The Newa Wedding
By Neeva Pradhan
The Newa Wedding
By Neeva Pradhan
t is elaborate, endless and exhausting and yet very exciting. This
year, attending our family wedding in Nepal made me realize all the
effort and toil that the elders in the family go through several months
before, during and after the occasion has actually ended.Of course it has only been eleven years since our marriage. My husband and I shared some memories of the entire four weeks of the episode. Beginning with several weeks of preparation, the Swayamver at four o'clock in the morning in mid January, before the cock crowed, was unquestionably the main focal point. The fact that both our stars happened to meet at that particular time somewhere out in the universe was fascinating.
It was unfortunate that my husband happened to run a one hundred three degree temperature that morning. After taking a couple of cetamols, he was able to sit through the two hour ceremony without flinching until he had covered my forehead with sindoor (Vermilion). Altering or postponing the Swayamver time would have brought some bad luck, we were told. So we did not even dare entertain the thought.
I don't quite recall any type of romantic interludes in between that busy time prior to the wedding day. We each had our own family rollercoasters to ride. Frankly, there wasn't too much time to think. Only lots of last minute details left to be done. After a while it all seemed quite insurmountable.
It was wonderful to meet all the phukis (relatives) after all these years during the wedding. We must have attended three other family weddings this Falgun in Nepal. Even though the joint family set up has more or less started to vanish, it was good to see the familiar faces help out with the responsibilities for the occasion.
For several weeks it was like on big family (I mean hundred fifty some members including children) around the house giving and taking orders. For a while it would seem chaotic and then again suddenly order would be restored just like that. I still cannot fathom how that might have happened. But then again this was something you had to see to believe. A logical conclusion led me to believe that everyone had one goal in mind. The final objective was the successful completion of the wedding. Talk aabout social pressure, the name of the entire clan was at stake. Therefore, the total co-operation all along.
Starting with day one, it began with the very auspicious function of Gue-Be-Ye-gu, the giving of the betel nuts on the bridegroom's side. On the bride's side, it is known as Gue-Kaye-gu, the acceptance of the betel nuts.
The betel nuts are sent by the bridegroom's family in a velvet bag. Many other ceremonial items such as Shina Mhu (the vermilion box) and Jwalah-Nahaijka (the special mirror) are sent along from the bridegroom's side. The betel nuts are accepted by the father of the bride or the Thakali (elder) of the family. This ceremony signifies the transfer of the girl from her own family to that of her husband's. This event is followed by the giving of sagan and gifts to the bride by all the relatives.
Thus the main sequence of events during the two week time period is the Gue-be-Ye-Gu, the Janti (a procession of the bridegroom and his family to get the bride), the Swayamber (the union of two individuals) and the culmination with the Khwa Swe gu (the visitation by the bride's family to see their daughter after being given away).
It is commendable that after all these years and in this day and age, all the detailed steps of the ceremony have been maintained in order to keep its significance. The only alteration has been in the context of the dowry and gifts. Comparing from the time of several generations back, the traditional copper and brass utensils, a wooden box, a spinning wheel, a cow, a few tolas of gold and silver, as well as a couple of saris, blouses and shawls, the involvement over the years has been quite remarkable.
Even from ten years ago when gagrees (big brass water containers), thaal, kachauras and the famous silver photo frames was the trend, this time the gift scene had taken a different turn. You had to believe that the bridal registry was at places like Blue Bird (department store) rather that the brass shops in Aasaan Tole.
What really got my attention this time around was the very first and the last ceremony of the Gue-Be-Ye-Gu and the Khwa-Swe-Gu. For instance the thirty trays full of sweets, fruits, clothes, jewelry and makeup items sent for the bride during the Gue-Be-Gu is displayed in a separate room for all the relatives and friends to view in the days to come.
It is on the Khwa-Swe-Gu ceremony that all these trays of delicacies are then doubled and returned back to the bridegroom's house. The fifty trays are then decorated. Some name brand perfumes, lipsticks, handbags, leather pumps as well as an addition of a beautiful bridal cake that had been ordered at a hotel bakery to bring in the western or a modern touch to the event were just a few to name. However, the set-up was quite breathtaking and a feast for the eye.
This combination of gifts, signifying the influence of both the east and the west, added a different dimension to the old tradition. This in effect gave reason for thought. The question is, apart from all the beauty and significance, what kinds of social and monetary pressures did this put on the families in a time of inflation. With more women now working outside the home, everyone seemed pressed for time due to the newly emerging nuclear family.
Realistically, an adoption of a more simpler approach to maintain tradition would have been a way to keep it alive. However, this elaborate manifestation of a simple culture threatens the longevity if a traditional practice that has carried so much weight for hundreds of years.
Realistically, an adoption of a more simpler approach to maintain tradition would have been a way to keep it alive. However, this elaborate manifestation of a simple culture threatens the longevity if a traditional practice that has carried so much weight for hundreds of years.
It has yet to be seen how the younger generation will transform the practices by peeling away the excess and cherishing the core of all these significant events. It seems like the society is awaiting some innovative souls to make a mark and bring about these changes. It will definitely take a lot of courage and imagination to recreate an ideal mix. The extra layers remain to be shaved, not only in the social demands, but also in the rituals.
Flipping through our age-old wedding album brings memories of all those hectic days. Fulfilling the social and parental obligations did override everything else for both of us back then. Sometimes we wonder if it wasn't all their blessings as well as the auspicious time of our Swayamver that has sustained our relationship over the years. The only wishful thinking is that, the tradition will evolve in a way that will make it equally meaningful and easy to maintain for generations to come. Lately, no one has mentioned about stars meeting at four in the morning. Apparently Swayamvers are taking place at a fairly convenient time during the day. This leads one to believe that change may already be on it's way. The rest is still left for the imagination.
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