LOVE IN HOLLY PARK
                         By Robert Mauro

     "I'm warning you," said the Administrator, "if you continue
to sneak into each other's bed, I'll transfer you to the state
institution.  And you both know what that's like.  Do you
understand?"
     James and Nicole nodded.  James squeezed her hand, out of
sight of the Administrator.
     "We all know how nice you have it here in Holly Park.  We're
small, clean, and there are no rats, like in the state
institution.  Am I right?"
     James and Nicole nodded.
     "Right.  Therefore, I do not want to see you two together. 
Anywhere.  Do you understand?"
     James and Nicole nodded.
     "Good.  You can go."
     The elderly couple wheeled out of the Administrator's
office.  Outside, James kissed Nicole before they headed for
their rooms.
     James and Nicole felt a lot younger than the other "inmates"
as James called them.  He and Nicole called Holly Park "The
Gulag."  It was a cold, isolated place.  Both of them had come
here after their families could no longer care for them, or
didn't care for them anymore.  James and Nicole had met at Holly
Park and had fallen in love.  They were not interested in card
games or bingo.  They were interested in each other.  Both had
been to college and had worked until their age had forced them to
retire.  There was nothing of interest for them at Holly Park,
nothing but each other.
     You could say it was love at first sight.  Well, not exactly
love, but certainly attraction.  The love blossomed over time. 
In the nursing home's library, they had discussed books,
politics, art, music, and romance.  Neither James nor Nicole was
sure who had brought up romance, but despite their ages, they
still had feelings and desires, especially for each other.  Then
one night James snuck into Nicole's room.  They soon found
themselves on her bed, kissing.
     "I love it when you kiss the back of my neck," said Nicole,
kissing his cheek, then his lips.
     They lay in each other's arms.
     "I love you, Nikkie," he said.  "I wish we could spend the
entire night together."
     "Me, too," she said, kissing him.  "But it's too dangerous."
     James knew she was right.  So he had to dress and sneak back
to his room before they were caught.
     James made his way quietly through the dimly lit hallways.
     "What are you doing out of your room?" one of the orderlies
asked, looking at his watch.  "It's past lights out."
     James said nothing.
     The next morning his wheelchair was missing.  He was paid a
visit by the Administrator.
     "Where's my chair?"
     "Where were you last night?" the Administrator asked.
     James said nothing.
     "You're grounded for three days," said the Administrator.
     Everyone in Holly Park feared the Administrator. 
Nevertheless, he was held in high esteem by the community.  To
the community, the Administrator could do no wrong.  The
Administrator was "a saint" and Holly Park was "Paradise" -- to
the community.  To the family members of the residents, Holly
Park was "such a wonderful place."  This attitude made it much
easier, more socially acceptable, to dump an inconvenient loved
one there. 
     So James was grounded.  Trapped.  Confined.  There was no
escape.  He couldn't easily get out of bed to go to the bathroom. 
When he rang for the orderly, no one came.  By ten o'clock, he
was hungry and had to go to the bathroom so bad, his eyes
watered.  That's when Nicole snuck in.
     "You okay?" she asked, handing him some toast.
     "Nikkie, can you get the bedpan and urinal out of my
closet?"
     "Yes.  But where's your chair?" she asked, getting the
urinal and bedpan.
     "I've been grounded."
     When the orderly brought lunch that afternoon, he was
surprised by the full bedpan and urinal.
     "Where'd you get them?" the orderly asked, making a face and
fanning the air.
     James said nothing as he ate his lunch.
     A few days later, James's wheelchair was returned and he was
allowed out of bed.  That night Nicole and he rolled out to the
back porch of the nursing home.  The full moon was bright over
the evergreens and the sky was filled with stars.  James held
Nicole's hand.
     "There you are!" shouted a nurse's aide.  "You two are in
big trouble.  You were told to stay away from each other."
     For the next week neither James nor Nicole was allowed to go
out of the building.  The Administrator had forbidden them to
associate with each other, but they had.  So the Administrator
exacted a price.
     "House arrest," James had said in a note he left in Nicole's
mailbox.  But it never got to her.
     "What's this?" the Administrator asked him, waving the note
in front of James's nose.
     "Looks like a note."
     "What do you mean by 'house arrest'?" the Administrator
demanded, waving the note in James's face again.  "Don't you like
it here, James?"
     James remained silent.  James hated the place.  The freedom
he had so valued had been taken away the moment he entered Holly
Park.  Yet, he needed help.  Holly Park was the only living
arrangement his family, who never visited him, "could afford."
     "If this keeps up, I'm going to send you to the state
institution.  You won't have the fresh air or freedom there you
have here," said the Administrator, tearing up the note.  "And if
I see you two together again, you'll both be confined to your
rooms until I say you can come out."
     "You have no right to threaten us."
     "Here I make the rules."
     James looked out the window.  He saw the Spring flowers
blooming.  Everything was blooming.  He felt he was dying inside,
little by little.  The Administrator left.  James was confined to
his room for the weekend.  No visitors.  James never had any
visitors anyway.  Not from the outside.  Nicole was the only one
who cared about him.  She had become his family.  He had become
her family.
     "I missed you," she told him one night, the following week,
as she lay beside him in his bed.  She had snuck out of her room
and managed to sneak into his.  They cuddled close, holding on to
each other as tight as they could.  They both knew the penalty
the Administrator would impose on them would be great if they
were caught.  But they needed each other.  They wanted each
other.
