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! + ? = . (Confessions of a Drunkard) by Michael Tartàglia, © 2000 |
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The four be in soak old, The bath room pours a'lint goddess All four twenty ate year sold Hello, I am two people. No worries, I am not visibly schizophrenic. For one, there is total control of my mentality. What I do and say as well as how I move and act out are reactive to my brain's proactive commands. I think a lot, get sad or depressed sometimes that I cannot be the person I want to be, and other times I am happy to do what I am doing. You can see only one person when you look at me, but there are two other dwelling personalities ill at ease in my head. The person I want to be can described easily and tersely as influential. My heart tell me that I need not be a head of a corporation to do so, and I cannot believe it more. I want to do things! I want to have fun and go places! Most importantly, I want not to find myself alone in doing so. But currently, the "second, weaker" mentality is taking over. "Ye silent one" is the freak side, keeping my wannabe side in total awestruck check. Where can I run with shoes full of holes? Why break glass ceilings when there is a risk of being cut? The questions come to take what I honestly want to do -- what is pictured by the first mentality -- and ask "why bother," as if I needed nothing but the needs of life such as food, water, clothing, a place to live, and (knowing acceptable modern societal standards) a car and tonnes of cash. The connection between the wannabe, strong, artistic, able me and the bloody, stumbling, mute me lies as I do. Whenever I am at rest, the two mentalities break from their warfare. Never is there a victor from the battles, but there is a residue of emotion left behind. In other words, it is at rest when I feel from the actions previously completed. Everyone has connections with emotions, basically, as we are part of an evolutionary string stemming from primates. However, I find difficulty in accepting the sober and sane people easily personifying their personalities. With my situation, people say the word "personalities" can be replaced with "voices in the head." That really drives me crazy. No pun is intended. |
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