What most people aren't aware of, however, is the secret, coded language used by retail sales clerks across the country. Whether it's the middle-aged cashier at Wal-Mart, the guy behind the counter at the gas station, or perhaps even that friendly, good-looking guy at your local Radio Shack, no retail sales clerk ever reveals the truth behind his words. This is a phenomenon that has been taking place for decades, and yet the purchasing public remains blissfully, almost wilfully, unaware of it.
Now, however, the truth is revealed. For the first time anywhere, the Code of Silence is being broken, in the hopes that people everywhere will be able to engage in more informed, aware shopping experiences.
What you read here may shock you. It may not be suitable for sensitive readers. But for those who wish, the truth is here, now, waiting for you. Finally, you will know...
How are you today?
Can I help you?
Let me ask the manager.
I'm sorry, we're all out of stock.
I'd be happy to put one on order for you.
That's an interesting question.
I'll go look it up for you.
Will that be cash?
What cute children.
I'm sorry, sir, it's company policy.
It's fully covered by our comprehensive warranty.
You'll need batteries with that.
Have a nice day.
Good God, when was the last time you bathed?
Can we make this quick? I'm trying to watch the Simpsons.
He likes laughing at pathectic losers too.
I don't feel like going through the hassle of looking for one.
I'll write your name down on this piece of paper, but it's going straight in the garbage once you're two steps out the door.
God you're a dolt.
I'll go in the back room, have a couple of puffs on my smoke, and then make up some BS answer that I think sounds good.
A bonehead like you obviously can't get credit.
Shut them up before I kill them.
I feel like giving you a hard time.
Thirty feet or thirty seconds. Good luck chump.
I want more money with that.
Kiss my ass.
"Today is the greatest day I've ever known."
Really! I'm in a REALLY good mood today. I know why too. At least I think I do. First off, the temperature in here is perfect. It's like 68, or 70 and it is wonderful. I'm wearing a t-shirt, sandels and shorts, so I am very comfortable. I woke up at around 9:30, was at school at 9:45. But something was oddly different today, I was having an exceptionally good morning. Maybe it's because I'm drawing nearer to Christmas or something, I'm not sure. Speaking of which, I can't wait to go home! I don't really care what the reason is that I'm in a good mood. What determines your happiness? I used to let other people determine my happiness, then I realized how stupid that was. The majority of the time you are left thinking that you are unhappy, just because someone else is. What about the weather? Does a rainy day make you unhappy? I don't believe something as trite as weather should alter moods at all, in fact I belive that weather can only make you happy. In actuality, the weather is the only thing that seems to be inconsistent in this world. I have no idea what I'm talking about right now, if you didn't already have a firm grasp on that.
Right now the only thing I'm thinking about is what I'm going to do with my life... now that I realize that programming really isn't a profession for me, I'm not sure what I wan to be doing. What would be a good thing for me to do? I don't know! I want to be a director, or a writer, or both. I would love to be a scriptwriter. I actually think I'll be good at it too. I really like writing, and I think I'm pretty good at it, you might disagree, but that's ok, because no one will always agree on everything.
---back to the art of good moods---
We can all be happy if we really want to, what made this morning so great...I'll tell you, perception. Perception is everything. That's the game of life, how you perceive yourself, others, the day, life around you, your life, it's all about perception. You are the only person that can determine your own perception, no one can really do that for you. When I woke up this morning, I hated my alarm clock, but I didn't let that get to me. I talked to a friend from home last night, and that was really cool, then I talked to my mom, and that was nice. I went to bed happy and I woke up happy. I wonder if there is any kind of relation there. That doesn't matter. What made today different was the fact that I looked at today in a positive light. And I had a good day so far. I hope the rest of it looks good too.
Can't wait till I get home!!! I have a Christmas party at my house on the 17th, if anyone that knows me, reads this, and is interested. Later. For now.
Have you ever thought if things you are doing are making you a better person? Or do the things you do make you feel the same? Or what do you do that make things easier for you? Who do you blame when things go wrong? These are important questions I feel. I don't have the answers but I feel as though I should. I have lots more questions, sheesh, if you ever wonder why I'm 'spacy' sometimes, it's because I'm thinking about things that I do not have answers for, here we go, some of my questions that I like to think about, and the anwsers I have arisen for them.
Is there one love for me?
My conclusion:
No not at all, I believe that there are many people who you can 'love' with all your soul, and all your heart, a someone that you just complete yourself with. There are too many people on this earth now to think that there is only one for you.
Is it ever to late to fix a relationship?
My conclusion:
No, if there is something you want to do, than you can do it. If you want to fix the way things turn out, then do it. If a relationship breaks apart, then you feel bad about it, don't mope, fix it. But realize that fixing a relationship isn't about getting back together, but repairiong emotional damage. We cannot shape the past, we can only mold the future.
Have I asked to much?
