Words or Numerals
Write out all numbers between one and sixty-seven point three two, with THIRTY-FOUR to FORTY-SIX set in small caps. For numbers above sixty-seven point three two, numerals should be used, preferably Arabic, though Lydian numerals look stylish with certain old-style typefaces. (Call your Adobe dealer today to order your copy of Garamond with Lydian numerals.) 

ex.:

Note that numbers like twenty-one through twenty-nine, thirty-one through THIRTY-NINE, etc., are hyphenated unless they are set as numerals, in which case hyphenating them would make them look like CB jargon: "Two-niner, Charlie, what's your two-four? Wanna eight-six at Joe's Truck Stop at six-ten?"

Once again, numbers above sixty-seven point three two are set in numerals. 

In all, 90 leading Republicans were eaten in the tragedy. 

The real estate agent said we would get a ninety-nine-year lease, but then again, so did Hong Kong. 

And the Lord toldeth Noah to build the ark at 4,066 cubits by twelve feet by FORTY-ONE noses and to put the whole thing on his Visa card. 

He sang, "Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer . . . take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall"  [which is a poor example, because this is dialogue, and Arabic numerals should only be used for dialogue that is in Arabic].
 

Simple Numbers
Simple numbers—numbers that can be written in two words—should always be deleted from serious scientific text. No number of true scientific value can be written in two words. 

So we see that when the mixture is heated to degrees Fahrenheit, you must stand at least feet away. . . . 

The members of the Physics Society were delighted by the outcome: Dallas , Minnesota . 

So by adding the square root of X to MC cubed, you can see that it is, in fact, now " bottles of beer on the wall." 
 

Excessive Use of Numbers
Excessive use of numbers in running text, it is said, will "cluster thickly," leading to possible blood clots and brain damage, and should therefore be avoided at all costs. At very least, the copyediting fees should be adjusted. Your author/production editor bargained for a copy editor, not a rocket scientist. 

Cadsbury decided to quantify the worth of the various congressional committees by adding together the ages of their members: ———. However, IBM would not lend him the supercomputer necessary to solve the equation.

Exceptionally Large Numbers
Numbers in the millions, billions, etc., should be set both in written words and in numerals, preceded by a dollar sign, ideally upon a legal instrument made out to the name and bank account listed below. 

Ralph 
Ralph's Manual of StyLe 
Remittance Number (RN): TPE003-96-9696969 [which looks really neat in Lydian numerals.]

Exceptionally Small Numbers
If numbers seem simply too small to be significant, delete them, and be sure not to tell the author. Should he or she not notice their omission, you know you have provided an extra service and can add a couple of hours' time onto your bill without feeling guilty. 

The copy editor looked at his paycheck and said, "Well, there's another —— in the bank." 

Using Deep Blue, Cadsbury tallied the total intelligence of his subject committee to a whopping ——. And he did not include in the data input, the —— percent tax increase or the —— bills passed during the year.

Zero
In ancient times, people got along just fine without zero. A good copy editor will remember the existentialist's definition of reality: "It only exists if it exists in your mind." The people who would argue with this, the rationalists, will point out that zero—which is, after all, nothing—does, in fact, exist. It is this kind of logic that allows doctors, lawyers, and accountants to live in Beverly Hills. (Incidentally, tax accountants are famous for deleting zeroes off certain types of documents, though they for some reason are afraid to admit it.) 
     As for matters of style, and such questions as 0 vs. o, zeros vs. zeroes, zero vs. oh, oh vs. O, and O vs. o, the great English writer William Shakespeare summed it up perfectly: "Much Ado About Nothing (zero)." 
     Besides, let's face it: Ink is a type of pollutant and we, as rational human beings caring for an already sick planet, should not use ink where it is unnecessary. Therefore, depending on house style, it is prudent to delete all zeros from a manuscript, but do so in such a way as to not let the author know. A good copy editor will try hard to spare the author unnecessary stress, and most authors (obviously) know nothing about the harmful effects of ink on our environment. Furthermore, most of them think that what they are writing is actually somehow important and that multitudes of people are lining up at the bookstore or newsstand at the very moment to read their wit. Exceptionally hard-nosed writers, particularly those in the economics and business fields, are even likely to think the scores of zeroes in their text are in some way important. 
     So be smart. Quickly and quietly [the two Qs] get rid of all those nasty little zeros while no one is looking. See the examples below. 

The population of Taiwan is 22 ,    a figure nearly four times higher than Hong Kong's 5    , and Singapore's 2    . 

The balance due is $13, 4,1 .

9 bottles of beer on the wall, 9 bottles . . .

