by Mike Poole - Staff Writer
Staten Island, NY - The organizers that brought you Hip Hop Fest (affectionately dubbed HHF2K for this year's party) and, the more recent, Pylefest are shaking their heads in disgrace and agony.
An apparent incident has, once again, left bad tastes in the mouths of organizers and attendees of what was originally intended to be a peaceful celebration which had original intentions of linking the Wagner College Cross Country team and the rest of the school together.
The festivities that make the party as terrific as it is began at approximately 8:30 PM, which include a scavenger hunt for the freshmen to partake in and a newly installed margarita hour for the upperclassmen. Afterwards, the entire group then migrated to the famed Wagner College Monastery, which was the location of the two kegs (one of which was said to be Budweiser, but ended up being MGD, mere piss compared to the "King of Beers", but that's an entirely different story all it's own).
With a pyro-technics display (fireworks) put on by two 15-year-old Staten Island delinquents (I'm not even joking about that, there was really fireworks) the party attracted more fan-fair than it's previous two years of existence; combined.
"It was quite a site," stated co-coordinator Mike Brady of Media (pronounced "Meh-Deeeee-uuhhh"), Pennsylvania, "I was like, whoooaaaah, man, this is awesome, then I drank lots of beer, mmmmmm boy it was goooood."
Attendees, once again, were in good spirits, but an incident involving a Wagner cross country athlete and former captain of the Wagner team turned the party sour.
At approximately 12:00 AM Saturday night/ Sunday morning the kegs were officially kicked. With that done, the party-goers began to file up the hill from the Monastery and make their way over to the other (not so good) kegs behind the tennis courts. It was at this time when a string of events lead up to the "CRACK!!!!!" heard 'round the campus. The "CRACK" being an individual's ankle.
Team alcoholic, Tom Horan of Brooklyn, NY allegedly toppled over an empty keg, which in turn, caused water from the melted ice to spill onto team drunk, Chris Fekete's (Staten Island, NY) backpack.
Enraged by such a deed, Fekete, "threw down at the drop of a hat," and challenged the old, decrepit Horan to a fight for getting his backpack wet with water (OH NO, NOT WATER, JESUS, WILL THAT EVER COME OUT?!).
Horan initially refused the invitation for confrontation, but after constant nagging from Fekete, it caused Horan to reach his threshold.
"I couldn't take it anymore," stated Horan, "he was getting to personal, he called me an 'old bag of [explicit]' for Christ's sake. I'm wasn't about to take that, so I popped him one."
His apparent use of force was not more than a "bitch slap" as reported by eyewitnesses, but it nonetheless frazzled Fekete.
Fekete then placed himself into what most Tae Kwan Doe experts call an L-stance, which basically means he was getting ready to fight. Apparently Fekete's lack of knowledge on the martial art was detrimental to his health, though he would have never thought this would have ever happened.
As Fekete went to strike Horan with a supposed "powerful blow" (-Fekete) he tripped over his own two feet and fell to the ground screeching in pain. As quickly as the fight began, it ended, when Fekete clutched his ankle in pain. Unbeknownst at the time, Fekete had severely broken several bones in his ankle.
Being the old senile fool that he is, Horan did not realize the ramifications of Fekete's injury and proceeded to pound on his head while Fekete was lying on the ground "crying like a baby".
"I tried to break it up as soon as possible," said Shane Morgan, of Northfield, Massachusetts, "I'm an all-knowing and powerful Physician Assistant here at Wagner College. I know a fractured tibia that is medially displaced when I here it cracking."
Morgan then asked us to scrap this story on the incident and focus the story on how "good I am at being a physician assistant and one serious hot-ass".
This staff writer regretfully declined the offer and then proceeded to go behind closed doors to "laugh my ass off uncontrollably".
"Well, better his ankle than the Major's," said Tom Hopkins of Brooklyn, NY, "it's Milan's 56th birthday tomorrow, he would've been pissed."