My conclusion:
Yes, I've asked more than a lot. I've asked lots from other people, from my parents, from my life. I've expected too much, and I've asked for what I didn't get. Life doesn't owe me anything. I have to earn it. If I want people to respect me, then I have to earn that. If I want people to care for me, I have to show that I can care.
What is success?
My conclusion:
I'm not going to try and define success when it has already been done. At least it has been for me. I'm going to share a quote that I hold as the best definition of success:
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
For your enjoyment, I've posted the lyrics to those Smashing Pumpkin songs below.
speak to me in a language i can hear
humour me before i have to go
deep in thought i forgive everyone
as the cluttered streets greet me once again
i know i can't be late, supper's waiting on the table
tomorrow's just an excuse away
so I pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own
the earth laughs beneath my heavy feet
at the blasphemy in my old jangly walk
steeple guide me to my heart and home
the sun is out and up and down again
i know i'll make it, love can last forever
graceful swans of never topple to the earth
and you can make it last, forever you
you can make it last, forever you
and for a moment i lose myself
wrapped up in the pleasures of the world
i've journeyed here and there and back again
but in the same old haunts i still find my friends
mysteries not ready to reveal
sympathies i'm ready to return
i'll make the effort, love can last forever
graceful swans of never topple to the earth
tomorrow's just an excuse
and you can make it last, forever you
you can make it last, forever you
Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick your pockets full of sorrow
And run away with me tomorrow
June
We'll try and ease the pain
But somehow we'll feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go
I send a heart to all my dearies
When your life is so, so dreary
Dream
I'm rumored to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
Scream
And I fail
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will
Mother weep the years I'm missing
All our time can't be given
Back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
That cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling
So bad
When I can, I will
Words defy the plans
When I can, I will
Fool enough to almost be it
And cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, I'll always feel this
No more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will
1. No bodily contact, except for your hand on my shoulder and hand on hand, only while dancing.
2. We will dance traditionally not contemporary.
3. Your wrist corsage will be at my choosing, and up to me only.
4. Your mom will not come within 15 ft of me on prom night.
5. You may not come within 5 in of my no-no spot on prom night.
6. You WILL not get make-up on my tux. If doing so, you will reimburse me for the costs, and a few other taxations shall apply. A local minimum will be discussed.
7. You will not refer to me as your �date.� Only as your escort. Any other words apply here also.
8. In between dances, at the prom, you WILL not follow me, or associate with me at the prom.
9. You will ride in the backseat provided that I am not in the back. If you refuse to comply your only other option shall be the trunk.
10. You will wait at the end of your drive way, waiting for me. I will not slow down under 10 mi. an hour. If you are not visible curb-side, I will speed up and not look back.
11. I will not be bothered with petty gossip or idle chat. You will speak only when commanded to do so. (You may however, order your food without my command.)
12. You may not order anything over $4.99, drinks included. You would like something over $4.99, you must make up the difference, and pay for my meal also.
13. You will be expected to provide your own corsage since I am allowing you to ride in my car.
14. You will not complain about me having the windows down, so they �might mess up your hair.� ( the moon roof will also be opened all the way)
15. I you touch my radio, or so much as utter a word (see item #11) about my music preferences, you will promptly be booted out of the vehicle at no speed under 55 mph.
16. If you see someone you know outside of the prom, you will NOT tell them I even know you.
17. I will make all choices for your except for what you will eat.
18. I will not pay for anything. (except your $4.99 meal.)
19. While I am getting my prom pictures taken, you will not be in them. Unless I decide to place you in them, you will be seated on the floor facing away from the camera, with a bag over your head.
20. DO NOT hesitate to run away crying!
21. After prom, expect not to find me anywhere, and you will be expected to walk home, or at least bring enough money to call a taxi.
22. If I decide to attend after prom, it will be in the absence of your company. If you approach me during after prom, I will be forced to shoot you. However, if you win any valuable prizes, give them to me, and I will hang out with you for one second for each dollar amount. (TV = $250 = 250 seconds)
23. After the event of prom night; all relations and communications between myself and your party will cease.
Sign name here
Date
I'll keep this up, I'll tell you some of the jobs I've had, cause it is an easy way to take up space and it is kind of interesting.
Job #1 - McDonalds
I'll save my dignity and say that I never went to this job, but since I was hired, I feel like considering it as the first job I ever had. I was just seeing what was out there, and really just wanted to know how much I'd make if I worked there, they hired me at the interview, and I really didn't want to work there.
Job # 2 - Casa Lupita
I worked here instead McDonalds. This was a local restaurant in Newark, OH. It had a little 'Mexican' motif, and it also had a bar. I enjoyed this job a lot, and I loved my fellow employees.
Job # 3 - Garcia's
I'm guessing that some people that see this will remember this restaurant. It was a chain, and it bought out Casa Lupita, gave it new management, and totally remodeled it. It kind of sucks, but there were some good things to eat there. But a lot of people that like Casa Lupita didn't like Garcia's so, consequently, it was shut down *sniff* whatever...
