Yet, HERE
I am.
Drenched, soaked, sopping, with a cold water that fell down on to my short blond hair, and face. I am looking up, eyes closed, smiling, letting the water slip between my lips like fine wine. I threw my arms out to my side like there might be a sudden draft of wind that would carry me far away from this life. Smiling. Breathing. For the first time in present memory. The nightmares have been lifted, and my heart has been given its room to pump life through my veins once again. My eyes are closed, yes, but I can finally see. Roses, grasped between my trembling fingers, numb to the cold. Red petals, pooling small drops of the magnificent rain. The drops would glide down the stem onto my hand carrying the scent of beauty. But, I don�t care. I am happy.
I spin in small circles, slowly. Sloshing in my boots, stomping the puddles
beneath my feet. December rain, winter cold, internal peacefulness.
Her eyes, two spheres, fruit of some foreign heavenly tree, sparkled ever so slightly as they eye this strange figure in their front lawn. Spinning slowly like a top, smiling like a doll. Slowly revolving on its own nose. Rain bouncing, charismatic, off his forehead; my face. There he is, like a fool in the rain. She smiled, like me, but dry. She was my angel, molded by God�s own hands, and forged with all of the world�s precious metals.
She makes me cry.
Time has passed only but seconds, but seemly hours, before I stop. Tilt my head back higher, laugh. Choking on my own laughter and rain, gaping wide mouthed to the clouds. Enticing them to give me everything they have. They do. I am smiling. I love her more than this feeling. I love her for myself, for loves monetary value. There, there, there she is, watching me. Does she know how I feel? Does it really matter? I know, I know how I feel.
I know that I will stand here in rising waters when there is no air left in my lungs
to
breathe. I know I love.
Her.
I love her for her face, her eyes, her smile, her laugh, her skin, her mind, her heart, her lips, her life. Does she the same? If not it is better I not know, for if I were to die now I would merely cease to contain a soul. She has freed me. A dove into the eye of a storm, flying above the clouds, bathing in the midnight sun. She has given me a reason to smile.
The front door swings open, and out, steps her. Wings tucked neatly behind her, halo riding above her head. She steps toward me smiling. I have nothing to offer, nothing left to give but my all. I place my rose tipped hand towards her beauty. They bathe in her sight. The petals shake off the weighing water and stretch towards her. One foot after another she walks into the silent, pounding rain, falling with the sound of a piano. �They are for you. So they might see true beauty.� Was it me? Did I say that? I was surprised that my tongue unwillingly revived itself from the stupor that incapacitated me. She smiled more, forcing out a diamond from the corner of her eyes. Distinguishable between the rain, it floated down her face setting softly on the sidewalk in front of her feet. She nodded at me, at me.
Her, this angel.
I love her. Soaked, we embraced, tears mixing with rain. She took me by my hand and began to pull me to her house. But no. Not this time. She will feel, know, how I feel. We met eyes. I twirl her into my awaiting hand, letting the unworthy roses float to the ground. I spin, her in my arms, in my love. We feel each others emotions. Doves into the eye. We will never be apart, no matter the distance. This love binds.
Her
Me
Roses
inthedecemberrain
I sit up in pain. My heart hurts. Clutching my chest, I cry. Silently. Only the tears down my cheek whisper my agony. I love you. I need you. I stop, my heart stops. My world stops. I love you. Was it worth it? Letting you go? What would I have said? Your name? I would have choked, I know it. Questions. I only know one answer, I love you. That is my only solution anymore.
I�m a coward. I can�t say what I feel. I can�t tell you how much I love you because I�m afraid that you don�t feel the same way. Now look at me, I�m broken. I�m in pieces. I hate myself for not telling you. I wish I�d wake up from this nightmare. I won�t have a second try. All I have now is this night, this moon, these stars. But I have nothing of worth, because I am alone. I get out of bed, and walk down stairs. Slowly stepping through the darkness. I fumble in my wallet for your picture. I sit, and I stare, at you, or rather, at a resemblance of you. You, you are far more beautiful in person. And I have a picture of you, but my memories of you are far more vivid. Only now, one memory hangs over all the others. You, walking away, into the night. My eyes begin to water. Deep inside I cry, from my soul. For you. I pray that you could hear me, but I know you can not.
how?
How could I let you walk away? I pretended that everything was ok, I smiled at you. I said goodnight. My heart was screaming and I ignored it. What if? What if I had told you what I felt. Would you have felt the same way, would you have wanted to hold me as much as I wanted to hold you? What would I have lost? I love you, and if you would have told me the same, I wouldn�t be in this now.
I need to hold you. I need you next to me.
I need to take your hand. I need to wrap my arms around you.
I need to tell you I love you.
I need you.
I�m all
alone. just me, this silence, the night, the moon, the stars, your picture
forgive me