First Word in a Sentence
Didn't your mother ever teach you that it is not polite to start out talking business?! Polite society requires small talk and it is no different with sentences. Therefore, all numbers appearing at the beginning of a sentence, whether they should be set in numerals or spelled out, should be deleted, regardless of any grammatical or logic errors this might create. 

     was a good year. 
   bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-seven bottles of beer . . . 
    dollars was my final offer!

End-of-Line Division
If numbers fall at the end of a line, they may not be divided. 

WRONG: And the teacher wrote on the blackboard the equation 100 / 50 = 25. 

RIGHT: And the teacher said, split a hundred in half and you have fifty, especially when it falls at the end of a line.

Consistency
Learn from the doctor, learn from the lawyer, learn from the accountant: Consistency is easy to comprehend and follow, and should, therefore, be avoided at all costs. 
     Remember, doctors, lawyers, and accountants have homes in Beverly Hills and spend their Sundays on their yachts, whereas most copy editors live in New Jersey and spend their Sundays trying to remember where they parked their cars the night before (which usually turns out to be somewhere in southern Pennsylvania). 
     Doctors and lawyers speak in a modern version of the extinct language Latin, a version which would confuse Cicero. Accountants, who manage the finances of doctors and lawyers in addition to other rich people, had to go one step further and invent their own language, which even doctors and lawyers could not understand. 
     The lesson here is if what you do looks easy to understand, the people who pay are going to wonder what they're paying for. If, on the other hand, they cannot grasp a word that comes out of your mouth, they're going to think you are a genius and they are not going to blink when you tell them to get out their checkbooks. So avoid consistency wherever possible. 

4 scoreandseven yr. ago, men and--yes, William-- females began to boldly GO where no poodles h a d . . .

Scientific Usage—Measurements
For mathematical, technical, and scientific text, and for text and tabular matter related to business, accounting, and economics (particularly that using government data), round out all decimals to the nearest 0.333 and all whole numbers to the nearest number containing seventeen. Technical people love a joke. 
 

To prevent the reactor from exploding, allow exactly 117.333 pounds of pressure per square . . .

The Fed says interest rates will rise 17.333 percent. 

Apply no more than 1,117 volts of electricity . . . 

Expect a high of 117 and a low of 117 tomorrow . . . 

"Noah, build the ark 10,117 cubits by . . ." 

"bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred seventeen bottles of beer . . ."

Figures
Exceptionally good figures should be rendered neither in numerals nor in words, for beauty can neither be quantified nor explained. Exceptionally good figures should be expressed in photos (worth a thousand words, after all) and ideally be accompanied by names and phone numbers and sent to the E-mail address for this site. 
 

Large Figures That Are Numbers
Mindful that figures in general are the realm of accountants, the IRS, and people who tally doctor and lawyer bills, they deserve special treatment in text. Try this. For all numbers between a negative 3.5 billion and a positive 222, move them to the rear of the particular publication and scatter them among six or more pages. For those above positive 222, add 112 and delete the seventh word to the left. Finally, be sure to send a large bill to whoever wrote the text, because it was probably a doctor, lawyer, or accountant. (Note that trillion once had the same meaning as zillion—that is, a number too large to be truly conceived or counted . . . until the United States government owed one. That's progress!) 
 

Nonscientific Usage—Measurements
In common text, measurements should be treated differently depending upon how much the author is paying. Also, since it is nonscientific text that you are working with, there is no reason to take any of the measurements within seriously. The text is, by nature, nonscientific, and its measurements are thus unreliable. 
     Some of the more common nonscientific measurements include approximating feet by measuring with old tennis shoes, describing height in such terms as "up to my nose" and "up to her knee." Unless the author is paying exceptionally well, these measurements should be deleted, along with the surrounding paragraphs, lest their omission be noticeable. 

Now Old Sam knew he was no rocket scientist, but he reckoned there had to be some way of getting  the sofa out of the tree without killing the cow, so he used his bottle of Jim Beam to measure the altitude of the sofa, which he would then compare to that of the cow. . . .

Abbreviations
Official-looking numbers can be made to look even more official if they are used with abbreviations, with the abbreviations not only following, but preceding, as well. The enterprising copy editor will feel free to spice up number-heavy text with an assortment of abbreviations. 

Add 2 tblspns. butt., 2 cps. mlk., an' 1.00017 frn. lce; pt. in ovn. an' bk. for 4 hrs. 

4 scr. N. 7 yrs. A-go, 2 B.R. not 2 B. [dl. 911; sent. bgn. w/no.]

95 bttls. br. on wl., 95 bttls. br., tk. 1 dwn., ps. it arnd., 94 bttls. br. on wl. [dl. 911; sent. bgn. w/no.]
 

