carol turned into Christina,
who was actually Christoph...
Richard: I didn't know Christoph was a transvestite...
Schneider: THAT�S OUTRAGEOUS!
i am never drinking again,
Flake: Hahahaha...sure.
fuck here comes Ollie, i dont want
him to see me like this, i have always had a crush on him.
Schneider: Ah, the old clich�...
"What's wrong man are you ok?"
Schneider: No! It can't be! Capital letter, apostrophe and
question mark! All in one sentence!
Till: It's the End of the World!
The Apocalypse!
Paul: <as Lisa Simpson> It's
the rapture, and I never knew true love!
... fuck why am i staring at
him?he is pissing in the bathtub... maybe i can catch a peek...
Flake: You are so pathetic Richard...Ollie should
brutalize you until your atoms split!
Richard: Wishiful thinking, dear
Flake?
Flake: Not really�I�d rather make
tacos with your dead corpse.
Others: Ewww!
Richard: That�s sickening Flake�
�"I envy you, your so fucking handsome" shit did i say
that out loud? the look of discomfort in his eyes tells me i did... why am i so
fucking stupid?
Richard: Because the author
destroyed every ounce of inteligence and personality the person your were based
on actually has?
Paul: Because God wanted so?
Till: <as God> Don't blame
me for every shit you make!
Paul: If you're saved and you know
it, clap your hands...
Others: *groan*
"i want you" god what
the fuck is wrong with me? why cant i stop? he looks at me god why is he
looking at me?
Till: <as God> Why don't you
ask him yourself, idiot!?
Flake: Till, don't let this God
thing go to your head...
Till: <as God> How dare you, oh human speck of dust!
Flake: *rolls eyes*
"i think i should go" he
sounds uncertain... do i see no it couldnt be... curiosity?
i must try... i shut the door with
my foot, and i begged, like a dog.
Richard: Totally OOC! I would
never beg like a dog!
Others: *laugh maniacally*
Richard: *deathly glare* What!?
i expected him to freak out, be my
bitch he tells my, fuck my cock with your mouth.
Olli: This story is making me
freak out...
Schneider: Decided to share your
thoughts with everybody?
Olli: Only today.
i look at him, his throbbing
member sticking straight up, jonnie was out to play,
Paul: Who is Jonnie?
Richard: <as Ape Sentry> Ah,
it's just some kids down there.
Till: <as Richard> Holy shit
Jonnie, do not interrupt us!
i took him in my mouth tasting the warm
salty flesh, the precum was sweet like hunny,
Paul: Hunny is so good!
Schneider: I prefer HONEY.
Flake: I like neither. Anyway, I
had never heard of sweet semen...
Till: And the author keeps showing the sexual knowledge of
a five years old...
i wanted to take it all, but i
couldnt. i tried. he must have noticed, "you fucking whore take it all and
if you cant, you will be punished"
Paul: <as Ollie> Yeah, take it all! And if it�s too
big for you, just gag and die! I don't mind fucking a dead body, you know...
Till: Heirate mich...
Schneider: Can we STOP talking
about corpses for a while, please!?
oh how i tried, i guess my
curiosity got the best of me though because my master was displeased i wanted
to see him punishment, "bend over" he tells me
Till: *sings * B�ck Dich...
Flake: Argh�don�t remind me�
Richard: No, the girlfriend was a
boyfriend.
Paul: Oh yes, the transvestite
Schneid-
Schneider: IGNORE this small hole in the plot...
Till: Yeah, dream on.
Schneider: Apparently
Sadisticmunky cannot decide between the past and the present...
"i can't he said,
Till: *shrugs*
Flake: Ollie, stop drinking.
Richard: You are the drunk ass
here, Flocka.
Till: Don't start it all over
again!
Till: This author keeps changing his mind!
Richard: Just leave me alone will you!?
Paul: No.
Richard: What kind of question is
this!?
Olli: I wouldn't mind finding them
all myself...
Others: ...UH?! *plate-sized eyes*
Olli: *hides under the seat*
Till: Damn it, why white?! Why not black, purple, red,
baby blue...whatever! Just those boring monochromatic orgasms.
Schneider: To not mention the ones
filled with bright, exploding stars.
Paul: I wonder how do they see
stars in a white background...
Richard: Ollie is a vamp.
Till: ...good one, Einstein.
Paul: Shit, I'll ask him to teach
me that!
Flake: How to spend five minutes
coming non-stop, without making your balls disappear.
Paul: Exactly!
Till: Stoooopid.
Schneider: And don't overuse the
vowels, please.
"i think i love you" he
said, and i couldnt help but laugh
Flake:�nincompoop? Really Till, give me that thesaurus!
You are misusing it!
Paul: Well...that was...
Richard: HORRIBLE! You will never
know the limits of my suffering!
Flake: Ach, Richard! Leave the
drama queen in the closet please.
Paul: Anyway, I guess our job is
finished, we can go have dinner.
Richard: I can't stand another
single minute inside this theater! You'll pay for that, Dr.Yuko!
Dr.Yuko: *sneers* Ah, I'm shaking
in my boots...
Till: Richard, stop complaining or
we might don't get our food after all. Besides, look at Olli! He was strong
enough to endure the whole thing without whining all the time, like you. Right
Olli? ...Olli?
Schneider: Wait guys...where is
Olli?
Paul: The last time I saw him he
was under the seat.
Schneider: Let's go back, perhaps
he has fallen asleep in the theater.
All: *walk back to the theater*
Olli: *watching the story again*
Ahhhh....jaaaaaa!
Others: WHAT!?
Olli: Ahhh...err...GUYS!?
*blushes, trying to cover his bathing suit area*
Richard: AHHHH! *becomes green*
That's not possible! Gross! *dashes off to the toilet*.
Schneider: Richard! *runs after
Richard*
Till: OLIVER RIEDEL! You owe me some
good explanation! What do you think you were doing!?
Olli: Well...*silent*
Till: Well?
Olli: Uh...
Till: And don't play the monosyllabic twit because now I *know*
you can talk like a human!
Paul: *sighs* Flake...I am still hungry. How about you?
Flake: Absolutely.
*the two walk away*
��
Paul: *shivers* Did you hear that?
Flake: Relax Paul...must be
Richard throwing up...
--
WHOOOSH! �
The Rammstein guys were created
by...their respective mothers.
They do not belong to me, I'm just
borrowing them for fun.
no matter how much he or she may
deserve it. Don't take too
seriously.
your feelings will just make me
eviscerate you with a rusty butter
knife, then sell your mortal remains
in the black market.
Ditto!
