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What Is Love? by Michael Tartàglia, © 2000 |
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There are many ways you can "shag," "have sex," "bag," "hip-sneeze," "screw," or "f***." There is only one way to make love, however. The difference between a f*** and love making is, as corny as it may sound, within someone. A quick shag on the carpet may release the pent-up sexual tension, but so does spending time alone in the bathroom for five minutes with a pornographic magazine. Though a quick "release" works fine in the rest of the animal kingdom, it is not the best option with humans being. Humans have an evolved societal structure; this is a bi-product of the unique ability to comprehend personal thoughts and understand emotions, such as those we associate with love. Why, therefore, treat a partner as your left or right hand, when deeper emotional connections can be made? This is not difficult to do -- that is, if you act less animalistically and actually have love to give your partner. Humans, unlike animals (for all we know), have the capacity to love. What is love? Some people say it is an unbreakable bond between people, whilst others rant on about the requirement of a "warm, fuzzy feeling inside." The warm-fuzzies may be a happy side-effect of being in love, but by no means is it a definition by itself. One rather poetic definition of love states how it is the connection of individuals' souls. From this, we can possibly derive the term "soul-mates," a term colloquially used to describe a couple. What, then, is the difference between the love of two soul-mates and the love between, say, mother and children, or that of friends? A mother and her child, friends, as well as two lovers, possess connections or needs with each other. They take care of each other when they are sick and try to entertain the other when bored, and soon these positive reinforcers lead one to take comfort in the other's presence (hopefully). The only psychological difference herein is that the love of soul-mates holds an additional bond based on sexual attraction. Only on episodes of Jerry Springer will we learn of parents and children take their love to the next level. If two mature (and by "mature" I imply "full of life experience") soul-mates love each other unconditionally, the best way they could symbolically express it is through marriage. The wedding ring, circular in shape with no beginning or end, symbolizes an unending and undying devotion towards the other who wears one. Thanks to some nonsense societal standards apparently disallowing same sex marriages, it is almost impossible for a homosexual to display such a symbol -- not to forget that disallowing this right is completely unfair to those who are homosexual. What makes such a standard unfair is that it implies that heterosexual people do not lie, cheat, steal, rape, and murder as it suggests that not being heterosexual (therefore being bisexual or homosexual) is "unclean," "unrighteous," "unacceptable," and even "evil." There is, however, no quote or court ruling mentioning love itself being an evil and impure emotion. Let's get down to the lovin' again (pardon the [rather filthy] pun). A couple may decide to engage in one of the most beautiful actions humans can do. There is no better physical expression of love, unless they are in public where kissing, hugging, and holding hands may not get them arrested for lude conduct and indecent exposure. The two people are vulnerable to each other in their nakedness, trusting each other whenever they close their eyes, and gentle enough to enjoy what is happening and sense all that there is to sense. The two souls, in effect, are "crying out for communication and contact" with each other. Different types of sex (oral, vaginal, anal, manual) and different positions (standing, sitting, kneeling, lying) could therefore be considered the communication tool. When the climax of the act comes (again, pardon the pun), by no means do the souls end all communication. Of course, in the "animalistic" world of mating, only that climactic feeling is desired. So there you have it. Love, or the expression of which in all its majestic beauty, is not only a feeling of devotion and connection, but true evidence of how evolved humans are. It is all about soul communication and an unbreakable connection between two individuals. You may have noticed I write this essay from a monogamous perspective. Having multiple lovers simultaneously, as good as it may feel, still possesses some primal connotations of "seek out all the mates you can find, and multiply." You may have also noticed that I talk little about the natural, Freudian "Id" parts of it. That is because the topic of love itself is one of philosophical nature -- compare this essay to that of a biologist's about breeding. Generally speaking, love is an elusive emotion which we all are striving to find... some of us just do not know or feel it yet. Love seems distant or nonexistant for so long until it hits your heart. Love is what can keep two mates together for life, as friends or as a married couple. "Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude nor selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. ... Love never ends" (1 Cor 13:4-8). Cue that annoying Night At The Roxbury song... |
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