1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the
left."
4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak slower so you can understand
what they're saying.
5. When they talk about how great it is up north, tell them "Delta's
ready when you are."
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke; every motorcycle as a "Honder,"
etc.
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise
a rucus.
9. Offer to send them a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names (e.g. Lisa
Marie, Jim Bob, etc.).
11. Frequently bring up the "War of Northern Aggression" in
conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War," always
interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
12. Address all males as "son" and all females as "little lady."
13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: "It's
"pee-can.""
14. Put Tabasco on everything.
15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New
YorkCity. In other words, if they say, "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!," say
"Well, I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box
of Moon Pies. . .Banana ones.
17. Name all of your children "Bubba."
18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence.
19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut off" lights. "Carry" the kids to school.
"Fetch"something.
20. Never simply "do" something. Always be "fixin to do" something.
21. Tell them you don't have an accent; they do.
22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations.
23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go
down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to
be. I think they turned it into an Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right
there." "You said left" "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until
you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the
other side of town. . ."
24. Ask them if its still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went
driving around in your convertible this weekend.
25. Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time.