Impressions: GPAH 307

The class was so small, so diverse- but therein lies much of it's value.
An instructor, four dietitian/nutrition career women- two with work experience and children-two recent grads, an undergrad psych major, two recent science grads-one with children
Different ages, lifestyles and interests-except that all commuted to this classroom

Starting. Icebreakers.
All nervous.
Some talk a lot.
Some talk a little.
Some prompted to talk at all.
All are heard.
Relief.
Learning about each other-verbal tones, patterns, gestures
Communicating the basics-removing uncertainty
A collective sigh
And
Class begins

Movies
Truth portrayed as fiction
Exaggerated with understatement
Scenes with recognition-
Pain
Bubbles slowly to the surface-
Released-but
Real
Searing.

Breaking into groups
Case studies.
Hard.
So very hard to translate
The intuitive
The emotional
Into language
SportspressureLifepressureAbuseSignificantEmotionalEventsPhysiology
Individuals understand elements.
Form a composite.
Make Sense.
Where there was none.
Struggling for words
Risk to convey the intensity
(Thinly veiled recognition)
behind the stories- make others see the intangible of a person:

Is it self injury to tattoo? (Can you see my scar?)
Is it THAT crazy to run so far? (Am I ok?)
Is craziness contagious? (Is it my fault?)
(I HURT LIKE THIS)

Coming back together
Discussing insights
Trying to understand
Guided by experience- a gentle push
Understanding what?
Everything.
Nothing.

Abuse issues- touched on in the beginning
Discussed in a book
Played on a tape
A disembodied voice
No specifics- a spoken rule
Embellished.
More Pain.
What is more troubling- Lies? Doubt? Fear? Disembodiment?
Or
The recognition of all of it?
Hurts to know.
Hurts to understand.
Obviously invisible.
Tears- Honest-(til hidden)

Later
After class chats
No specifics- a rule understood.
Even later
One on one
Recent trauma-no specifics- remember that
An invitation
Anguish is real & time is irrelevant
Another kindred spirit

Media portrayals. Perspectives. Individuals.
Troubled over what went wrong or might
Blame
Guilt
Emotional need
An undercurrent
An undertow
Second guessing choices
Needing reassurance
Only time can give

Some flirt
Some dance
With what it is to be eating disordered
Some watch with disbelief-drawn.
Fascinating Horror.
Different and the same. A puzzle. A paradox.

Wise counsel
Listens
Translates
Listens
To what isn't said
And
Waits quietly in silence
Soft.
Points of view
So many
So different
A shift in perspective
The end?

~Rahab

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