Eleven>>>The Irony
I think that I have an overly strong sense of empathy. My proof? Here I am, standing in the middle of the college store, holding a broken Nestle Crunch bar in my hand. In all truthfulness, I hate broken candy bars. It just ruins part of the thrill of a candy bar. It is automatically less enjoyable because of the handicap. But I cannot put it back once I picked it up. It felt that feeling of ecstasy. It was chosen. It would fulfill its life purpose. For me to notice its handicap and break it�s little heart�well I just can�t do that. I�m a sick and twisted person, I know.
I wander over to the cashier to pay for my candy bar, glancing at the People magazine while I wait. I�m almost about to open it to the article about Mary-Kate Olsen (I�ve always been an Olsen Twin�s fan to be quite honest) when it�s my turn to pay.
�89 cents is your total.�
Fuck. I feel in my back pocket of my jeans for my wallet. No wallet. Probably left it in the car a hike away. Not only is this embarrassing, but I have to put the poor little candy bar back. I make a shocked look at the cashier. �Crap�I don�t know where my wallet is. Heh, can I do an IOU?�
She looks at me, the farthest thing from amused.
A voice from behind me pipes in. �Add his candy to what I�m getting. I�ll cover it.�
Who is this benevolent soul!? I turn and look at her as she sets her Gatorade and pack of gum down for the girl to scan.
�Hello Harper,� I tell her, smiling brightly at her and taking my candy bar as she pays.
�Taylor,� She says to acknowledge me. I knew she�d learned my name easily.
We walk out together. I guess I ought to thank her huh? �Thanks for helping me out.�
�Just do it for someone else some day.�
I rip open the silvery wrapper and start munching on the candy bar. �Alright, I will,� I assure her. As we walk in the same direction I look at all the kids gathered on the center green of the college campus. �What�s this all about?� I ask her, nodding at the masses of college kids.
Before she can answer me I hear someone on a microphone yell out to me. �Guy in the purple shirt!�
Did he have to point that out?? I glance at my shirt and then at everyone else to make sure I�m the only one. He said guy. And purple shirt. Of course I�m the only one.
�Yeah you! Come throw! One dollar for five balls.�
I raise an eyebrow at the dunking booth by all the kids and keep on walking with Harper, ignoring it.
�Show your girlfriend how strong you are buddy!�
Harper stops and looks at the dunking booth, suddenly laughing. I see an evil grin pass across her face as stops walking. She speaks quietly to me. �Yeah, show me how strong you are buddy. I dare you. I�ll even cover your ass again with a dollar bill.�
I am never one to turn down a dare. So the second the words came out of her mouth I was walking over to the group of people. She pays, holds my Crunch bar, and they put the bucket of balls in front of me.
�You have five go�s,� Some college girl tells me, taking the dollar from Harper.
�Wait, you�re a Hanson aren�t you?� I examine the boy inside the dunking booth and pick up a ball. Note: I�ve never been good at baseball. Question to ponder: So why am I doing this again?
�I didn�t know there were TWO hanging around this campus. You�re even fruiter than your brother you know.�
And I�m off! I start chucking the balls at the little red button- the little red button that represents every bit of dignity I have. The fifth ball comes close, but not close enough. The boy is laughing and I turn to Harper. �Give them another dollar.� I say to her.
She laughs and takes my arm. �I think you�ve had enough for now.�
�No seriously, give them another dollar.�
�Give us another dollar so your boyfriend can miss some more!�
I remind myself that is the job of the person inside the tank- to harass you.
She pulls me away with her and hands me my candy bar back. �Here. Indulge.� I sigh and watch my feet as we walk replaying the last couple minutes in my mind. Did I think I was going to win? Good things don�t happen to me too often. But I had a feeling this was going to turn out well. I pictured him falling into the water in the middle of an insult and everyone cheering for me. I�d laugh and walk away haughtily. Instead he�s dry and laughing as I walk away mortified. Funny- the irony of life.
I notice we�re both walking back to the same parking lot from the other day. As we get closer to our cars I speak up. �What�s your schedule for the rest of the day?�
�Why?� She says quickly and defensively. I really must seem like an asshole.
�I don�t know. I don�t have much to do and�I�m probably going to be pretty bored� I crumple the silvery wrapper and shove it into my pocket.
�What do you have in mind?�
�Can you just tell me what you�re doing today?�
I didn�t even notice until now that I followed her over to her car. She unlocks it and looks at me, squinting from the sun. �I have a class at 3. That�s in an hour. Other than that�I don�t have much to do either.�
�Good. Lets do something�as friends you know. Go to a movie, drive around, I don�t know. Something.� I don�t want this girl to think I want her. Because I don�t. Not only is she not my type but I�m avoiding dating at all costs right now. �How about I�ll pick you up at your�house or dorm room or��
�Apartment. And doesn�t that seem kind of date-like?�
I roll my eyes at her. �Would it make you feel better to pick me up?�
�Maybe,� She replies quickly and opens the car door.
�Well okay then. You can pick me up. At�?� I notice a notebook on her passengers seat and take it upon myself to lean in her car and pull it out.
�At five�what are you doing?� She eyes me.
I open to a blank page and scribble down my address, writing out simple directions. She reads over my shoulder as I write. When I�m finished I flip the pages of her notebook closed. I notice the front of it says �Journal� and smile evilly at her.
�I know what you�re thinking. Just give it back.�
I turn my back to her and open it up. I feel her reach around me and snatch the journal back. �Do you have any manners?!�
I grin at her and take my keys out of my pocket. �It might be hard to believe, but you know I do open doors and pull out chairs.�
�You�re right.� She says cynically. �It is hard to believe.�
I smile wider and stride over to my car. �Enjoy your class!�
�Enjoy your boredom!�
I wave to her. I get into my car and turn on the music. My boredom. The story of my nonexistent life.