Job # 4 - Cherry Valley Lodge
If there was any job that if as bad as postal service, then this would be it. The managers were absolute pricks, the only thing that kept all the people from going absolutely nuts and blowing every manager away with an AK is the fact that there was Kellly, the bar staff, and a little bit of self control. The main problem is that if the back of the house [kitchen] and the front [servers, bussers, hosts, etc..] don't get along, everything will suck. And needless to say, the front and back didn't get along. I hated this job with a passion, yet I loved what I learned [bittersweet]. I learned the etiquette of fine dining, and how to look like I own the world. I had to stand real straight, carry a towel on my arm at all times, and carry everything on my shoulders. I learned what 'fine' wines and champagnes were, and how to properly set a table. Anyway, I was fired.
Job # 5 - Wendy's [a.k.a. Hell on Earth]
Ok, this job was totally awasome...to start out with. Then the decline of Wendy's was as soon as Mike Mattingly left as head manager, he was a great manger. Then there was Evan, he was really really really really good. Every employee, cept for one loved Evan, and he was transferred cause of sexual harassment. The employees were cool, but they started to leave when Evan left. Let's see, my fav employees were [just in case they happen to find this page] Billie, Venus, Candus, Matt, Kevin, and Ginny. Peace with you.
Job # 6 - Longanberger
Ah, yes, the infamous basket company. I actually was a dancer, or entertainer. I danced around to songs and pretended to sing! Yes, I was faking it! HAHAHAHAH! *sigh* Anyway, this was the perfect job. I went to work, almost everyday, around 8, I'd get there around 9, we'd practice the routines, then we'd go and head back to the Homestead. We'd mess around backstage, until around 11:30, then I'd dance and 'sing' for about 15 minutes. Then I'd be on break until 1:30, then I'd dance again, and then break agian, until 3:00, then I'd dance, then I'd roller blade [yep I was paid to skate around] in a parade. Then I'd go home. That was a days work, 45 minutes where I'd actually put in effort, then I'd sit around, read the paper, eat, sleep, play games, and get paid to do it. What a great job that was. But, it was just a summer job.
Job # 7 - Bunky's
This job started while I was working at Longanberger, so I'd usually go straight from one job to the next. I was making mad cash while doing this, but I was also getting burnt out. Bunky's was a bar, and 'resturant' - sure, right. I really enjoyed working there. My sister worked there too, but that was still kind of cool, because I like my sister. I'd usually get off work around 2 in the morning, and after 16 hours of straight working [both jobs] you were kind of tired. *true story time* I was driving home one day at 2:30 in the morning, I wreaked of alcohol [remember Bunky's was a bar] and cigar smoke. I was pulled over by Newark's finest.
"You been drinkn' son?" -cop
"Um, no, I work at Bunky's." - I hold the front of my shirt out to him, so he can see that I do.
"Can you please step out of the vehicle."
*sigh* "Yes"
"Where you going to at this hour of the morning so fast?"
"I've worked 16 hours today, and all I can think about is getting home, I wasn't paying attention to my speed."
Yeah that really worked on Mr. Nice-cop, as he wrote me a $110 dollar ticket. ARGH!!! Anyway, now onto my next job.
Job # 7 - Babysitting a 1 1/2 year old
If anyone out there that says babysitting isn't a real job...remind me to punch you in the neck the next time I see you. By the way, I love kids, and I want a kid like Zac.
Job # 8 - Kroger's
Talk about a job that was fun, and I totally did not care about. I worked at this grocery store. And I liked it, I hated the managers, cept for one [you know who you are]. I liked all the employees too, cept for one [and she knows who she is].
Job # 9 - Painting
Yep, I was a painter, I painted school buildings.
Job # 10 - Roofer
This was one of the greatest jobs I've ever had. I like climbing high up on a roof and tearing it apart. It was fun, and I liked my co-worker-boss, It was so much fun. I like the dirty feeling. The 'real' macho effect you get from roofing. Nothing like dirt to make a person feel good about themselves.
Job # 11 - Northern Commerce
Not a whole lot to say about this, tiny, tiny, internet company. I got to wear a suit, and I had my own business cards though!
Job # 12 - Video Varieties
Yeah, I worked at a video store. It sucked, it was so poorly managed, in fact I'm not even sure if it was managed. We had a HUGE porn section, where all these dirty old guys would spend a few hours in there, then they would come out with their video selection. It's all going smoothly until you realize that this guy is your neighbor. Yeah, nasty.
I've had more jobs, but for some reason, I'm drawing blanks, I can't remember them all. Oh, well. This will qualify as entry number one. Email me if you have a topic I should talk about, really, I'm a nice guy, I promise I won't bite....well you know what I mean *wink wink*