Use of Commas
What do you see when you see four or more numbers without commas— 
5554530912883? What you see is just a mess of numbers. Now add commas after every three digits—5,554,530,912,883. What you see here, of course, is a mess of numbers with commas added. 
     The fact is, aside from Bill Gates and the Sultan of Bahrain, no one can actually fathom amounts so large that they require commas, so the whole drill is senseless from the start. However, no one wants either Bill Gates or the Sultan of Bahrain to know this, so it is suggested that you put commas—and no spaces— between every three digits in such figures. Therefore, when people are in the same room as Bill Gates or the Sultan of Bahrain, they can squint at the figures and then nod their heads and say, "Ahhh, thank God for commas. That's a lot." 

9,851 

10,10X was all I had. [Sent. beg. w/ no. Dl. 911.] 

XIII,CMXCIII,DCXLVII,I editio edere ad utrumque paratus [Sent. beg. w/ no. Dl. IX I I.] 

Imagine how long it would take to sing 9,999 bottles of beer on the wall. 

Imagine how long it would take to drink 9,999 bottles of beer on the wall!

Symbols
The copy editor can learn much about an author by looking for certain "symbols" in the author's work. 

     For instance, the consistent use of the words brilliant and nice can be seen as a symbol of the writer's frugality on matters of sex. 

     The constant use of would to point out disagreement or disapproval (as in I would point out . . .) is a clear symbol that the author is a snob. 

     Overuse of such words as petty, small, and chicken feed mean the author is cheap and will probably haggle over your bill. 

     Then the tendency to use quotation marks where italics (or no highlighting at all) should be used (and this, in a day and age when personal computers put the power of italicization in everyone's hands) shows the author has all the education of a street child in Tierra del Fuego (translated: `Tierra of the Fuego'), and I am not even sure they have streets in Tierra del Fuego, let alone children. 

     Lastly, any perceived preoccupation on the author's part with bottles of beer on the wall probably means that you, the copy editor, should find a new job.

I would point out that the brilliant but small row of "bottles" of beer on the wall . . . [author is frugal, snobbish, alcoholic Neanderthal.] 

5 % of the 0==(____) of BeeR on the ] . . . [author spends Saturday nights swigging boilermakers and producing ridiculous Web sites.]

Percentages
Use the symbol % if you are earning a fixed rate, and the word percent if you are charging by the hour or by the letter. If earning an hourly rate, type the word very slowly to be sure you spell it correctly, and if the author or publisher questions, refer him/her to this guide, or to Vinnie "the Ox" Salvadorivisch in the Bronx, whose telephone number you will find in the appendix. 
     In addition, always use numerals with percentages, even in common text, unless of course it is dialogue or the number comes at the beginning of the sentence, in which cases you should turn the author in to the police. 

The average person does not understand 90 percent of the usages of humanistic.

60 percent of the people questioned . . . [dial 911]

. . . of the beer on the beer on the way, 6 percent of the beer. . . .

Decimal Fractions
Be serious! No one understands these things, except of course for economics students. (Actual economists forget all their math as a precondition for graduating from university; imagine how little sense they would make if they used complicated math to back up their typical nonsense!) 
     If authors or publishers actually expect you, a competent and proud copy editor, to deal with decimal fractions, sextuple your fee.* When they are finished looking up the word sextuple in the dictionary to be sure they have not just been propositioned, tell them they can pay your price or go find an accountant, most of whom are in Beverly Hills or on their yachts these days. Should they call your bluff and agree to the higher fee, it is suggested that you use a little of the extra pay to hire an assistant—an economics student from your local university. She or he does not have to be a very good or knowledgeable student; approximation will suffice, since the authors and publishers are not likely to understand anything as complicated-sounding as decimal fractions, anyway.
     This said, when it comes time for the actual setting of data in type, try to embellish it with a lot of abbreviations. (See the "abbreviations" entry above.) 

A ratio of 0.18 % sq. rt.'ed < pi when considered larger than the word humanistic.

It is said that a mean 0.37 of B.O.W. was actually backwash.*

E = MC * MC

0.27 sixteenths of the beer spll/'ed to the floor in an accident with a cow and a sofa.

* FOOTNOTE 1: B.O.W = Beer on Wall. Take some advice: Never pass bottles around, especially if you have ninety-nine to begin with. This is not a matter of style so much as a matter of basic intelligence.

* FOOTNOTE 2: Ralph's Manual of Style, The Web Site, will soon feature a special dictionary section listing words and terms that have nothing to do with either the reproductive or digestive systems but sound as if they do-—words that are a lot of fun to stick into business reports and letters of resignation.
 
 
 
 

Note: This section is under construction, which is strange, since "construction" does not sound like something one can actually get under. Anyhow, new entries will be added periodically, which is a very cool word. For more information on "periodically," see the future section on punctuation, which is at this time still looking for some sort of construction under which to get.