Mike Brady and Morgan took action immediately, calling for a Wagner College security van and loading Fekete inside to be transported to an unknown person's car to then, be transported to St. Vincent's Hospital, located in Staten Island.
While there, Fekete and Brady learned about the fate of Fekete's ankle.
"I told them that Chris' tibia was medially fractured (hey, Shane knows his shit after all) and they both began crying uncontrollably," said Dr. Hachmud Gorensteinberg of St. Vincent's Hospital, "Quite honestly I thought they were a little fruity, they were embracing each other like a gay couple. So i says to them, boys, boys, relax, it's only a broken ankle."
It was at that point when an ambulance came racing into the paddock area where the patients are brought into the hospital. Inside was yet another Wagner College track athlete, Shawn Morocco of New Bedford, Massechusetts. He was followed closely by his roommate, Jon Bocznyk of Brockport, NY.
Gorensteinberg was shocked to see that this patient was also from Wagner College and oddly enough was on the same team as Fekete.
Apparently Morocco suffered an injury of his own.
"I entered our room and found Shawn lying in fetal position crying like a baby (hm, haven't heard that one before)," said Bocznyk, "When I asked him what was wrong he explained that he was running outside from the tennis courts back to the dorms when he ran right into a chain that was connecting two poles."
The force of the impact caused a contusion of the bone, which in turn caused Morocco to "cry like a 4-year-old girl watching Bambi".
Eyewitness Chris Kary of Brooklyn, NY had this to say, "It w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-was the f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-funniest thing I'd ever s-s-s-seen. He was running and th-th-then he fell and th-then and and and..." (Okay enough, I'm sure you get the point).
After examining Morocco's hip area the doctors held back laughter and explained to him that there was nothing wrong and that basically he was acting like a little bitch. They called him a cab and sent him on his way back to Wagner.
Meanwhile, Fekete and Brady were still waiting for further instructions from the doctor. Finally, at approximately 5:00 AM on Sunday morning, Fekete was officially admitted to the hospital and Brady was told he could go home because there was nothing else he could do.
Early Sunday morning Fekete was entered into to operating room and had surgery performed on the ankle. After 3 long hours, he was finally done being operated on and placed into the recovery room.
In a telephone interview with Fekete at around 7:30 PM Sunday evening, we learned that he has 8 pins and one plate placed in his ankle, more importantly, Fekete plans to seek revenge for Horan's part in the incident.
"Don't you worry, he's gonna get what's coming to him," promised Fekete, "You don't mess with me and get away with it."
After explaining to Fekete that it really wasn't Horan's fault at all, but rather it was his own stupidity that landed him in the hospital, he still vowed for revenge.
"This is bull[explicit]," said Matt Rosselli of Staten Island, NY in a husky Italian voice, "For Christ's sake, Charlie would never bitch about something like this. He got hit by a bus one time while he went to school at Indiana. You know what he did, he got right up from intensive care and pulled the IV right from his arm. He went out and did 10 miles in 49 minutes. This incident with Fekete is crap!"
Tom Hopkins tends to disagree, "I certainly hope Fekete will be alright, he's got to now worry about student teaching on crutches and how on earth is he going to attend all of his family functions in this condition?"
Event organizers are now scrambling to put the pieces together and hopefully have the two drunken idiots reconcile so that "we can all move on with our lives."
Once again, the status of next year's party is in limbeaux, but organizers promise to have any questions answered by as early as next Monday when Fekete is due to begin his physical therapy. In the meantime, fans of the festival will have to wait to here the outcome of the entire incident.
"Damn, there was a fight, a pyrotechnics show, AND we sent two kids to the hospital," said Mike Poole of Guilderland, NY, "All in all, I'd say that's a pretty damn successful night. I don't think we can top this Pylefest, but who knows, maybe we can blow something up next year. We'll see."
Yes Mike, we will see.
The views expressed here are that of staff writer Mike Poole..questions and comments can be sent to him at [email protected]
Published on 9.18.00
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