     "I think about you all the time," James said, petting
Nicole.
     She nodded.
     Time seemed to stop, but it was soon 3 a.m.
     "I better go," she said.
     He kissed her one last time before she slipped out of bed
and slipped her nightie back on.
     "I love you, Nikkie."
     "I love you too, Jimmie."
     During the long days at Holly Park, James would watch the
visitors come to visit their parents or grandparents.
     "It's so beautiful here," one visiting daughter said to her
elderly mother, who had had a stroke and said nothing.  James saw
the tears roll down the elderly woman's pale cheeks.  The
daughter chose not to notice those tears.
     "It's so sunny in this solarium, Mom."
     To the visitors, Holly Park was heaven.  From the outside,
looking in, it was an attractive home.  But the visitors lived on
the outside.  They retained control of their lives.
     Holly Park sat on a hill surrounded by tall evergreens. 
Occasionally a few of the residents would be bused to the state
institution for rehab or water therapy.
     Behind the high gray walls of the state institution, the
halls were long and dark.  Elderly men and women in ill-fitting,
mismatched pajamas vegetated in the dark corners.  Cries and
whispers could be heard everywhere.  
     "Help me," cried one feeble voice.
     "I need the bedpan," shouted another.
     No one answered the pleas.
     James thought he'd kill himself before her ended up in this
charnel house.
     The water in the pool was surprisingly warm.  James felt
free in the pool.  He could move like a dolphin.  The water felt
like Nicole's soft, warm hands on his skin.  He smiled at her. 
She was at the other end of the pool.  They were not supposed to
fraternize, but she threw him a kiss.  She floated in a rubber
tube, her legs dangling below the water.  James dove under the
surface and swam to her.  Nicole's face broke into a smile as
James kissed her toes, knees, and suddenly her thighs.
     He broke the surface and took in a deep breath.
     "Get to the other side of the pool!" an orderly shouted at
him.
     James swam back.
     As they boarded the bus to return to Holly Park, James
looked back at the state institution.  It was cold and dead. 
There were no trees, no flowers, only high gray walls, dirty dark
windows, and empty spaces.  Black smoke rose from a single gray
chimney, which towered over the institution like some dark
satanic sentinel.  James imagined a sign over the front gate:
"Abandon all hope ye who enter here."  It was from Dante's
Inferno.  And this place was hell.
     As they pulled up the hill leading to Holly Park Nursing
Home, the building appeared more like a country estate or small
rural college than a nursing home.  It was pretty, quaint, and
the air was filled with the sweet smell of honeysuckle and roses. 
In place of the cries and whispers of the state institution were
the mind-numbing sounds of Muzak and soap operas on cable TV.  It
was still hell, thought James.  But a more socially acceptable
form of hell.
     James was involved in a psychological war of wits with the
staff.  If they told him to keep on the right of the hallways in
his wheelchair, he kept to the left.  If they told him to go
slow, he went fast.  If they told him not to sing in the
hallways, he sang -- even whistled.  What the staff detested most
about James, however, was his intelligence.  The Administrator,
the orderlies, the nurses and the nurse's aides wanted none of
his "smart-ass" remarks.  Nor did most of the staff appreciate
James's self-confidence, his self-directedness.  What they all
wanted from him was obedience, surrender.  And that was just what
he refused to give them.
     Nicole was like James.  Although she was frail, she refused
to be bullied by the staff.  When they told her her skirts were
too short, she shortened them even more.  When they told her to
wear a bra, she went braless.
     "I'm not wearing any underwear," she whispered to James one
night in the TV room.
     "Hey," said one of the nurse's aides. "You know you two
were told not to sit together."
     "See you tonight," James whispered, pulling away.
     That night James snuck into Nicole's room.  Soon they were
both naked and cuddling.
     "I'm so afraid, Jimmie."
     "Of what?"
     "Of them sending us to the state institution."
     "They're just trying to scare us," he said, kissing her.
     James was scared, too.  He knew neither he nor Nicole had
any family members who would stand up for them.
     He covered her with kisses.
     "I'm so tired," she sighed.
     He held her tight.  They cuddled close, feeling the warmth
of each other's body.  Suddenly the door of Nicole's room flew
open.  A nurse's aide and an orderly barged in.
     "You two are in big trouble!" said the orderly.
     The following week, when James was finally allowed out of
his room, he couldn't find Nicole anywhere.  Her room was empty. 
Her closet was empty.  He was frantic.  He asked a few of the
other elderly residents if they had seen her.  They said nothing. 
Some looked sad.  Most looked frightened.  
     Where was she?  James searched the hallways, the grounds,
but Nicole was gone.  Had she died while they were grounded? 
Or....  James wheeled into the Administrator's office.
     "You've been looking for Nicole?" said the Administrator.
     "Where is she?"
     "I transferred her to the state institution.  You two had to
be separated."
     "But why?  I love her."
     "There is no room for love here.  She's gone.  So it would
be better for you to just forget her."
     James raced from the Administrator's office and out of the
building.  He was going to get to Nicole.  As he neared the bus
stop, two orderlies grabbed the arms of his wheelchair.  They
pulled him back into the building.  The last thing James heard
was the door slamming and locking behind him.